A/N - We have reached the make it or break it point in this story! Is this just sex or is it something more? And are they ready, and when I say THEY, I mean is OLIVIA ready? In this chapter we definitely see Jelliot and Jelivia. Trust the process before you hate me, ends on a cliff hanger…but not a bad one. ;)

Don't forget to drop a review! Not much left! About 6 chapters more after this.


The first thing she noticed when she woke up was how comfortable she was. How rested she felt. How warm she was. Adjusting her eyes to the early morning light, she came face to face with his chest, his heart was beating slow as he slept. Biting her lip, she moved slowly and looked up at him, his face was calm and peaceful. And soon, the tears came. She wasn't supposed to be here. She wasn't supposed to be in his bed. How had she let herself fall asleep here?

She knew why. Because she felt safe, comfortable with him. But this couldn't happen. She shifted slightly and he groaned, kissing the top of her head before rolling onto his back as he continued to sleep. Sitting up, she grimaced, trying not to disturb him, wanting, needing to put as much distance between the two of them as she could as fast as she could. Her feet hit the floor and she sighed, her hands shaking, tears burning in the back of her eyes. Her eyes scanned the room for her clothes and she tried to gather herself to find them all.

As she pulled on her jeans, she tripped, her body feeling weak and she stumbled, her hand reaching out to grab the bedside table. It rattled and the water he'd gone to get for them sloshed in the cups. He jumped slightly, turning his head to look at her, "Hey…"

His voice was raspy, low, sexy as all hell and her heart flip flopped, "H-hey…"

Rolling onto his side, he yawned, his eyes squinting as the sun rose in the sky. He looked over at the clock, "What time is it?"

Her hands moved back to her jeans, pulling up slowly and she whispered, "Early. Go back to sleep El."

She turned slowly and he felt it, that moment when she'd deny what this was. His hand reached out to grab her, his fingers wrapping around her wrist, "Not without you…"

He heard her breathing hard, heard it rattling in her chest. Her eyes moved down to his hand, his fingers were rubbing slow circles against her inner wrist, "El…I gotta go."

"No." He leaned forward, "You don't. We have nowhere to be for hours…" He tugged her wrist gently, "So…come back to bed."

Clearing her throat, her eyes lifted to his, "You should have woken me up."

He sighed and pressed his head into the pillow, one hand still holding her, the other lifted in the air, "You were tired. You looked comfortable and-"

"Rule number two. No sleepovers." She whispered and his hand fell from her wrist.

Lifting that hand, he ran it over his face, scratching against his stubble, "You and your fucking rules."

"You agreed to them." She said leaning down for her jacket, "You said you agreed to them."

"I did." He said with a nod, not looking at her as frustration filled his chest, "But I didn't think…I thought at some point you were going to-"

He didn't finish his sentence and she didn't want him too, "I'll see you at work."

He sat up quickly, "Olivia…just-"

Holding her hand up, she shook her head as she leaned against the doorframe, "El, I gotta go."

He growled and didn't bother to get up because it was no use. She slammed the door so hard as she moved that the glass on the bedside table shook, moving closer to the edge. His eyes fell on it, saw the water moving and he couldn't take it. Lifting it, he grabbed the cup, sat up and hurled it across the room until it smashed against the wooden door at the same time that she slipped out of the apartment. "Fuck!"

And just like that, they were right back where they had started. Only ten feet deeper than before. So now what?


Four hours later he found himself back at work, found her by her desk looking like nothing had happened at all. At least that's what she looked like to the rest of the world. But he knew, he could see through her. She wasn't looking at him, burying herself in the files on her desk so she didn't have to even acknowledge that he was there. Walking up to his desk, he heard his boss walking out of his office, "Listen up everyone."

He sighed and stopped, his hand resting on his desk. He could see her out of the corner of her eye, her body was stiff. He cleared his throat, looked over at her but her eyes drifted away, unable to look at him. He let out a shaky breath and then looked back at Cragen, "I know none of you want to hear this, but you are all expected to be at the fundraiser tonight." A collective groan ripped through the room, "I don't want to hear any excuses. You've known about it for weeks. And my boss expects you all to be there. This is the one time a year when it doesn't help being the old ringers. Only the newbies get to stay at work tonight."

"Man this bites." Fin said with a sigh, "I gotta spend my night in a monkey suit bidding on things I can't afford and don't want."

"Oh you're just upset because you screwed things up with Cheryl and now your only option for a date is me." John said with a laugh.

"At least I had a date to begin with." Fin said with a sigh, "Every girl you asked turned you down."

"Yeah well…" John said tugging on his coat, "I've decided to save myself for marriage."

Olivia looked up at him, "John…you've been married four times. How could you be saving yourself for marriage?"

"It's an expression. Okay?" He glared at her, "Who are you going with? You've been quiet about it. If you don't have a date…I'd be happy to escort you since tough guy over here thinks he's too good for me."

Olivia smiled, but her heart was racing because she felt Elliot's eyes on her, waiting, wondering, "Oh…I…"

But before she could say anything else, a woman walked in. A petite blonde woman that she'd seen before but couldn't quite place. Elliot didn't notice her until the woman spoke his name, in a soft, sultry kind of way that sent a prickle of jealousy and anger right up Olivia's spine. She tried to tamper it down though because Elliot wasn't hers. She couldn't be jealous. This had all just been sex, a chance for him to learn something before he started dating again.

Elliot turned to look at her, his face flushing when he saw her, "Kacie…"

She smiled and leaned against his chair, "I see your boss is giving you the old everyone has to go lecture tonight too. I just heard it from my Captain too…"

Elliot's head was spinning. He'd forgotten all about the stupid fundraiser tonight. He'd been so wrapped up in everything with Olivia that it was the last thing on his mind. When he'd initially heard about it, he'd thought about the two of them going together. Maybe by then he thought she'd be ready for this. He could feel her, behind him, her body stiff and unreadable. Clearing his throat he nodded, "Uh…yeah. Honestly, I forgot all about it."

"Well then that works out in my favor." She said with a smile leaning in towards him, her cleavage on full display, "Because I decided not to wait for you to call me. So I'm here…to ask you if you'll go with me tonight?"

It felt like time stopped, like everyone was watching them, wondering what was going on. How this would play out. But all he cared about, was the person behind him, his partner, what was her opinion on this. What was she feeling? Did she care? Would she care if he went out with this woman? Would this be the tipping point? The moment that made her finally face her feelings head on? Or was he that blinded, did she really not care at all?

Standing up a little straighter, he glanced over at Olivia who was still completely still as a stone, "Uh…"

Kacie turned to Olivia, "Olivia, hi. So good to see you again. Kacie Lambert from the Housing Bureau."

Then she remembered, this woman had all but thrown herself at Elliot during that case, "Oh. Right. The…the Wilson family case. Yeah. Hi. Nice to see you again."

Looking back at Elliot, Kacie smiled, "Olivia, he'll listen to you. Tell your partner he needs to get back out there…start dating again. And he should start by taking me to the NYPD Fundraiser tonight."

Olivia's heart was hammering in her chest and she felt Elliot staring at her, felt everyone staring at her, "I think it's a great idea." She saw Elliot's face fall slightly, "Elliot, don't be shy. Say yes."

Turning slowly, he looked right at her, a look of shock on his face, "Olivia…"

Shaking her head, she smiled, "Say yes Elliot." She stood up and grabbed her phone and keys, "I'm gonna go on a coffee run. Everyone want their usuals?"

"Uh…sure." Fin mumbled, eyes watching the two of them, "Thanks."

John's eyes were wide as he tried to keep up, "Yeah. Great. Tall black coffee. Thanks."

"Good. Great." She gathered her stuff, still not looking at them as , "Elliot…I know your order. Kacie-"

"I probably won't be here when you get back. But hopefully I'll see you tonight." Kacie called out to her.

"Okay. Yes. Good." She turned and started to walk towards the elevator, reaching for her wallet.

Elliot's head was spinning, he lifted his hand and pointed down the hallway, "I'll…I'll be right back."

Kacie sighed but then plopped herself in Elliot's seat, "I'll be here!"

Elliot huffed and ran after Olivia, his hand reaching out for her arm, "Olivia what-"

"Did you want something else?" She asked looking up at him, his mouth opened and she clarified her question, her voice cracking, "Coffee wise…did you want something different today?"

"I-coffee? What?" He pinched the bridge of his nose, planted his feet firmly on the ground in front of her, "I don't give a shit about coffee."

Her hands were shaking as she fidgeted in her wallet, reaching for her debit card, "Oh, what don't tell me I've persuaded you to try tea. Well if you want something I can-"

"Jesus Christ." He spat at her, "Olivia…this isn't about coffee or tea or-" He sighed and stood up straighter, hands on hips, "Do you really want me to go tonight with Kacie?"

Her heart was pounding and she wanted to scream no but instead, her words got jumbled and she nodded, lying to him straight to his face, "Of course!" He grimaced and she shrugged, "Elliot, this is exactly what we did all of this for. So you would be ready to…to date someone. So that you could-"

He shook his head slowly, "Olivia…come on…I-"

"Kacie seems nice. And she's clearly interested. I think this is a great opportunity for you." And then her fingers fell on something, a card, the very card that someone had given her weeks ago when they asked her out, so she lied again, "And…and I'm going with Derek so-"

He stepped back slowly, feeling like someone had punched him in the gut, "Derek? Who the hell is Derek?"

"Just…just someone I know. He works with Casey." She said quickly and then grimaced, "Novak. Casey Novak. Not…not your Kacie."

"She's not my…" His lips set in a firm line and he sighed, "Olivia…"

"We'll have to come up with nicknames for them around here or it will get confusing." She said laughing nervously, sweat pooling at the back of her neck, "Okay, I'm gonna go get that coffee…you go back in and settle your plans with Kacie. And…I'll be back in a bit."

He sighed and watched her step back towards the elevator, "Olivia…"

"This will be fun! You'll see!" She said trying to convince herself more than him, "Derek's great. You'll like him. I…I like him."

I like him.

Her words ripped through him and he frowned, "Derek…"

Pressing a hand into her belly she nodded, "Regular, two sugars and skim milk. Right?"

The elevator doors started closing, but he didn't blink, "Right."

"See? I know you." She said and then the doors shut completely.

He sighed and ran his fingers along his jaw, "Apparently not well enough…"

He stood there for a few moments, trying to catch his breath, trying to make sense of any of this. He knew she cared, he felt it. But he also knew that she was afraid, terrified of what this was because she'd been told time and time again that she wasn't good enough. She'd been told and led to believe that she would never be loved, that she wasn't worthy, that she was just another pretty face that people would never take seriously. Those walls were always there, he'd known that. But they were thicker and sturdier than he ever could have imagined. Frustration rose in his chest and he turned, walked back into the squad room and found Kacie spinning in his chair and he was already annoyed, "Oh! You're back!"

Elliot's eyes lifted to Fin and John's who were watching the scene carefully, trying to make sense of it, "Uh…Kacie…" She turned to face him and smiled, and the words slipped from him mouth before he could stop himself, "I'll pick you up at 6:30?"

Kacie's face split into a large grin and she stood up, barely coming up to his shoulder, "Which do you prefer, blue or pink?" He just stared at her and she shrugged, "For my dress…" Leaning in she smiled, "Maybe I'll pick the other one for what I wear underneath…if I wear anything at all that is."

John started choking on his water and Fin slapped him hard on the back as Elliot and Kacie looked over at him, "He's getting old. Body doesn't work the way it used tod…"

Kacie frowned and turned to look at Elliot again, "So…pink or blue?"

He sighed, not giving a shit in the slightest but knowing she wouldn't leave without an answer, "Blue."

Sighing, she reached out and ran her fingers up and down his arm, "Perfect. Just like your eyes." Her fingers squeezed his bicep, "See you later Detective."

As she walked away, Elliot looked over at his two coworkers and friends, "What are you two looking at?"

"Nothin." Fin said with a shake of his head, and Elliot turned to walk away.

John took a deep breath and whispered in a hoarse voice, "Well…this evening just got a whole lot more interesting didn't it?"

Fin laughed low in his throat, "Oh yeah…a hell of a lot more interesting."

John looked over at him, "So how long have they been…"

Fin frowned, "I'm gonna go with for awhile…and we're both just to stupid to realize it."

"Some Detectives we are." John said with a sigh as he stood up, "If I were Captain I'd fire us both."

"Lucky for us you aren't Captain." Cragen said walking in, "What did I miss?"

Fin and John looked at each other and grimaced, "Uh…"

Cragen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, "I'm gonna have to call my sponsor for this aren't I?"


By the tie Olivia was standing in her apartment getting dressed, she wasn't quite sure how she got here. She'd paced outside the coffee shop for ten minutes before plucking up the courage to call Derek. What if he wasn't even available? What if he was going with someone else? When he'd answered, she'd felt nauseous but he was sweet and they talked and then she'd just blurted it out. He'd barely let her finish before he said yes and that he was hoping she would call him.

And then she'd spent most of the day doing everything she could to avoid Elliot at work and he in turn was avoiding her. They'd barely said two words to each other the entire day in fact. But she gathered from Fin and John that he was going with Kacie and Cragen looked annoyed and she felt like she was going to be sick all day. But still, here she stood in front of her mirror, fixing her makeup, curling her hair just so. A knock on the door pulled her from her thoughts, but she knew it was Casey not Derek. She had insisted on meeting him there, and she didn't know why. Well of course she did, but she wouldn't admit why, couldn't admit why.

Walking barefoot towards the door, she pulled the zipper up on the front of her dress and yanked open the door, "Hi. Two minutes."

"Jesus." Casey said walking in, "Give the rest of us a chance..."

Olivia huffed and turned, walking back towards her room, "You look great Casey."

"You just had that tight little black number ready to go?" Casey teased following her into her room.

Olivia sighed, "Honestly I bought it forever ago but hadn't worn it. And I forgot all about thist stupid thing so I just grabbed it." Sliding her hands over her hips she frowned, "Why is it bad?"

"Is it bad?" Casey laughed and leaned against the dresser, "You're going to give Stabler a fucking stroke when you walk in looking like that."

Olivia's heart dropped and she turned, "I'm not going."

Casey rolled her eyes and stood up, walking toward her, she grabbed her hand, "Oh yes you are. Derek was talking about this all day. If you don't show up he's gonna jump off the roof I swear."

Olivia sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "Derek's a nice guy."

Casey smiled, "He's a great guy. Smart. Kind. Funny. The picture of perfection in any woman's eyes. The kind of guy you write home about."

Olivia laughed and looked for her heels, sitting down on the edge of her bed she huffed, "I have no one to write home to Casey…"

"Okay so he's the guy you can brag to your friends about like me." Casey said checking herself in the mirror, "Like Elliot…"

Olivia dropped her heel to the ground, it clattered to the floor and she sighed, "Why do you keep saying Elliot's name?"

"Because everytime I say his name you cringe or start to shake." Casey said with a smirk.

Olivia stood up quickly, "That's not tr-"

"Elliot." She said quickly and sure enough Olivia grimaced, "See!" Olivia groaned and walked towards the bathroom, "Are you still going to tell me that nothing is going on with you and-" Olivia shot her a look and Casey smiled, "You and him?"

Applying her lipstick, she walked out and shook her head, "Nothing is going on. Nothing was going on nothing will ever go on."

"Well good." She said with a nod as she watched Olivia's hands shake, "Because this Kacie chick has her sights set on him hook line and sinker. And she's not going to give up until she gets him." She watched her friend, her hands shaking as she reached for her purse, "But I gotta say, I think that her having the same name as me is stupid. If anyone named Casey should get to sleep with him…it should be me."

Olivia's head snapped up and her mouth fell open, "Why? You like him? You're interested in Elliot? You want to sleep with him?"

Casey couldn't help but laugh at the panic that flashed over Olivia's face, "Down girl…"

Olivia stepped back and shook her head, "If you like him…then go-go for it. He's single. He's a free man. He can date whoever he wants."

Picking up her purse again she walked towards the door as Casey said, "Yeah. He can, but he wants to date you."

She stumbled forward slightly, her hands reaching out for the wall, "You don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yeah. I do." Casey said walking over to her, "And I think you know I'm right."

Swallowing hard, Olivia pulled at the tight dress and nodded, "Come on. We're going to be late."

Casey sighed and started to follow her, "Oh…this is going to be a long night."


Stepping out of the cab, Olivia looked around waiting to lay eyes on Elliot and Kacie. But he must have been inside already or on his way with her. Taking a breath, she spotted Derek and Casey's date Josh and pressed a hand into her stomach. This is a good thing. You can go back to being friends now. Just as it always was meant to be. Friends. Nothing more.

Walking towards the men, Derek turned and smiled at her, "Olivia…you look incredible."

She licked her lips and nodded, "Thank you. You look great too."

Casey looked at her friend, trying to give her one last out, "We'll meet you inside?"

Olivia nodded, "Yeah…we'll be right in."

Josh held the door open for Casey and they stepped inside, leaving the two of them alone on the sidewalk. Olivia looked at him, and he was looking at her. He was smiling, and from what she knew about him, he was a good guy. He should be someone she was attracted to, someone who could potentially make her happy. But, looking a thim, she felt nothing.

"I was so glad when you called." He said with a sigh, "It was a very pleasant surprise…I thought you were seeing someone though."

Olivia's heart clenched in her chest and she swallowed hard, "Oh…well…it didn't work out. It wasn't…we weren't…" Looking up, she put on that smile, the smile that she always used to fool everyone with, "It just didn't work out."

Derek smiled sadly, "Well, I pity the poor guy. Although…" Holding his arm out for her he gestured towards the building, "I'd say it worked out in my favor. You ready?"

Slowly, she slipped her arm through his and nodded, "Ready."

But she'd never been less ready for anything in all her life…


Elliot was already inside, set up at the table with Fin, John and of course his date Kacie. She had on a very bright blue dress, one that was too tight. So tight he was pretty sure her boobs were about to pop out everytime she moved. Currently she was hanging on him, her arm draped over his shoulder as she talked a mile a minute about something. She'd been talking for nearly twenty minutes but he couldn't have told you what the hell any of it was about.

His eyes darted over towards the four empty seats at the table. His eyes fell on a white name tag that read "Detective Olivia Benson and date". He gritted his teeth at that. And date. Derek. Who the fuck was this Derek guy and how did she know him? His head was spinning and John leaned over, "Hey…you want a drink?"

Elliot shook his head, "No…I'm good."

Fin looked to the left and spotted Olivia walking in, "You sure about that?"

Elliot's heart jumped in his chest and somehow he knew she was here. His eyes moved to the left and there she was, walking arm in arm with Derek. His body stiffened, his cock twitched. She looked good. Damn good. Her dress was tight, but not in the way that Kacie's made her look desperate. It clung to Olivia's curves in all the right ways. And now he knew what was underneath all that material. The bottom of the dress fell at her knees, her tan legs looked so smooth and how had they just been wrapped around him last night? Her bare arms, cleavage, all of it, all of her was taunting him and he knew he was never going to survive this.

As his eyes lifted to her face, her makeup was just right, her hair placed perfectly. She was so beautiful, and she had no idea how much power she held over him, or over this whole room. He knew others were watching, but they didn't see her the way he did. Because he knew that smile on her face wasn't genuine. He knew that there was a light missing in her brown eyes, a light he only saw when she was with him. And it wasn't because he was trying to be narcissistic, it was because he knew that they brought the best out in each other. And yes, yes sometimes they brought out the worst but it was only because they loved each other so fucking much. So why the hell wouldn't she admit it?

John went to move away and Elliot's hand reached out to grab his arm without taking his eyes off of his partner, "Scotch. On the rocks. Maybe two."

John looked over at Fin nervously, and he just shrugged. Kacie smiled and leaned into him, "Oh…someone's ready to play tonight."

Olivia spotted him then, the two of them and he saw her inhale sharply. Casey walked up to the table first and sat down, "You okay Stabler?"

John handed him his drink and Elliot tipped it back, drowning the first glass quickly without even flintching, "Fan-fucking-tastic."

Josh pulled the chair out for Casey and she sat down slowly, "Right…"

Stepping all the way up to the table, Olivia took a deep breath, "Hi guys." All eyes turned to them, "This is Derek Winters. He works with Casey…" She grimaced and then looked at her friend, "Casey Novak that is."

Everyone just stared and Kacie leaned out, holding her hand out for him to shake, her breasts dangerously close to Elliot's face. It made Olivia's stomach roll yet she noticed he wasn't paying attention, he was watching Olivia instead, "Nice to meet you Derek! I'm Kacie. Kacie Lambert. I spell it K-A-C-I-E."

Derek looked at Olivia and saw her cheeks redden and then he turned back, shaking her hand slowly, "Oh. Well it's nice to meet you Kacie with a K."

"Sit. Sit." She gestured towards the chair, "You get to be the other half of the Benson/Stabler partnership date night."

Fin snickered and Derek helped Olivia into her seat, "Uh yeah…hi Elliot. Nice to see you again."

Derek Winters. He knew him, he'd played against him in their softball league. For all intents and purposes, he was a good guy. Straight laced. Never married though. Helped raise his niece and nephew as he'd told him when Elliot's kids showed up at a game. Ivy League, lawyer, good looking. And quite frankly, Elliot hated him.

Olivia's eyes were wide, "Oh…you two know each other?"

Elliot leaned forward, reaching across Olivia who was seated beside him, their dates on either side of them. His arm brushed across Olivia's and he heard her hold her breath, "Hi Derek. Yeah." The two men shook hands and he pulled back, looking directly at Olivia, "Played together…or against each other in that softball league. The one Casey and I always tried to drag you too."

Olivia nodded slowly, "Oh…"

"I heard sign ups are starting soon." Derek said, his arm moving to wrap around the back of Olivia's chair, "You going to play again?"

Elliot reached for his second scotch, he drank half of it, "Yup." He cracked an ice cube with his teeth and Olivia jumped slightly, "You?"

Derek nodded, "Yeah." He turned to Olivia and nudged her shoulder, "Maybe I'll be able to drag her down to one of those games. Although…I wonder who she'd cheer for. You or me?"

Olivia had reached for her water glass and she started to choke, "Yeah Liv, who would you cheer for? Derek or me?" Elliot asked, looking right at her.

She cleared her throat and placed the glass down, looking between them, "Oh…well-"

"Oh we could both go!" Kacie said quickly, "I'll cheer on Elliot…" Her fingers slid up and down his chest and Olivia's blood boiled, "And you can cheer on Derek! That way everyone wins!"

"That's not how it works." Elliot said, still looking at Olivia, "There always has to be a winner. One winner. In baseball there are no ties."

She was sweating and she hadn't had a single drink, "What's everyone drinking? I feel like I need some wine."

"I can get it for you." Derek said quickly, standing up, "What do you li-"

Before she could respond, someone else did, "Cabernet Sauvignon."

Everyone looked back at Elliot again and Derek looked down at Olivia, "Olivia?"

She licked her lips and nodded slowly, "Y-yeah. Cabernet please…"

Derek's hand dropped to her shoulder and trailed along her back and Elliot's hands clenched at his sides. "Be right back."

As he walked away, Fin, John and Casey were mesmerized by the scene in front of them. Josh cleared his throat and leaned in between Casey and John, "Did I miss something?" He whispered softly.

"Yeah…" John muttered with a laugh, "Eight years of something…"

Casey reached over and took Fin's drink, "We're in so much trouble…"

"Yup." Fin said with a sigh, "Someone's not making it out of here alive tonight…"

John frowned and looked at Elliot, "Hey Stabler?" Elliot didn't look away from Olivia who was still staring at him, as Kacie continued to throw herself at him. Elliot grunted, the only acknowledgement that John was going to get, "You're uh…you're not armed tonight are you?"

Elliot lifted the glass, downing the rest of the second drink, "Not with my gun no. Why?"

"Just wondering…" John whispered as he leaned back in his chair before whispering to Casey and Fin, "He doesn't have his gun…yet I still don't feel like we're in the clear here."

"Please." Fin said with a grunt, "He could break that pretty boy in all of ten seconds. A blood bath."

Josh looked at Casey, "So all those rumors about the two of them…"

Casey squeezed his hand, "Keep up honey, yeah, they're in love. They're just to stupid to do anything about it."

Josh reached for his own drink, "God help us all…"

Derek sat down beside Olivia again and held out her wine glass for her, she jumped slightly, "Here you go Liv."

Elliot's fingers tensed around the empty glass in his hand when he heard that. Liv. Fin took his drink back from Casey and looked at Josh, "You better start praying buddy…"


Two hours later, things were getting more and more tense by the second. Derek was starting to catch on, but Kacie either didn't know or didn't care. She was practically sitting in his lap and Olivia couldn't look at him. She'd barely been able to touch her wine, only a sip here or there. She couldn't eat either, she felt more and more nauseous by the second as she watched Kacie hanging all over her partner. But Elliot was now on his fourth scotch and picking at the food in front of him, his eyes glassy and unfocussed. He wasn't paying much attention to the woman beside him but he had something to say every time Derek tried to speak.

Derek was beginning to feel uncomfortable, and as they finished their meals he pushed his plate towards the middle of the table, "Hey Olivia, would you like to dance? The auction will be starting soon and-"

"Yes." She said quickly, wanting to put as much space between herself, Elliot and Kacie as possible.

Kacie leaned into Elliot, "Can we-"

"No." Elliot said, stabbing his fork into a piece of meat on his plate, "I don't dance."

Derek held his hand out for her and she took it, but Elliot could see that she was shaking. Kacie sighed and leaned further into him, "That's a shame. I bet you'd look real good out there."

"Not gonna happen. Sorry." He said with a huff as Olivia walked further away from him.

Josh looked at Casey, "Well…do you want to dance?"

Casey nodded, "I'd love to." She shot Fin and John a look and mouthed, "Cut him off"

Elliot turned his chair, his back to Kacie now as he watched Olivia slow dancing with Derek in the middle of the room. Dancing wasn't his favorite, that was true. But if Olivia had wanted to dance, he'd have done it in a heartbeat. To be the man wrapped in her arms for everyone to see, he'd give anything to have that chance. But it wasn't him. It was Derek that was swaying her back and forth, his body pressed against herse. It was his shoulder that her hand and chin rested on as he told her some story. But it was Elliot that she was watching and he knew it, their eyes were locked and he wanted to scream. Her eyes said everything, told him that she loved him, but that she was absolutely fucking terrified of it.

As Kacie wrapped her arm around him again, she leaned in and whispered, "Hey do you think-"

"I need some air." Pushing himself up out of the chair, he stumbled slightly to the balcony, gasping for breath.

Unfortunately for him, his date wasn't taking no for an answer. He pulled at his tie, feeling like it was suffocating him as he paced along the small space. He gasped for air, trying to keep things from spinning, "This was smart…now we can be alone-"

Her hands snaked up around him and he whipped around, "Jesus Christ…stop it."

She frowned and stepped back, "What?"

He leaned against the balcony, "I don't…I'm not fucking interested Kacie. I'm sorry but I'm not."

Taking a breath, she moved up beside him, "You aren't giving me a chance."

He groaned and pressed his fingers against his forehead, "I can't…I can't do this."

"Come on." She said sliding in closer to him and he didn't move away, "Look, I know that it's hard after a divorce…you were with your wife for a long time."

"Don't…don't talk about my wife." He laughed and shook his head looking through the glass door, "My ex-wife. This has absolutely nothing to do with her."

Kacie glanced behind her, following his gaze, and of course she saw Olivia who Derek was now spinning on the floor, "Oh. But it's about your work wife."

He turned and pointed at her, "You don't know a damn thing-"

"How long have you been in love with her?" She asked, her voice dropping low, trying not to sound jealous but she was, very jealous.

And jealousy made people do terrible things.

He laughed sadly, and the scotch began to do the talking, "Eight year. Eight fucking years. And I thought…I thought in the last few months while we…"

Alcohol made people spill their truth and she knew it, and she wanted to use, "While you were what…" He was breathing hard and she smiled coyly, "Fucking?"

"She said…it was just to help me so that I would be ready to date but it was more. God it was more than that and she knows it!" He yelled into the dark night, "She has to know!"

Leaning back she sighed, trying to keep up, "Okay so…you have been sleeping together and it was just…what a game?"

"No it wasn't a game." He growled, "It was…we were…I don't know what it was!" He started to pace again, "But it was intoxicating and exciting, freeing and magnetic and I haven't ever felt anything like that in my life."

"Well she's a beautiful woman." She said with an annoyed eye roll, "I'm sure the sex was great. But that doesn't mean you love her. You can have great sex with anyone. You could have great sex with me for example."

"No." He said looking over at her, "I can't. Because I don't want to." He frowrned and liftetd his hands, "I want to have great sex, amazing sex and I want it with her. Because it isn't just sex. It's so much more, but all of the other things, that's what makes it so good. And I can't…I can't stand here and watch her with…"

Kacie's eyes turned towards Olivia again and she saw her leaning in, saying something to Derek and she knew exactly where she was going. And something else occurred to her. A new idea on how to make sure Olivia wasn't a threat anymore. She turned to Elliot and smiled, "Look…why don't you stay out here. Breathe a little. I'm gonna run to the bathroom…I'll bring you some water in a minute. You need to cool down."

He turned away from her, leaning his elbows against the balcony and he leaned forward, taking deep steadying breaths, "Yeah…"

And then she turned, walked to the door, straight across the room and up the four stairs towards the bathrooms. As she walked in, she saw Olivia leaning against the sink, fixing her makeup. Olivia caught her reflection in the mirror, and her cheeks flushed. It was almost too easy, she thought. Walking towards her, she smiled, "Man…that partner of yours is something else."

Olivia held her breath, she'd wondered where they'd run off too. One minute he was watching her dance and the next as she spun around again he was gone and so was Kacie. Her hand shook as she lowered her lipstick, "Oh…yeah…he's-"

"A hell of a kisser." Kacie said, fanning herself as if she had been out on the balcony making out with him. Olivia's whole body tensed and she knew she had her right where she wanted her, "Must be all that practice…"

Olivia's heart started pounding harder, her fingers dug into the sink's edge, "Excuse me?"

Leaning forward, she applied a new layer of lipstick herself and sighed, "Oh he told me all about your little arraignment." She could hear Olivia breathing hard, "Your sex agreement…all the things you did together."

The room started spinning and that nausea came back, ten times stronger, "What are you-"

"And you know…" Turning towards her, she dropped her lipstick down and shrugged, "I feel sorry for you. I'd be so embarrassed…"

All those years of fear, of insecurities, of worrying what others thought of her began to start erupting out of her, "Kacie-"

"Because you didn't know." She said with a small pout, "You didn't know…all this time you thought it was something more. That maybe he cared about you. But in reality…he's been sleeping with other women since he walked out of that marriage." Olivia's heart was pounding harder as she spoke, "His poor partner…what was her name? The one that replaced you while you were gone? She got caught up in that web too…"

"Dani…" Olivia whispered her name, "D-Dani Beck."

"Dani. Yes." She said, turning to fix her eye makeup, "I heard they got caught…and that's why she got shipped back to her old Unit." Glancing at her through the mirror she shrugged, "You know because you're not supposed to sleep with your partner."

Olivia's hands trembled as she reached for her purse, "I…I need to go."

Kacie turned to look at her, leaning back against the counter, "Thank you by the way."

Olivia stumbled, catching herself on the wall as she turned to look at her, "What?"

"Thank you." Kacie said with a shrug, "For showing him the ropes so to speak. I bet he'll be an animal in bed now that he's been with you. I can't wait to find out for myself. Hopefully tonight."

Grasping the door handle, she yanked the door open and walked back out into the main room. She glanced around but she didn't see Elliot. He must be waiting on the balcony for Kacie to return she thought. Her head was spinning, she'd barely touched her dinner and the little wine she had drunk had gone straight to her head. She felt disoriented, the room seemed to be getting smaller, spinning as she walked. She felt like people were looking at her, and maybe they were. Maybe they all knew that she'd fallen into bed with her partner just like everyone had always assumed. Maybe she was no better than their opinions. Stumbling towards the table, Fin and John both stood up quickly, "Hey…Liv. You okay?"

Pressing a hand to the back of her neck she shook her head, "I'm…I'm not feeling the greatest. I think-think I'm gonna go."

John held onto her arm, "Liv…what's going on-"

"I have to go." She said quickly, she heard the door open beside her from the balcony and he knew she was coming but she couldn't face him, "I have to go."

Yanking her arm from John's grasp she took a deep breath, told herself to pull it together until she got out of here and then walked straight towards the main exit. Elliot came up to the table and watched her go, "Where's she going?"

"I don't know." Fin said quickly, "But I don't think she should be alone right now…"

Elliot reached for his glass of water, downing it before he saw Kacie coming towards him, "Fuck this."

He moved quickly and John and Fin side stepped, making sure to trap Kacie, "Where's he going-"

"Needs to call and check on his kids." John said quickly, "He'll be back. Told us to keep you entertained until he returns. So…I know he didn't want to dance but I'm happy to take you for a spin."

Fin pushed them towards the dance floor, "Great idea!"

Casey walked up behind FIn, "What's going on?"

"We need to find Derek." Fin said looking at her, "And fast."

Casey didn't need to be told twice, "On it."


Outside, Elliot burst through the doors, his eyes scanning the sidewalk for Olivia. He didn't see her at first, but then he spotted her, her whole body shaking as she tried to hail a cab. As he walked, the fresh air and his adrenaline began to sober him up quickly, "Olivia!"

She turned towards him, and her eyes were wide, he saw tears streaming down her face. She turned back away from him, trying to wipe them away but he'd seen them. Running towards her, he reached for her arm, "Olivia, where the hell are you going?"

"Don't touch me." She said, yanking her arm from him, shivering, she'd run out so quickly she had forgotten to grab her coat in the closet, "Don't you dare touch me."

Putting his hands up he sighed and stepped back, "Okay. Okay. Not touching." He sighed and bent his legs, trying to look at her, "Look, I know I've been kind of a dick tonight but it's just-"

"How could you tell her?" She yelled back at him, "How could you tell her about what we did?"

His mouth hung open and he was confused, the last hour was a bit of a blur, "What? What are you talking about?"

Her whole body shook as she spoke, "Kacie! You told her about…about…what we did…how we…" She gestured between them, "How we…"

And then he began to remember, "Oh. Oh no…no Olivia I-"

"And the whole fucking time you were sleeping with other women!" She screamed.

He felt like he'd been slapped even though she hadn't touched him, "What?"

"You have been sleeping with other women since you separated from Kathy." She sniffled, "You made me think that you hadn't been with anyone else. But you have…and you slept with Dani."

The scotch still coursing through his body, made it hard for him to process what she was saying quick enough, "Olivia I never-"

"This was all a game to you." She spoke softly, "This whole thing…it was a game to get me into your bed. To say you bagged your partner after all these years of rumors floating around."

He stepped forward, "I don't know what you…or who-"

"And I'm the idiot that fell for it." She said with a loud angry laugh, "I went along with all of it because I'm stupid. And I'm a slut just like everyone else thinks. I'm everything they say-"

"You are not-" He was shaking now, "Olivia you are not a slut. I never…this wasn't a game I just…I wanted…but I didn't know how to tell you. I thought that…" He grimaced, "I never fucking slept with Dani."

"Why should I believe you?" She screamed, "Why the hell should I believe you! I'm just…I've always just been…a body…not someone who could be…who a man would…"

"Liv, please." He whispered walking towards her, "Please, I need you to listen to me. Whatever you heard…" And then it clicked, "Whatever Kacie told you…it isn't true." He tried to reach for her but she pulled her hand away, "You know me Olivia. Jesus…You know me."

"I don't think I know you at all." She whispered as the door opened beside them, "I don't know if I ever did…"

Elliot's heart was pounding as Derek walked up beside them, "Hey, there you are. Someone said you didn't look well. I've been looking everywhere for you. Are you okay?"

Licking her lips she stood up a little straighter, "Yes. Sorry…it was just getting a little crowded in there."

Elliot was watching her, his heart pounding as Derek spoke, "Okay. Well why don't I take you home then."

He stopped breathing for a moment and he knew that she knew he would just show up at her apartment. So what she said next wasn't shocking. "No. Let's go back to your place instead."

Derek frowned and looked at Elliot who looked like he was going to be sick, "Oh. Uh…sure. Yeah. Okay." A cab pulled up beside them and he walked over to talk to the cab driver, "Goodnight Elliot."

Olivia turned, reached for the door handle and he spoke, "Olivia, don't do this. Don't get in that cab…"

She closed her eyes tight, pressed a hand into her belly and turned to look at him, "Rule number one Elliot…don't fall in love with your partner." He took a step towards her and a single tear fell down her cheek, she wiped it away, "Goodnight."

She climbed in and Derek looked at him, "Liv…" Elliot said even after the door closed "Olivia, get out of the cab."

Derek nervously pulled at his suit jacket, "Uh…it was good to see you again Elliot. Guess I'll see you around?"

His blood was boiling and he turned without saying a single thing. Dragging her out of the car was going to be no good at this point. And he was pissed, really pissed and that anger was going to be taken out on someone else for putting such ridiculous thoughts in his head. He saw the cab driving away as he re-entered the building, rode up the elevator and walked back into the party. The organizers of the auction were gathered around the stage, clearly getting ready to start the event but he didn't care. His eyes fell on Kacie as she sat at the table, talking to Fin, John, Casey and Josh who all looked very nervous.

Kacie turned to look at him, "There you are! I ordered you another scotch. I was thinking-"

"What the hell did you say to her?" He asked, stomping towards her.

"Oh boy." Fin said standing up, "This can't be good."

Kacie stared up at him, straw between her teeth pressing her chest out, "What are you talking about?"

"What did you say to Olivia?" He said, never taking his eyes off of her, rage building in him, "You made her think-"

"I didn't tell her anything that wasn't true." She said with a sigh, "Everyone knows she gets around. She has quite a reputation."

"Excuse you?" Casey asked beside her, "That's my best friend you're talking about."

"Yeah well…your best friend is a slut." She said with a hiccup as the vodka and soda hit her hard.

Casey was about to speak but Elliot did it for her, "Don't you dare. Don't you fucking dare call her that. You don't know a damn thing about Olivia!"

People were watching now, and Cragen was walking towards them, "Elliot…" John whispered, "Maybe we should-"

"Whatever you told her…whatever you think." He growled, pushing his friends arm off of him, "You are wrong! All of the people in this room are wrong!"

"What the hell is going on?" Cragen asked as he walked up towards them, "Why are you shouting?"

Still he ignored his boss and everyone around them, "You think you know Olivia? You think you know who she is?"

"Of course I do." Kacie said lifting herself up off her chair, "She's the girl you've been in love with for eight years but you were married. And you couldn't do a damn thing about it. Or maybe you did. Maybe you two were fucking-"

"We never crossed any lines while I was married." He said sternly, "I never would have done that and neither would she."

"Oh, like she has any moral ground?" She asked, "Look at her! Everyone knows she dates around. Everyone's heard the stories about her…about her past. She only got where she was by sleeping her way to the top! I bet she'll screw Cragen next so that she can be Captain."

"Now wait a damn minute." Cragen said walking towards her, "How dare you-" But Elliot cut him off, anger rolling off him in waves.

"You don't know a fucking thing about Olivia. No one in this room knows her." He pressed his hand to his chest, his voice so loud it practically bounced off the walls, "No one but me. I know who she is. I know her heart. I know that she gets up every fucking morning no matter how dark it may seem out there, no matter how isolating it feels, or scared she is and she fights. She fucking fights for men, women and children so that they don't have to feel the pain she felt. That her Mother felt. And she will spend her entire life fighting."

Casey had tears in her eyes as she listened to him, John and Fin walked closer to him, "Elliot…"

"No one knows what she's seen. What she's endured or how she gets back up every fucking time someone knocks her down. No one knows how fucking strong she is. How incredible she is. How fierce and bold, smart." His hands were shaking and the whole room was watching, "Not one person here can say they know the real Olivia Benson other than me. And yes I have been in love with her for eight years that is the one thing you got right Kacie. The only thing you got right. And that's on me. But she didn't sleep her way to where she is. And she sure as hell doesn't have too because she is ten times better than every fucking cop in this room and deep down we all know it. No one, no one is as good, as pure and worth as much as Olivia Benson and if I have to spend the rest of my Goddamn life proving that to all of you, and to her…" He slammed his hand down on the table and Kacie jumped, "You bet your ass I will. Because I'd fucking die for her."

Turning he saw his boss. Cragen looked angry, mostly because of the public outburst in front of the majority of the NYPD. But under that, he saw something else. Something he could only describe as a look of pride and understanding. He took a breath and pulled at his coat, "You know they're gonna give you a rip for this…"

He shook his head, his heart pounding away in his chest, "I know. And I don't care. Let them take my badge for all I care. She's worth it."

Cragen nodded slowly, "A week…a week's suspension. And then…we'll have to sort out the rest of this mess. Could mean you being transferred but-"

"She's worth it." He repeated again, more calmly, "She's worth everything."

"Good." Cragen said with a slow smile, "Now that you've told every important member of the NYPD…why don't you go and tell her." Elliot moved and Cragen smiled, "And that…that's an order."

Elliot's heart slowed slightly and he smiled, "Copy that Cap."

And then he was gone. Casey walked up beside Cragen and John and Fin soon followed, "We putting bets on this?" John asked.

Cragen smiled and shook his head, "No. I think…I think they've finally got it right this time."

"Well good." Fin said with a sigh, "Because I put $500 bucks on tonight that he would profess his love." They all turned to him and he shrugged, "I just didn't think it would be on this grand of a scale…"

Another cop from their Unit came by and sighed, "You take a check Fin?"

Fin smirked and shrugged, "Drinks are on me kids. Let's enjoy the rest of the night…shall we?"

Casey put her hand up, "Hold on one second." She turned towards the other petite blonde, still looking like she'd been smacked in the face, "You…if I didn't want to lose my license I'd throw your ass through the window behind me."

Kacie stood up straighter, "Excuse me?"

"But I'm feeling oddly generous tonight. So if you walk out of here, promise to never speak to Elliot again or say a bad word about Olivia…I won't tell anyone that you have been sleeping with Ed Tucker for the last three years and got caught in the copy room at his office building." She said with a smirk.

Everyone around them started snickering, "You just did!"

"Whoops." Casey said with a smile, "Sorry about that…then I guess you'll just have to settle for not getting your ass kicked tonight."

"Screw you." Kacie said, grabbing her bag and storming off.

Casey laughed and yelled back, "Right back at ya! And by the way! The way you spell your name is ridiculous! There is only room for one Casey around here anyway!"

The men were laughing and she turned to look at Josh who was staring at her wide eyed, "That…was incredibly sexy."

Casey smiled and reached for him, "Man…I really like tonight."


Olivia was standing in Derek's apartment. The apartment he shared with his sister and her children. They had moved in a few months ago when their Father had abandoned them. He was helping raise them. But they were away and it was just the two of them. Derek was saying all the right things, not pressuring her, didn't seem to expect anything. He was talking to her, asking questions about her life but she kept diverting the conversation back to him. She didn't feel comfortable telling him about her life, about her past. She'd only ever felt comfortable telling one person her past…

Elliot.

Elliot knew her past. Knew about her Mother, who her Father was. He knew her fears. Maybe not all of them, but most of them. There were things she'd still kept hidden, too ashamed to share but somehow she knew he'd never make her feel less than if she did tell him. Somehow she knew he'd still be right beside her when and if that moment came where the walls crashed and all those feelings, all the fear really erupted from her.

Elliot.

He made her safe. Since the moment she'd walked into the precinct, she'd felt it. She'd been hell bent on proving herself. On showing everyone that she was strong, that she could face anything and she could. She knew she was good at her job. Knew she was capable of hard things. But she often wondered if she would have survived this long if it hadn't been for him. She felt safe in their partnership. She felt safe knowing that if she faltered, he'd be there to pick her up. That he'd back her up. That he'd lay his life on the line for her, just like she would do for him.

And then the tears came.

She was standing by the window, looking out at the city. The view was beautiful. But all she saw was Elliot. Their partnership. Their friendship. Everything that had happened in the last few months. It was so much more than sex and she knew it. All the things they'd done, she never would have done with anyone else and there was only one reason. Because she trusted him. She trusted him more than anyone in the world. And that was terrifying. But because she did…because she knew him just like he knew her…she knew all those things that Kacie had said were wrong.

Somehow she knew. Maybe she'd always known but it had been so overwhelming and she'd been looking for a reason to really run. And Kacie had walked right into the trap, suffocating her, twisting her thoughts, her darkest deepest fears and she'd gotten exactly what she wanted.

Elliot.

And there was no way that this time she hadn't pushed him too far. There was no way that he wasn't so angry that he'd gone home with Kacie and given up on Olivia completely. Lifting her hand, she wiped at her tears, trying to breathe, "Olivia?"

She was mortified and she cringed looking over at him, "Derek…I-"

He smiled softly and put his hand on her arm, "You love him…" She bit her lip and he shrugged, "He's the one you were seeing when I asked before…"

She whimpered softly, the lump growing in her throat, "I'm so sorry. You are a great guy and any girl would be lucky to be here with you…I'm just…I-"

"It's okay." He said softly, "You don't have to explain anything to me. You can't help who you fall in love with…no matter how hard you try."

And boy had she tried, she'd tried for eight damn years to pretend she didn't. But she did. She was madly, deeply in love with Elliot Stabler and she knew now there was nothing she could do to change it. "I...I need to go."

"I'll drive you." He said and she tensed, "Olivia, I'm not letting you get in a cab when you're this upset. Please let me drive you home…"

Taking a deep breath she nodded, knowing she wasn't in the right state of mind to get home on her own. Even if she was a cop, she was a mess and he was being kind. Somehow she knew he wouldn't try anything either. He clearly understood her boundaries. Why was it so easy to trust him and it wasn't to trust Elliot she thought?

Because trusting Elliot means putting your heart on the line and setting yourself up for potential heartache.

Too late she thought…she was way past heartache. "Yeah, o-okay."


Pulling up in front of her building, Olivia sighed and looked over at him, "Thank you Derek…I'm really sorry about all of this. Probably not the night you envisioned."

Derek shook his head, "No problem at all…" She went to get out of the car and he whispered, "Call him."

Olivia placed her hands in her lap and frowned, "He has to hate me…I'd hate me."

"No. He loves you." He said with a smile as he turned towards her, "I figured that out about ten seconds into our night when he was throwing daggers at me."

Olivia put her head in her hands, "What a fucking mess."

Reaching out he squeezed her arm, "Call him Olivia…"

Reaching for the door handle again she smiled, "Thank you. You're going to make some girl really happy someday Derek…it's just not meant to be me."

Stepping out of the car, her legs felt like jello. She was exhausted. She couldn't wait to kick off her heels, climb into the bath and cry her eyes out. Yes Derek had said to call him, but she didn't even know where to start. The entire way up the elevator all she could think about was all the repercussions. There was no way they could work together now, she wondered if there was a spot back in Computer Crimes again. She didn't hate it. It wasn't terrible. But then again, being in the same building as him may be too close. Maybe she needed to board a plane and go back to Oregon, ask Dana to set her up somewhere. She didn't think she could ever face him again.

Pushing herself off the wall she was looking down at the floor as she climbed out of the elevator. But as she got closer to her door, she noticed two legs sticking out on the ground. Her breath caught in her throat and her eyes lifted, and she saw him. Elliot Stabler, tie untied, top button unbuttoned, shirt rumbled, his face flushed, looking at her like he'd had his heart ripped out of his chest, "Elliot…"

His hands rubbed along the black material of his slacks and he whispered, "Did you sleep with him?"

Pressing a hand into her belly, she felt all the air being pulled from her lungs, "Elliot…"

"Just…" He looked up at her slowly and whispered, "I need to know. Did…did you sleep with him?"

His voice was low, sad, desperate, scared and she knew that he was just as terrified as she was, "No."

His heart stopped for a moment and slowly he pushed himself up off the ground, watching her carefully, "Why not?"

"I…" Her hands started to shake, and her knees felt weak as he approached her, "Elliot-"

"Why Olivia?" He moved in even closer, "Why didn't you sleep with him?"

Lifting her shoulder, her voice cracked as she spoke, tears streaming down her face. And for once, she was honest, really honest with him, "Because he wasn't you…"

And then he moved, his hands wrapping in her hair, pulling her flush against his body and crashing his lips against hers, "Thank God."

She pushed herself forward on her toes, her hands clinging to him as if she was afraid he was going to disappear, "Elliot…"

He held her firmly, kissing her hard, once, twice, three times, "I need you to listen to me." She tried to pull away but he shook his head, "Olivia, whatever Kacie said to you is total bullshit. It wasn't a game to me. I just…I didn't know how else to get through to you. And I didn't sleep with anyone…only you." He sighed and kissed her cheeks, her nose and then her lips, "I love you."

She gasped and pulled back, "El I-"

"And don't you dare give me the crap about your rules. Because I don't give a fuck about your damn rules." He growled, "I'm in love with you. Madly, deeply in love with you and I can't keep doing this. God Liv…tell me it wasn't just sex. Tell me it wasn't-"

"I love you too." She whispered, her fingers digging into his arms.

"And I know that you think that-" He paused and then looked down at her, "Wait…what?"

She laughed, wiping away her tears, "You heard me."

He shook his head slowly and started to laugh happily, "Yeah but I wanna hear it again."

Her cheeks flushed and she fidgeted nervously, "Elliot…"

He sighed and pressed another kiss to her lips, "Need me to say it again? Because I will…"

She melted against him again and she sighed, "I…"

"I love you." He said smiling as he kissed her, "I love you. And you-"

"I love you too." She said with a laugh sliding her hands down his waist, "But…I'm…we need…El it's a lot."

"I know." He said leaning back so he could look at her, "I know it is. But right now…I need you to let me in. Just…will you please let me in?"

He didn't just mean her apartment and they both knew it. He was asking for a chance, asking for her to let him all the way in. Allow him to see the parts of her that scared her the most. The parts that she didn't want anyone to see. She could walk away now. She could tell him to leave, pack up all her things and never look back. But she'd regret it for the rest of her life. Reaching into her purse, she pulled her keys out and walked towards the door, walking around him. She knew he was holding his breath, waiting for the downfall. Unlocking the door, she pushed it open and then turned back to look at him, a small smile on her face.

And then she held out her hand, "You coming?"

He let out a shaky breath, relieved and happy, happier than he'd ever been before. Slipping his hand into hers, their fingers interlocked and finally, finally, she let him in.

TBC