A/N: Hey, there! Sorry for the slight delay. As I said, the end of a school year is mad hectic. I've only got four more days left! Woo hoo! I'll try to update within the week, but maybe not. Please review!
Sara's pov
I came home to find the house almost silent, which is, of course, unusual with two young children and a teenager. It felt like I was having wild flashbacks. How Nick was laying there on the couch looking guilty, like he'd done something awful. He looked like my father – like how he looked after he'd gone into one of his drunken beating spells and came to afterwards, realizing what he'd done. The look on his face made me want to rush to my babies instinctually to make sure they were okay. That they were safe. Nick must've seen the look on my face, because he jumped up and grabbed my arm before I could rush off and scare the kids again.
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Regular pov
Nick had to all but drag Sara over the couch, and she was starting to cry. She could tell something bad had happened, and her first thought was her children. Nick assured her they were okay and spent the next minute or so calming her down, gently stroking her back and hair, all the while trying to take deep breaths himself.
Both were breathing heavily, but calming, when Nick spoke.
"Baby, I have to tell you something." Nick practically gasped, still choking on tears. "Mally's mother is dead." He whispered.
"Carolyn?" She looked at him in disbelief. "How did you find out?"
"I contacted the New York Ballet, and one of the dancers remembered her. She OD'd two years ago." He informed his wife, reliving the pain as he told her. Sara's face quickly turned from confusion and judgment, to sorrow. She could see this really upset Nick, though she didn't know Carolyn. She was a big part of his life for three years; she was the mother of his child. Sara took his face in her hands and made eye contact as Nick began to cry again.
"I haven't told Mally yet, but I…I snapped at the kids." Nick admitted, already feeling ashamed and sick for himself.
"Sshhhhh…" Sara planted a gentle kiss on his lips, trying to calm him. "We all have bad days. We'll just have to talk to them later, okay?"
"I know, but I…" He shook his head in shame and his face looked disgusted, "I threatened to spank Bailey after I told her I wouldn't."
Sara's face changed a little. It looked like she'd been used, and she'd just found out. But then, she saw how upset Nick was. Sara could tell right then he regretted it deeply, and he was ashamed for breaking his promise.
"But you just threatened, right?"
"Yeah. Mally's in the twins' room, taking care of them. She's pretty upset with me now, anyway."
"Oh, Nick." She kissed his forehead in comfort. "You made a mistake, but we can fix it." Sara whispered, tears forming in her eyes. Nick leaned in and kissed his wife tenderly and slowly, as they both continued to cry softly. They laid back on the couch, and just held each other for a while, processing what was going on.
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Mally sat in Bailey's bed with a twin on either side of her. They were all still sniffling a little bit at their dad's outburst. Nick had always been a very calm, patient man, so all three children were confused as to why he had snapped. The twins didn't know any better, but Mally knew something must have happened to cause such a reaction. Did it have something to do with her mother?
"Mawwy, where's mommy?" Aidan finally asked.
"I don't know. I heard the door a while ago. Maybe she's home. Do you want to go see her?" She stroked his hair lovingly.
"Is daddy still out there?"
"I think so."
"Then I want to stay here." The little boy said quickly.
"Okay. We'll just stay here. I'm sure mommy will come see us soon."
The three Stokes children sat quietly for a few more minutes in Bailey's bed, when they heard quiet footsteps coming up the stairs, which they identified as their mother's. A knock a few seconds later.
"Who is it?" Mally asked, just to make sure.
"It's mom." Sara answered.
"Come in."
Sara solemnly walked into the twins' room and found her three children on the bed, in an embrace. She was so thankful to have Mally; to take care of her two babies when she was away. Sara didn't know what would have happened if Nick had snapped like that at Bailey and Aidan, and Mally was away.
The twins immediately stood up at the sight of their mom, holding their arms out to be held. Sara tried her best to find a spot on the tiny toddler bed, and the twins immediately pounced on her, wanting to sit in her lap and be hugged.
"Hey, guys. I missed you." She kissed them both on the head. "Thank you, Mally." Sara told her daughter genuinely. Mally smiled slightly and nodded, and laid down.
"Mommy, why's daddy so mad?" Bailey asked her mother, her eyebrows knitted in confusion.
Sara and Mally made eye contact, and then Mally knew for sure it was about her and her mother. Mally quickly moved her eyes away and looked down at the bed. It must be bad news, if he'd snapped like that. He didn't want to tell her something. Carolyn probably didn't want to meet her.
"Well, your daddy had a really bad day." Sara started, "And sometimes when people are in a bad mood, they say and do things that aren't okay. That they don't really want to say."
"Daddy's mad at me." Bailey started to sob.
"No, sweetheart. Your daddy's not mad at you. He's not mad at anyone. He shouldn't have threatened you or yelled at you, baby, but he just had a really bad day."
"But he scareded me." Aidan sobbed.
Sara's heart broke and she held the twins a little bit closer. This is how she remembered feeling after her father came home drunk, and took it out on her. They thought it was their fault, and they were just so scared.
"I know, baby. And daddy's sorry. He really is. And he's going to come upstairs in a minute to apologize."
The twins seemed to stir a little bit, unsure if they wanted to see him. Sara sensed their uneasiness.
"He calmed down now. When he comes in, he won't yell at you or be loud, okay? He'll be back to regular daddy."
The twins trusted their mother incessantly, so that put their minds at ease. Sara and the children just sat on the bed and engaged in a little small talk while they waited for Nick to come upstairs.
Minutes later, heavier, but kind footsteps played on the stairs, that they all recognized as Nick's. He quietly knocked on the door and Sara told him to come in.
As he entered, his face was solemn and sorry. Mally could immediately tell he was ashamed of how he'd acted, but that didn't mean she was going to forgive him so fast after scaring her little brother and sister. Nick knelt down next to the bed, but decided not to touch any of the children. He wanted them to make the choice to make the first move.
"I'm sorry, guys." He apologized whole-heartedly, glancing between his three children. "Daddy didn't mean to snap like that at you. I had a really bad day, and I said some things I didn't mean. And I yelled, and I shouldn't have done that. I didn't mean to scare you." The twins' eyes were wide, taking in what he was saying. Their forgiving, young hearts instantly took in his apology, and all was forgiven. They practically lunged at their daddy, and Nick was so relieved. He was going to fix it. He was going to show how much he adored and loved his children, and how he'd never hurt them again.
With one twin on either side of his head in a hug, Nick glanced over at Mally, who was laying on the bed with a hurt scowl on her face. He knew Mally wouldn't buy his apology so easily. It made her sick how awful he had been to Bailey and Aidan. She knew he didn't mean it, but he was the parent, and he was supposed to control his emotions in front of them.
Finally, it was too much. After breathing in heavily for a few moments, Mally shot up off the bed and stormed out the room. She stopped short of slamming the door, because she didn't want to upset the twins again. Mally felt tears stinging her eyes as she bolted into her room, shutting the door quietly behind her. She threw herself on her bed and cried; for herself, and for her siblings.
In the twins' room, Nick and Sara eyed each other, observing for themselves how upset Mally still was. Earning the twins' trust back was pretty easy, because they were so young and forgiving, but Nick and Mally had been through so much together. Never in her life had Nick ever yelled at her like that, and it took her to a bad place. Where had this angry father been her whole life, and why was he coming out now? Deep down, Mally knew it wasn't her fault, but she couldn't help but wonder if her quest for her mother had caused her father's angst and hurt.
Nick kissed his two youngest a few more times, and told them he needed to go talk to Mally. They were happy to go downstairs and play with their mother outside. Sara kissed her husband in support, because they both knew he needed to tell her about Carolyn.
Nick took a deep, cleansing breath as he stood outside his oldest daughter's door. He was actually nervous. He'd never really been nervous about talking to his own child, except when they had "the talk". Nick nervously knocked on the closed door, but didn't hear a response. He opened the door anyway and found Mally face down on her bed, clutching her pillow.
Nick sat on the edge of her bed and reached out, gently rubbing her back. Mally flinched and moved away.
"Don't touch me." She spat out from her pillow. Nick was hurt, but he pulled his hand back as she wished.
"Mal, I know you're upset with me, and I don't blame you. Snapping at my children was not acceptable, nor was it something I wanted to do. It just…happened." Nick tried to explain.
Mally didn't say anything, so Nick continued.
"I had a really really bad day, Mal, and I need to talk to you about that right now." He said seriously. Mally turned so she could see his face. Her father's eyes were serious and sad, and so she knew he wasn't kidding.
"Is it about my mother?" She croaked, her voice weak from the crying and emotion.
"Yes." He admitted. "I need you to sit up."
Mally obeyed, sitting cross-legged on her pillow now, and Nick moved to sit the same way opposite of her. Nick took her hands in his, lacing their fingers together, like he had when he asked for Mally's permission to marry Sara. Mally could tell this was serious. Her father took another deep breath.
"Sweetheart, the reason I was so upset was because today, I contacted the New York Ballet. One of the dancers remembered your mother from a few years back when she danced there."
Nick paused, not wanting to continue, but knew he had to. Mally deserved to hear from him what had happened to her mother. His daughter's eyes were wide with anticipation, and it broke his heart.
"And she…she told me that your mother died two years ago."
Nick paused, waiting to tell her about the overdose. She just needed to process the death first. Mally's eyes darted around on the bed for a few moments, taking in what her father had just told her. She was dead?
"Wh…wh…she's?"
"She's dead, sweetheart." Nick whispered. "I'm so sorry."
Mally's face was a splay of emotions for the next few seconds. She was upset, confused, hurt, cheated, and in grievance. Mally didn't know what to think. She didn't know this woman. Why was she so upset? From what her father had told her, Carolyn was a heinous bitch, and only cared about herself. She was a horrible mother to her only daughter, neglectful and uncaring. If she was such a horrible person, why did Mally care so much? Why were tears suddenly falling down her cheeks?
Mally felt her father reach over and take her into a warm embrace, whispering comforting words into her ear. All Mally could do was cry. She cried for the loss; for never knowing her mother; and for her father's loss of a past love. He must be devastated too.
"Daddy…" She choked.
"Shhhhh." Nick comforted his daughter. He moved to guide his daughter to lay down again on her bed. Mally complied with him, laying face down on her pillow again. Nick lay on his side next to her and gently stroked her back, trying to get her to calm down.
"It's okay to cry." He whispered, as her sobs started to die down a little. Mally just tried to concentrate on her father's comforting presence, and the lulling trance of his hand. The father she loved so much was back, but now she felt an even greater sense of loss. What did this mean?
Mally's breathing finally shallowed out after a few minutes, and Nick leaned down to kiss her head.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked her gently, not knowing if it was too soon.
"No." She said weakly, turning her head to face him. Nick gently tucked some wayward hair behind her ear and stroked her face.
"That's okay." He kissed her forehead. "We can talk when you're ready okay?"
Mally nodded, staring at her father's face with still confused eyes.
"Do you want to come downstairs and do something together? We could go play catch, just you and me."
"I think I just want to be alone for a while." Mally admitted.
"Okay. I'll go outside then. You can come out when you're ready." Nick kissed her one more time before getting up and quietly leaving the room. He joined his wife and the twins outside, who were playing tag in the yard.
When Nick came outside, Sara quickly took in his facial expressions. She could tell he'd told Mally, and it had gone okay, but he was still worried. He looked relieved, that finally he'd gotten this burden off his chest. Mally must have wanted to be alone, because she hadn't joined them. That, Sara could understand.
Nick walked to his wife and gave her a slow, sensual kiss.
"She just wants to be alone for a while." Nick told her.
"Yeah."
Nick wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulders as they watched the twins scurry around the lawn. Aidan was 'it', and was trying to catch his twin sister, without much luck. Bailey was already athletic and quick like her father. Nick and Sara knew she'd be a tomboy, but she was still so loving.
Aidan giggled as he chased his sister. He wasn't quite as fast as Bailey, but he was already into sports too. Nick couldn't wait to show him all kinds of sports, like basketball, soccer, and football. He loved having a son, and he loved having two daughters.
Aidan spotted his father watching him and quickly ran to him. Nick thought he was going to get a hug, but the little boy pushed him and yelled, "You're it!"
Nick laughed and let out a silly groan, making the twins squeal, because they knew he'd be after them. They ran for their lives, giggling and squealing, as they tried to find a hiding spot. Sara watched, laughing, as the three bolted around the yard. Nick was letting them win, humoring them by accidentally running into things, and pretending not to see them when they covered their eyes (Their logic was, if they couldn't see Nick, he couldn't see them). Sara knew Nick was such a wonderful father, and she knew at the end of the day, everything would always be okay.
tbc
