A/N - Last official chapter before the epilogue which I will post in a few days! Thanks for following this journey! Will be starting something new soon! Don't forget to drop a review!
As their week was coming to a close, they both felt the pressure of the real world beginning to close in on them. This little bubble that they had created, this place that felt safe and comfortable. When they got back to the city, a lot of changes would be happening. A lot of things would come to light, at work and in their personal lives. For both of them, it would be difficult, but he knew that change for her especially was going to be scary. But he believed that they were strong enough to withstand anything that came next. He just knew he needed to walk her through it as best he could just as she would do for him when he was struggling.
On their second to last night, he insisted on cooking a big fancy dinner for them. She had tried to help more than once but he refused to let her lift a finger. She was currently sitting up on the counter watching him as he moved around the kitchen with ease. He knew she was watching him and he smiled to himself, "I can hear you thinking."
Olivia laughed and leaned back against the cabinet behind her, lifting one of her legs, she pressed her foot into the counter and rested her chin on her knee, "Is that so?"
"I can always hear you thinking." He said with a laugh, "We worked together a long time…I got used to it."
She was quiet and he saw the flash of sadness on her face, just one of the elephants in the room. The day after they got back, they had a meeting with Cragen and they both knew he had news to share from IAB and the Chief. There was no doubt that they couldn't be partners anymore according to the rules. But, could they both stay at SVU? That was still up in the air. He'd made it very clear that if one of them had to leave, it would be him. And he was sticking to that. Didn't mean it wasn't going to be hard as hell to walk away though, not just from SVU as a whole, but being her partner and just being able to see her everyday at work.
Adjusting the temperature on the stove, he turned back to her and leaned against the counter, "You wanna talk about it?"
He heard her take a deep breath and she shrugged, "What's there to say El? We can't be partners anymore…"
"No. We can't." He said with a sigh as he reached his hand out to her.
He thought about that night in his apartment after a bad case, when she'd shown up at his apartment. He'd offered to make her food, but that was quickly forgotten. He'd reached for her, sensed a sadness in her but at that moment she wasn't ready. She'd let him touch her, had wanted him, but it felt different and he knew it. But he'd tried. And though it had backfired, it had eventually led them here. And in his eyes, that was worth it. She didn't hesitate this time though. She slipped her hand into his, wrapping her fingers tightly around his, "I didn't like working without you when I was in Oregon…"
Oregon. He nodded slowly and moved closer to her, "Wasn't a fan of it myself…" She was quiet and he knew what she was thinking. Reaching for her leg, he lowered and settled between her legs, "She wasn't you Liv…"
Her cheeks flushed and she looked at him, a nervous smile on her face, "I guess you can hear me thinking…" Sighing, her finger trailed up his arm and settled around his neck, "You didn't sleep with her…"
He shook his head, "No. I didn't sleep with her."
Chewing on her lip she whispered, "But…" He stood up a little straighter, "You…kissed her?"
He didn't feel the need to lie so he agreed, "I did. In a moment of weakness…"
"I can't be mad at you." She said with a sad smile, "Seeing as I made my own poor choices that were a lot worse than yours…"
He shook his head, "That's not what you're worried about…" She didn't move and he bent his knees slightly, trying to catch her eye, "Even if I have to leave…and even if I have a female partner…it won't change a thing for me Liv."
She swallowed hard, "We both know that when you work with someone in that capacity…you spend a lot of time together. I'll see you less now that we're in a relationship than we did when we worked together."
"It will be…hard. But we'll figure out how to navigate it, Liv. We'll make the most of the time we do have together." He nudged her gently, "I promise you…I'm gonna make time for us. For our family."
"And for your four children." She whispered, he shifted nervously and she shook her head, "El that's important to me. Very important. I don't ever want them to feel like they are excluded or that you are starting this new life without them. That's not fair."
His heart raced in his chest as he watched her and he sighed, "God you are a hell of a woman. Did you know that?"
She smiled and shoved his chest back, "Elliot…I'm being serious here. I mean we already discussed the wedding thing. I just…I don't want them to feel like this baby," She placed a protective hand over her belly, "Is taking their place…or that I'm trying to pull you away from them."
"I agree. And that means the world to me that you know and understand that." He rubbed the back of his neck and then moved towards the stove once more, "Which…is why I've been thinking about something else."
She watched him as he stirred the sauce on the stove, it was clear that his mind was swirling with a lot of ideas. Curious, she nudged him with her toe, "Thinking about what?"
He chewed on his lip nervously and shrugged before dipping a spoon in the pan and lifting it. He cooled it slightly, held his hand under it and held it out for her, "Try this."
She was confused at first, but leaned in and let him feed her. The flavors hit her mouth and she sat back in surprise, covering her lips with her fingers, "Wow. That's…that's really good El."
He smiled proudly, squeezed her knee and turned back to the pot, "You sound surprised."
She shrugged, "I don't know if I'd say surprised…I just didn't know you cooked all that much."
He shrugged, "I mean Kathy definitely did the majority of the cooking but that was more because I wasn't always home. But…" He started to chop some more vegetables off to the side before continuing, "But to be honest…cooking has always been calming to me. I felt like after a tough case some night I'd come home and cook. Even if it was late. Even if it was just for me…it got me to cool down. Focusing only that task ya know? Probably silly…"
She shook her head, "No…doesn't sound silly El. I know the need to forget it all. Can't say cooking did that for me…but whatever works for you is important. We need that outlet."
He nodded slowly and looked over at her, "So…what was your thing?"
She smiled, "Usually a long bath and a good book…" He still stared at her expecting something else and she laughed, "And if that didn't work…" She shrugged, "A few of my toys always did the trick."
Elliot snorted and added the vegetables to the pan, "Ah, yes. Your toys. A vibrator is a girl's best friend, right?"
She laughed and shook her head, "When you're single and or in a relationship with a guy who is bad in bed…yes."
"Or for phone sex." He said with a smirk as he moved to the other side of the kitchen.
Olivia laughed and rested her head against the cabinets behind her, "Man…you should have seen your face, heard your voice when you asked me that on the phone. And when I brought out the cock ring on my couch…you looked terrified."
He licked his lips thinking about that night and shrugged, "I will admit I was a little…unsure at first. But also…" He turned back to her, a dark look in his eye, "Excited about the idea of trying something new…"
She watched him as he turned things down to simmer and walked towards her, "You seemed to enjoy it…"
Resting his hands on her thighs, his fingers ran up and down and her legs parted and he moved closer, "Oh…I enjoyed it." Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to neck and her breath caught in her throat, "I enjoyed it a hell of a lot…but like I said." He nuzzled her closer and moved to kiss her cheek and then her lips, "I would have only done that with you."
Biting her lip, her fingers smoothed up his shirt and rested on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat under her cand, "And I mean it when I said I only would have tried that with you. A lot of things I only would have done with you El…to be honest most of them really."
He smiled and kissed her again, "Because you trust me more than anyone you've been with before?" She nodded slowly, her eyes showed she was being open and honest, he leaned in and kissed her again, "Because you love me? Even then…you loved me?"
Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she held him close, "El, I've loved you longer than I even begin to remember."
He sighed and slid his strong hands up and under her shirt, resting on her lower back, "It feels good to hear that."
"Feels good to admit it." She said with a smile as her legs hooked around his waist, "Very good."
His hands slid up higher, sending a jolt of electricity and heat up her back and through her entire body. His kisses became deeper, more passionate and she was melting into him once more. After the last few months, she didn't know why she was surprised but she was. He brought something out in her she didn't know existed. Made her feel things, made her want him all the time. She moaned into his mouth as one hand slid to the front of her body and he squeezed her breast roughly, "El…"
He growled and lowered his kisses, sucking on the pulse point just below her ear that he knew drove her crazy, "Yes?"
Her eyes felt heavy and she sighed, her mouth falling open, her lips already swollen from his kisses, "You're gonna burn something…"
He shook his head and she gasped as he lifted her up off the counter, "Nope. Everything needs to cook down for a while…it's on low. We have plenty of time."
She smiled and held onto him tighter, "Are we gonna have sex on poor Lou and Helen's kitchen counter?"
He laughed, "We've had sex in most places here babe…but no. Not there."
He carried her towards the living room and she assumed he was going to place her down on the couch but he didn't, "What are you doing?"
He shook his head and glanced behind her, "Pretty sunset."
She frowned and turned slowly to look out the large window leading outside, "Yeah…it is but what-"
He came up behind her, his hands resting on her hips, his fingers dipping just below the waistband of her leggings, "So watch it."
She was about to ask him again what he was planning on doing but her words died on her lips when she felt his hand glide lower, his fingers beginning to trace her bare pussy. She bit down hard on her lip and reached out, her hand pressing against the large glass window. "Elliot…"
He smiled, and nuzzled the side of her face, "So that same night as our little toy adventure…we had a different adventure. You remember it?"
She smiled lazily, leaning her back against him as he began to tease her gently, "Hm…refresh my memory. Doesn't ring a bell."
He laughed at her joke and bit down on her neck, "You are a piece of work Benson…"
"So I've heard." She sighed as his index finger rolled around her clit, her legs already feeling like jello, "If you're referring to me coaxing you into having phone sex…yes I remember."
Rocking his hips against her ass he pushed his finger against her, applying a bit more pressure and he felt her arousal building by the second, "You remember what you told me that night? What you said about something you found attractive about me?"
Her eyes fluttered closed for a minute and she sighed, "Your hands…your fingers."
He growled and tugged hard on her ear, "Uh huh…you said you wished it was my fingers inside of you. That I distracted you at work." Slowly, very slowly he eased his finger lower until he began to push against her entrance making her whimper, "Did you mean that? Or were you just playing a game with me?"
Her whimpering turned to a long moan and her legs spread wider for him, desperately needing more friction, "No…no El. It wasn't a game."
He smiled, satisfied by her answer, and he used his free hand to turn her face towards him, "It was never a game. That's right…what we have is real Liv." He leaned in, crushing his lips against hers, keeping eye contact as he thrust his finger harder, swallowing her cry out, "That's what makes the sex so much fucking better…"
He let go of her jaw slightly and she leaned forward, bracing both hands on the window, looking out at the pink and purple sky. The waves crashed against the shore, the winter wind picking up. Her hands were cold against the glass but the rest of her body was on fire as he fucked her with his fingers, "Elliot…"
He pulled his hand out of her and she groaned in frustration, he smiled, lifting his hand and pressing it to her lips as he tugged her leggings down with his free hand, "Yes?"
She pushed back against him and helped him, kicking off her leggings, "You're not playing fair…"
"I thought this wasn't a game?" He asked again, sliding his hand up under her sweater, he flicked her bra open and immediately circled her nipple.
She bit down hard on his finger, tasting herself on him and growing wetter by the second, "It isn't…but you're still not playing fair."
"I'm sorry baby." He whispered in her ear as his finger tugged gently on her nipple, "What can I do to make it up to you?"
She rolled her hips, grinding her ass into his erection and sighed, "Put your fingers back where they were and fuck me like I'm the only woman you want."
He pulled her closer, felt her breathing quicken and he smiled against her cheek, "You are the only woman I want."
Taking his hand, she slowly slid it down over her torso and back between her legs, right where she wanted him, "Wanna know something about that night?"
He swayed her gently, letting her guide his touches with her finger, "I already know that you were using a vibrator…what else could you possibly need to tell me?" He chuckled and then paused, he remembered she had left work early that night and he froze, "Liv did you have a date?"
She smiled and shook her head, he was tense and she turned in his arms. Wrapping her hand around his neck, she soothed him gently, "No…but I was asked out at the gym." His jaw clenched and she leaned up on her tiptoes, pressing kisses along his cheek, "And I told him no…because I was seeing someone."
He swallowed hard and his hands settled on her hips, rubbing the smooth skin with his fingers, "You said that?"
Walking her backwards, her back hit the glass window and she sighed, feeling the cold from outside beginning to seep into her bones. But she wanted him to hear her, "I was…surprised that I said it. Confused…" Biting her lip she traced his with her index finger, "And I went home…feeling upset. And scared. And I wanted you…so fucking badly but I was afraid to ask you to come over. But I needed you…"
Staring at her, his breath caught in his throat. She was so fucking beautiful that sometimes it hurt to look at her, "All you had to do was ask Liv…"
"I know." She whispered ducking her head slightly, her hands sliding down to his chest, "Or…I know that now. But at that point…I still wasn't sure. Or…I was too afraid to admit what it really was. So I called you and thought I could at least have you someway…" She smirked, "Only you showed up hours later…wasn't expecting that."
He smiled, his hands sliding down her sides, his index and middle finger settling against her pussy once more, teasing her gently, "And are you afraid now Liv?"
Her hands gripped his arms and her head rolled back slightly, "Terrified…" He stopped and she whispered, "Because if I lose you now…I'll never survive it."
"Well, then I guess it's a good thing you'll never lose me." He whispered as he leaned down to kiss her, "You and little baby Stabler are stuck with me forever now."
She gasped as his fingers pushed up again and she smirked at him, "Little baby Benson-Stabler."
He laughed and slowly began to turn her once more, pushing her hands up against the window again, "Right. Little baby Benson-Stabler."
Her head fell back against his shoulder and she laughed as he thrust his fingers harder and faster, "And here I was assuming the world would not see a 5th Stabler child…"
He smiled and snaked his other hand around her, circling her clit with his thumb, holding her up as her knees began to buckle, "Oh I knew there would be." He growled into her ear, "That night you told me you were afraid you were pregnant…I knew I'd have another baby." He pulled his hand all the way out, then thrust both fingers up hard, curling them finding her G-spot and she screamed out into the small little cottage, "I knew I'd get you pregnant someday Liv…"
She leaned forward, her forehead pressing against the glass and she cried out, "Looks like you got your wish Stabler…"
"Sure did." He rocked against her ass, his cock straining against the confines of his jeans and he smiled when she pushed back against him, "So you told that jerk you were seeing someone…because you wanted me. You've always wanted me. Because you didn't want someone else touching you ever again. Right?"
Her left hand reached back, wrapping around his neck and pulling his lips down against her neck once more, "No. No Elliot…I don't want another man ever touching me. You. Just you. Please baby…please…"
He continued what he was doing, alternating between slow and fast, bringing her closer to the edge and then slowing her down. He felt her frustration building and he smiled, pressing his lips to the back of her neck, "Hold on babe…"
Her hand fell forward again, her back arched and she gasped as he dropped to his knees behind her. She felt his lips against each of her ass cheeks and her body trembled, she knew she was dripping, could feel it on her inner thighs. Her legs parted even farther and he took his time, moving down to lick at them, his fingers still working their magic, "Oh…oh my God."
He groaned loudly, lapping up every drop she had to offer and he then pressed his tongue along her pussy, his fingers still furiously thrusting, "So sweet…"
She wasn't sure if she could take much more, wasn't sure if she could handle this without falling apart, or worse collapsing but as usual he understood her. Sliding up under her legs, he turned and she laughed, looking down at him as he wrapped his lips around her clit, "What the hell are you doing to me right now Elliot?"
He smirked, tugging on her clit with his teeth as he started to work her up again, "Nothin." He said with that annoying smirk on his face, "Keep watching the sunset…don't want you to miss it."
She laughed again and looked up to see the sun, beginning to dip behind the the water, "Fuck El…"
He moaned against her, finding her G-spot once more and pressing hard against it, "Come on baby…I want to taste you."
Her mouth hung open, she was panting, feeling the pleasure mounting and with one more swipe of his tongue, and a little more pressure from his fingers, those magical damn fingers, she came crashing down. Her orgasm hitting her hard, her knees shaking and she felt herself once more dripping down her legs. And just as she imagined, his mouth moved lower, not hesitating to lick her clean, groaning as he did like she was the best thing he'd ever tasted. She felt weak and yet wanted more, somehow she always wanted more when it came to him.
He grunted slightly, ducked his head and she laughed as he crawled out from behind her legs. She heard his belt buckle loosening and she tried to catch her breath slowly. She heard him kicking his jeans to the side, saw his shirt fly past her and she smiled. Turning on wobbly legs, he was looking at her like a man hungry, starving for more. She chewed on her lip as he reached for the hem of her sweater. She smiled, lifting her arms to allow him to pull it off, her bra sliding down her arms as she lowered them. He didn't say a word, didn't hesitate, but she was right there with him.
He took one step towards her, pressed his hand into her lower back, the other around her hip and lifted like it was nothing. God bless this man she thought. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist and she felt her back pressing into the cool glass once more. Her hands held his face firmly as she kissed him, her tongue begging for entrance which he gladly granted. His cock slid up and along the length of her as they kissed and she smiled against his lips, biting his tongue, "Fuck me El."
His cheeks flushed and he growled, "You're gonna kill me someday…"
She laughed and played with the short hairs at the base of his neck, "You're the one that started this…I was perfectly content watching you cook."
"I wanted a snack while I waited for dinner." He said, resting her against his upper thighs as he positioned himself at her entrance, the tip of him parting her slightly, he could hear and feel her arousal still and he made him want her even more, "Jesus Liv…God I think I'm addicted to you."
She smiled wicked, wiggling her hips against him and he groaned loudly, "Then I guess it's a good thing you're never gonna fuck another woman, isn't that right Stabler?" She tilted his face back, "Me. And only me. Forever."
He smiled, pressing forward a bit more, stretching her with this cock, "That's right. You and only you."
She groaned loudly and pressed her head against the glass behind her, "You're mine now. And I refuse to share you."
He thrust up, filling her completely and they both stopped moving, taking in the moment, holding her against him he smiled, "I was always yours Liv. Always."
She held him closer, her arms locked around him as he fucked her against the window, "Good. Because…" She sighed happily and tugged on his lower lip, "I was always yours too."
He smiled widely and continued to fuck her, his hips slapping against her, her walls still holding him like a vice after her first orgasm, "Olivia…" He growled and leaned forward, pressing his lips against her neck, "God damn it…you feel so fucking good wrapped around me."
Her hands slid down his back, her nails leaving marks and her legs wrapped around him tighter, her heels digging into his ass, "Just like that Elliot… you fuck me so good."
He smiled and bit down harder on her neck, knowing damn well there would be a hickey there in the morning, "Must have been all those lessons?" He panted against her skin.
She moaned loudly, feeling her body tremble against him, "Oh El…baby it was always in you. You just needed to know that you could let go…needed to be free a bit."
He lifted his head and smiled, pressing his lips to hers as he whispered, "Nah…I needed you."
She beamed down at him, her fingers digging into his neck as he fucked her harder, "I wasn't kidding when I said…best sex I've ever had."
He smiled proudly, "Yeah? You like me fucking you like this Benson? You like being pressed against this window where anyone could see you wrapped around my cock?"
She moaned loudly and nodded, "Mmm…yes. I love it even more when you talk dirty to me like this…such a fucking turn on baby. You make me so wet."
He laughed, a deep husky kind of laugh that sent shivers down her spine, "Oh I know. I can feel you. And I loved tasting you…"
She tugged on the back of his neck and smiled, "Make me come again so I can taste you this time."
His mouth hung open slightly and he laughed once more, "God I'm a lucky son of a bitch."
He fucked her, hard, the glass rattled but she didn't care. Her body was screaming for her second release and she knew it was right there. Her hand slid between them, and her fingers tugged hard on her nipple just as he slammed into her, the tip of him hitting her back walls. And she screamed, loudly, the sound echoing throughout the room. He held her still as she convulsed around him, her grip almost bringing him over the edge. He held his breath but she somehow managed to wiggle free of his hold. He gasped as he slipped out of her, he watched her drop down on shaky legs, her knees hitting the ground before she reached for him.
He bit down hard on his lip and his hand instinctively wrapped in her hair, pulling it up off her neck. He smiled wickedly as she wrapped her hand around the base of him and slipped him into her mouth. And because she knew him, she looked up, locking eyes with him because she knew it drove him crazy. She hummed around him, tasting her own release as she bobbed her head up and down at the same time that he thrust his hips forward, "Aw fuck…"
Wrapping her arm around him, she pulled him even closer until he pressed into the back of her throat. She gagged slightly, but kept her eyes on him as she felt him tense. His free hand fell against the glass in front of him as hers had earlier. She could have told him to watch the end of the sunset, but she knew he liked watching her much better. And that made her proud, feel confident, and sexy as all hell. She felt it the moment he was about to release and she held him in her mouth, as he came hard and fast, the warmth of him filling her mouth. She swallowed hard and moaned around him, her mouth completely full of him and she loved every second of it. He groaned and growled, thrusting forward slightly, his hand pulling at her hair, "Fucking…hell…Liv."
She laughed slightly, the vibrations causing his very sensitive cock to twitch and she pulled back, gasping for air, "What?"
He huffed and leaned forward, trying to breathe, "I swear to God you really are trying to kill me sometimes…"
Wiping at the corner of her lips, she kissed the tip of him once more and then moved her lips up his thighs, his torso, chest and neck until she stood in front of him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she pulled him closer and he settled against her, "Nope. I think I wanna keep you…"
He smiled, pressing his face into her hair and sighed, "Good. Cuz I wanna keep you too…"
Leaning back she peered up at him, holding on tightly as her legs shook, "I can't feel my legs…"
He laughed and leaned down, cradling her cheek as he kissed her, "Hang on."
She gasped as he bent at the knee, and scooped her up, "Elliot!"
He smiled and set her down on the couch, reaching for a blanket, "Here."
She sighed and snuggled into the cushion but reached for him, "Come here."
Adjusting the pillows behind her, he settled in beside her and she draped herself over his chest. His hand slid up and down her sweaty back as he pressed a kiss to her temple. They lay like that for a few moments, and she was almost ready to fall asleep listening to the steady rhythm of his heart when she remembered something. Lifting her head, she saw that his own eyes were closed, "Hey…wait a minute."
He opened one eye to look at her and asked sleepily, "Hm?"
Bracing her hand beside him, she looked down at him and frowned, "You distracted me…"
He started to laugh and shook his head, "I have no idea what you are talking about…"
She frowned and rolled to the side, taking the blanket with her, "You said you had been thinking about something…but then you didn't say what. And then you really distracted me with your stupid smile and damn fingers again…"
"Stupid smile and damn fingers?" He asked with a laugh as he heard the timer on the stove go off, "Well now who is being mean?"
She huffed as he slid off the couch and reached for his jeans once more, propping herself up, she leaned over the back of the couch, "Elliot…" She whined and he laughed again, "What were you going to say?"
He walked into the kitchen and checked on the items on the stove, "What do you want to drink? Water? Seltzer-"
"Why are you avoiding this?" She asked, her heart beginning to race faster, "What's going on?" She heard him sigh as he reached for bowls in the cabinet, "El…please." He looked at her and saw the worry on her face, "You're…you're making me nervous. If I did something wrong please just-"
"You didn't do anything wrong." He said, shaking his head as he filled two bowls, "Hang on a second, okay?"
She sunk back into the couch and pulled the blanket up around her tighter feeling a chill settle in her body. But she waited, as patiently as she possibly could. He put their food and two waters on a tray and then carried it over to the couch, setting it on the table. He handed her her bowl but she just stared at him, "Take a bite."
She frowned and held the bowl in her lap, "Elliot…"
He shook his head, pulled his legs up on the couch and nudged her with his knee, "Take a bite and then we'll talk about it, okay?" She still stared at him, "Gotta make sure my girls are fed and taken care of."
She swallowed hard, lifted the spoon to her lips and took a bite of the dinner he had prepared, "It's great El…"
He chewed for a moment and then set his bowl down, "Well good. You know…you could have that whenever you wanted…"
She frowned and looked at the bowl, "What is this dish? I mean it's great El…but we both know I love my Pizza too. I'm a New Yorker after all."
He smiled and reached out, running his fingers along her bare knee, "Well then I guess it's a good thing that I know how to make pizza from scratch too." She raised her eyebrows at him and he shrugged, "So…if you move in with me then I'll make you and little baby Benson-Stabler whatever you want whenever you want…"
Holding the bowl in front of her, her eyes were wide and she dropped the spoon, "Oh."
He cleared his throat nervously and ran his hand over his face, "Yeah oh. That's what I was thinking about…but I wasn't sure what your reaction would be." He pursed his lips and shrugged, "I mean I know that you said no to marriage yet and I get that and think it's a good idea. For you. For me. For my kids…but…"
His voice trailed away and she lowered the bowl down again, "Move in together…"
He took a deep breath and then said, "Can you hear my reasoning before you say no?"
"I…" She looked down, stirring the spoon, hating that he felt uncomfortable but she understood it, "Yes…yes. I'm listening."
They were quiet for a moment, he took another bite of his food, trying to think through his words, wanting to make sure that he said everything correctly. A million thoughts rang through his head but then all that came out was a sad, "I don't want to miss anything Liv…"
Her heart jumped in her chest and she moved her bowl back to the table beside them, scooting closer to him, "Elliot…"
"I already have to share with my other kids. Every other weekend. Not every holiday." He swallowed hard and shrugged, "I don't want to be in two different places…I want to be with you and our child." He looked up and whispered, "I don't want to miss the big things like I did before. And I want…"
She reached for his own bowl and settled it beside her own and then crawled into his lap, "Elliot…"
His hands settled on her hips, "I want there to be enough room for all of us. I mean you, me, and my four kids. I want them to feel at home…"
"I do too." She whispered with a nod, "That's important El. I want them to feel at home too."
She wasn't pulling away and he took that as a good sign, "I've been thinking about it a lot while we were here. I don't want to go home and be wondering whose apartment we're gonna stay at…packing bags and going to bed without each other. And yeah…I know it probably seems hurried but Olivia, I'm gonna go crazy if I can't be with you during this pregnancy. To make sure that I can protect you both…and make sure you're feeling okay. Or what if we were staying at separate places and you went into labor? Liv that would fucking kill me." She was rubbing the back of his neck as he spoke, "I don't want to take the baby home to your place. I want to take her home to our place. Our home."
The amount of love she had for him seemed to triple in this moment and she held him closer, "Our home…"
He sighed and rested his head on the back cushion, "I know we did this all backwards and it's a big step for you…I know sharing a space would be big. But this is important to me. And…I'm hoping you can really think about it. Consider it. Hell if you told me you wanted to get a house but needed me to sleep in a different room I'd do that as long as I was under the same roof as you…"
"Oh El…" She laughed nervously, wiping at her tears, "Honey…I think we are way past sleeping in separate rooms." She leaned down and kissed his cheeks, his nose and then his lips, "You're right it is a big step…and a little scary and maybe a little fast." She settled her hand over her belly and he quickly placed his over hers, "But…you're right. Our baby should be in a home with both of her parents. And…it would make seeing each other easier now that we aren't working together."
She settled back on his legs and he was watching her, breathing hard, "So…you're not saying no?"
She smiled softly, her fingers rubbing his neck, "I didn't say no."
He took a deep breath, the smile growing on his lips, "You didn't say no…okay. Okay that's good…"
She nodded slowly leaning in to kiss him once more, "I mean is it a huge step? Yeah…and you're right we did do this all pretty backwards. But I guess we've done most things backwards in our relationship before this." She said with a laugh, "And…I'd have some things I want to discuss first."
He nodded, his hands rubbing her back, "Okay. Like?"
"Like I'd need to make sure that your kids were okay with it first." She said slowly, "That everyone was okay with it. I mean that El…I don't want to do something that will make them uncomfortable. If we needed more space and they weren't ready for me to be around all the time then I'd say we keep my apartment and when they visit I go back there…"
He frowned, "Which would keep me from you and the baby though…"
"I don't want it to be that way. But El…you just got divorced. If the kids feel uncomfortable with that, we need to take that into consideration. You need to talk to them first. Okay?" She asked.
He nodded slowly, once again knowing she was right, "Okay…I hear that and get it. I don't like it…but I get it. I hope they'll be okay with it."
"Me too." She said with a smile before kissing him again, "Also…we know I'm a city girl. But…would you want to move back to Queens?"
"Well…it would make things easier for the kids. To be able to be close to school and their events. And I'd prefer our child to go to school there than in the city. But if you weren't comfortable with that…" He shrugged, "We could discuss it."
"Well…it's not like we're going to find a place overnight and move in immediately. We can look around. Queens…may not be terrible? Plus we're not about to afford a penthouse for all the kids." She said with a laugh, "I say…you talk to your kids, to Kathy and we see how they feel. See what happens with work…" She swallowed nervously, "See…where you end up if they make you transfer?" She whispered and he pulled her closer, "And then make a choice that is the best for our entire family. Okay?"
His heart flipped in his chest and he held her even closer, "For our entire family…" He sighed happily and rested his hands on her back, "You're really considering this…I mean you would be okay with this."
She smiled and leaned down, nuzzling his cheek, "I'm still terrified El. I'll admit that." She sighed and leaned back again, "But you're right…I don't want you to miss anything either. I don't want our baby to only see you part time. I want to be with you…in this journey from start to finish."
His hands slid to her belly and he smiled, "I wanna be there for everything. The good and the bad Liv. Your cravings, the morning sickness, I want to take care of you. Both of you. Get up at night and help feed her, comfort her. Comfort you…"
She smiled up at him, "You keep saying her…we don't know."
He laughed and shook his head, "Oh I know. I'm telling you right now that it's a girl." He rubbed his fingers across her naval and sighed, "A little mini you that will absolutely break me into a million little pieces just like her Momma. And I want to see it…every second that I can."
Tears welled in her eyes and she beamed down at him, full of love and pride knowing that they had created this together, "Okay."
He fidgeted slightly, excitement rushing through him, "Okay?"
Laughing, she leaned down and kissed him again, "Okay."
Suddenly he was leaning her backwards and hovering over her, pressing kisses along her neck and bare chest, "God I love you."
She laughed, feeling her body flushing with excitement and happiness, "Elliot…"
He settled over her belly, pressing the quick kisses there, "I love both of you. So much…" He sighed and nuzzled her smooth skin, "My whole world…"
She bit down hard on her lip and whispered, "And we love you…more than you know Elliot."
They spent much of their last morning cleaning the house and making sure everything was as it had been when they got there. They both felt the shift in their moods, not wanting to leave this safe little space but also knowing they could handle it all together, no matter what happened. Elliot was in the living room, looking for a notebook to leave a letter for the couple thanking them once again for their hospitality. As he searched the bookshelf however, he found something else. A photo album, and curiously he took it out before sitting down on the couch he began to rifle through it.
Pictures of the couple, both before and after the start of their relationship stared up at him. Younger versions of themselves. Black and white photos of them as children. They had said they had known each other most of their lives. A particular photo of Helen caught his attention, she was probably a teenager, standing by the ocean, her feet dipped in the water, her head thrown back laughing. She looked happy, carefree and grateful.
He heard the bedroom door open and Olivia walked out, "Okay. I think that's everything…" She frowned at him, "You takin a break there buddy? You were on window duty…we left a lot of handprints on that thing." Elliot started to laugh as he looked back at her, "I don't need poor Lou and Helen knowing all the dirty things we did in this house too…"
He chuckled and beckoned her closer, "I got the windows. Everything is good. Come look at this."
Walking up behind him, she leaned over the back of the couch and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, peering down at the photo album, "What'd you find?"
"I was looking for a notebook so we could write them something. But I found this instead…" He pointed at the picture, "Look at Helen…"
She smiled and reached out to trace along the photo, "She looks so happy. And so young…" Her finger moved down to the bottom, "Elena…age 16."
"I thought her name was Helen,'' he said." With a frown.
She smiled, "Elena is a form of Helen in Italian…I knew a girl in school named Elena. Some people called her Helen though. I believe it means something like bright light or shining light…and she sure shines bright in that photo."
He stared at the photo again and smiled, "I like that name."
Olivia's heart jumped and tears pooled in her eyes, "Me too." She paused and then kissed his neck, "Elena Benson Stabler…"
His heart stopped and he reached up to hold her hand against his chest, "Liv?"
She pressed a kiss to his temple and then climbed over the back of the couch, curling up against his side. She lifted her hand and touched his cheek, her fingers trailing across his stubble, "Elliot and Elena…the two loves of my life. Feels right to name her after her Father in a way. The man that gave me everything I always wanted and more…even when I didn't think I deserved it."
He didn't even try to hide the tears in his own eyes as he pulled her closer, "Olivia…"
"Besides…she's the guiding light that brought me to you. The little piece of both of us that made me stop hiding. The light that guided me home." She whispered, emotion lacing her voice, "And my home is you…"
His breath caught in his throat as he kissed her softly, never taking his eyes off of her, "Elena…" He pressed his hand into her belly and smiled, "We're having a baby Liv…"
She smiled and nodded up at him, grateful they still had a few minutes to bask in this happiness together, "We're having a baby El…"
After a ride back on the train, one in which they didn't have a repeat performance but still enjoyed their time together, talking about their future and hopes for the future. For their child. Olivia had made an appointment with her Doctor, wanting a definite confirmation before they talked to Cragen. And now, now they were sitting outside the precinct in his car looking down at the little sonogram in her hand.
"I don't even really know what I'm looking at." She said with a laugh, "But I love this little blob so damn much…"
He laughed and leaned over, "It definitely takes a while for it to look…human." She smiled at him, "But I still love her too."
Clearing her throat she slipped her hand into his, "It's still early…and with my age…"
"I know." He said with a nod, "I heard everything she said too…and we're gonna do everything we can to make sure that both of you are safe. That includes…"
"Desk duty." She said with a frown, "I'm afraid to tell him though…to tell anyone. I don't want to jinx it El." She rubbed her belly and whispered, "I just…I want her to be safe. I need her to be safe…"
"I promise you that she will be." Leaning in he kissed her temple, "Nothing is going to happen to either of you."
She was staring up at him and a knock on the window startled them both, she turned and saw Cragen standing outside. Elliot cleared his throat and squeezed her hand, "You ready?"
She squeezed back and nodded, "Yeah. I'm ready."
Together, they climbed out of the car and she slipped the sonogram in her coat pocket and met her boss and boyfriend on the curb. "Hey Cap…"
Cragne smiled, "I thought maybe we could walk…wasn't sure you wanted all those prying eyes and ears."
Elliot smirked, "We appreciate that…although I'm not sure after my little performance it really matters at this point."
Cragen laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, "Probably not…but I still needed to get the hell out of there. John and Fin were driving me nuts asking when you two were coming back…"
Elliot smiled and walked closer to Olivia, "Sorry about that…"
Cragen shook his head, "Don't be." He gestured down the sidewalk, "Let's go."
They settled on the sidewalk, Olivia in the middle of them and she smiled when Elliot slipped his hand into hers. No matter what happened next, he was still going to be right beside her. They walked quietly until they reached a small park nearby and wandered inside.
"So…how was your trip? Were you able to relax?" Cragen asked.
"It was…" Elliot smiled, "Exactly what we both needed I think."
Cragen peered over at them and smiled, "Figured things out…" He glanced down at their joined hands and whispered, "Made some decisions?"
Standing in front of their boss, a man they both admired more than they could ever express, they felt the ending of a big part of their life. But the start of something even bigger. He was also the man that brought them together, made them partners, helped them find their way to each other. Helped them find their soulmate. Both of them looked down at their joined hands and Elliot whispered, "We did."
Cragen nodded slowly, "You know I went back and forth about if I thought you two would make a good fit as partners." Both of them looked up at Cragen curiously, "Partially because he scared off all his other patterns and I didn't want to risk losing you…"
Olivia laughed and saw the blush grow in Elliot's cheek, she looped her arm through his and pulled him closer, "Cap…"
Cragen smiled, "But also because…I saw it. The second you two locked eyes. I saw it." They both stared at each other, wide eyed and confused, "That spark. That kind of connection that only really lucky people get to find. And I knew…one way or another we'd wind up having this conversation."
Elliot threaded his fingers with Olivia's and whispered, "Cap…we respect the hell out of you. And we are sorry for the trouble this has probably caused you…" He stopped and smirked, "Then again…we've been causing trouble for the last eight years so I guess this is nothing new."
Cragen laughed and shoved his hands in his pockets, "Yes. Yes you have. Mostly good trouble though. The kind where you fought for the victims, for justice. For the protection of each other and your team. And as a boss…I appreciate and respect that. Just as I appreciate and respect both of you." He shrugged and looked at them both, "So let me ask this next question…" He cleared his throat and looked at Elliot, "I know his feelings because he made them pretty clear…" He smiled and looked directly at Olivia, "You really love this son of a bitch?"
Elliot laughed and looked down, Olivia looked at Elliot, pride in her eyes and she answered honestly, "Yes. I love him."
Cragen took a deep breath and said, "Couldn't go for John? He was close to retirement anyway…or so I hope." He teased.
Olivia laughed and looked back at her boss, "Don…"
He smiled and said, "I'm happy for you. I am. But…you know what this means. I've been dodging calls from IAB for the last week. But they want you to make a choice…it wasn't up to me. One of you has to go."
Elliot swallowed hard and looked over at Olivia, tears brimmed in her eyes, "I'll take the transfer. I want her to stay at SVU. It's where she belongs."
"You know that you have seniority so you have the right to stay if you want." Cragen said, knowing full well that Elliot wasn't going to back down from this but he had to say it anyway.
Elliot smiled, "I know. And I appreciate all you have done for me…all you've put up with when it comes to me. But, it's time. I was probably gonna crack on the job sooner rather than later anyway. I never saw myself staying here forever. And this feels like the right time to make a break." He cleared his throat nervously, "Doesn't mean that I won't miss my team…miss my partner." He whispered looking right at her, "But what I get in return…is much more valuable."
Cragen smiled and looked at Olivia, "And you…you're okay with this?"
Elliot squeezed Olivia's hand and she nodded slowly, "I mean I hate it…" She whispered softly look at him, "But I understand it. And I know there is no changing his mind." She looked back at Cragen and said, "Of course…I guess it depends if you want me to stay anyway. You're the boss."
He smiled at her, "I told you I had big plans for you…didn't I?" He asked, "I want you to stay. If you want to stay without him."
"I want to stay." She answered honestly , she felt Elliot squeeze her hand and she whispered, "But…"
Cragen took a deep breath and stood up a little straighter, confused at first, "But what?"
Licking her lips she leaned into Elliot, needing to feel her partner beside her, "I'm still in. But my role…may need to change for a bit." Cragen narrowed his eyes at her, "It's early but for the health of…" Her cheeks flushed and a smile started to grow on his face, "I'm pregnant."
Cragen looked between them and said, "Well…this was more serious than I thought it was then." He laughed happily and took a step towards them, "Pregnant…wow. Olivia…" He looked at Elliot too, "Elliot…congratulations. That's…that's incredible. I mean…" He looked between the two of them, "This is wonderful. You're…you're happy, right? This is a good thing."
"We…" Olivia laughed nervously, "We were surprised but…" She looked down at her belly and smiled affectionately at it, "We're very, very happy."
"You should be." He whispered looking at her, "You…will be the most incredible Mother."
Elliot smiled at her proudly, "Yes she will. I'm very lucky."
Crragen looked over at him, "And you…" Elliot turned to him nervously and Don said honestly, "You…are already an incredible Father. This kid sure one the jackpot."
Elliot swallowed hard, and whispered, "Thank you Cragen…"
Don took a deep breath and nodded, "Well…given that information yes I think it is best if Elliot transfers. And…as far as you…we'll make sure you're more at the house, but I won't tell anyone until you're ready. Whatever you need you let me know and we'll make it work. Your job is secure. No matter what."
Olivia smiled, "Thank you Cap. I love my job…and I want to stay. But…"
"But…this baby." He said with a soft smile, "This baby is a blessing and you're going to do whatever you need to do. And when you try and defy me…I'll remind you what you're keeping safe." He said with a smirk.
Olivia rubbed her belly gently, "Thank you…"
He turned to look at them both and said, "I'm gonna go make some calls…see what your options are Elliot. I'll make sure that you can hopefully stay in Manhattan if you want…or do you want to go elsewhere?"
"Manhattan…" He said with a nod, "Hopefully. Or…Queens possibly. Somewhere close so that I can be with Liv and the baby."
Elliot nodded, "What about the other kids? Do they know?"
"Not yet." Elliot said softly, 'But we're working on it. Looking into our options…on places to live."
"Well alright then. You're taking everything very seriously. I like that. No games…" He said.
Elliot looked at Olivia and smiled, "Absolutley no games. Right Liv?"
"Nope. None whatsoever." She said with a nod, "We're in this."
"Good." Cragen replied, "Then…I will call you when I have some more information. Until then…maybe lay low. Figure out what you need to figure out at home…and we'll go from there."
Elliot and Olivia nodded, "Okay."
Cragen sighed and stepped back, "Sad to see my best team be broken up but…" He stepped back slightly, "I know you'll make a hell of a team on this next adventure."
Elliot watched his boss, now former boss, start to walk away and then whispered, "Captain…" Cragen turned to him and he spoke honestly, "Thank you…for everything." He paused and then wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulder, "But mostly thank you for making us partners…" He ran his hand down her arm affectionately, "I wouldn't be the man I am today without her."
Cragen smiled at him, "I'd argue neither of you would be the people you are today without each other. That's what makes good partners…in all aspects of life."
And then he walked away leaving them alone once more. They watched him until he was out of sight and then Elliot looked over at Olivia, "Hey partner…"
She swallowed the lump in her throat, feeling the ache in her chest at his words, "Hey partner…"
He sighed and leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "You will always be my partner Olivia. Always…"
She sighed, pressing her hand into his chest she breathed him in, "And you'll always be mine."
He slid his hand up her back and squeezed her neck gently, "Let's go home." He paused as they walked and he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
She smiled and looped her arm around his waist as they walked, "Doesn't matter El. Home is wherever you and Elena are…I'll follow you anywhere."
And he knew she meant it.
They settled on her apartment for tonight, he would be meeting with his kids and Kathy in the morning. They took a shower and he settled in the living room, sitting on the couch. The very couch that he'd made that choice to start this months ago. She was in the kitchen grabbing them both a drink before she walked up to him. She handed him a beer and sat down with her tea, "I feel bad drinking when you can't…"
"Don't." She said with a smile, squeezing his leg, "I'm good."
He leaned his arm back on the couch and watched her, "You feeling okay?" He asked, looking at the tea, "Nauseous?"
She smiled and ran her fingers up and down his leg, "I promise we're good El. I feel good…happy."
Leaning forward he placed his beer down on the table and asked, "What do you want to do tonight?"
She placed her tea beside his beer and opened a drawer on the table, "Wanna play a game?"
He smirked at her as she pulled out a deck of cards, "A game huh…what kind of game? Are there a lot of rules?"
She hummed softly as she shuffled the cards, "Not many. But it can get really competitive…"
"Is that so?" He asked with a laugh, "What are we playing?"
"Go fish obviously." She said as she started to deal out the cards, "Winner gets to make some big decisions…"
He raised an eyebrow as he took the cards, "What kind of decisions?"
She smiled and set the deck down between them on the couch, "What position we try tonight…"
He let out a gravely laugh and smirked, "Oh really?"
She held her cards in front of her, eyebrow raised and whispered, "You got any fours Stabler?"
He looked down at his cards and sighed, "Yes. Damn…"
He handed the card over to her and she laughed, "Let's be real El…no matter who wins the game…we both end up winning in this scenario."
He laughed and leaned in, she met him halfway and he smiled, "I couldn't agree more. But I still want to win…" He heard her laugh, "Got any sixes?"
She sighed and leaned back and shook her head, "Go fish…"
He sighed and picked up a card, "Damn…"
She bit her lip and nudged his leg with her foot, "No 6's…but I have a 9. Do you have a 6 and a 9 Elliot?"
He looked up at her and saw the look in her eyes, that very look that drove him absolutely crazy and he quickly tossed the cards, "Nope. I have no cards. You win. You win Liv."
She laughed as he pulled her down on the couch, attacking her neck with kisses and they both knew, no matter what happened next, they were in this together. As partners, for better or worse. And that, that meant they could do anything.
