Burning The Past
(Iris POV)
A couple days later I'm getting out of the shower and had asked Steve to grab my robe from the closet. He walks over and gives it to me. "Hey, what are those boxes doing in your closet? I don't remember them being there before." He asks me.
"Um..." I start to think of an excuse but I don't know how to lie to him or want to but I don't know how...it still hurts, all my feelings from that day prior to him surprising me is flushing completely back to me. I put my robe around me and tie it, "the other day when you surprised me...I got a call from a woman that's living in my old house and...she found those...I tried to look through it but couldn't." I slowly told him.
"You went there all by yourself?" He asked as I nod my head, "...that's why you were so upset that night." He said to himself, I can see sympathy in his face as he realizes why I was crying and so upset, "I wish you told me sooner...I would have gone with you." He cradles my face.
I gently put my hands over his, "thank you, I know you would have...it's just too much to look through that stuff."
"How about I help you? We'll go through it together." He suggests.
"I don't know...last time I freaked out, practically had a panic attack..." I admit as he takes my hands, they're starting to shake.
"That's because you tried to do it all alone...no one should do that alone...this time I will be with you...and it's okay if you freak out, I will stay with you the whole time." He encouragingly replied.
"...Okay..." I hesitate, he gently rubs my shoulder.
Steve brought out the boxes and sat them on the floor, we both sit down and exhale as he strokes my hand for comfort. Before I knew it we went though the boxes, with Steve with me it wasn't as bad as the first time I tried. We had a few different piles, things I wanted to keep, throw away and had a special one just for my fathers stuff. He pulls out Ella, my bunny.
"I'm assuming you want to keep?" He asked showing her to me.
"I am not sure, I mean my mom gave her to me but it was also suppose to help me through...you know." He nods knowing what I'm referring to. "I named her Ella."
"Ella, that's a interesting name for a stuffed bunny." He gives me a little grin, I grin right back at him.
"I named her after Cinderella...I don't know, I saw myself a lot in her. She too was in a home where she had little love and all she wanted was to be free and happy...and I dreamed that one day I could find a fairy Godmother." I tell him, he doesn't say anything back, he just takes my hand and squeezes it as I give him a reassuring smile.
"Iris, can I ask you something?" He suddenly spoke, I shook my head. "Why...why didn't you and your mom leave sooner, why take all that abuse?" He sensitively asked, I can he didn't want to try to offend me but of course he didn't, it's a legit question.
"I don't really know...I think my mom was terrified...and heartbroken...thought maybe he would see the error of his ways, at least hoped, I mean she did love this man at one time...she never knew about my father...you know coming to my room at night."
"Why didn't you?"
"Because she had to deal with so much from him...my dad didn't work, he got a disability checks that kept us okay with money so she had to deal with him all day and there was so many times that she took beatings for me and...I didn't want to burden her more then she already was...and maybe admitting it would make it even more real and by not telling anyone I could just pretend it was a horrible dream." I explained and I will say with that last part I surprised myself, I've never admitted that before. He rubs my hand and while looking down at his hand I see something small in the last box, I pull it out. "Oh my God, this was my mom's! I thought she was wearing it when she died." I say excitedly. It's her locket, my Grandma gave it to her and said she would one day give it to me. I look in it and the picture that use to be me and her was ruined, you couldn't see anything and the locket is not in the best shape. It's very rusty and the chain is broken. It doesn't even look like how I remembered it, "typical...just like my childhood...broken and ruined." I sigh under my breath, "I'm sorry I don't mean to..." I start to apologize.
"Don't. You need to led it out, you've kept this in for far too long." He very quickly corrects me as I take a deep breath, "so...after your parents died...did you at least find a good foster family?"
"No, I was 14...no one wants a 14 year old. I was never in the same foster family longer then a year...and then I turned 18 and I just left."
"...That's how old I was when I became on my own." He revealed me.
"What were your parents like?" I ask him.
"Well, I didn't get to know my dad because he served and died when I was young and my mom...she was a nurse, she got TB and passed away when I was 18. She was great, she taught me to be strong and never back down...to get back up."
"She sounds wonderful," I respond. "Did you really get beat up a lot?"
"Yes all the time, because of my health conditions and small size I was an easy target for bullies...or I would open my big mouth and that would lead to a fight." He told me with a smile.
"Of course you did," I laugh as he laughs with me.
"Yeah...Bucky always came to my rescue, he always had my back."
"You must really miss him." I reply.
"Yeah...but mostly I am just worried about him. He's been missing for over a year and I just can't seem to find him, every time I do he vanishes again...Iris, they really made him into this dangerous killing machine that's just not him." He tells me.
"Hey, you'll find him, he's going to remember you and everything will work out." I hold his hand.
"Since when did you become so optimistic." He jokes with a little smile.
"Let's just say your rubbing off on me." I give a grin as I rub his hand with my thumb.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, "you know what you need to do?" He suddenly asked as I look up at him to continue. "Everything in here (pointing to my father's pile) that is your father's you need to burn."
"What? Can't we just throw it away?"
"No, you need to burn it. You need to burn your past and leave it there." He responds.
"...You know, your right." I strongly agree.
We went to a small field and brought a metal barrel with us. We put everything that belonged to my father and few other stuff that was just to painful to keep...I did keep Ella, I just couldn't part with her. "Are you ready?" He asked me, I nod and take a deep breath.
I look at him and he gives me a supportive smile before I light the match and it starts to burn up in flames. I just watch it, watched all my father's stuff be destroyed, "I'm proud of you." He told me rubbing my back.
"Thank you." I respond.
He gives me a big hug where he completely wraps his arms around me, I'm half smiling and also have a few happy tears. That was intense but very well needed to be done!
She burned her father's things! And wasn't Steve so sweet being supportive and comforting?!
