A/N: Thanks for the reviews – feed the junkie you've made me. Please enjoy.
"Just tell him the truth." Nick urged his daughter as they sat in the doctor's office. Mally was thankful that she didn't have to change into one of those paper gowns this time. Her appointment was about what was going on in her head, not something physical, though it seemed to affect her greatly physically also. She was actually getting out of chemistry class today to go to the doctor with her father. Since it was his day off work, he had the twins with him also. Bailey was sitting backwards on his lap, holding his hands, as she leaned back, letting the blood rush to her head. Aidan was playing quietly on the floor.
"Bailey, sit up, baby. You're going to get a headache."
"I don' care!" She told him, giggling. As a three year old, she was just discovering some of the new, exciting sensations of the world, like blood rushing to her head. The world was an enthralling place to Bailey.
Nick pulled on her arms and grabbed her by the armpits, bringing him to sit forwards on his lap. The girl didn't like the idea, and quickly hopped off his lap to play with her brother. She wasn't cuddly like Mally was; just one of their differences. The twins played on the floor with some sort of twisted wire contraption with beads that would travel along. Nick didn't see the point, but it seemed to entertain them, so he was happy.
The doctor walked in and his eyes quickly went to the pair on the floor.
"Hello, there! Brought the whole family?" He remarked as he took a seat on his swivel chair.
"Pretty much." Nick told him as he shook his hand. "My wife works today, so I have the bunch."
"Mally Stokes?" He looked at his paper, seeing the notes the nurse had made and Nick's concerns on the phone. "How's it going?" He asked her, straight up.
"Not so great." She said honestly, sitting on her hands and twisting her mouth to the side a little. Mally just wanted this over with; she was very uncomfortable.
"Can you tell me what you're feeling?" He fished a pen out of his pocket, prepared to take notes.
"Well, I've been having a lot of trouble in school…well, chemistry really. I've been really frustrated and getting myself down."
"So, a lot of stress at school." He clarified.
"Yes."
"Would you say you're depressed?"
Mally sighed and looked at her dad, who looked back at her in reassurance. She wanted him to give her the answer, but he didn't know. Only Mally knew how she felt. Realizing he was going to make her say it, she cleared her throat and turned back to the doctor.
"Yeah." She said quietly. It was harder than she thought to admit it.
"Okay. And anything else you think may contribute to it?"
Mally was afraid her dad would be mad at her if she said things about her siblings and Sara, but he'd always taught her to be honest.
"Well, there's been a lot of big changes recently. My dad got remarried and I have a new brother and sister. And I have to share things more."
"Yes, I can see that." The doctor chuckled, glancing down at the twins still playing nicely at his feet.
"Change
can make us uncomfortable and anxious." He told her, scribbling
down some more notes. "Well, I'm going to start you on 20
milligrams of Lexapro to start off. It will take a while to get in
your system, so you probably won't see any changes for at least a
month."
"A month?" Mally asked, perplexed. She couldn't
keep feeling like this for another month.
"Yes, that's just the way our bodies work. Until then, you might want to try exercising more. It releases a lot of the same chemicals that make us feel happy. Do you like any sports?"
"I like to play softball." She said.
"Play lots of that." He told her, scribbling her prescription on a piece of paper. The doctor ripped the page off and handed it to Nick. "Any questions?"
"If she doesn't improve?" Nick asked.
"Let's see you back in a month and a half to see how you're doing. We can always up the dosage."
"Thank you, doctor." Nick shook his hand again, and then gently stroked Mally's back as he left. "Okay? We'll try this and see how it goes." He kissed her temple, but she looked disappointed and overwhelmed again. Nick didn't realize it would take that long for the medication to work itself into her system, and could tell Mally was disappointed. She wanted help so bad, and a month seemed like such a long time.
"We'll talk more later, okay?" He got up and reached down, picking up Aidan. "How about we all go get some ice cream?" He suggested, looking at Aidan. His eyes immediately lit up and he clapped, grinning at his daddy.
"Yay!" The twins cheered, but Mally just quietly got up, walking mopily. Bailey took her hand and they made their way to the receptionist, and then the van.
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After Catherine took Natalie to the doctor, she took her straight home again, because she had tested positive for mono. Natalie was crushed, because she knew that meant she'd be exhausted for a good while still. This would affect her schoolwork, and in turn, her chances at getting into Stanford. She was absolutely down, to say the least, crying on the way home.
Catherine walked her up the stairs to her room, not saying anything. She knew there was no consoling her. Natalie had Grissom's drive. She could never get either of them to rest when they set their minds to something. Catherine opened her bedroom door and led her to lie down on her bed.
Natalie kicked off her shoes and got in without protesting. She was crushed, and now she just wanted to sleep her disappointment away. Catherine sat on the edge of her bed and stroked her hair away from her face.
"I know you're upset right now, and you're worried about Stanford." She said gently, not wanting to upset her more, "But I think you're getting ahead of yourself. You're thinking of the worst. We'll talk to your school, and talk about doing some half days. Does that sound okay?"
Natalie nodded, her eyes still welled up with tears. She was glad she had her mom here at a time like this. She needed to be taken care of.
"Okay. Don't worry, Natalie, and you get a good rest." She kissed Natalie's forehead and then pinched her nose a little to lighten up the situation, then left the room.
For the next few minutes, Natalie just cried until she was asleep.
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The four Stokeses sat outside of Dairy Queen at a picnic bench. Nick was on one side with the twins on either side, and Mally sat on the other with her sunglasses on, poking at her hot fudge sundae.
"Sweetheart, you're getting more on your face than in your mouth." Nick told Bailey, as he took a wet wipe to her face. She wanted just a plain ice cream cone, and they made the cones so damn big, that it was melting before she could eat it. Aidan had a Dilly Bar, with chocolate all over his face and hands. Nick cleaned his son up also, who dug straight back in.
Nick snacked at his dipped cone, now that he'd taken care of the twins. He couldn't help but notice Mally's mood. She was disappointed to say the least with what the doctor told her. A whole other month of this crap to go.
"You okay, Mal?"
"Mmmmm." She answered, staring at her dessert. It was almost five o'clock in the afternoon. They shouldn't be having ice cream right now. He was just trying to make her feel better, but she knew Sara would be mad at filling up the twins before dinner.
"Are you disappointed?"
"Yeah, a little. A whole nother month?" She complained.
"I know, I was a little shocked by that, but that's the way it goes."
Mally nodded, but still didn't feel any better. She knew her dad prided himself in being able to protect her and keep her happy, but this was something he couldn't really fix.
"You know, we could play catch more. I know you've been missing that." Nick suggested, recalling how upset she was two days ago when the twins had joined their sacred game.
"Okay." She said simply. Truthfully, she would love this. Nick had been so busy lately, that they never had a chance to play.
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Warning – this section contains a brief spanking scene and reference to child abuse – don't read if this bothers you
At about 5:30, Nick and the kids arrived at home to find Sara there already. She had started dinner already, seeing that they weren't home, which she wasn't too happy about. Sara decided to cook spaghetti again, because it was easy, and she was hungry, and not in the mood to wait for Nick to cook. She'd had another bad day, with a case involving child abuse, which were always the hardest for her. Sara had been abused as a child by her father, something that was still all too vivid in her mind at times. Right now, she was angrily putting dinner together, some of her childhood memories bothering at her and tearing her down.
The garage door opened, and in ran the twins, more hyper than usual.
"Momma!" They both yelled, and ran to her, clinging her legs. Sara reached down and stroked their heads a little bit, but didn't pick them up like she normally did. Nick walked in and could immediately tell she was upset. Not good timing with the kids being high from sugar.
"Momma, daddy took us out for ice cweam!" Bailey told her excitedly.
"I can tell." She commented, not smiling, and shooting Nick a glare. Nick dreaded when she was in these moods. He could never hate her for feeling what she did because she couldn't control what happened to her as a child, but she was always so stand-offish in these moods. Though he was patient and caring, Sara would rarely open up to him and talk, just wanting to be left alone to deal with it.
Mally crashed on the couch, putting her feet up with her shoes still on.
"Mally, please don't put your feet up there with your shoes on." Sara told her firmly. Mally glared at Sara, her mother not understanding her mood, and crossly kicked off her shoes, putting a hand to her head.
Bailey and Aidan were jumping up and down and running around the kitchen bar, irritating Sara as she stirred the spaghetti.
"Daddy! Daddy, catch me!" Bailey begged him as she sped around.
"Guys, you need to calm down. Momma's had a rough day." Nick stood by his wife and gentry stroked her lower back, giving her loving kisses to the temple.
"What? I can't be in a bad mood? Automatically, if I look pissed, I've had a bad day at work?" She snapped. Mally really didn't like Sara talking to her dad this way, but she kept her mouth shut.
"Baby, you know I didn't mean it like that. It's just that's what it usually is." He continued to stroke the small of her back. The kids were still running around, trying to catch each other, occasionally knocking into their parents.
"Bailey, Aidan, why don't you go play on the floor for a minute?" Nick suggested.
"No!" Bailey told him, and Aidan giggled at the fun he was having.
"Bailey, you don't tell daddy no." Nick told his daughter firmly, turning to her and putting a hand on his hip.
"Wa's for dinner?" She asked.
"Spaghetti." Nick told her.
"Again?" She complained. Bailey crossed her arms and pouted, and Aidan went to go play with his toys on the floor, now that Bailey had stopped. He was happy doing about anything.
Bailey noisily stomped her way to the refrigerator and opened it, struggling a bit at the door's weight. She picked out a Jello container.
"Dinner." She told her father, holding it up.
"Bailey, that's not a good dinner. It's not nutritious."
"Wan' Jewwo!" She yelled.
"Bailey, don't shout." He told her, getting irritated. Nick really wished he hadn't fed her ice cream now.
"Well, you shouldn't have fed her ice cream right before dinner, Nick." Sara told him, with irritation lacing her voice as she stirred the spaghetti vigorously.
"Wan' Jewwo!" She screamed again, a little louder, and she stomped her feet.
"We're having spaghetti, Bailey. That's final." Nick said strictly.
"No!" Bailey threw the Jello container on the floor, causing it to splatter on the floor. Then she stormed over to Sara and pushed her upper legs. Nick was a patient man, but Bailey had gone too far, even for him
Nick grabbed her arm and turned her, giving her three firm swats to the bottom. Bailey started wailing, confused as to why her father had just hit her on the bottom. Nick had never resorted to spanking either of the twins yet, but he wasn't going to tolerate Bailey's behavior. He picked her up and stepped over the Jello, about to take her to her room.
Maybe it was the stress of the day, the flashback to her childhood, or all the yelling and running around that had just gone on, but Sara snapped emotionally. When she saw Nick spank her daughter, she immediately went on the defense. They hadn't talked about this yet in their relationship, because it had never come up, and Sara decided right then she didn't like it.
"Give me my baby!" She screamed, tears running down her cheeks. Nick stopped dead in his tracks, Bailey crying on his hip. He turned around to see her storming towards him, hurt in her eyes.
"Give her to me!" She repeated. Bailey was confused beyond words and scared to see her mother so upset. Nick didn't know what to do, but he just let Sara take Bailey from his arms. Sara cradled her daughter and took her up to the twins' room, sobbing all the way. Nick just stood there, shocked, and Mally looked dumbfounded on the couch. Aidan was crying on the floor.
Nick's attention immediately went to his crying son on the floor. He quickly went over to him and scooped Aidan up, sitting on the couch next to Mally. She looked like she was about to cry also. Nick held Aidan on his lap, and put his arm around Mally, kissing the top of her head.
"Daddy, what just happened?" Mally cried, afraid of Sara for the first time.
"I don't know, baby." Nick said honestly. "Let's just wait a minute until Sara calms down."
Nick held his two crying children on the couch, more confused and afraid than he had felt in a long time. He'd never seen Sara lose it like that.
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In the twins' room, Sara was cradling Bailey on her bed, sitting at the head. Bailey was starting to calm down as Sara rocked her back and forth, quietly shushing her, trying to control her own emotions at the same time. Sara could feel her body shaking and her heart was racing, threatening to jump out of her chest.
"It's okay, Bailey. Daddy didn't mean it. He didn't." She repeated several times. Sara decided a long time ago that you never hit a child. Ever. Her own experiences with child abuse left her convinced that any sort of physically punishment was inherently wrong. She knew that Nick had spanked Mally as a child, but didn't think the twins' behavior had ever gotten bad enough to warrant such a punishment. Now that she thought about it, Mally was a really good kid as a young child, and still he resorted to this type of discipline. Why hadn't she and Nick thought of talking about this before?
All she could think about when she saw Nick punishing Bailey was her own father, standing over her and striking her repeatedly. Plus, he used a belt sometimes. Sara knew Nick would never dream of resorting to such a thing, but it was the same idea. He struck Bailey. It scared the crap out of Sara to see Nick like that, thinking that he was somehow remotely like her father, a man she despised and feared. Sara closed her eyes and tried to drown out the memories of her childhood.
Sara knew it wasn't fair in her mind to snap like that, but she couldn't help it at that moment. A combination of things working together caused her meltdown, and she was beside herself. Bailey was probably so scared and confused, and Nick was probably puzzled. She hugged Bailey a little harder, and kissed her on the head.
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About half an hour later, Nick was just getting up off the couch.
"Mally, will you take Aidan back to my room and put him down for a few minutes?" Nick asked his daughter. He'd since turned off the boiling water, and no one was in the mood for dinner anyway.
"Sure." Mally said, picking up her tired little brother and following her father up the stairs. She was counting on him to know what to do, but Nick truthfully didn't know what to do either. As he reached the twins' room, he kissed his two children as they went past him to the master bedroom. He waited until the door was closed again to open up the twins' door.
As he walked in, he found Sara kneeling at his daughter's bed, watching their daughter sleep soundly. She looked so scared and worried, sitting there watching over her child. Nick couldn't be angry with her for wanting to protect her child. He knew her childhood had been spattered with physical abuse, and spanking Bailey probably brought back bad memories. Nick cleared his throat a little as he came in, but Sara had heard him enter.
"I would always hide in my closet." Sara said. "When my dad came home drunk."
Nick walked over to her and kneeled down next to her, stealing glances between her and their daughter.
"What did he do?" He probed gently. Sara rarely talked about the abuse from her childhood, but could sense she wanted to now.; to explain why she did what she did.
Sara started crying and put a hand over her eyes. Nick shifted to sit by Bailey's bed and pulled his wife down to his lap. She started crying more as Nick held her, stroking hair away from her eyes.
"It's okay. You can tell me." He encouraged her.
"He would…he would always find something small I did wrong. Like not putting my shoes away, or leaving out one toy or something. He'd come home, and…the whole house would know. He didn't beat my brother, because he fought back. I was an easy target. He'd drag me out of the closet, and just…I kept praying for him to stop, but he wouldn't."
Nick kissed her forehead. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."
"Sometimes, he'd just use his hand, but other times, he'd use the belt. I'd get huge welts."
Nick's heart broke as she told him of her experiences. He knew vaguely about it, but never had she gone into so much detail. Nick pictured a frightened little Sara, begging for her father to stop, but finding no mercy. No wonder she'd snapped.
"Sara, you know I could never do that to our children." Nick whispered.
"I know…it just, bought back so much pain. I wish you hadn't."
"Well, we need to talk about this. When you're head's cleared and when you've calmed down. I did it because she was out of control, she threw something, and then she pushed you. She was screaming for what she wanted, and it needed to stop."
"Why not a time out?"
"I don't find that to be very effective when they're that out of control." Nick told her honestly. "I needed to get her attention."
Sara could see where Nick was coming from, but she still didn't like it.
"You hit her to tell her that pushing me wasn't okay?"
Nick sighed a little. "That wasn't the only thing she did. She was carrying on, and arguing with me, and throwing a fit. I don't want her growing up trying to pull stuff like that all the time."
Sara looked into Nick's eyes and saw so much love for her and their children. She knew Nick didn't enjoy punishing Bailey, and that her behavior needed to stop. But she was exhausted, and this would wait for another time.
Sara leaned over and captured her lips with Nick's. Nick kissed her back slowly and sensually, trying to show Sara how tenderly he loved her; how he would never want to hurt her. They kissed for about a minute or so, and then Sara rested her head on Nick's shoulder.
"Take me to bed, Nick." She told him.
Nick carefully adjusted them and stood up, taking her with him. They walked hand in hand out of the room, leaving the toddler to snooze. Sara apologized to Mally and took her son, holding him in her arms and assuring him everything was okay. Nick tucked Mally in, and Sara did the same with Aidan. Finally, they joined each other in their bed. They lay in a spooning position, Nick clasping her hands firmly enclosed in his, and kissed her shoulder. Exhausted, they both fell asleep in each other's arms.
