Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I was sick with a cough, and the medicine I got made me really sick to the stomach. Anyway, I'm exceedingly happy because I'm done with my story for the summer, and I just got a major breakthrough on A Questionable End, (WB). It's wonderful to know how your story's going to end after spending three months on it! Anyway...

(grins) I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I think it's the funniest one in the whole story. Now, some of you may disagree with me, and argue that there's nothing funny about it, but I think there is, and it's all relative to the other chapters. The request strikes me as odd, because usually, it's the other way around. (if you're confused, read the chapter)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the things I own. The things I own are the things not owned by Colfer. Colfer owns everything except the things I own. The things Colfer owns are the things I do not own. :) Try that one, all you people who think you're the next Artemis Fowl.


Zane woke up around five in the morning when the doors opened, and Valerie stepped back into the room. Three doctors were with her, as well as the guards. The Tyrant was asleep.

"Now remember, no movement!" After repeating this phrase several times, rearranging it in various ways, they left, and Valerie shuffled over to the bed as he turned on a lamp.

She looked utterly exhausted. The pajama top she had worn into the surgery was gone, but it was no longer needed. From what he could see, her arms had been wrapped up to the shoulders with splints, and padding, and her arms had been bandaged across her body, much as she had done earlier, except for the fact that the bandages wound their way from just above her hips to cover the curve of her breasts.

"What did they do?" Zane sat up, reaching out to help her onto the bed. "It's like a straightjacket!"

"It is." Valerie winced as he lowered her onto the pillows, and pulled the covers over her. "The Tyrant did nothing to sabotage the surgery, but he effectively rendered me useless for a while. Not only can I not use my hands, but I can't bend my upper body, and my balance is upset."

"Does it hurt?"

Valerie shook her head as he turned out the lights. "No. Not yet at least. They had me on drip the whole time. I don't think I'll feel it for a while."

"Tell me if you do." Zane turned out the lights, pulled her closer to him, and shut his eyes.

He was tired still from their almost non-stop trek across several hundred miles of Russia, but he couldn't sleep. He had a feeling that the worst was yet to come. How was she supposed to survive when she was so utterly helpless? If she couldn't survive, there was no way he was going to. He almost hated her in a way. Why couldn't she be good enough not to get herself hurt? Why was she risking so much?

Beside him, he felt her move, just slightly, and push her face into his chest. She wouldn't even be able to eat without help. This was ridiculous. There was no way they'd survive.

He almost snapped at her right then, but something wet trickled across his chest, and he felt her take a deep, convulsive breath. She was crying. She must think he was asleep.

Suddenly, his anger disappeared, and he remembered how young she was. Too young. Hardly more than a child, and yet she killed for a living. Something had hurt her. He could tell. She was experiencing more pain than most people did in their whole life, and she was under enormous pressures to perform. He had no idea how she stood it.

She took another deep breath, and pressed her face harder into him in an effort to hide her tears from anyone watching. Slowly, he moved his hand up, and brushed the tears off her face.

Valerie froze and went rigid, heart hammering. Oh the shame… She was crying— the ultimate sign of weakness. His fingers were warm and gentle on her face, but she shouldn't lie to herself. Nothing justified weakness. He must think her a child.

"Hush," he whispered, and then he wrapped his arms tightly around her, and held her until she was done crying.

Finally, Valerie lay against him, exhausted and in immeasurable pain. "Thank you. I'm sorry I'm like this, I shouldn't be, but it hurts so bad, and I'm so tired."

Zane sighed, and leaned over her, kissing her forehead. "No excuses. You have every right to cry, and you know it."

The right to cry. For some reason, this simple statement made her collapse into tears again, and she turned away, burying her head under her pillow. She was losing control of everything, herself included. Her pain was out of control, and worse, her tears.

Zane wrapped his arms around her again, and waited for her to finish, resting his head on her neck.

When her shaking had slowed to an occasional shudder, Valerie took a deep breath, and whispered: "Zane?"

"What?"

"It hurts." She bit her lip. "It hurts really bad. I think the pain killers and the drip were diluted."

He didn't move a for a moment. There wasn't much to say about it. He hissed a few soft words in Portuguese, shook his head, and smoothed her hair. "I'm sorry."

Valerie shut her eyes. "Why are you doing this?"

"You're just a little kid." He laughed softly in her ear, teasing but not taunting, and tightened his grip. "You shouldn't have to deal with all this. You shouldn't have to kill people for a living. You shouldn't have to be in this kind of pain."

"I'll be nineteen in three days," she said defensively. "I'm not that young!"

"Yes you are."

Valerie lifted her head in annoyance, and bumped it against his chin. "How old are you?"

"That's a very rude question, but I suppose I can answer it. Twenty-one, almost twenty-two." Zane pulled the covers up higher, and lifted her head onto the pillow beside him.

"You're very young for a bodyguard," said Valerie accusingly.

"I'm good."

"So am I."

Zane sighed, and picked up a glass of water off the dresser. "There's a difference though, Madam, and it resides in what we do. You kill for a living. I save lives for a living. You're destroying yourself, and I'm building myself. Fundamental differences."

Valerie didn't answer him.

"Will you—" Zane broke off, not sure that this was the time to ask.

With a groan, Valerie struggled free of his arms. "I've thought about it Zane. I thought for a long time. I know you have a good reason, and you're probably right, but I can't."

"You can't?"

"No." Her voice was very small. "I can't."

Zane sat up, and turned on the light so he could look at her better. "You're a hired killer, Madam! I'm an inconvenience! What do you mean you can't? This is ridiculous!"

"I'm sorry." Valerie looked away and shut her eyes. "I just can't do it."

"Why not?"

Her face twitched, and she bit her lip hard. "I told you— you— you remind me of someone I used to know. You remind me of something. That's why. I'm sorry, but I can't."

"What of?"

"I can't tell you. It's the rules." Valerie curled up miserably, and lay still.

Zane set the glass down with a bang, and turned out the light. "Damn your rules!"

Neither of them said anything for several hours. Breakfast came and went. They lay in the dark, side by side, wondering what the other was thinking, and each wishing the other would comply.

At lunch, Dr. Hinesburg and The Tyrant stepped into the room for a few minutes. After a quick examination, she was pronounced to be recovering just fine, and told she could move around, but not to move her arms. She was well rested, well hydrated, well nourished.

As soon as they were gone, Valerie rolled over and buried her face in her pillow, shoulders trembling.

"What's the matter?" Zane leaned over her, feeling a grudging worry for her distress. Not only might whatever bothered her be important, but he felt bad for her.

"They were checking to see if I could travel," whispered Valerie. "I can. The Sun Ye On will pick me up tonight, pull their men out of the area, and The Tyrant will wait like he promised too, and you will still be obliged to tell him the answer. I'll be dead."

"Do you want to tell me more about what this is all about?"

"I've told you everything I could."

Zane looked at her hard. "I feel like I didn't get the whole story. There's nothing more you can tell me?"

"No." Everything was falling apart, and she wanted to retain some hold on her privacy, and some hold on her rules. If she didn't things were going to be even worse. "Zane?"

"What?"

"I'm scared." That kind of defeated the purpose of keeping her rules, but she didn't care. She was scared.

Zane laughed. "I don't blame you. Any other last words?"

Valerie squirmed slightly, and looked away. "I think I have a little favor to ask you."

"Well, considering everything you've done, for me in particular, I don't think that's a terribly presumptuous thing." Zane stretched luxuriously, and leaned back. "What is it?"

"Never mind." Valerie shook her head suddenly and decisively.

"What is it?" Zane was curious now, and determined to find out what it was that she had wanted. "If I can do it, I will."

She did not look convinced. "For some reason, I doubt it, and since I know more about what I was going to ask that you do, I'm betting on myself. I'm not asking, Zane. It was nice of you to volunteer to do it, but I'm not requiring anything else."

"I'd like to give you something else."

Lying there in the dark, Valerie wondered how it was that she had already broken so many rules with him, and let down her guard, and how she had failed with him. But she knew. Inside she knew. "You don't know what I want."

"So ask!"

Valerie didn't answer him.

"Come on, Madam! It can't be that horrible. If you're going to leave me, that's fine. I understand."

"I'm not going to leave you!" she snapped, suddenly angry. "Will you listen to me? I promised you I would come back, and I will, and that's final! If I live, that is."

"And what if you don't live?"

"I can't come back, obviously." Valerie sighed heavily, and drew her feet up underneath her. "What it was— what I was going to ask you, I can't."

"Why not?"

She shook her head. "It was too much to ask, even taking the situation into consideration. Much to much to ask. It was too personal, and I don't think you wouldn't have appreciated it."

"So?"

For a moment, Valerie wanted to slap him. Not only was this impossible though, but it would have done nothing to help. "Turn on the lights, Zane, so I can see your face."

He did.

"I'm probably going to die, right? We've established that?"

Zane shrugged. "Knowing you, as little as I do, I still think you have a good chance, but there is a probability you will, yes." He looked at her a moment, wondering.

"This is a really horrible thing to ask."

"What?" It was so frustrating!

Valerie stared at him until he felt uncomfortable, and then turned her head away. "I'm still a virgin."

"What's that got to…" he petered off, frowning distrustfully. "And?"

"I'd really not like to die that way."

Zane blinked several times. This was by far the oddest question he'd ever been asked, in a round-about way. It was being asked, and he knew it. More curious was the fact that she was asking. It was usually him. Not that he'd slept with a lot of girls. Two or three. "I don't think that's exactly something to be ashamed of, unless it's because you were so dirt ugly that you couldn't get anyone. Obviously you're not."

"I don't care." Valerie hesitated. "It's not exactly just about that. I like you too. Much better than most of the people I've met that last few years. I doubt I'd ask anyone else."

"Do you like me?"

Valerie laughed, and turned onto her side. "Sure, I like you. I like you a lot. Don't think I'm asking you under the disillusion of love though, Zane. I'm not kidding myself. I don't have a little kid's crush on you. None of all that stuff. I just like you."

"And?"

"And I'd like to die without my virginity intact."

Zane grinned saucily. It was amazing how she kept composed and was able to discuss such a delicate topic about herself at the same time. "So what am I supposed to do about it?"

"I would like you to shag me," said Valerie calmly.


I swear, that last line is just about the funniest thing I ever wrote. Anyway, I was asked to write a naughty chapter to follow this one up, but I'm not sure. Should I?

You who do not review: Your evils will condemn you on the day of judgment. :)