*This chapter is a bit shorter then the others but I hope you like it!
Home At Last
(Steve POV)
After their incredible night Steve fell asleep right away completely exhausted but didn't sleep long before waking back up and he hasn't fallen back to sleep since. He just can't take his eyes away from Iris, a part of him fears if he does go back to sleep that he'll wake up and she won't be here, that this all was an amazing dream and right now he's just not ready to find out. He's had those dreams several times in the past and every time he's woken up it was a stab to his heart.
She's laying her head on his shoulder and this was how she always use to sleep...with most of her body covering his, her leg draped over his torso, her head on his shoulder or tucked into the crook of his neck and there was never a better feeling! She moves her hand up and lays it right against his heart. He softly smiles and puts his hand over hers and very lightly caresses her hand with his thumb, with his other hand he again very lightly runs the back of his knuckles on her bare back right between her shoulder blades. He breathes in her amazing scent and God he almost forgot how soft her skin always was. For the first time in 2 years he feels like he's finally home. Ever since he came out of the ice he no longer had a home, no matter how hard he tried, no matter where he would look nothing felt like home to him but the moment he saved this woman he found it, she was his home, it didn't matter where she was, if he was with her then he was home!
Leaving Iris that night was the hardest decision he ever had to make, he knew she would hate him, think he abandoned her, break the trust that he worked so hard to gain but he had to. He had to make sure she was safe, unharmed and to not ruin her life. He thought it was the best thing for her, after all this was all his fault. If she had never met him she wouldn't be in danger right now! He put her in danger and now her life was constantly at stake and changed because of him...so he left and if that meant her hating him forever and losing her then that was the risk he had to make and accepted the consequences of that decision.
When he saw that picture of Iris and that Hydra spy he couldn't lie and say it didn't hurt like hell because it did...it crushed him but he couldn't fault her at all. Even though he knew they weren't broken up that didn't mean she did, she had every right to see anyone she wanted...despite the fact that it makes him sick just thinking about another man touching her...holding her but all that hurt was put to the side when he recognized Nicolas Hoffman, he knew he was coming after her and also knew it was going to be soon. He couldn't let that happen, he had to protect her and thank God he did because she was literally seconds away from being killed. Why did they decided to go after her now? Why come before Steve came to her and risk never finding him? He has no idea and really he doesn't care, all that matters is that they are after her and he's going to do everything he can to make sure that does not happen...even if it means him dying...God he would die for her!
The past 2 years he's lived in hell and he's not the same anymore. Poor Sam, Natasha and Wanda had to put up with all his shit, they hardly even talked to him, he tended to lash out easily and be very distant. Something happened to him that rainy night, something dark, cold and is still inside him now even though he's with her now. He's killed in the past when he's had to but he straight up shot a man in the head, with his hands up and defenseless but he doesn't even care, he has no remorse for that man or anyone he may have killed. He threatened Iris and that is the one thing you do not do and he doesn't put up with.
Then they reunited at last, he saved her and he revealed everything. She slapped him, Iris slapped him hard twice but he didn't blame her, he took every hit, letting her take out all of her frustrations, all of her pain and anger and she really laid it into him and he was kind of shocked she actually believed him, he was certain she wouldn't believe a word he said but she did. The one thing he did not plan was to kiss her, he was going to give her and himself some time but the second he touched...he couldn't help it...he needed to feel her again...to become alive again. And his heart broke when she stopped and told him they needed a break. He knew full well what that meant, that was her kind way of telling him it was over and they were never getting back together. He wasn't mad or angry that she had kissed him and "lead him on" because he knew she just got caught up in the moment. She was just going by heart and there was nothing wrong with that and he didn't fault her for it even it broke him. Again he just took it and accepted her answer, if she's safe that's all he cares about and he was going to put her needs before his.
Then something changed...she changed her mind, he doesn't know what happened or what caused her to do so. She kissed him, kissed him with extreme urgency and determination. He was completely confused and he fought as hard as he could to resist her. He thought perhaps she was just emotional or that she was feeling guilty from turning him down and he didn't want her to feel like that but she wouldn't stop, in fact she was begging him and he caved and God he's so glad he did!
Tonight was amazing, once they began they couldn't stop...he never wanted to stop...if he could he would have made love to her all night. He was determined to touch, kiss and feel every inch of her...he needed to feel her, he was almost borderline obsessed with it! He's longed for her, to hear her moans, to call his name and he was not going to waste one moment of it! He's never felt more alive, at peace or connected to someone then he is when he's making love to Iris and he lost that for 2 years and now he just hopes this wasn't a fluke, I mean it didn't feel like that at all but with Iris you never know, she can be a bit unpredictable but that's also what he loves about her! Quite frankly she has no idea how much more he needs her then she needs him and if she does take him back he will do everything he can to make it up to her. He feels her move and snuggle even more into him, he closes his eyes, smiles and holds her tighter. He doesn't know what the morning is going to bring so he's just going to enjoy this moment for as long as he can! "I love you Iris." He mouths as he ghosts over her jawline to her lips with his fingertips and very gently kisses her forehead, he didn't want to wake her up. He just continues to watch her sleep...completely at peace...at home.
What did you think? I wanted to explore more of Steve's thoughts about the last 2 years, how he's been feeling since they reunited and especially about their night.
