Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters, because if I did, then Hitsugaya would be married to me.
Hitsugaya:
(O.O) Oh sweet mother of god…
Mizu: Hehehe (evil cackle)
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WARNINGS: Um…language. And sexual references/humor.
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Bleach Outtakes
(4)
Scene where Yoruichi reveals herself
Yoruichi: Surprised, Ichigo? Ha, I love the faces of people after I show them my true form. (smirks)
Ichigo: (fainted with a nosebleed)
Yoruichi: …? Uh, Ichigo? (prods with a foot)
Ichigo: (spews more blood) Mama, I see stars! …Oooh look! It's a duck singing "Mary Had A Little Lamb"…
Yoruichi: Shit. In a bag. oo;
Director: CUT! My god you people, HOW HARD IS IT TO FOLLOW A SCRIPT?!
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Scene where Ichigo takes Yoruichi's flying device
Yoruichi: Wait! Wait, dammit!
Ichigo: Must…save…Rukia! (puts device on wrong and falls) AHHHH!!!!
Yoruichi: …see, this is why I said WAIT, idiot.
Director: CUT! Oh, shitake mushrooms. Now we need to find a new lead. I hate my life…(-.-)
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Same scene, take two
Ichigo: FLY!
Yoruichi: …uh, Ichigo?
Ichigo: Not now, Yoruichi! FLY! (shakes device) Come on, fly dammit!
Yoruichi: …Ichigo, that's a hair dryer you're holding.
Ichigo: (stares) …Oh. Um, oops?
Director: CUT! (stalks towards Ichigo while screeching obscenities)
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Scene where Byakuya confronts Ganjyu
Byakuya: Do not think to defeat me.
Ganjyu: O.O
Hanatarou: I'm…I'm very sorry for involving you in this. Let me take of it, it's too much to make you do it.
Ganjyu: Alright, buddy, I'm out of here! (runs like there are rabid wolves after him)
Rukia/Hantarou: Wha—hey! GET BACK HERE! (Hanatarou: whimper)
Byakuya: …
Director: CUT! Someone get that wimp back here, pronto! (nervously looking at Byakuya)
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Same scene, take two
Byakuya: Do not think to—to…ACHOO!
All: O.O
Byakuya: Sorry, allergies.
Director: CUT! …and, someone get Byaku-chan a box of tissues?
Byakuya: …Byaku-chan?! (vein)
Rukia: (snicker)
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Scene where Ganjyu is wounded…horribly
Byakuya: Do not think to defeat me, Shiba. (walks away)
Ganjyu: I'm…I'm…
Byakuya: Yes...? Any final words?
Ganjyu: I…am your father. (laughs) OW! Owww…my ribs.
Byakuya: …(stabs him again in the leg) That's what you get for ridiculing me. (stabs again)
Director: CUT!!!! Byakuya, how many times do I have to tell you to STOP KILLING OFF THE CAST?!
Byakuya: …he asked for it. (stabs…again)
Director: STOP IT—er, you tell him, Ichigo. (is glared down by Byakuya)
Ichigo: Psh, hell no!
Director: Tell him!
Ichigo: No!
Director: TELL HIM!
Ichigo: NO!
Byakuya: …(shrugs and continues stabbing Ganjyu)
Ganjyu: OOOOWWWWWW!!!
Rukia: …(sweatdrop)
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Scene where Ichigo is about to drop onto the bridge
Rukia: Look! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a…strawberry?
Giant Strawberry: (lands and goes splat) …
Ichigo: HEY! (jumps down a second later) HEY, who replaced me with the strawberry? Huh? HUH?!
Sado: (attempts to sneak off)
Director: CUT! Sado, stop with the puns or you're fired! And you aren't even supposed to BE in this scene! SCRAM!
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Scene where Ichigo and Byakuya are fighting on the bridge
Byakuya: What did I say about talking big, boy?
Ichigo: Yea, well…shut up!
Byakuya: (ponders)…are you sure that's your line?
Ichigo: Yea! (Swells with pride)
Byakuya: (grabs script) Well, it's not.
Ichigo: WHAT?! Yes it is!
Byakuya: No it isn't.
Ichigo: YES IT IS!
Byakuya: No.
Ichigo: YES!
Rukia: Um…I don't think this is the best time to be having this argument (points at frothing director)
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Same scene, take two
Byakuya: What did I say about talking big, boy? …(waits a few minutes) Hey, where IS Ichigo?
Rukia: No idea. (looks around) Hey, Ichigo? ICHIGO! Get your ass out here!
Ichigo: (in bed snoring) Mmm…zzzz
Director: CUT! …(glares at Ichigo while simultaneously dumping ice on him)
Ichigo: AHHHH!!! What the fuck was that for?!
Rukia: For missing your line! For still being in bed! And for language! (slaps his mouth--with her mouth)
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Same scene, take three
Byakuya: What did I say about—what on earth are you doing?!
Ichigo: Mm 'eahin a 'anwithe. (I'm eating a sandwich)
Byakuya: I can see that. Why are you eating a sandwich DURING A SCENE?!
Ichigo: (swallows) …oh, we're filming? Sorry, I thought this was still practice.
Byakuya: …
Director: CUT! (shakes Rukia) I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! USE YOUR MAGICAL POWERS OF RUKIA-NESS TO MAKE HIM NOT SCREW UP!
Rukia: …um…well, I can do him for 3 hours. That might make him more compliant…
Ichigo:
HELL YEA!
Others: (O.O)
Director: Hey! This isn't porn! Keep it non-porn!
Rukia/Ichigo: (snicker)
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Things They Would Never Say
Yoruichi
Eek! Ichigo caught me in the shower! EEEEK!
Cats? I hate cats.
I…I have a secret. I'm…insecure. (bursts into tears)
KISUKE! Hold me in your strong, manly arms! (swoon)
OW! You motherfucker, you made me break a nail!
I think my breasts are too big…T.T
Soi Fong! Oh how I've missed you, lovey. Here, come have some tea with me (purr) [Actually, she might say this ..
Kisuke (actually, he probably would say most of this…; ah well)
Go away, Ururu! (shuns)
I LOVE rock an' roll, I…(sings)
Mommy! I want a lollipop…(puppy eyes)
OH NOES! Someone stole my hat! AHH! The sun! The suuuuuun! (melts)
How ya doing, Harry Potter? (thick British accent)
Aw come on, Aizen…I spent YEARS on that gem thingymabobber and now you're stealing it? You suuuuuuuck. (pouts)
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(Aiite. That's enough—I can't think of anymore. Lawl, Kisuke would say pretty much anything.)
Woot! Chapter 4 done. Sorry it took so long…ahem. I sort of forgot this was here. Kidding! No really, I didn't forget you guys (laugh) Just that…finals are coming up, teachers are shoveling out shitloads of crap, etc. Meh. (cries)
EDIT 11/7/07: Whew. Fixed up more errors and stuff. Wow. This is a REALLY short chapter compared with the first three; sorry about that. D: I'm working on the rest, though!
EDIT (second): ...WHY THE BLOODY HELL AREN'T THE ITALICS/BOLD/UNDERLINING WORKING?!?! D FIRST IT WAS THE FECKING ASTERISKS, NOW THIS?! tears at hair ...for the love of cupcakes and mushrooms, SOMEONE HELP ME.
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