Extreme Prejudice.


Disclaimer: The copyright to Harry Potter belongs exclusively to J K Rowling. Good for her too.

Summary: Captain Granger - Royal Artillery Troop Commander. Ready to kick some Riddle butt.


Chapter 1

Being Captain Granger.

It's funny how everyone defines me as a He. Yes Captain, they say; salute me; follow my orders. They even call me Sir not Maam as they should. No eye contact, eyes always straight ahead, rigid and unmoving. I'm a sexless uniformed Gestapo agent waiting to kill or maim everyone I see. That's what they think, they don't see I'm the Gryffindor Sex Goddess swathed in khaki oozing sex appeal and able to pleasure every available man with my skills in fellatio learned in the trenches of this damning existence.

I suppose I was like that when I was a raw recruit too. Always so afraid to step out of line and bring dishonour on my squad as I knew that everyone would suffer from my stupidity. It didn't take me long to learn that lesson and bury my know-it-all attitude that I'd had as a student at Hogwarts. Sure I was still a very keen learner and rose through the ranks very quickly with honours and distinction, youngest platoon leader at the Academy, but I learnt to hold my tongue. Getting some good bashings from my fellow cadets soon taught me the lessons that 7 years of detentions and the odd cold shoulder from Ron and Harry at Hogwarts couldn't.


I suppose you're wondering what I'm doing in the Muggle military. I'd like to imagine it was a funny story just waiting to be told, or I just fell into it but no, it was nothing like that. When I finished at Hogwarts, smartest witch of my age and all that palaver, I just didn't know what I wanted to do with myself.

There were the routine offers from the Ministry of Magic to be a desk jockey, being a friend of the-boy-who-lived helped, but I had to look outside of the square. Even though my parents are dentists and run their own successful practice that sort of thing didn't appeal either. Dad wanted me to go to Med. school, but nah, just couldn't do that either. I guess I needed some adventure in my life and a purpose, give me a goal and I'll run it down until it's all done and finished. That's me.


My Uncle Norm was my quiet confidant. Mum's Brother Norman, a real man's man. Fought in Vietnam and Desert Storm, coordinated the clean up campaigns in Bosnia, now he was a CO with NATO. When I'd spent some of my school leave with him he'd often take me off on a cadet camp and I'd learn all about strategy, comradeship and being needed. Norm was a great bloke, and he knew I was a witch because he saw me perform some wandless magic one night and then got me to talk about it. I was afraid I'd end up in Hangar 51, or whatever the British version was, but he was so cool about it. I think he was dead proud of my achievements and told me some stories about his Great Aunt Amy and how she could do stuff like me. Seems it's a recessive gene in our family after all. Uncle Norm can predict things and has a gift that I think would make him a good seer if he trained up a bit. He was politely interested so I lent him a couple of my old texts from the failed classes I'd had with Professor Trelawny, I think I might have told him to "Broaden his mind" at one point before having a fit of giggles.

I'd decided that I wanted to learn as much as I could about military strategy so I could be of use to the Order of the Phoenix and help to destroy the reign of Tom Riddle.


Norm had a contact who organised to have my academic record recognised by the Department of Defence. It was all very hush-hush, the Minister of Magic was actually very good about it and spoke to Headmistress McGonagall on my behalf. I managed to get a scholarship to Sandhurst Military Academy, and now at the ripe old age of 26 I'm a Commissioned Officer, a Royal Artillery Troop Commander with a squad of 12 mixed sex soldiers under my command. So here I am, Captain Granger, a seasoned soldier having served in Iraq and Afghanistan, with commando skills, a talent for tactical planning and the ability to lead a squadron into a war zone.


But am I ready to face Lord Voldemort. That was the million-dollar question, were any of us ready to face the Dark Lord and finally kill his sorry arse.

Of course we'd kicked old Mouldy Arse before, but we'd never managed to vanquish the evil bastard. All those times we'd tried, even with the horcrux adventure back in 7th year, we didn't feel we were any closer to destroying the Dark Wizard that was worshipped by so many stupid mongrels in the Wizarding world. As with any Messiah or Prophet, there were always those who were willing to follow until they died, and die they did. Unfortunately for those of us on the opposing team we suffered casualties as well.


The Order of the Phoenix had my parents in and out of safe houses so much that they just decided to move to the United States permanently. They were on a magical witness protection programme and I didn't see them too often. My family at home was Uncle Norm and his wife Janet. Janet was a real brick, though she thought the whole "Herms is a witch" thing was just a joke Norm had come up with to explain my uncontrollable hair. We played along with this, one less thing to stress out Janet was always a winner from Norm's perspective. She was a fine military wife, his uniforms were always immaculate, meals hot and arms ready with her love. It made me happy to know that they were such a good couple, always made me sigh and wonder if I could find a male version of Janet to fawn over me and iron my uniforms. I hated ironing.


As far as having a love life went, well it hasn't been good I'm afraid. I've had the odd lover, mostly odd they were too. Ron ended up marrying Luna Lovegood when he finally cottoned on to the fact that I was married to my uniform. They had 3 bouncy red headed kids. Harry has a love hate relationship with Ginny Weasley. I'd dated Charlie Weasley a few times but it ended badly when I took down three Death Eaters single-handed that had attacked us in Hogsmeade one day. I think I hurt his pride a bit, he preferred working with dragons after that rather than women.

Some of Uncle Norm's NATO mates think I'm pretty hot, as only military men can, because I can out arm-wrestle them. My whiskey drinking skills are also legendary. A uniform is a turn on, not a turn off (must be the bravery braids), and we could play dress ups by exchanging berets (blue for green). Be still my beating heart.


However, sometimes a woman can have that life changing experience that defines a turning point in her existence. I remember the exact moment it happened to me.

I was under sniper fire in Iraq and holed in with my squad for 6 hours in a burnt out building. We were taking turns to do the watch trying to shoot the sneaky bastard before he shot us first. I got talking to Lieutenant Stadley, one of the female soldiers under my command, and we talked about love and life. She pulled out the obligatory family photo's of her 3 year old daughter who now lived with her estranged husband and his mother. She still loved him and after the stress of being under attack like this decided she would take up his offer to try again. I promised to help her fill out the paper work for an office job closer to home. She was a fine soldier but at 26 she was jaded by a whole country full of people who didn't know if they wanted to stone her to death or kiss her. That sort of life can get a tad trying after a while believe you me. I also didn't want to be the person to explain to the child why her mother wasn't coming home again.

It was then that I decided what I really wanted was a Wizard husband and magical children.

Kids on broomsticks and weekend quidditch matches.

Dinners in Diagon Alley, nights at Godric's Hollow or the Burrow, magical balls and equally magical sex.

A dress that wasn't in any recognisable shade of green.


Unfortunately at my age, even though I was only 26, most Wizards were taken. I was an old spinster and would only be a good catch for a decrepit old man who fancied my muscles. There was also the small problem of me living in the Muggle world, I never took the time to meet any Wizards let alone date any. Maybe I'd Owl some of my old girlfriends from school who I still kept in contact with, surely Lavender or Padma could invite me to some places where I could be seen and maybe meet some guys with the qualities I was after. A pulse was the first quality I wanted, maybe more for a second date like his own teeth.


I ended the siege by casting a dillusionment charm on myself when I'd told the squad I was popping out back for a pee. I then apparated up to the adjacent roof top and garroted the sniper. I hate snipers.

I also hate using magic in my work just in case I get caught. Bugger it though, what's the use of being a witch if I can't use the occasional magic, especially if it's to get my squad out alive. I'm a Troop Commander first, then a Witch second. Sometimes the lines that cross the two worlds just get a bit blurry and life slips into shades of gray.

On the flip side, like Gilderoy Lockhart, I'm pretty handy with memory charms.


Authors note: I had wanted to make Hermione an Officer in the Royal Marines but discovered that due to a Court of Justice ruling a few years back the "…Royal Marines, as special combat units pursuing activities for which sex is a determining factor, are entitled to exclude women." The case related to a female army chef who applied for a Marines job but was knocked back as their chefs are required to be combat ready.

Also it would not be unusual for her to be a Captain at 26 – the recruiting site for Sandhurst Military Academy states that "You should rise through the rank of Lieutenant and Captain within 2 to 5 years, when you will have the opportunity to become a Forward Observation Officer, seeking out and engaging enemy targets…" So with 12 months at the Academy, 6 months of other training and some field experience our Very Bright Gryffindor will make it to Captain by 26.

I know this character may not sound much like the Hermione we know and love, however she is a proud lioness who wants to serve and protect. I've just modeled her a bit on a Tommy-Lee Jones sort of straight laced character. I intend to melt her a bit later on and get her out of her fatigues and into a frock (tres horror!). I'm not sure that she will be willing to exchange her combat boots for sling-backs though.