Disclaimer: Bleach does NOT belong to me. My name is not Tite Kubo…T-T And I don't own Fruits Basket either...my name isn't Takaya; woe is me. Well actually, that's her pen name, but WOE IS STILL ME!

Oh and just a note…(sorry, forgot it in the other chapter) I know Kuukaku doesn't have a fake arm in the manga, but she does in the anime. And I thought it'd be hilarious if she just took it off and chucked it at someone XD

…which…she probably would do.

Enjoy! And don't forgot to read and review!!!

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Bleach Outtakes

(3)

Scene where Hanatarou introduces himself

Hanatarou: Um…I'm…I'm Hanataro-

Ganju: Dude. Why are you introducing yourself? You're our hostage.

Ichigo: Yea…that's just messed up.

Hanatarou: (teary eyes) Oh my god I'M SO SORRY! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT! GAH! I APOLOGIZE! I'M SO SORRY! I APOLOGIZE TO YOU! I APOLOGIZE TO MY CAPTAIN! I APOLOGIZE TO THE WHOLE WORLD!! WAAAAAAH!!!! (runs off the set crying)

Ichigo: …somebody's been reading too much of Fruits Basket lately...

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Scene where Ganju pulls out his hand-drawn map

Ichigo: …wait. This map doesn't tell us a damn thing! (notices picture in the corner) …you drew this didn't you...

Ganju: So what? Are you making fun of my artistic talent?

Ichigo: (scrutinizes it) Well…I have to admit, it is worse than Rukia's drawings. Then again, anyone's would be better than hers.

Rukia: (pops out of nowhere) HEY! WATCH IT, ASSHOLE!

All: O.O

Hanatarou: Rukia-san! You're alive…I-I…can't believe it. You…YOU'RE ALIVE!!!! YOU'RE ALIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!

Rukia: …O.o (backs away) Ichigo…help!

Director: CUT! …Hanatarou, you were given medication for a reason…USE them.

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Scene where Hanatarou tells them the way to get to the White Tower

Hanatarou: Rukia…? As in, Kuchiki Rukia?

Ichigo: You know her? Where is she? How do I get to her?

Hanatarou: She's in that white tower, over yonder. (starts singing) Just follow the yellow brick road…just follow the yellow brick road…just follow the yellow brick road…

Director: CUT! (glares and throws Hanatarou out the window) I am NEVER letting you watch the Wizard of Oz ever, EVER AGAIN!

Ganju: Yea…and he was singing off key, too…(wince)

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Scene where Sado battles Shunsui

Shunsui: (floats down in front of Sado) Greetings. I am Kyouraku Shunsui, 8th Division Captain.

Sado: …

Shunsui: Now then…what? What are you looking at? Oh don't worry, even though I'm a captain, I'm quite easygoing. Not like that Byakuya, you know, eh? (winks)

Sado: …um…

Nanao: (sigh) Taicho…you forgot your pants.

Shunsui: O.O

Director: CUT! (aggravated sigh) Ugh. This…is taking its toll on me.

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Same scene as above, take two

Shunsui: (floats down in front of Sado) Greetings. I come in peace, earthling.

Nanao/Sado: …

Director: Cut! No more sci-fi for you, Shunsui! And lay off the sake! Sheesh…we're not supposed to be promoting drinking you know!

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Scene where Nanao is throwing down the sakura petals

Shunsui: Heheheheheheheh…(petals flow by)…hehehe..heh…eh? (a whole lot more petals flow by) Nanao-chan!

Nanao: (blank stare—drops handfuls)

Shunsui: Nanao-chan! Stop! No more! (petals keep on coming) Can't you hear me? L-O-V-E-L-Y lovely Nanao-chan! (petals finally stop) Ah! There we go—AHHHHH!!!! (thorns fall on him)

Nanao: Heheheheheh…

Director: O.O Um…cu-cut…(in a whisper) Oh god. She really is scary! (scurries away)

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Same scene, take two

Shunsui: (attempts to float down and crashes head first) AHHH! –thud-

Nanao: Taicho! Are you alright?!

Shunsui: DAMN WIRES! (moans and groans, petting his hair and putting the little flowers back in) I SAY WE SUE THE DAMNED COMPANY!

Sado: (whistles and hides scissors behind his back)

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Scene where Shunshui is about to cut Sado with his kodachi

Shunshui: Well, seeing as how you obviously won't go back, I have no choice but to take your life. (whips out swords)

Sado: …

Shunshui: What the—HEY! WHO REPLACED MY BELOVED SWORDS WITH CARDBOARD ONES?!?!

Director: ...(sigh) CUT. Dammit, Ishida, you give those back or you're FIRED!

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Scene where Sado, Ganju and Ishida are locked up

Uryuu: Oh, look at that cute little butterfly!

Ganju: …?

Uryuu: Awww, hello Mr. Butterfly. You're so cute!

Ganju: …uh, Uryuu…

Uryuu: Aww, does Mr. Butterfly want a hug? Yes you do! I know you do!

Ganju: (walks over, picks up the butterfly, and throws it out the window)

Uryuu: O.O AHHHH!!! MR. BUTTERFLY?!?! MR. BUTTERFLY!!!! AHHH!!!!!

Ganju: Dude, it's just a stupid butterfly!

Uryuu: (gasp) Stupid…? STUPID?! THAT BUTTERFLY IS MY SOUL!!! MY LOVE! MY LOOOOVE!!! (scratches at the barred window)

Director: CUT! (Gives Uryuu a weird look) …perhaps it'd be best if you took your medication now…

Sado: …I'll stay out of this one.

Ichigo: Smart idea.

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Scene where Ichigo fights Kenpachi

Kenpachi: (strides up to him)

Ichigo: …

Kenpachi: Ha, has fear stilled you? Come one! Take a shot at me! Hit me as hard as you can.

Ichigo: …

Kenpachi: Well, what are you waiting for?!

Ichigo: …you forgot your pants…

Kenpachi: (blanch)

Yachiru: Heehee! He's right, Ken-chan! You forgot your pants! (hollers at the top of her lungs) KEN-CHAN FORGOT HIS PANTS! KEN-CHAN FORGOT HIS PANTS!

Director: (between smothered laughs) CUT! …haha…

Kenpachi: (glare)

Director: Eep! O.O

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Same scene, take two

Kenpachi: (holds Ichigo up by the collar) AHA! I didn't forget my pants today, did I? HAHAHAHA!

Ichigo: …we're filming, you know that right…?

Kenpachi: …(stares at the cameras) Oh…oops.

Director: Cut…(sigh) I need a new job.

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Same scene, take three

Ichigo: (about to cut Kenpachi) YAAAAAAAA--…hey…

Kenpachi: (curled up on the floor, snoring) zzzz

Ichigo: Hey, Mr. Big-bad-captain-of-the-11th…wake up!

Kenpachi: zzzZZZZZZ

Ichigo: (nudge) Wake UP!

Kenpachi: ZZZZZ

Ichigo: WAKE UP DAMMIT! (sounds of violence ensue)

Director: …oh dear god—hey, hey! NOT THE CAMERAS! NOT THE $50000 CAMERAS! CUT! CUUUUT!

Mizu: Hehehe (kidnaps Toshirou and sneaks off)

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Scene where Yachiru is about to take Kenpachi to the roof

Yachiru: Thank you for making Ken-chan happy, Ichi. Please don't die; come back and fight him again sometime.

Ichigo: …(moan) Paaaain…

Yachiru: …you weren't supposed to say that o.O (checks script)

Director: CUUUUUT! KUROSAKI!!! What did I tell you about drinking on the job?!

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Same scene, take two

Yachiru: Thank you for making Ken-chan happy, Ichi. Please don't die; come back and fight him again sometime. (attempts to jump to roof and falls) AAAAH!

Kenpachi: (instantly awake) WHO DARES TO HURT YACHIRU?!?!?!?! (goes on a rampage and destroys all the wires)

Ichigo: Wha—HEY! WATCH IT!

Kenpachi: ROOOOAR!

Ichigo: …?

Kenpachi: I AM THE KING! (still rampaging)

Ichigo: …what's he on? Hey—OW!

Director: CUT! Kenpachi, if you keep stepping on Ichigo we're going to have to find a new lead…

Ganju: Oh, me! Me! Pick me! PICK ME!

All: …(stare) No.

Ganju: T-T

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Same scene, take three

Yachiru: Thank you for making Ken-chan happy, Ichi. Please don't die; come back and fight him again sometime. (takes him and runs up building)

Kenpachi: I'm on the moooooooooon, whee!

Ichigo/Yachiru/Director: O.O

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Scene where Yoruichi saves Ichigo

Yoruichi: Hm…I came late, didn't I, Ichigo? Sorry about that…I won't let you die. (picks Ichigo up, runs on the roofs, and promptly drops him)

Yoruichi: (O.O) …Oh shit. Sorry about that, Ichigo.

Ichigo: …I can't feel my arms…

Director: CUT! …I hate my job.

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Oh, ho ho ho And now it's Ichigo and Rukia's turn for "Things They Will Never Say"!

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Things That They Will Never Say

Ichigo

Why, Kon, I LOVE you!

Eek! It's a bug! Kill it, Rukia, KILL IT!

Rukia-chaaaaan!

HELLO, everyone! (huge smile)

Oh my god, move! Get off the TV! THE TELETUBBIES ARE ON! (squeal)

I don't WANT to fight you! Why can't we all just get along?!

I love you, father! (runs to him with open arms)

Hey Karin! Want big brother to run to the store and buy you an ice cream?

Kon! I'm going to Hawaii for a week, feel free to take my body and do whatever you want with it. (sparkly smile)

Rukia, my love! Your skin…its so smooth. Not like sand.

[Haha, that last line was from Star Wars: the clones one. That was so CHEESY and BAD it was just begging to be made fun of.

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Rukia

Ichigo-sama!

Psh, leave me and save yourself? Why, I'd never say that! Get over here and save me AT ONCE!

Orihime, I LOVE your hair! Teach me?

Gin-sama! Your loyal servant is here to serve you!

Byakuya ni-sama, can I play with your scarf?

Ni-sama…why do you insist upon wearing hair curlers? They're WAY out of fashion.

RAWR! FEAR ME, LOWLY BEINGS! HEAR ME ROAR! ROOOOOOOAR!

Oooh cupcakes! CUPCAKES! Look, Ichigo, CUPCAKES! (jumps up and down and squeals)

(T-T) Woe is me…I'm so flat chested. INOUE! I ENVY YOU, YOU HEAR ME?! (bawls)

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Ichigo: …I can't believe you made me say that.
Mizu: …? Say what?

Ichigo: THAT! I NEVER say "Rukia-chaaaan" or "ew" or "I love you Kon" or ANY of those! YOU HEAR ME?! GAAAH YOU JUST SCREWED UP MY REPUTATION I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY!

Mizu: …Well, DUH. That's why it's titled things you would never say, Ichigo.

Ichigo: …oh. It is? (peers at title) …oops.

Mizu: That's what you get for not reading, my dear. (drinks tea sagely)

EDITED: 11/5/07--Whew. This one's the longest one yet! ...oh my life just sucks. D: First it was the asterisks not working, and now bolding, underlining, and italicizing don't work either!?!? WHAT. THE. FRICK. And yes, some of them are still italicized, I don't know why. DX ...I hate life. Someone help me again? ;-; Please?

Don't forget to review, darlings x3