CHAPTER 17: A PLEDGE
A moment later
The Library
Thomas stepped into the library and found Lady Mary seated on the sofa. "I have Hopwood's estimate, milady."
"Come in, Barrow." Lady Mary's voice was clipped. She had trusted Thomas and did not like to feel the fool. She watched Thomas as he approached. He carried himself with his usual proud posture, but his pale face betrayed him.
"I am not pleased that I have to interrogate you, Barrow. I find such conversations demeaning." Lady Mary held up the plumbing bill. "Kindly explain this."
Thomas took the bill from Lady Mary. This had been his first opportunity to see it, and he tried to read it, but the paper shook. Thomas dropped his hand and pressed the paper against his leg to force his hand still.
"Do you have nothing to say, Barrow?"
"I have no respectable explanation to offer, milady, and I have no way to say this delicately. I was drawn to Hopwood and did not use reason in my dealings with him. I pray you believe me, milady, when I say that I behaved stupidly, but not dishonestly. Either way, I did you a disservice which I regret deeply."
"Heavens, Barrow. That was a mouthful!" This was not the conversation that Lady Mary had anticipated. "Are you telling me you were attracted to this plumber?
"Yes, milady."
"Did he seduce you, Barrow?"
Thomas accepted that he had made an appalling blunder and was determined not to compound it by trying to deceive Lady Mary. "I'm sorry to tell Your Ladyship that seduce would not be a fair word as I was willing. I mean to say that I was willing to enjoy Hopwood's attentions, milady. I had no idea that he intended to inflate his bill."
"Then you were duped? This Hopwood person was stringing you along merely to take advantage?"
"Yes, milady."
Lady Mary regarded Thomas. He held his head high, but she could see his shame.
"I'm sorry to have to ask these questions, Barrow. I suppose this has been a most unpleasant discovery for you."
"Yes, milady."
"You exposed yourself to a terrible risk, Barrow. Frankly, I thought you were more astute than that."
"Yes, milady."
"I can't imagine how I would have explained it to Master George if you had been compromised and dragged off to jail. I'm sorry, Barrow. But that is the truth of the matter, isn't it? You take that risk whenever you engage in such behaviour."
Thomas did not respond.
"I'm sorry, Barrow, but Master George and I would be dreadfully sad if you ever had to face such a consequence."
Thomas fixed his eyes on the wall. "I understand, milady."
"Well Barrow, your explanation casts a different light on the matter, doesn't it?"
"That's not for me to say, milady."
"Well, I say it does. The question is, where do we go from here. I can see that you had no intention to cheat us. I trust you, Barrow. I don't know if I can trust your judgment. Do you understand my meaning?"
"Yes, milady."
"And then there's the matter of the money. Lord Grantham is livid. The fact of the matter is that you're competent, Barrow. You've managed well within a tighter budget than Carson ever had. And you've kept your promise to me about Carson. Mrs Hughes tells me that his sessions with you are the highlight of his week."
"Thank you, milady."
"You should have asked Carson for advice about engaging a new contractor. But that's not a concern. My concern is whether or not you are willing to stop putting yourself at risk when it comes to matters of the heart. This should be none of my business, Barrow, but in your case, it is. For the others in this house, an error in judgment means, at worst, a tear-stained pillow. For you ... well, we've already discussed the risk you take."
"Yes, milady."
"You were in service before the war, Barrow. You remember how it was."
"Milady?"
"A butler never thought of marriage before the war. He was married to his job. Are you willing to be married to your job, Barrow?"
So it had come to this. Lady Mary was asking Thomas to take a pledge of celibacy. Thomas felt as though he were in a dream.
Lady Mary watched Thomas carefully. "Is it too much to ask of you, Barrow?"
"No, milady. I'm willing to be married to my job."
"I'm truly sorry, Barrow."
"I know, milady."
"Then go about your work, Barrow, and know that your job is safe. Leave me the estimate. I'm going to talk to Mr Branson about the bill and how to handle Hopwood, but I will not put you at risk."
"Thank you, milady. You've been most generous." Thomas gave the estimate to Lady Mary and held himself high as he exited the library. As soon as he cleared the door, he ran to the servants' water closet where he retched until he was empty.
