Chapter Eight: A Ray of Light

Brooke silently excused herself from the room. She tried to remember how she'd led herself here, to sitting across from Nathan, hearing him talk about Haley as if no one else existed.

She remembered what had led her to this moment, to this hallway. To sitting across a man who she was falling in love with, despite her best intentions, despite all reason.

She didn't know how this had happened to her. She'd loved both Scott boys, in her own way, but had never imagined marrying either one of them, or carrying their child. It was so unbelievable.

Hearing him talk about Haley made it even more so.

Wishing desperately to escape from his memories, she trailed off into her own.


October 18th 2019, Las Angeles, California

Brooke Davis frowned as she attempted to sketch a new design in one of her drawing pads. She'd been trying to get back on track all day, but had been troubled by naseau again and again.

She ran to the bathroom and vomited into the toilet. She stared at herself in the mirror for a second, examined her skin, her eyes. She was thirty-one, but still felt and looked pretty much the same, except for the feeling of growing dread, deep inside of her.

An hour later, she let her eyes slid close and sunk down to the floor. It was over. Her life, the one she'd spent the last ten years making for herself, was finished. She'd have to admit defeat. Have to admit that after it all, after ruining absolutely everyone's life in one fell swoop, that she needed them after all.

She glanced down once again at the pink strip on the small plastic test. Yes, it was really there. She wasn't lying to herself, because she no longer could.

Three days later, she made her way across the country to Tree Hill North Carolina. It had only been here home for two years, but somehow was her home still. Somehow, despite that she wanted to stay away forever, it was the only place she wanted to be in.

Somewhere, miles above the land, she shed her makeup. She cleaned off her cover up, her lipstick, she shed her long, fabulous earrings. She had to prove to someone, or maybe herself, that she could do this. That she no longer had to be her old self.

For an instant, she hoped desperately that Lucas no longer lived in Tree Hill. That she could not handle.

Her feet led her to the home of Nathan and Haley. After a painful twinge, she reminded herself that it was merely the home of Nathan, as much as the idea revolted her.

She let herself inside and dropped onto a sofa. She was still staring at the door when Nathan arrived an hour later. He began to make his way toward her, instincts still letting himself love his friend of so many years.

She stood, and he instantly stopped.

"I'm pregnant, Nate."

He looked away, to the basketball on the floor, to the skateboard propped up in the corner.

He said the only words he knew how to say just then.

"Do you want to get married?"


December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina

Brooke dried her tears and slowly made her way back to Nathan's office. She didn't truly regret it all. She couldn't.

She wondered what Nathan was thinking about when she finally returned. He was not thinking of her. Was he ever? Maybe he had, before she'd returned to his life. Back when she was a wishful, elusive memory of his.

"Tell me the end," she demanded.

"No."

"Why not?" she demanded. He stared as tears began to flow down her cheeks, as she fell into the chair in front of his desk, as her eyes opened wildly and she entreated him silently. "I need to know. I need it to be over, Nathan. I know it's about you and I'm sorry, but I need it for me. I need it to be over."

"One thing comes before the end. Just one," he promised, looking, for the first time that afternoon, to be sorry for her.

"What?" she asked desperately.

"The new beginning."


June 21st, 2009, Tree Hill, North Carolina

Nathan had expected him to stay in for the rest of the day, get drunk and fall into a dreamless sleep. It would be ideal. Much better than thinking of his father, and of the only woman he'd ever loved. Anything, anything, was better than thinking about that.

He found himself at "their" place, on the enclosed riverbank. He wondered if Haley and Dan had a place. He wondered if Haley was thinking about him.

He wondered if she had ever loved him as much as he loved her.

He was going backwards. He remembered the song she'd been singing the first time he'd met her here, the taste of her lips on their first kiss. Yes, he'd always remember.

Footsteps didn't alert him. Nothing did, in this world. He didn't live in the present, with the people who loved him. He lived in the past with a girl who'd loved him once.

"Nathan."

Her voice wasn't strong. Her voice was barely there. Nathan could barely force himself to turn around. It he didn't, he could pretend to himself that it was only his imagintion. If he did turn around, it would break his heart again. But his name came again."

"Nathan."

He slowly turned. She was there, the ends of her wedding dress gradually growing muddy. Her hair tied up elegantly, the ring on her finger.

"How'd you know I'd be here?" asked Nathan softly, watching her.

"How'd I know how to come here?" she repeated.

"Because I'm always here?" asked Nathan.

"Because I always am, too. Here with you."

He took a tentative step toward her, as if expecting her to vanish. He wondered what had happened with Dan, if anything would come of this. He remembered the last time he'd seen her. The passionate, painful sex. He wondered why he'd let her go.

"Why'd you do it, Haley?" he asked. Haley, Haley, Haley. He missed saying her name out loud.

"I had to."

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

"I could tell you every day for the rest of my life, Nathan. I could tell you, I could show you, I could tell the world. But I don't know how I could ever make you truly believe it. I love you."

His hands were on her. His lips in her hair, his hands on her back, his tears in his eyes. His desperately touched the satin of her gown, needing to remember her again, to lose himself in the best dream he'd ever had.

"It's not a dream, it's real," she promised in a whisper. He wondered if he'd said his thoughts out loud, or if she'd read them.

"It has to be."

She pulled back slightly and offered her hand to him. He looked at the diamond on her finger, shining brightly.

Slowly he reached for it. He slowly slid it off her finger and let it fall to the ground. For an instant he considered selling it, to earn money to buy her a new one. In the next instant, he hoped it would sink into the ground and be lost forever.

Finally, letting himself believe, he kissed her.

"Come back to me," he begged. She kissed back, needing him, knowing how much he loved her and believing that she'd always love him more, as he believed of himself.

"I never left," she promised. She remembered their first time, in Nathan's bedroom. Their wedding night, the night she'd left him, the night he'd come to her.

This was different. This was better. This contained no regrets.

It never would.



December 3rd 2020, Tree Hill High School, Tree Hill, North Carolina

"Did you ever find out what he had over her?" asked Brooke, breathless and anticipating.

"No. Never. She left me so soon after," he said sadly. Brooke rolled her eyes, impatient with it all for the first time in years.

"For God's sake Nathan, she didn't leave you. She died. She's still with you!"