A/N - one of the longer chapters in this story! And the start of the fall out of their little games. Feelings are deep. Emotions are running high. An unexpected work issue leads them towards almost being honest about those feelings. Things start to fall apart but you know I always put them back together…eventually. Hang on and trust in the process!

We are about half way through this story! Don't forget to drop a review! Makes my day and keeps me writing :)


A few weeks passed and he felt things were busier than ever between work, the kids and spending time with Olivia. It felt like they took two steps forward and she'd take two steps back. Always inserting a line about him dating here and there and he couldn't figure it out. At least in the beginning. Today was a crazy day at work but as he sat there at his desk all he could think of was last night…He knew she enjoyed spending time with him, and not just when they were having sex.

Glancing at her from his desk, he saw her talking to Cragen in his office. He was supposed to be on the phone with the credit card company of their perp but he'd been on hold for the last five minutes. As he sat and waited, he thought back to last night. Last night after another thrilling 'lesson' they'd ordered dinner and had watched a movie on TV. She'd been sitting beside him, closer than she had in any of the other times they'd spent together but there was still a slight imaginary space between them. And then they'd bickered, not unusual for them, but lately bickering seemed to turn into something more and that was no exception last night. The only problem was, it had made her pull away from him again this morning.

Sitting on the couch beside her, he could smell her perfume, her shampoo. That's how close she was. She was sitting with her knees pulled up against her chest, arms wrapped around them and she sighed, "The boyfriend did it…"

He glanced at her and frowned, he hadn't been paying much attention to the movie, "What?"

Leaning forward she grabbed her beer and took a sip, "The boyfriend…he's the one that killed her. It's obvious."

Clearing his throat, he propped his feet up on the coffee table and nodded, "Why do you say that?"

Glancing over at him she rolled her eyes, "Elliot…how long have you been doing this job? Longer than me…it's almost always the boyfriend, the husband, the lover."

Lover. Hm. All he knew about this movie was that she'd been cheating on the poor man. And he thought about all the jealous boyfriends and husbands he'd encountered over the years. Jealousy made you do stupid things."You talked to Porter since that day at the precinct?"

Dropping her beer into her lap she frowned, "What?"

His hand lifted and rubbed the back of his neck, his muscles ached and he felt the tension rising, "Porter. Has he tried to reach out since that day at the precinct."

Turning back to the TV, she could feel him watching her out of the corner of her eye, waiting for her answer. "He called a handful of times." She heard him shift nervously on the couch, "I never answered and I sure as hell didn't call back."

He reached beside him and took a long swig of his own beer, "Hm."

They sat there awkwardly, letting the tension build. He knew she was annoyed, or maybe uncomfortable. And when she spoke next, he wasn't surprised by her words, "How's Kathy?"

Running a hand along his jaw he shrugged, "Fine. We don't talk much unless it's about the kids but she seems…"

"Fine?" He nodded awkwardly, she smirked, "Good for her."

Glancing at the TV again he saw the cops, over acting in his opinion, questioning the girl's boyfriend, "If he did it, it was out of jealousy."

She snorted into her beer as she took the last sip, "Everyone gets jealous. Not everyone kills Elliot. I'd expect you of all people to know that."

Looking over at her he frowned, "Jealousy can make you do crazy things. Really crazy things."

She didn't look at him and he knew why, "Well, see that's the problem right there. Jealousy only happens when you fall in love. If you don't fall in love it's easier."

He rolled his neck from side to side, "You can't help falling in love Liv. It's natural. It just happens."

"Not if you don't let it." She said quickly, he saw her move her feet to the ground, "Not if you go into things with low expectations. It doesn't happen."

She pushed herself up off the couch and he watched her start to gather her things, "So you're saying you've never been in love."

"I didn't say that." She said reaching for her phone, she scrolled through it and then tossed it in her bag.

Curiously, he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, his heart beating a little faster, "So you have been in love." She tensed but then moved slowly, reaching for her sweater and pulling it on over her head, "Do I know him?"

He saw the way her cheeks flushed but she leaned down and slipped on her boots, "No. You don't." Standing up, she pulled her hair back up into a ponytail, "It was another life…long before I met you."

She started to walk away and he grabbed her arm, "Don't you want to be in love? You want kids…a family."

He could feel her pulse quicken as his hand moved down her arm to her wrist, "You don't have to be in love to have a kid. I could adopt…or find a Doner. Would be easier that way."

He narrowed his eyes and looked up at her, "You really think that?"

"Sure." She said with a shrug, but she wouldn't meet his eyes, "Look at you and Kathy. Sure you got four amazing kids out of it, but now everyone has to go through the divorce. If I ever had a kid…I want to save them from that heartache. Let it be a team of just me and them. I could take care of them. I don't need anyone else. I never have."

His hand dropped from her wrist, and his heart ached, "No. You haven't."

Her fingers twisted the button on her sweater, "I'm tired…I'm gonna go. But if you watch the rest of the movie let me know what happens. If it wasn't the boyfriend…I'll buy us coffee tomorrow even though it's technically your turn."

He couldn't help but smile despite how badly he wanted to scream, "And if it is the boyfriend?"

She reached out and touched his nose, "You still buy us coffee but you get bagels this time too."

He laughed and fell back against the couch, "Sesame with strawberry cream cheese."

Giving him a little saulute she nodded, "You got it partner."

And then she turned and left. He hated himself for staying up to finish the damn movie. But sure enough, she was right. He should have known she would be.

He was snapped out of his daze when he heard her slam something down on her desk, "Jesus Christ."

He jumped and looked at her, "What the hell is all that?"

She laughed bitterly and rifled through it all, "Cold cases that match the MO of this prick."

Elliot leaned forward on his elbows and frowned, "We are literally never going home are we?"

She smiled sadly and pulled out a file, "Nope. You have to take these. I have to go meet with Casey." He gave her a look and she shrugged, "Captain's orders not mine."

Clearing his throat he slowly pushed himself up off of the desk, "You never ate your bagel this morning…"

"Haven't had time." She said with a snort, "Been a little busy."

He saw her move and he went to grab her but she brushed him off, "Olivia…"

"I gotta go El." She said gripping her coat, "Go through those files and see if we can use anything. Call Casey if you find anything."

She didn't look at him as she walked away and his hand dropped to his side, he rested against the side of her desk and looked down at the forgotten bagel from hours ago. He could feel it, the cracks in this. Why had he come up with this stupid plan? He knew why of course. Because he was desperate to be with her but he knew her walls would be up and she wouldn't let him in. He'd thought if he crossed that boundary with her, she'd eventually see how good they could be. But now it seemed to be the complete opposite. She was pushing him away even more than he'd anticipated and it hurt. But he understood it, he just wish it didn't have to be this way.


An hour later, Olivia was rifling through photos sitting at Casey's desk. Casey was on the phone but she was watching Olivia. She hadn't said a word lately about her suspicions. But Olivia's demeanor was clearly showing that something was going on. As she listened to the person on the other end, she saw someone from her office approaching, a very tall dark and handsome someone who she knew was interested in Olivia and she decided to watch and see what happened next.

"Here you ladies are." The man placed a tray of coffee in front of Olivia, "Thought you could use a little pick me up."

Olivia looked up and smiled politely, "Derek. Hey. Thank you. That's…that was sweet of you."

He leaned against the desk, "Least I could do. I've seen you two busting your buts in here day in and day out, especially lately. Anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah." Olivia said with a laugh, "Make every asshole out there who has these sick depraved thoughts just disappear."

He smiled sympathetically, "That…I can't do. Lord knows I've tried." Olivia smiled sadly and reached for another file, "But…I could maybe distract you?" Casey saw Olivia freeze, "Probably not today…but I could take you to dinner one of these nights? Get your mind off of the cases you see?"

Casey waited, wondering what the hell Olivia was going to say. Whichever way her answer went would give her all the information she needed. Olivia fidgeted and looked down at desk, "Oh uh…Derek that's…that's really sweet of you. But I'm…I'm not sure…"

Derek's fingers gripped the desk beside him, "Tell me there is someone else so that it hurts my ego a little less…"

Casey held her breath and Olivia smiled sheepishly, "Derek…"

He hung his head and pushed himself off the desk, "If this guy…screws it up he'll be a big idiot. But…give me a call." He slid a card across to her and then he walked away, "Keep kicking ass ladies. The world needs more women like you."

Casey hung up the phone, tired of being on hold, "Thanks for the coffee Derek." Walking around her desk, she reached for her cup and sat down across from her friend, "He's really cute."

Olivia stared at the card in front of her on the desk, "What?"

"Derek." Casey said with a smile, "Every girl in this office drools over him on a daily basis and he just asked you out. Yet…you turned him down."

Olivia cleared her throat and looked down at the file, "He's cute. Yeah sure…he's nice. I'm just not…I'm not really interested."

"Because there's someone else?" Olivia fidgeted, "He asked if you were seeing someone and you didn't deny it."

"Because I didn't feel like having to hurt his feelings by saying I wasn't interested. So I just let him think that." She wouldn't look at her friend and she knew her face had to be read.

"So you aren't seeing anyone?" Casey asked curiously, "Not someone named Elliot Stabler?"

Olivia jumped, her hand knocked over the coffee that Derek had dropped off and she grimaced, "Shit. Fuck. What?"

Casey started to laugh and got up, reaching for a paper towel, "Oh boy…this is gonna be a conversation I have to lock the door for."

Olivia ripped the paper towels from her and started mopping up the mess, "No. I'm just…I…why would you even say something like that? Of course I'm not sleeping with Elliot!"

Casey flipped the lock on her office door and frowned, "Sleeping with him? I said seeing…but okay let's jump to that."

"I'm not seeing or sleeping with Elliot Stabler! He is my partner!" Olivia yelled, "Why…why am I yelling?"

"Because…you're clearly lying to my face." Casey said crossing her arms over her chest, "And I can't understand why. I thought we were friends."

"We are friends." She said gathering her files, "Just like I'm friends with Elliot. Strictly friends."

"Friends don't look at each other the way you two look at each other." Casey said with a laugh, "Just throwing that out there."

Olivia grabbed her files, "I think we're done here. I'm going back to the office…if you find something that will help, let me know."

As she walked to the door, Casey sighed and turned to look at her friend, "I know you're scared…" Olivia froze by the door, "But with him…I really don't think you have to be." Olivia looked at her out of the corner of her eye, "Because the way he looks at you…I'd kill for a man to look at me that way. It's the look a man gives when he'd do anything for you. Because he loves you."

Olivia clicked the lock and turned, "See you later Casey."

Casey sighed and turned back to the spilled coffee, "Oh they are gonna get us all killed…"


Walking back into the squad room, Olivia saw that things were still chaotic as usual. Fin and Munch were arguing and Cragen was talking to Elliot by the board. Walking over to her desk, she went to sit and then grimaced, a sharp pain shooting up her back, "Ow."

Cragen looked back at her and frowned, "What's wrong with you?"

She sighed and sat down again reaching for her laptop, "Nothing Cap. Just…just a little sore."

Fin walked towards her and smirked, "Have something to do with that massive hickey on your shoulder?"

Olivia's hand lifted to cover her neck and she glared at him, "You liar!"

He looked at Munch, "You see this thing? Whoever did it wanted to devour her…not that I could blame him." He smirked, "Or her…if that's-"

"Oh my God." Standing up, she shoved Fin back and walked towards the hall, trying not to limp, "I fucking hate it here."

Elliot was standing by his boss, his heart racing and he looked back at Fin, "Real nice Fin."

Cragen laughed, "Well than good luck Stabler…"

Elliot frowned and looked at him, did he know? Did he know he was the one who had given her that hickey without even meaning too? She really was going to kill him. "Good luck? Why are you saying good luck?"

Cragen pointed to the board, "Because I need someone to go Up State to check this place out. And I'm sending you…and your partner. And thanks to Fin she is in a lovely mood. So she may bury you deep in the woods out there."

Elliot's head hung low, "Cap…no. Now's not really a great time for this and-"

"I don't care if it's a good time or not. I need you both up there. And I need you to go now. So go drag your partner out of the locker room and get your asses in the sedan." Elliot went to protest and Cragen pointed at him, "And that's an order!"

Elliot cursed under his breath and started walking out of the office. Fin and John were snickering by Olivia's desk, "The two of you are fucking dead when I get back."

Walking towards the locker room, he knew he was going to get his ass chewed out when he did. He hadn't realized he made a mark last night and they'd been so busy today he didn't notice it until Fin had pointed it out. She was already stressed, and this wasn't going to help. And nwo, for the two of them to be stuck in the sedan together for God knows how long it was either going to make to break them.

Pushing the door open, he saw her leaning over her locker, pawing at her neck, "I'm gonna kill him."

His eyes went to her hip and he let out a sigh of relief when he saw that her gun wasn't in it's holster. Walking towards her, he swung his leg up and over the bench in the middle of the room. She froze and he knew she saw him in the mirror hanging from her locker, "Cap needs us to go up State…"

Her lips set in a hard line and she grumbled, "Why can't Fin and John do it?"

"I don't know. He said it has to be us. I'm sure he has a job for them too." He said slowly.

"Oh I have a job for Fin. Minding his own fucking buisness." She growled as she dropped something in her locker.

He grimaced slightly and rubbed the back of his neck, "Look about-"

"What the hell were you thinking?" She asked, whipping around towards him, "Elliot I very specifically said not to leave any marks."

"Technically you said…don't leave a mark where anyone can see it." He said pointing at her, "And your shirt today goes off the shoulder more than I was expecting…"

"Oh my God." She slammed her locker shut, "I hate you so much."

She went to move again and he grabbed her arm like he had before, "Olivia…"

Her pulse was beating fast and her skin was flushed and she hated that all she wanted was to straddle his waist right here in the locker room. She was so far down, so deep and lost and it felt like she couldn't breathe. The only thing that could bring her back to reality was his touch. The only problem was, that if she let that keep happening, it would only make this worse. She hated needing him but God she did. And it was absolutely fucking terrifying.

Looking down at his hand around her wrist, she swallowed hard. What she wanted to say was, I'm scared. I'm scared and I don't know what to do about it because what I'm scared of is losing you just like I lose everyone. Instead, she slowly pulled her hand out of his reach and pulled the locker open again, "I have a bag. We won't make it home before tonight."

"No. We won't." He said, watching her carefully, his eyes never leaving hers, "I have a bag too."

"Great. Then let's just get going." She pulled the bag over her shoulder, "I'll get the information from Cap and meet you at the Sedan."

He went to open his mouth but she shot him a look and he knew she wanted him to stop talking. So he nodded slowly and said, "Yep. Sounds like a plan."

She shifted nervously, her cheeks blushing and she slowly walked out of the locker room leaving him alone again. All he knew was that this was gonna be the hell of a long night…


Three hours into the drive was when the rain started. It was slow at first, but as they traveled further north it got harder, steadier, faster and Elliot was struggling to see but he didn't want her to know that. She was beside him going through paperwork trying to find anything that would help them but she looked as stressed as he did.

"Damn it." She whispered, "It's not in this box."

Elliot leaned forward against the steering wheel, trying to see through the water pounding down on the windshield, "It's gotta be in the back."

She sighed and tossed a folder down and suddenly she was unbuckling her seatbelt, "What are you doing?" He asked.

She frowned and moved as quickly as she could towards the console, trying to climb in the back, "Well we need it."

He swerved slightly and looked back at the road, but her ass was on full display in those painfully tight jeans and he groaned, "Olivia it's a Goddamn hurricane out here and you should be in your seat. With your seatbelt on!"

"Okay Dad." She laughed and fell into the backseat as he went over a bump, "Ow. Damn it El. Watch what you're doing!"

He eased up on the break and pointed towards the windshield, "If I could see where I was going that would be helpful wouldn't it!"

"Stop yelling at me!" She said falling to the right as he swerved again and she reached for a box, "It's not my fault the weather isn't cooperating! Don't take it out on me!"

He laughed to himself, "Real bitch when people do that. Isn't it?"

She looked up at him over the rim of her box and frowned, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh I don't know. Whatever you're pissed about you need to get over it because you keep taking out on me." He turned on his high beams.

"I'm mad because you left a hickey when you knew better!" She said tossing aside another file, "And everyone freaking saw it! I'm mortified!"

He laughed and gripped the steering wheel tighter, "Right, because having great sex is something to be ashamed of. At least when it's with me. Right?"

"I didn't say that!" She yelled looking up at him, and then she saw lights coming in the opposite direction, "Elliot look out!"

He was so focussed on their argument that he hadn't noticed the large truck barreling towards them, "Shit!"

Olivia braced herself for impact, especially as she wasn't buckled. She held her breath and felt the car jerk to the left. They spun hard and fast and her heart was pounding in her chest. The screeching of the tires were ringing in her ear as she leaned forward, covering her head as they slowed down. "Oh my God."

She heard the click of Elliot's belt and the door whipping open before she could stop him. And then he was climbing in beside her, soaked to the bone after only a few seconds in the rain. "Liv. Olivia look at me."

Her body was shaking as she sat huddled up against the door, "Oh my God."

His eyes roamed every inch of her, looking for any blood, any sign of distress or injury but he saw none, "Liv…I need you to look at me. Please."

She felt him shaking beside her, his own adrenaline and fear coursing through his body, "I'm…I'm fine."

He reached for her, his hand resting on her back and she didn't pull away, "Are you sure? Did you hit your head on the window? Are you-"

"No." Her hands unclenched and she swallowed hard, "I'm…no I'm okay. I just…I was…"

Scared. But neither of them could say it out loud.

"Yeah. Me too." He whispered, his fingers sliding down her back, because he felt it too, "Liv…please look at me."

She sucked in a breath and let her eyes slowly adjust to the dark space. The rain slammed against the car, bouncing off it, making it hard to hear him. But she felt him. And through her fear, through her rush of emotions, she needed him. She needed him more than she'd ever be able to express.

Her head lifted to look at him. His eyes were wide, fear and something she couldn't place mirrored back at her. Before either of them knew what they were doing, they were leaning across, reaching for each other. Their lips fused together. She moved quickly, and his hands wrapped around her tightly, pulling her into his lap. Files fell to the ground around them but neither of them cared. It became a flurry of movement in the small space, both of them reaching out, pulling at the other's clothes. It was hard to move, hard to breathe but it didn't seem to matter.

She lifted her hips, and his hands settled on her waist, "Olivia."

"Stop talking." She lowered herself ontop of him, and she cried out, "Fuck…just stop talking."

Her hands reached behind him, grabbing hold of the back of the seat as she rocked against him, "Olivia."

She shook her head hard, and looked down at him, "Elliot…don't."

He growled and lifted his hand, threading his fingers through her hair, "God damn it…"

Leaning forward, she captured his lips, tugging on the lower one with her teeth, "You ever had car sex Stabler?"

His fingers dug into her waist and he hated that she was belittling this still but didn't know what to do. Because he needed her too. He'd been scared to death that something had happened, that he'd be responsible for her getting hurt. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, make her really look at him, see him, see what this was. But he also needed to feel her, because he knew she was slipping away before his eyes.

"No." He huffed, thrusting his hips up, she gasped and her hand shot out above her, pressing up into the ceiling of the car, "Another first for me."

She sighed and wrapped her other hand around his neck, "Look at you checking off another box. Good for you."

His hand snaked up and wrapped in her hair, holding her face close to his, "Stop talking."

He was the one to say it this time because he was so frustrated. He'd never loved anyone more. Never needed anyone the way he needed her. Never been desperate to make someone understand. Yet he'd never been so afraid of all his feelings, all of hers and all of her fear. He knew her. He knew her past, knew her trauma made her unreachable but he wished he could be the one to fix it all for her. To make her realize she wasn't alone, that she'd never be alone if she just trusted him.

Her eyes were dark as she looked at him, and he saw it, that fear and he hated it. Hated this. But God he loved her. Please God he thought, please make her understand. Her hips rocked against his and despite how cold it was outside, the temperature was rising inside. He'd had the heat on but it wasn't that, it was their bodies, their breath as they came together hard and fast. Pressing his feet into the ground below him, his muscles ached as he kept lifting his hips, meeting her thrust for thrust.

"Oh my God." He grumbled, his face burying in the crook of her neck, his lips just inches from where he'd left a mark yesterday, "Olivia…"

Her head fell back and she held him closer, "Don't you dare leave another mark Elliot…I'll kill you."

His lips pressed against the spot and she whimpered, the sensitive skin still bruised and red, "I didn't mean to…I'm sorry."

Her heart was racing harder and she wanted to cry, "It's fine. Everything is fine…" His hips started to slow down and she sighed, "Just keep…keep going. Fuck please, please keep going. Please don't stop."

He didn't know if she was asking him to keep fucking her or if she wanted this to never end. This thing between them. This inevitable thing. This constant push and pull that they'd been navigating for years that seemed to be crumbling down around them. His breath caught in his throat and he tilted her head back, needing to kiss her, as she ground her hips into him, impaling herself over and over on his cock, "Olivia…I-"

But she kissed him before he could say it and he knew she didn't want to hear it. So he just hoped to God she could feel it. Her tongue traced his bottom lip, and let her in, just like he always would because he couldn't deny her. He'd never be able to deny her. He'd do anything for her. Absolutely anything if only she'd let him. They stayed like that, rocking together, their lips locked, breathing the same air. Her hand shot out as her release began to build and her fingers slid down the steamed up window, the squeaking sound battling with the rain and her scream as she shattered around him.

She clung to him, her body shaking as he thrust up slowly as his own release ripped through him. His hand pressed into her lower back as he held her to him, both of them breathing hard. Pulling back slightly, she looked at him, actually looked at him and he thought her eyes were filled with unshed tears.

And his heart broke. He lifted his hand to try and touch her cheek but she flinched and a light filled the car, she looked down, blinking from the light, "Shit."

She was climbing off of him before he could process what was happening. She was reaching for her jeans, pulling them up and over her hips, "What-"

She shook her head quickly, "Elliot, someone is coming…just fucking…put your damn pants on."

His head whipped around and he saw someone walking towards the car, adrenaline rushing through his body again. That need to protect her, that constant need to place himself between her and danger. He yanked his pants up just as the person bent down and knocked on the window, "Anyone in there?"

The rain had slowed slightly and Elliot reached out to open the window, his hand beside him on the seat where his gun lay, "H-hi."

A little old man came into view and he peered into the window, "What the heck are you two doing out here during a storm like this? Are you okay?"

Olivia leaned forward slightly, her arm brushing Elliot's and an electric shock shot through both of them, "I-hi-we…" She took a deep breath, "Sorry…we got a little lost in the storm and had…had a bit of an accident."

"Are you hurt?" He asked quickly, "Do you need medical treatment? The nearest hospital is about an hour away."

"No. No, we're fine." She whispered softly, "Just…physically we're fine."

The man sighed, "Well…let's get you out of here. You can stay at my place…it's not much but you can't drive in this."

Elliot tensed beside her, "Oh no…uh, no that's…we'll be fine. We'll wait it out."

The man smiled, "Sir, with all do respect, I'm 79 years old. I can barely lift the bowl of cereal each morning. You could do more damage to me than I could do to you…" He eyed him carefully, "The only danger we're in right now is me getting hypothermia out here. Please, let me help you. My wife will never forgive me if I don't."

Olivia looked at Elliot, "El…maybe we should. Warm up a bit. See if we can call Cragen and get some guidance here. We can't stay here…"

"This road is known to flood. You aren't safe staying here." He said more sternly.

Elliot sighed and nodded slowly, "Yeah…yeah alright that would be great. Thank you."

"Good. Gather up your things and come to my truck." He said through the roar of the rain, "I live just down the road. I came when I heard the tires screech, I wasn't sure what I'd find…you two are lucky."

He walked away, huddled against the rain leaving the two partners alone in the car once more. Olivia let out a shaky breath and ran a hand through her hair, "El…"

"Pack your gun." He said quickly, she shot him a look, "Hey may be old but stranger things have happened."

Sighing, she reached for her bag and nodded, "Fine. Let's go. We can't stay here."

Climbing out of the Sedan he adjusted his pants again and reached for his own bag, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"


Twenty minutes later, they were sitting around a kitchen table, in a tiny home of the couple they now knew as Lou and Helen Andrews. Helen was shuffling around, placing bowls of soup in front of them, Lou was on the phone with the local auto shop. Elliot sat stone still beside Olivia, wanting to reach for her but she felt so far away from him. She was smiling, that beautiful smile of hers that made him weak. She was trying to seem calm, and also grateful which she was but he knew that something was going on in her head he just couldn't break through to her.

"So what are two city slickers like you doing way out here?" Helen asked as she held bowls out to them.

"This looks delicious. Thank you Helen." Olivia whispered, taking the bowl from her, "You didn't need to go through all this trouble…"

Helen smiled and sat down across from her, "Oh I was making it already. I'm happy to share. It's been a long time since we had anyone here to share dinner with us."

Elliot pulled the bowl closer to him, eying her and he thought of his Mother, when was the last time he'd called her? "Have…you lived here a long time?"

Helen smiled and reached for her own spoon, "Born and raised Met Lou when I was a kid. We got married…we only…" Her cheeks flushed, "We only had the one child. That was God's will. Theadore. Little Teddy we called him…he went to college in Chicago and never came back. He's busy, you know. He's a Lawyer."

"Lawyer." Lou said with a snort, "He helps criminals be freed…that's not a lawyer to me. That's a coward."

"Louie." She said looking at him, "Teddy is very successful."

"Hm. Success isn't measured by the money you make. To me it's based on the people you help. The lives you change." He said reaching for a cup of water, his hands shaking, "That's what's important."

Olivia smiled at the old man, she liked him, something about him felt comfortable, safe, "Spoken like a man who has helped a lot of people…"

"Hm…" He said looking down at his bowl of soup, "No."

"My husband…he's a humble man." She said with a smile, "He's retired…but begrudgingly." She reached out and put her hand over his arm, "He was the local sheriff for over forty years. He's helped more people than you know."

"Helen…" He said, his cheeks blushing, "That's enough. Don't…don't you know I don't like it when…"

"We're cops." Elliot said quickly, Lou sat up quickly, "We're both cops in the City. We were out here for a case…"

Lou sighed and leaned back in his seat, "Well I'll be damned…I thought you might be! You look like a cop! Look like me before time caught up with me…" He said with a smile as he turned to Olivia, "And you…I can tell you wouldn't take any crap from anyone. Good for you."

Olivia smiled and placed her spoon in her bowl, "Thank you…for saving us."

Lou's face flushed and he looked down, it had been a long time since he'd felt like he'd helped someone, "Oh well…it was nothing." He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "Like I said, we don't have much room but you're welcome to stay. Storm's not going to let up until tomorrow morning. Someone's going to go down and get your car once it's done…did you get in touch with your superior?"

"Not yet…" Elliot whispered, "Service isn't great…"

"You can use our home phone." He pointed at the bowl in front of him, "After you eat." Elliot went to protest, "Take it from a man in law enforcement, sometimes you have to let the case take the backseat to your own mental health."

Olivia and Elliot looked at Helen who laughed, "Spoken like a man who never took a day off or took care of himself…"

Elliot smiled and looked at Olivia out of the corner of his eye, "Must be a cop thing…"

Olivia glanced at him and picked up her spoon again, "Must be…"


An hour later, they were sitting around the small living room by the fire. Elliot and Lou were swapping stories about their time in the military and as cops. Olivia was sitting with Helen looking through a photo album that she was eager to share of their life.

"This is us in Montreal. I finally got him to take a vacation." Helen said with a smile, "This was for Teddy's tenth birthday. We rented a cabin up there for two whole weeks that summer…it was wonderful."

Olivia smiled down at the grainy picture, "You look happy."

"Oh I was." She said with a smile, "I was with my two boys. The only two people that mattered to me." Her fingers traced the picture lovingly, "It was nice to be just us…despite all the chaos around us always. Lou worked so hard…to protect us. All of us. And it was nice to see him relax…"

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat, "You said you both grew up here. So you've been in each other's life for a long time."

Helen nodded, "He was my best friend growing up. Our families were close. My Mother died young…cancer. And his parents helped us out as best they could. My brothers all moved away, I was the youngest but I couldn't bear to leave my Father so I stayed. And Lou stayed for me. My Father was Sheriff before him…"

Olivia bit her lip and smiled, "A family affair…"

"Yes." She said with a smile, "Lou worked under him until he retired himself." Reaching for another album she flipped through it, "Here are the three of us on our wedding day. Me, my Dad and Lou. The two men that always kept me safe."

Olivia looked at Elliot, he was laughing as Lou told him a story and her heart ached. Elliot was the only person that had ever made her feel safe. The only person she knew she could believe in that would be there when she needed him most. "Are you alright dear?"

Olivia looked over at her and nodded, blinking back her tears, "Oh. Yes…sorry. You…you looked beautiful. And so happy…"

Helen glanced down at her bare hand, "Have you ever been married?"

Olivia covered her left hand subconsciously and shook her head, "Oh. No. It…never…I never met the right person."

Helen smiled and looked at Elliot who happened to be watching them, more specifically watching Olivia, "Oh…I'm sure you will. I'm more than sure you will."

On the other side of the room, Lou handed Elliot a photo, "That was me and my first partner. Joseph."

Elliot's heart jumped and he looked down at the black and white photo, "Joseph…that was my Father's name. He was a cop too."

"A family affair indeed." Lou said taking the photo back from him, "I'm sure I never saw half of the things you have but…some cases stay with you."

"They do." Elliot whispered, "They definitely do…sometimes it's really hard to shake them."

"Joseph and I had a good bond. Confided in each other." He said with a smile, "He's been gone for about three years now…but he was my best friend till the day he died. It's important to trust your partner."

"Yes. It is." Elliot whispered, his eyes darting over to "You have to trust your partner. Otherwise…"

"Otherwise you're both in danger." Lou said smiling as he watched Elliot watch his own partner, "And you can't let anything happen to your partner…"

"No. You can't." Elliot said quickly, then looking back at him, "You absolutely can't."

A moment later, Helen stood up and sighed, "Well we only have Teddy's old room…with the one bed."

Elliot didn't need to look at Olivia to know that wasn't going to work, "Oh, well that's…"

"But we have sleeping bags, I could set something up in the room for you Elliot. Would that be okay?" She asked, a strange glint in her eyes.

Elliot's heart leapt in his throat, "Oh. Uh…yeah that'd…that'd be great. I mean…" He looked over at Olivia who was sitting nervously by the coffee table, "Is…is that okay with you Liv?"

She nodded slowly, not quite looking at him, "Yes. Of course. I can sleep on the floor too that-'

"Oh no." Lou said quickly standing up, "That's where I'll put my foot down. You young lady are taking the bed…and I'd be shocked if Elliot didn't agree with me."

"Oh. I agree." Ellito said with a smile as he stood up, "She's just stubborn and likes to make things more complicated than they need to be."

"Women." Lou said with a laugh, "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em." He teased. "You better carry her bag too…"

Olivia frowned, "I am perfectly capable of of-"

"Oh let the man do something for you." Helen said with a sigh, "It makes them feel important."

Olivia laughed and looked at Elliot who was watching her carefully, she just nodded and he smiled, reaching for her bag. Walking upstairs, the stairs creaked. There were only three rooms upstairs, Helen and Lou's room, the bathroom in the middle and one small bedroom to the left, Teddy's room. "If you'd like to take a shower before bed…you're welcome. I can grab some towels."

"That…that would be great actually. If…if you don't mind?" Olivia asked.

"Of course not. Lou, take them in Teddy's room and get them set up. I'll get towels in the bathroom." She said with a smile.

"Follow me." Lou said waving them forward, "Been a long time since anyone stayed in here…but Helen keeps the room spotless. Still washes the sheets once a week like she did when Teddy was still living here."

Olivia and Elliot walked into a small but cozy bedroom that indeed was spotless. It broke her heart to think of the kind woman keeping this room the way it was for a son who didn't seem to care very much about his parents. Pictures of the young boy littered the room, his trophies from school, their pride evident in him. Then her eyes landed on the small, twin bed in the corner and her heart jumped.

"Again, sorry about this. But I'll get as many blankets as I can, and pillows for the floor." Lou said, turning to Elliot. "I'd let you sleep on the couch…but that's the cats domain and he doesn't like to share."

Elliot laughed and shook his head, "No problem at all Lou. I've slept in many strange places in my life…I can handle this."

"Good." He said turning to Olivia, "You gonna be okay in here with this fool?"

Olivia's cheeks blushed but she nodded, "I'll be fine. Thank you Lou…"

Helen came in with a pile of towels, "Here you are, enough for each of you."

Elliot turned to Olivia, "You go first."

She smiled nervously and took her bag from him, "Thanks."

Lou walked in and handed Elliot blankets and pillows, "Well we'll leave you two alone. Let you get some rest. But if you need anything…you know where to find us. And help yourself to the kitchen if you get hungry or thirsty."

Olivia thanked them both again and then slipped out of the room leaving Elliot to set up his spot on the floor.


When Elliot finished in the bathroom, he stared at himself in the mirror, reminding himself to be calm about this. He knew this was going to cross a boundary for her, in all of this, the one thing she'd been most strict about was no sleepovers. Even if it meant leaving each other late into the night or early hours in the morning, she never allowed that rule to be broken. Running a hand over his face, he felt the stubble growing on his cheeks. Something she always said she enjoyed, especially when they were…

He sighed and pushed that thought out of his head. That wasn't happening tonight. For many, many reasons. Gathering his stuff, he walked back down the hallway, trying to keep the creaking to a minimum. Pushing open the door, he found Olivia sitting up on the bed, her legs crossed. Looking up at him, she looked so small. She was wearing a pair of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. In fact, he had a feeling that was his sweatshirt but saying that right now was probably not going to be the best thing.

Stepping further into the room he put his bag down in the corner and smiled, "I was oddly surprised by the water pressure…" He tried to tease.

Olivia smiled, "Helen said it was the one luxury she made Lou install…"

"That makes sense." He said slowly lowering himself to the ground among the pillows, his knees cracked as he moved, "Ah, there's my daily reminder of how old I'm getting…"

Olivia's face flushed and she shifted, "El, I'm perfectly fine sleeping on the floor I-"

"Not gonna happen Benson." He said with a sigh as he lay down on the pillows, "And believe it or not…I've slept on the floor many times in my life. Dickie and Lizzie went through a night terror phase that seemed to last for years. I had to sleep on the floor in their room forever…I feel right at home."

Slowly, she lowered herself onto the small bed, reaching out and pulling the blankets up around her, "Oh I remember that…you were delightful during that phase."

He laughed and rested his arms behind his head, looking up at the ceiling, "You try sleeping on the floor or in a kids bed with limbs shooting out and kicking you. Lizzie's small but she's got a hard left hook when she's sleeping."

She laughed and adjusted the pillow under her head as she watched him, "So that time you came with a black eye…it wasn't a baseball to the eye?"

He laughed, "No. It was my six year old daughter practicing for her first boxing match."

Olivia yawned and curled around herself, "You're a good Father Elliot Stabler…"

He turned his head to look at her, he saw that sadness that creeped in, the one she tried to hide from everyone. But the one he knew well. The sadness of being alone, of never having a family to look out for her, a Father to chase away the bad dreams like he'd done for his kids. "You…should get some sleep Liv. It's been a long day…"

Biting down hard on her lip she whispered, "You can't be comfortable…"

Rolling onto his side, he looked right at her and whispered, "I'm good right here Liv. I'm right where I'm supposed to be."

Her heart pounded in her chest and she had to turn away from him, so that he didn't see her tears, "Night El."

He sighed, never turning away from her, wanting to watch her as she fell asleep, something he'd never been able to do before, "Goodnight Liv."


An hour later, the storm had ramped up once more. The power had gone out and the heat was slowly dissipating. Not to mention it was raining so hard that the window was leaking and now dripping onto Elliot on the floor.

He groaned and sat up, trying to be as quiet as he could to move over. "El?"

He sighed and reached for his abandoned shower towel, placing it at the base of the window, "Yeah?"

He heard the bed creak as she sat up, "Just…just get up here."

He froze, wondering if he had even heard her correctly over rain pounding against the window, "What?"

"Just get up here. You're gonna freeze down there." She said with a heavy sigh, "Hurry up."

He turned slowly and looked at her, "Liv…"

"Elliot…so help me God." She spoke through gritted teeth, "Don't make this more complicated than it has to be."

His back ached and he was freezing, not to mention the longer he stayed down here, he knew he'd be wet no matter how much he tried to stop the leaking, "Remind me to help Lou fix that tomorrow…"

She stood up, her bare feet tapping against the floor, "You get in first." He just stared at her, "I…I don't like feeling trapped okay?"

He let out a shaky breath and thought about how that statement applied to a lot more than their sleeping arraignments. "Okay…"

He crawled up onto the bed and pushed himself far up against the wall. He saw her hesitate, shift nervously in front of him. And then slowly, very slowly she crawled in beside him. How strange it was that this felt weird when they'd slept together so many times at this point he'd lost count. But actually sharing a bed felt odd. He assumed it just proved how complicated this whole thing was.

As it was a twin bed, it was very limited in terms of space. Especially for two adults, neither of whom were tiny people. She was so close to the edge, he was sure she was going to topple over. And as he expected, as she tried to reach for the blanket, she wobbled and gasped but his hands shot out and caught her around the waist, "Whoa."

Her hands covered his on her hips, "I…"

He leaned back again and she shifted closer, "Sorry…I didn't want you to fall."

His hands fell down once more and she frowned, already mourning the loss of his touch. She eased herself onto her side and they lay like that, side by side, both of them practically holding their breath. Of all the things they'd done in the last few months, why the hell did this feel so much more intimate? She knew he wasn't closing his eyes, wasn't sleeping. Neither of them were comfortable and wouldn't be unless…

Slowly, she reached behind her and found his arm, her hand resting on his forearm. She heard the sharp intake of breath, he was surprised by her touch. What she did next surprised him even more. She took his arm and wrapped it around her body, pressing herself into his chest. Resting her arm over his she whispered, "Don't say a word…"

He ducked his chin, his cheek resting on her long brown hair and he breathed her in, "I wasn't going to."

Her body already felt more comfortable and she whispered, "Go to sleep."

But he couldn't. Her body relaxed into him and he knew she was close to falling asleep again. And as tired as he was, he was afraid he'd never be able to hold her again and he didn't want to close his eyes. So he lay there behind her, his arm wrapped tight around her, her body pressed into his and he tried to memorize this feeling. Because he knew once the sun came up…the spell would be broken and she'd be gone once more.


He woke up first despite falling asleep long after her. The storm had stopped and the sun was beginning to stream through the window, a golden hue casting itself over the small bedroom. She was still wrapped up in his arms, her body warm, soft, and his own body couldn't help itself. He felt it, that insane need for her, his body aching for her. She was breathing slowly, still half way between sleep as the sun continued to shift, inching its way up towards her face, "God she's beautiful…"

The words left his lips before he could stop himself and the rumble in his chest must have startled her. Her eyes blinked open and her body shifted, pressed further into him and then she felt it. His arms locked around her as shame filled his body, the last thing they needed was for her to feel uncomfortable but he couldn't help himself. She was holding her breath, he knew she was.

They both somehow were thinking the same thing, because of course they were. Always so in sync. Something she'd said that first day. Back when all of this had started and it seemed like a good idea.

"Morning sex?" He shook his head, "Morning sex hits different…" He looked at her and she shook her head, "But no sleepovers so you don't get that from me. Whoever the next lucky lady is will though. Okay?"

His hand subconsciously slid up under the hem of her sweatshirt, his long fingers tracing lazy patterns on her bare stomach. She sucked her belly in and he shifted, his cock pressing firmly against her ass and she couldn't help but whimper softly. He rocked his hips forward, and she pushed back, he could feel the heat of her through his sweatpants and her leggings. She wanted him too…but in what way? Was this really just sex to her? Or did she love him? Did she love him the way that he desperately loved her? Her breathing intensified as they continued to move, with each other, their bodies writhing against each other, still fully clothed.

Dipping his head down, his hand trailed up under her sweatshirt, rising as his fingers danced along the underside of her breast, his lips found her neck, "Liv…"

His voice was low, still full of sleep, but also filled with desire, the kind that only she stirred in him. His fingers inched upwards again, his thumb grazing her nipple and she sighed into his touch, "Yes…"

It was the only word he needed to hear. His hand dropped, only enough to tug at her leggings, yanking them down over her hips as she reached behind her and did the same with his sweatpants. And then he was filling her, deep, hard, long thrusts. She turned her head towards the pillow, biting down hard, not wanting to wake up the two sleeping people across the hall, "Mhm." She mumbled, her hand grabbing his and snaking it around her body once more.

His hips bucked forward, the bed creaked gently but it was still windy, the sound drowning out their moans. But even if it didn't, he really didn't care. Olivia had been right. Morning sex just hit different. His body still felt lazy, warm from sleep but it felt so alive being buried inside of her, her own warm body pressed against his after laying together all night. He felt connected to her in a way he never had before, in all the time he'd taken her to bed. This, this felt different.

He slid his other arm under her, and she gasped as his hand slid down between them, rubbing her clit. "El…"

His hand lifted off her breast, turning her slowly, her leg lifted, causing him to fill her at a new angle. Her mouth dropped open but he gripped her jaw with his fingers, pulling her in for a kiss, slow, their breath mingling together as he fucked her slowly but powerfuly. His own eyes were open but hers were shut tight, but even then he could see the emotions, the pleasure playing across her face. She had to feel it, dear God she had to feel this. How could she not?

Her arm reached out and under his, digging into his bicep as he moved, "Elliot…"

"Look at me…" He mumbled, "Please look at me Liv…"

The same words he'd said in the car last night after they'd spun out of control. He needed her to see him, just as he needed to see her. Her eyes fluttered open, her eyes were dark, but he saw those specs of gold, even now he saw that little part of her that always held out for hope, for someone to love her, to be there when the world came crashing down around her. Let me be that man he wanted to scream.

Instead, he held her there, thrust inside of her, filled her, touched her, kissed her, hoping to God his actions spoke louder than any words ever could. But as it built up around them, and the air between them became heavier, he somehow knew that this could very well be the last time she let him in and he was afraid to let go.

Her body tensed and she bit down hard on her lip to keep from uttering the sound that threatened to rip from her mouth as she came around him. Her body pulsing, shaking, trembling at his touch. One, two, three more thrusts and his own release tore through her, his head dipping down lower, his lips finding her shoulder, the same spot as before. His lips brushed against it, as they both tried to breathe. His fingers roamed her belly, her fingers clung to his arm. Neither of them moved, partially because they couldn't, but mostly because it felt like the end of something…

Just as he found the courage to possibly say something, anything, her phone began to ring from the bedside table. And then he saw it, the panic, the realization of where they were and what they'd done. "Oh my God."

He didn't even try and hold her in place, his hands went slack as she yanked herself out of his embrace and reached for her phone, stumbling off the bed, "B-Benson." He saw her grimace, "Hi Captain. No. No, we're fine. Yes. Yes…yes. We're gonna go check on the Sedan as soon as the shop opens. Yes. Okay. Understood."

Her hand fell to her lap and he sat there behind her, watching the steady rise and fall of her shoulders, "They found something…"

"Y-yes." She mumbled, "He said we can just come back…that they have enough evidence now."

Lifting a hand, he ran it over his face and nodded, "Okay. Great."

"Yeah. Great." Pressing her feet into cold floor she lifted herself up slowly, "I'm…I'm gonna…go see if Helen and Lou are even awake…clean up a bit and-"

"Yeah." He turned to her, her face was flushed, her lips swollen, eyes wide, hair wild. What he wouldn't give to pull her back into bed and pretend that everything was okay, "I'll call the car place…"

"Great. Good." She stepped backwards, grimacing when the floorboards creaked below her, "Old house…"

He sat up slowly, resting on his elbow as he watched her reach for the door and for a moment she thought he was going to say something. But he didn't, and quite frankly, she didn't know if she was happy or sad about that.


As they drove into the city, they were both thinking back to what had happened as they left Lou and Helen. Helen had filled containers full of food for them, handing them to Olivia in the kitchen.

"Thank you for everything." Olivia whispered, "You were both so kind to us. We really appreciate it."

"Oh it was nothing." Helen said, popping a top on a third container, "We were happy to help. Will you be alright getting back to the city?"

"Yes. They were able to fix the tire and said everything is all set. We'll be good." Olivia said with a smile, "Are you sure we can't pay you for-"

"Not a dime." She said quickly, "And don't you dare try and send us anything. I'll send it right back."

Olivia bit down hard on her lip, "Thank you Helen…"

Leaning in, Helen lifted her hand and stroked the side of Olivia's face, "I always dreamed of having a daughter…I love my son. But a daughter would have been nice too…"

Olivia's heart ached for Helen, and for herself, "She would have been a very lucky girl…"

Leaning forward, Helen wrapped her arms around Olivia, "If I did have a daughter…the one thing I would tell her is to never be afraid of love." Olivia froze in her arms, "Especially when it's staring you right in the face."

"Ready to go?" Elliot called from the door, he paused when he saw them, "Oh."

Pulling back Olivia turned from him, wiping at a tear in the corner of her eye, "Yeah. Ready."

Helen smiled and squeezed Elliot's arm, "Get home safe."

"We will. Thank you Helen." He took the remaining items from her and followed Olivia to Lou's truck to get their car.

They'd both barely said a word as they drove, both so lost in their own thoughts. And more than once he thought she was trying to hide her tears. She was pressed up against the car door and the cold window, as if she was trying to put as much space between them as possible. As he turned onto the street that the precinct was on, he thought back to what Lou had said to him as he paid the mechanic.

"You know Helen was my best friend in the entire world." Lou said with a smile, "She'd been through a lot in her life…and our friendship meant the world to her. Said she felt safe with me."

Elliot saw Olivia leaning against the sedan, talking on the phone to someone, "Oh yeah?"

"Took me years to get her to agree to finally go on a date with me. And even then, I had to walk through fire so she'd realize I wasn't going anywhere. Hell, somedays I swear when I look at her first thing in the morning she looks like she's shocked I'm still here. Like she expected me to run for the hills overnight." He mumbled.

Sliding his credit card across the counter, Elliot turned to the older man, "So how did you get her to trust you?"

He shrugged and lifted the coffee cup to his lips, "I stayed. And I listened. I let her push me away time and time again but I stayed…right there. Until one day she stopped pushing so hard and took my hand. And when that happened, I never let her go again. And I never will…not until God takes me from this Earth. And even then…I'll still be holding her hand from the other side."

Looking back at Olivia again, he saw her slip her phone into her pocket. Saw that familiar look on her face. The one of worry, the one of years of pain, loneliness and disappointment that she worked so hard to bury beneath the surface. He saw her take a few breaths, tug on her coat and stand up a little taller. And once again, she was Olivia Badass Benson. A woman who didn't need anyone. But everyone needed someone sometimes…

Looking back at Lou he whispered, "I'm standing right here…I have been for eight years."

Lou smiled sadly and placed a hand on his back, "Well…you may have to wait a little longer my friend. So…you have to decide if the wait is worth it. And if it is, then she's the one."

Pulling into his parking spot, he saw her start to gather her things. He thought back to the last few months, everything they'd shared. The last eight years, the ups, the downs, the fear he'd felt when Cragen said she was gone, not once but twice. The joy he felt when she'd returned both times. And as she climbed out of the Sedan all he could think of was, she's more than worth the wait.

Stepping onto the sidewalk, it was drizzling slightly and she blinked at him through the cloudy haze, "You coming?"

Pulling the key from the ignition he nodded slowly, "Right behind you partner."

He just hoped she knew what he really meant…


When they walked upstairs, the squad room was quieter than it had been yesterday. Casey was talking to Cragen in his office and John and Fin were going through files on their desk, "They're back and she didn't kill him." John teased.

Olivia shot him a look and placed her bag down on the counter, "I ever tell you how funny you are John?"

"You know I don't believe you have." He said with a heavy sigh, "But it's okay. I know how funny I am. You don't need to tell me."

Olivia smiled but rolled her eyes, "Okay."

Casey and Cragen walked towards them, "Sorry we sent you on a wild goose chase for nothing…"

Elliot swung the keys around on his finger, "No problem."

"You guys were okay?" Casey asked, genuine concern flooding her face, "We were tracking the weather. It got nasty up that way…"

"Got into a bit of an accident but we're both fine." Olivia whispered, "And the car was fine too. Was hard to see in the rain…but Elliot did a hell of a job keeping us safe."

Elliot glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, shocked by her words but hearing them meant more than he could ever express. The four other adults in the room saw the look pass between them, but then again they were used to those looks. They just seemed…more intense as of late. "Well why don't you both head home. Get some rest. We've got things covered here. I'm sure you didn't sleep well."

But what neither of them said was, they'd both had the best night sleep of their lives being next to one another. Instead, Olivia grabbed her bag again, "Okay. Thanks Cap."

Elliot watched her begin to walk towards the elevator, Cragen went to John and Fin and began to talk to them about something. Casey however was staring at him, when he looked up he frowned, "What?"

Sighing she reached for her own bag and shook her head, "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

He watched her walk in the opposite direction as Olivia and then he sighed. Dropping the car keys onto his desk to leave for Fin and John if needed. Then he grabbed his own keys and quickly walked towards the elevator. His heart was pounding as he rode it down, wondering how far she'd gotten. Maybe he'd have the opportunity to talk to her, to really talk to her. Lay it all on the line. Make her tear down her walls and see him, really see him.

But as he pushed open the door, and he looked left and right, he saw her climbing into a cab without turning around. And his heart sank because he knew she wouldn't let him in, not today, and he was beginning to fear she wouldn't ever let him in. With a heavy sigh, he walked towards the parking lot where his own car was and climbed in, wondering what the hell they were gonna do now.


When she got back to her apartment, it was quiet. Too quiet. It was an odd feeling. She'd spent so much time alone in her life, the quiet didn't often bother her. And working in such a chaotic place as SVU, sometimes she found it welcoming. But today, it felt like it was suffocating her. She felt like she was drowning. Like the walls of this apartment were closing in on her and she couldn't breathe. Dropping her bag onto the floor, she locked the door and walked straight to her bedroom and stripped off her clothes.

She climbed into the bed fully naked, pulled the covers up around her and started crying. The kind of tears that shook your whole body. The kind that were warm and heavy and took all the breath from your body. She was exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally. And what was worse was that the one thing she wanted…the one thing she needed was for him to be here. For Elliot to crawl into bed with her and hold her like he had done last night. But that could never happen again. And she could never let him touch her, kiss her again.

This had to be over.

She needed it to be over.

Because if she fell any deeper, she'd never dig herself out of this hole. And that was one thing she couldn't do. Because no one could see Olivia Benson break. That was a rule she'd made a long time ago, long before she met Elliot Stabler and she had no intention of breaking it.

Not now.

Not ever.