Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, JJ Abrams does. I don't work for Geico or particularly promote them, either. Please don't sue me.
Author's Note: takes place mid season four


Of Geico, Aflac, and Rambaldi

By: Kityye

Chapter Four: Weiss

Sydney slid into the room just before Sloane shut the door. She nodded apologies to everyone and caught her breath as she sat in her accustomed seat, between Vaughn and her father. Sloane clicked the lock into place.

Weiss cleared his throat and stood. "Hello. My name is Eric Weiss and I work for the CIA. If you ever try to kill Michael Vaughn, Sydney Bristow, or Nadia Santos, I will hunt you down and destroy you."

The entire room shifted uneasily beneath the weight of Weiss's intensity.

"Since you all know these contacts, I don't anticipate any conflicts of interest." Weiss grinned, lightening the mood he'd set. "Now I have to tell you one other thing." Still smiling, he looked at each person in the room, artistically lengthening the pause. "I just saved ten percent on my car insurance!"

Nadia (freshly recovered from her cold) giggled. Marshall grinned in appreciation. Carrie looked bemused and Vaughn groaned into his hands. Sydney just smiled. Dixon rolled his eyes. Jack retained his steely demeanor, and Sloane waved his hand at Weiss, indicating for him to stop milking the moment and move on.

"In all seriousness," Weiss said, "how many of you also have Geico car insurance?"

Vaughn, Sydney, Nadia, and Marshall raised their hands. Eric nodded at them and they lowered them. "Not only do you save ten percent, you help fund the Gecko in his quest for Rambaldi."

Hunh? seemed to be the general response. Weiss elaborated.

"Basically, when Rambaldi was around, he had faithful followers and mortal enemies. Rambaldi himself put his symbol on his inventions. About a hundred years after Rambaldi was killed, his followers were few and scattered. They were united under one symbol and one organization in 1600. The gecko. It was like a mythical creature for Europe at the beginning of the middle ages. As time passed, the secret society changed. Originally, it was the master creative-people who were interested in Rambaldi. Leonardo da Vinci, Botticelli, and Charles Dickens were a few. Then, the crime lords got wind of the fact that Rambaldi artifacts were worth a great deal to the right person. They began fighting amongst themselves over him."

"Geico… is a crime-lord looking for Rambaldi?" Dixon asked in disbelief.

"No, I'm not done. The vibe was changing. The crime lords were being exterminated… the age of the businessman was rising! And every person who joined wore the mark of the Gecko. It probably began as a joke – (Weiss adopted the high-pitched voice of a woman) 'Hey! It's not gecko!' (Low voice of a man) 'Then what is it?' (High voice – and giggles) 'It's Geico! Stop calling me!' (back to regular voice, with a triumphant ring) And thus the slogan for the business empire we know as Geico Car Insurance was born!"

Marshall began doing the Robot dance in his seat. His wife slapped his knee when Sloane glared in the tech's direction.

"How did you discover this?" Jack asked. Sydney saw that he was as stunned as they were by the intel, despite the fact that he carefully controlled his voice.

"Yours truly is now the Gecko's right-hand man. Guess who used to be the Gecko's right-hand woman…"

Most everyone drew blanks, rapidly running down their lists of Very Powerful People. They'd just reached the names starting with C when Vaughn said quietly, "Lauren."

Weiss's face softened as he looked at his best friend. Vaughn's expression closed. Weiss nodded. "We discovered she was the mole, and tailed her on her normal activities. One of the places she visited was the Gecko's base of operations, where she appeared to be a high-ranking agent. I was assigned to infiltrate Geico. Since then, we've learned all sorts of interesting things." Weiss glanced at Sloane, as if asking for permission to continue with the classified intel. He got no signal, but went on anyway. "As far as I have been able to discern, the current Gecko is Rambaldi's reincarnation."

Nadia sent Sydney a look that said, "Let's go find this guy and force him to release us from the prophecy." Sydney sent her a quelling glace stating that she needed more information.

"I'm sorry, Weiss, but this is particularly unbelievable. And I've seen many unbelievable things," Syd told him.

"That's the beauty of it," said Weiss. "Nobody believes that an insurance company could have spawned from a secret society of geeks! No offense, Marshall."

Marshall nodded genially at his coworker, and then at everybody else at the table. Nobody was quite sure why; Sydney surmised he was acknowledging the fact that they all knew he was a Geek.

"But," Nadia said, "the reincarnation of Rambaldi?"

"We are 90 sure," insisted Weiss. "Barring a DNA test, we couldn't be any more sure."

"Is there any way to get those things," asked Sydney in an intense voice. Her father glanced at her sharply, but she wasn't paying attention. She had sought Nadia's gaze again and was busy agreeing on details of the mission to seek out the Gecko through quick and minute flicks of her eyeballs.

Weiss missed the feminine eye-conversation and changed topics. "The mark of the Gecko is, naturally, a stick lizard with a triangular head. Usually, it is placed upon the forearm of the believer. Car insurance is the Gecko's cover – just as the bank was yours, Sydney. Only the highest-level managers and supervisors have the mark of the Gecko."

Nadia was first to realize that Weiss had stopped talking and was staring at her and her sister. She cut off the sentence she'd been telepathically sending to Sydney about when and where they were going to jump the Gecko. "What?" she asked guiltily.

Sloane came the closest he had ever come to rolling his eyes without actually committing to the act. "Continue," he told the presenter.

Weiss inclined his head towards his boss. "I have taken the liberty of creating a file of the names and specialties of my underlings at Geico." He picked up a sheaf of folders from the table in front of his seat and passed them out. "Mostly, they are boring and elderly. After you read them, burn the files with the handy-dandy Zippos I included."

Rocking back on his heels, Weiss concluded, "And this is the end of my presentation on myself. I hope you enjoyed."

The agents filed out of the room silently.


AN2: Bonus points to the people who actually understand Marshall's doing the Robot dance after mention of the old Gecko commercial. Review to tell if you liked it, shot beverages out your nose, or thought it was the dumbest thing you'd ever read... but you'llkeep readinguntil Aflac comes in too and it all ties together neatly...