1999
Sunnydale, California
UC Sunnydale: Stevenson Hall: Room #214
Buffy and Xander walked down the dorm hallway in silence.
Reaching Buffy's dorm room, they nervously faced each other. Both were unsure of how to confront the cemetery kiss or the pull between them, trying to bring them closer.
"Thanks for walking me back," Buffy stated while dropping her gaze and developing a new interest in her square-toe heel boots.
"No problem," said Xander, stuffing his hands inside the front pockets of his jeans
"Will you be okay getting home?" She asked.
Xander nodded. "Yeah, I need the walk."
"Okay." She nodded, turning her back to Xander as she unlocked the door. "G'night."
"Night." Xander watched as she quickly entered the dorm room.
After the door shut, Xander lingered for a few minutes, releasing the breath he had been holding. He started walking back down the hallway.
Inside the dorm room, Buffy's back was against the door. She took a long breath, attempting to clear her head and continue to persuade herself that her feelings for Xander were trivial and that their passionate night meant nothing.
Even in her inebriated state, Buffy was very aware that the sex was incredible. He caused her to repeatedly curl her toes and mumble incoherently as waves of ecstasy washed over her. Buffy couldn't shake him from her mind.
One more time couldn't hurt, right? She pondered, chewing her lower lip.
Buffy reached behind her back and turned the doorknob.
She flung open the door, expecting to see Xander still lingering in the hall, contemplating knocking, but he wasn't there.
Exhaling a deep sigh, Buffy scolded herself that she should've seen this coming. They had agreed to move on and forget their passionate night of intoxication. That was their mature plan.
When Buffy attempted to close the door, an arm on the opposite side prevented her from doing so.
Buffy reopened the door with a frown, astonished to see that Xander leaning a hand on the doorframe slightly panting. She looked at him with wide eyes as he caught his breath.
He made it as far as the downstairs commons when he came to his senses and turned around. Xander threw open the stairway door and dashed up to the second floor after concluding that the elevator would take far too long.
Buffy was speechless as Xander suddenly extended his arms, holding her face between his hands and crushed his mouth against hers in a searing kiss that will leave her breathless.
Her hands rested flat on his chest, yearning to touch him. After a short time, Buffy remembered whom she was kissing and began to gently push him back, abruptly ending the kiss. "We shouldn't," she said with remorse.
Rather than responding, Xander kissed her again, this time with more force as his desire rose. Making no other attempts to break away again, Buffy gave in, sliding her hands up to play with the hairs at the base of Xander's neck as his hands roamed her back.
His hands continued to move, gliding over her rear and to the backs of her thighs. Hoisting her off the floor, Buffy's legs reflexively circled his waist as he carried her inside. He shut the door with the heel of his boot and pressed her back against the door.
When they separated for the second time, they were both panting, not simply due to oxygen deprivation but their undeniable craving for each other. It had become more difficult to heed the small voice inside each of their heads that reminded them how terrible of an idea this was.
"Do you want to stop?" Xander asked.
Buffy was aware that if she responded affirmatively, they would immediately cease. Unfortunately, she lacked the will, her desire for him was too great. Her head shook before recapturing his mouth with her own, kissing him softly but fervently, feeling his tongue pushing between her lips. Her mouth opened wider, inviting him in, and their tongues fought in the most amicable battle.
Xander's hands found the hem of Buffy's sweater and pulled up her torso and over her head, tossing it on the floor before she pushed open his coat. He assisted her in removing his coat and pulled his long-sleeve henley shirt off. Her bra soon joined the garments on the floor, and their arms around each other tightened, kissing passionately as their naked chests pressed against each other.
They collided with the desk and its swivel chair, but they made it to the bed without having to stop kissing. Once they reached the bed, they realised that things would proceed much more efficiently if they separated to remove the remainder of their clothing.
Once nude, they climbed on the bed and back into each other's arms.
Xander kissed her mouth passionately before lowering his lips to the side of Buffy's neck, kissing the fading hickey possessively. He continued kissing her skin to her shoulder and beyond, reaching her breast and suckling her nipple before playing with it with his tongue.
Buffy placed her hands on his head, interlacing her fingers in his dark hair as he shifted to the second breast, giving it the same treatment. Moaning loudly, Buffy was unconcerned about if anybody could hear them through the thin walls.
All too soon, he abandoned both breasts and disregarded her protests. Xander kissed across her abdomen before settling at the juncture between her thighs. He positioned her legs on his shoulders and brushed his lips along the inside of her thigh before concentrating his mouth at her centre. His tongue was light as a feather and it exasperated Buffy beyond belief. Xander kissed her again, this time with greater intensity, before darting his tongue out to touch her throbbing clit, causing her to arch off the bed.
"Uhm, Xander!" She moaned his name loudly.
Xander drank up the moisture, which was so sweet and unmistakably Buffy, like a starved man, sliding his tongue up and down, making contact with her clit with each stroke.
Buffy's fingers tightened in his hair, her back arched off the bed, and she babbled incoherently as she was overtaken by a tremendous orgasm. Xander drank her juices avidly till she calmed and caught her breath.
Moving up her body, he placed wet kisses on her skin until they were face-to-face again. Buffy put her hand on the back of his head and drew him down to kiss her almost forcefully, tasting herself on his lips. She wrapped her legs around his waist. Xander gripped his erection, pushing the tip against her slit, ruthlessly torturing her until the urge became too great and he slipped inside.
Their mating was much tamer than it had been while they were inebriated. The desire between them was still just as intense, but they had the restraint to try to savour the powerful sensations they felt when Xander withdrew almost all the way out of Buffy, just to push back in and fill her completely.
Bracing himself on his elbows, he never ceased in his kisses. Xander's lips were always on her, whether they were kissing her lips, face, neck, or breasts. The Vampire Slayer felt frenzied, moaning loudly as she gently scratched her nails over his back and raised her hips to meet his thrusts.
Their craving only intensified, as did the speed and force of their thrusts. Xander hammered inside her, groaning into the crook of her neck. He slid a hand between their bodies and rubbed her clit, nearly instantly bringing her to her second orgasm of the night. Xander could no longer hold back his release and emptied himself deep within her, moaning her name into her neck.
Xander rolled them both so that he was on the bottom and Buffy was sprawled over his chest so he wouldn't crush her.
For a few moments, the two remained silent, calming down after the intense sex and recalling how they weren't supposed to be doing what they had just done.
Buffy let out a sigh before asking, "Why did we do that?"
For a long time, Xander remained silent as he contemplated his reply. "To be honest, it was incredible sex."
A tiny smile pulled at her lips, unable to deny it. It was incredible sex. Far superior to Parker, but vastly different from Angel.
Laying her head on his chest, Buffy tilted her chin to gaze at him. "Yeah, it was. But we both agreed that sex between us is of the bad. We don't have being drunk as our defence this time."
"I dunno," he looked at her, "maybe we just needed it."
"Why would we need it?"
Xander shrugged. "We're lonely? Nothing has changed from the original plan."
"We won't do this again."
"Never again." Xander agreed albeit it wasn't what he wanted. Sex with Buffy was better than any fantasies he's ever had about her. She was perfect, but she wanted to put an end to things before they started. He couldn't refuse her; he'd give her whatever she wanted. So, if she didn't want to have sex again or explore what was going on between them, he'd respect her wishes and back away.
It was excruciatingly painful because he wanted her so badly, but he'd do anything for her.
"Okay," Buffy sighed and sat up, grabbing a throw blanket at the foot of the bed to wrap around her naked body. She stood from the bed and scooped up her pants and underwear on the floor and quickly put them on. She discreetly concealed her breasts with her arms as she looked for her bra and sweater.
Xander sat up in bed, rubbing his face with his palm. Swinging his legs over the side, he picked up his boxer briefs and noticed Buffy's sweater that was hiding underneath. "Here you go." He said as he handed her the white sheer sweater that was on the floor.
"Thanks." Buffy put on her sweater again.
Xander, now completely clothed, stood awkwardly by the entrance, holding his coat in his hands. "I'd better be going."
"Yeah. I've got loads and loads of homework to do." She lied, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.
Xander saw right through her deceit but said nothing. "Buffy?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we still—are we okay?" He cautiously asked. He'd be happy to be her friend if they couldn't be lovers. "Are we still friends?"
Buffy smiled, relieved. "Of course," she says.
"Great." He gave her a crooked smile. "Maybe you, me, and Willow can meet up at the Bronze."
"I'd like that."
"Bye. For real this time." He pushed the door open.
Buffy smiled softly. "Goodnight, Xander." She stood there watching him leave the dorm room, closing the door behind him.
She stood there watching him leave the dorm room, closing the door behind him.
2008: Sunday: Early Evening
Sunnydale, California
1630 Revello Drive: Dining Room
Buffy stood in the dining room, folding her umpteenth load of laundry, in the early evening. At this point, she had resorted to washing clean clothes from her wardrobe. She had spent the last three days doing all she could to keep herself occupied and her mind off the separation.
She had cleaned every room in the house three times, including the bathroom. She tried shopping but kept finding cute clothes for Josh and a maroon knitted pullover that would highlight Xander's dark features. Buffy patrolled extensively, but nothing appeared to be working.
Josh dashed through the front door, dropping his backpack beside the stairs and sprinting up to his bedroom.
"Joshua!" Buffy yelled his name. "Get back down here and take that backpack upstairs!"
Buffy heard him groan at the top of the stairs. She shook her head as Josh marched back down the stairs and retrieved his backpack.
Xander walked into the home and shut the door behind him. He was carrying Josh's small suitcase, which had a Marvel superhero on the front. He placed the luggage at the entrance.
Standing up upright, Xander felt heightened awareness, sensing minor changes in the home but being unable to pinpoint their whereabouts.
Nothing about the living room appeared out of place, not even a photograph.
Perhaps it was all in his head, and because he wasn't living in the place he'd called home for eight years, therefore everything was intrinsically different by proxy.
Xander walked into the dining room.
"Hey," Buffy softly smiled as she stacked the folded towels on the table.
"Hi," Xander said, eyeing her over, wondering whether the separation was having any effect on her because she looked as stunning as ever.
She was dressed casually in a pair of jeans, a lace camisole, and black boots. Her long hair was pulled back into a low bun, highlighting her neck.
"How'd it go?" Buffy inquired, pulling another piece of clothing from the basket.
Xander drew out a chair and sat down, tired. "He was good. The same."
"You get 'happy' kid. I get 'I blame you for everything' kid." Shaking her head, she said.
Josh had been behaving strangely since she and Xander had separated, throwing tantrums, slamming doors, barely speaking, and preferring to be alone.
"He doesn't blame you, Buffy."
Buffy turned to face him. "I'm the one that told you to go. Ergo, the blame." She piled the freshly folded t-shirt on top of an already growing pile of shirts.
"Do you want to talk?" Xander asked, hoping that enough time had passed for him to return home. "Do you think it's time?"
Buffy shook her head, biting the inside of her cheek. "I need more time. I need more than a week."
"Pfft." Xander sneered, gazing out the window at the quiet neighbourhood.
Buffy grimaced, her brows pinched together. "What is 'pfft' supposed to mean?"
"You have no problem talking to Spike," Xander responded, his frown growing deeper. "Airing out all of our dirty laundry."
"You're being overdramatic."
"Am I wrong?" Xander asked.
"And paranoid." She added sarcastically.
"You always do that!" Xander yelled angrily, leaping from his chair to his feet. "You invalidate what I'm feeling because you're…"
"I'm what, Xander?" Buffy dared him to continue his sentence. "What is it that you think that I'm doing? Sleeping with Spike?"
Xander jerked his gaze away. Images from his recurring nightmare of Buffy and Spike or Buffy with anybody else invaded his head.
Buffy furiously put a pair of folded jeans on the table, shaking her head. "How many times have we been over this? I can't keep having the same argument, Xander. I've spent the last decade trying to convince you that I love you and that I've always been faithful to you. What else do I have to do? Marry you? Have a baby with you? And you still don't trust me? I'm exhausted. This marriage is exhausting and I need a break."
Xander was well aware that he was behaving ridiculously. Of course, he believed Buffy. She had never been unfaithful. He was also aware that she loved him. Xander couldn't believe it when she said it the first time: Buffy Summers was in love with him. Him. Goofy and dorky Xander Harris.
He knew Buffy well enough to know that when she loves, she loves wholeheartedly.
Regardless of how well he knew her, the insecure teenager with a chip on his shoulder reared his ugly head at the first sign of a good-looking man taking attention to his stunning wife, and he's right back to wondering what on earth she saw in him.
Buffy's former lovers were all exceptionally attractive men with attributes that made every woman swoon. Owen Thurman was sensitive and well-read, Scott Hope was sweet and innocent, Parker Abrams, while a dingbat, was charming enough to get Buffy into bed, and Riley Finn, a one-time possible suitor, would have been a fantastic match for his wife. He would have handled her with dignity and gallantry. Spike, a defiant and outspoken man who was immensely appealing to many women, was another possible love interest for his wife. When Spike's feelings for Buffy were made public, Xander's fears caused him to become anxious and overbearing. Xander had been watching his wife's bond with the chipped vampire blossom for years. In his right mind, Xander knew that they were only friends. Angel, the epitome of a star-crossed lover, was undeniably attractive, clever, and wise, and worst of all, he was Buffy's first love.
Before Xander shouted something too nasty that he'd soon regret, he stomped away, flinging open the front door and slamming it shut behind him.
Buffy closed her eyes as the door slammed. She cocked her head back, gazed up at the ceiling, and exhaled the breath she had been holding in.
Buffy took a seat, pulled the chair from beneath the table, and buried her face in her hands.
Josh sat at the bottom step, unseen by his parents during their quarrel, and witnessed the entire exchange. He peered around the corner, observing them.
Josh wrapped his small arms around his knees, pulling them against his chest as his eyes welled up.
