Chapter 11
Shortly before dawn James was sitting on the bench in the garden of Godric's Hollow and staring at the red roses which Lily had once so loved. Though he hardly could bear the sight, he wasn't capable of turning away. Still he could see her in front of him how she had bent over the flowers, had ran towards him, heard her calling his name. Whenever she had found time she had gone to her roses. Here she had come to let her thoughts wander, here she had read books or had just lain in the sun. And now she would never return to her favourite place, she would not see her garden ever again.
If only the previous evening had been a bad dream, James thought. How should he endure this pain? How should he live on? How should he forget her pale face, her dark-red hair that had spread out on the carpet like blood, her wide emerald eyes which had been deserted by any spark of life? His only poor consolation was Lily's smile. She had been happy. But what about? One instant later realization hit him like a stroke of lightning. Of course, she had grasped that Harry was alive; her child, whom she had loved more than her own life.
Yes, the child…Lily's child, and his.
Even if hours had passed since he had discovered it, he still found it difficult to believe that he had a son. The thought was so strange to him, so surreal. Oh, Lily, why did you not tell me?
Abruptly James sat up straight. On the day when she had disappeared, she asked him if he couldn't come home a bit earlier since she had a surprise for him. And what had he done? He had had so much on his mind, pondering about some important clues for an imminent Death Eater attack that he had answered her absentmindedly and had only half listened to her. And then he had forgotten it!
Realizing that Lily must have intended to tell him of her pregnancy that day, an icy coldness overwhelmed him. For a horrendous moment he wondered what would have happened if Voldemort had been aware of their child. James shuddered, flung his arms tightly around his body and knew that it would not have made a difference. He was sure: the Dark Lord would have abducted Lily anyway.
After all, there were ways and means to remedy such a situation. And he knew what this would have meant for Lily.
James stretched out a hand, gently touched one of the rose petals and while the pain nearly tore him apart, he cursed the wizard who had destroyed all their lives. But if there was still some justice to be found in the world, then today Voldemort would pay for everything he had ever done.
And he would…
"James? Have you not slept at all?"
Startled, James flinched and looked up. With disheveled hair and dark shadows under his eyes Sirius stood in front of him and regarded him worriedly. It had been Sirius who had brought him home yesterday as he had refused to stay in Hogwarts like the other members of the Order. But James hadn't been able to stand being in the walls of the castle any longer, he had wanted to be alone, had not borne to see the sympathy in the miens of the others.
Sirius cast a glance at his overtired face and sat down next to him.
"No, you haven't," he answered his question himself und added,
"Neither have I."
After a while of silence, James said,
"Do you know what I have just realized? On that day Lily disappeared, she wanted to tell me about the child. She asked me to return home earlier," he ended in a quiet voice.
Sirius looked at him sadly.
"Would it have changed anything, if you had known? It would only have made everything worse for you, for us. James, listen to me. Lily is dead and even if it sounds hard you should try to let her go. You have a son. You should…"
But Sirius should never finish his sentence. With a start James spun around to him.
"For God's sake, Sirius! I've prayed for Lily's return! I wanted to have Lily back! Not a son! Why? Why couldn't Lily survive?"
Sirius eyes narrowed. His grip as he seized James by the shoulders was painful.
"Harry is your son, if you haven't realized it yet, James! He is not to blame for everything that has happened. And don't tell me that you believe Lily would have been happy if she had survived instead of Harry! You knew her better than anyone else. She would have taken her own life if she had lost her child. For Harry she risked everything, James.
And you know what she would want from you, don't you? She would want you to take care of him and to love him. If we survive this day, you have to take him in. He will need you. I can't imagine that he was showered with much love in that cold castle after Lily's death. We have to do everything in our power to keep Harry away of the Dark Arts, James. We have to give him back the family he has lost."
Taken aback, James blinked.
"I know," he finally whispered.
"And I will try. Even, if I don't know how to do it. How shall I ever be a good father to him, Sirius? Harry is a stranger for me. I do not know him, at all."
"You will get to know each other. And we will help you."
James cast a grateful look at Sirius and then shook his head.
"I still cannot believe it. Neither that I have a son nor that Peter betrayed us. Twenty years, Sirius! He has lived twenty years in my house. Almost every day he was together with us.
He was my friend; I trusted him while all along he just put on an act and only pretended that he mourned for Lily! How could he do that? Why did he not tell us that Malfoy waylaid him?"
"Because he was a miserable coward," Sirius said full of contempt.
"But we could have protected him! Him and Lily. And Malfoy we could have taken prisoner! I just don't understand it. Why didn't he tell us?"
"I don't know, James. I don't know. But whatever had been the reason for his actions, now he is dead."
"Yes," James said harshly.
"Yes, he is. And I'm glad about it. If Harry hadn't killed him, then I would have done it myself. Yes, Peter paid for his deeds. And Voldemort will also pay."
"James…"
"Don't worry, Sirius. I will not even come near him," James said with a bitter undertone.
It might be that he would only stand in Harry's path. It might be that they would need every available wizard to defeat all Death Eaters present in Voldemort's headquarters. And of course Sirius and Albus were right that he would be defeated by the Dark Lord in a duel. Nevertheless it had not been easy to accept that he would not be able to take revenge on Voldemort personally.
But he had given his word and he would keep it. Looking up into the sky, James sighed deeply.
"I'm afraid, Sirius. What if Harry will not make it?"
"No, James. Don't you even dare to think about it! We will make it. Harry will defeat Voldemort and we his followers. We will rescue Remus…"
"Remus! Good gracious, I forgot him completely!" James exclaimed aghast.
"… and once the war is over, we and Harry will live happily in Godric's Hollow. Someday he'll marry and then a lot of little Potters will play in our garden.", Sirius joked.
James stared at Sirius as if his friend had now completely lost his senses.
"Marry?"
"Yes. Haven't you noticed how Arthur's daughter looked at Harry? It was the same glance Lily always used to give you. Believe me, James, some day we will all be happy again."
James riveted his eyes on the crimson roses.
"But without Lily," he murmured sadly and stood up.
"We should get ourselves ready. The Order will gather soon."
Without waiting for Sirius, James walked towards the house.
Sirius gazed wordlessly after him, wondering if his vision of the future would ever come true.
James Potter and Sirius Black were not the only ones who weren't able to sleep. In his office Albus Dumbledore sat, motionless as a marble statue, and observed the rays of the slowly raising sun that crept slowly over his desk. He rested his chin on his hands and asked himself what the day would bring: victory or defeat?
As always before a battle he wished to be able to see into the future. Would the war finally come to an end or would he lead his Order into catastrophe?
Albus looked at his Pensieve and mused about his decision. Even if he was rather sure that they could trust Harry, a certain doubt remained.
And then there was Voldemort. The Dark Lord was crafty, sly and unscrupulous. What if Harry was only a pawn for him whom he could use any way he wanted? What if he had aimed for Harry luring them into the castle?
Running a hand over his forehead, Albus tiredly sighed. Well, that served him right after staying awake all through the night. Promptly he worried too much and imagined things.
What happened to his courage? What to his hope?
Involuntarily he thought of Lily Potter, recalled how she had walked up to Voldemort. She had known that it would cost her her life and yet she had done everything to destroy Harry's love for Voldemort. Despite everything she had suffered at the Dark Lord's hands, she had never given up, but had fought to the last.
Admiration rose in him and suddenly he felt the overpowering wish to turn back the time to make different decisions then.
He should have known that Lily would have never left James, nor would she have let the Order down. Yes, he had wronged her. And who knows, perhaps they would have found a possibility to rescue Lily, after all.
It was too late for self-reproaches, but there was one thing he could do. He could see to it that she hadn't sacrificed her life in vain.
Determined, Albus stood up and reached for his wand. It was high time to end this war, he thought and set off to the Great Hall, where the Order of the Phoenix would gather.
Ginny awoke completely shattered. And though it was actually far too warm under the blanket, she was cold. Soon, she thought, soon the battle would begin and she shuddered. She turned to the other side and was relieved to see that Harry was already awake as well.
Lying on his back, he was staring at the ceiling.
"Harry?"
Harry winced slightly and looked at her. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked as tired as she felt. Since he had woken her abruptly from her restless sleep in the middle of the night and had dragged her into the Great Hall to clarify the last details for their attack and to meet with Professor Snape afterwards, it wasn't very surprising, however.
"I…" she began in a faltering voice.
But before she could have said another word, Harry lightly stroked her over her cheek.
"Don't be afraid, Ginny. We will be victorious. Believe me."
A chilling expression entered his eyes.
"I'll kill him, Ginny. And if it's the last thing I do. I'll get my revenge."
Then his face lost somewhat of his harshness and he smiled at her.
Ginny nodded, but she didn't quite succeed in returning Harry's smile. She was so frightened that he might get hurt. What if he wouldn't survive his encounter with the Dark Lord?
"I am sorry," Harry said suddenly.
Uncomprehendingly, Ginny looked at Harry and was just about to ask what he meant as he softly added,
"I didn't ask you if you wanted it as well yesterday."
There she finally understood.
"Oh, Harry, don't worry about that. Of course, I wanted it, too. I love you," she said, bent over Harry and kissed him.
She straightened again and looked at him. Harry stared at her with such a stunned expression on his face that she had to bit her lips to stop herself from laughing. But as she imagined what his reaction might mean, Ginny felt an aching twinge. Didn't he love her as well?
Swiftly, she wanted to turn away, but Harry's hand at her chin caused her to pause.
"Ginny…" he whispered.
His next word was drowned in an agonizing scream.
Ginny jumped up, snatched her gown, slipped it quickly over and hurried into the bedroom. There Katie had already laid an arm around little Anne and tried to calm down the crying girl.
Ginny had nearly reached the bed as she heard her father yelling,
"Where's my daughter? What did you do to her?"
Startled, Ginny stormed out again and darted to her father who had shakily risen from the settee and was eyeing Harry with a wild gaze and clenched fists.
"Dad!"
While Ginny threw herself radiant with joy in her father's arms, Harry calmly reached for his robe and disappeared into the bathroom.
"Ginny?"
Arthur looked at his daughter unbelievingly, before he embraced her as tightly as he could.
Not until Harry returned to the room, he let go of her and blinked, confused.
"What happened? Must I be not…dead? The Killing Curse…the green light…."
Totally lost Arthur broke up. He remembered the terrible pain, knew that it had been the raven-haired young Lord, the torturer of his daughter, who had inflicted the agonies on him.
And he remembered the blazing green light which had raced towards him.
"I think it would be better if you explained everything to him," Harry said, glanced fleetingly at her and stepped towards the door.
While Harry was speaking unveiled hate appeared on Arthur's face. Seeing this, Ginny sighed slightly. As soon as Harry had left them alone, she pushed her Dad gently back on the settee and started to tell him what had happened during his unconsciousness. It took a while and she had to summon up all her power of persuasion to make clear to him that Harry had done nothing to her, but had helped her and the Order and most importantly: Harry had saved his life.
Arthur listened, shook his head now and then and steadfastly gazed at his daughter. As she had ended, he tenderly brushed a red curl out of her face.
"And you are sure that he didn't hurt you, little one?"
"Dad, Harry has saved your life. Believe me, you can trust him," she said firmly and Arthur nodded hesitantly.
Shortly afterwards Cho, Katie and Anne came in. Wrapped in their blankets they stopped, looking uncertainly at Ginny. Ginny quickly called one of the house-elves and asked the little creature to bring them breakfast.
While her Dad and the girls were eating hungrily, Ginny wasn't even able to swallow a bite. Feeling much too nervous, she drank only a little tea.
"Where were you yesterday by the way?" Cho asked curiously.
"On your note merely stood that you would return soon."
Ginny put her cup on the table and explained a second time in a strongly abridged version what had happened the previous day.
"Can…can we go home then?" Anne asked and looked at Ginny.
In Anne's light blue eyes such hope shone that Ginny couldn't help but to assure her that they would indeed go home when the battle had been fought.
At least when we win, Ginny thought grimly, and Harry defeats Voldemort.
Ginny took a sip of her tea and glanced at the door, wondering where Harry had gone to.
Now, as the fight seemed to advance more and more closely with each passing minute, she wished to be able to halt time. Yesterday she had still been capable of repressing the thoughts of the approaching battle, but now she didn't manage anymore. Her fear was just too great, the outcome too uncertain.
When Harry finally returned and Ginny noticed the snake that was curled around his arm, she realized that Harry had merely searched for his pet which yesterday he had sent to search for the two children.
At Harry's sight Katie, Cho and Anne had frozen on their seats and Arthur also looked as though he would feel ill at ease.
"It's time, Ginny. We must go."
Ginny nodded and wanted to stand up, but her father seized her arm.
"No. I forbid you to fight. It is much too dangerous!"
"Dad, please understand. I have…"
"No, Ginny. You…"
All of a sudden Arthur fell silent. A strange rigidity seemed to place itself over him.
Ginny looked inquiringly at Harry who returned her gaze, unmoved, and reached out a hand for her.
"Come," he said.
And Ginny went. At the door she turned around one more time. Seeing the scared faces of Katie, Cho and Anne she wanted to say something. But she couldn't utter a word, nor did she manage a smile. Instead her eyes rested on the motionless figure of her father. Only when Harry took her hand, she followed him through the door.
The Great Hall and the corridor were deserted. All traces of yesterday's feast had been removed. The silence made Severus Snape nervous. Standing near the entrance of the Great Hall, his gaze was riveted fixedly on the stairs. Where the devil were they? They should have been here already.
Severus felt himself break out in a cold sweat. Sure, the opportunity was favourable. After the festivity that had lasted half the night the Death Eaters would get up later and would be more likely to be careless than usual. Yet he would have preferred it if they had waited a few days before putting their plan into action. At least until everyone would exactly know the task they had to take over as well as all ways that led out of the castle.
But, of course, Albus Dumbledore and their unexpected ally had to rush into things.
Frowning, Severus shook his head and remembered the conversation that he had had with Albus a few hours ago.
Fortunately the Dark Lord had sent him to Hogwarts around midnight to fetch several potions – among other things Veritaserum – which the Inner Circle would need for the interrogation of the prisoners. Though he hadn't had much time it had been enough to inform him about all the news.
To discover the true identity of the young Lord had been a shock for him. Who would have thought that it was James' and Lily's son?
Thinking of Lily, he sighed. Her fate had hit him hard and he knew that a share of the blame fell on him. He knew that he hadn't searched thoroughly enough then. As Potter had come to him to ask him for help, he had agreed half-heartedly. And so he had also searched the castle.
The animosity he had always felt for Potter had blinded him.
But now he realized that Lily had not deserved such behaviour. He should have searched for her sake and not for Potter's. Perhaps he would have been able to help her if he had found her.
That he had given up far too soon, he would never forgive himself. It was no use now to wonder whether he could have helped Lily if he would have made every effort then. He would never find it out, he thought bitterly. He had to learn to live with his fault.
Approaching steps caused him to look up. As he recognized Potter's son and Ginny Weasley he was seized with relief. Now he could only pray that their plan would work.
