I finally found it in myself to continue this story. After finding out about the finale I was sure I could never finish this, but here I am. I hope you haven't lost complete interest. Mucho gracias to my beta River Run!
The ride back to Stars Hollow was quiet. For some reason, Lorelai had yet to turn the radio on and her cell phone remained silent in her purse. The wind was whipping through the car, rattling the wood as she drove, howling against the fabric sides of her jeep; making the open flaps of the rear window whip in the wind. But all these things mixed together to form an ambience that her mind understood as silence. It was like an air conditioner you never hear until someone points it out.
She was in a trance-like state, her mind wandering freely. A few times she had snapped out of it, always realizing that she had no memory of the last few miles she had driven. But slowly, the constant howling lulled her back into her daze. Her mind couldn't escape the name that appeared on Chris' phone as she had shoved it into her desk drawer.
The phone taking up residence in her drawer was only delaying the inevitable, and she knew that. Sherry would talk to Chris eventually, and what would be, would be. Lorelai hiding the phone only prolonged her feeling of comfort and security. Reality would return tomorrow. Chris would return to Boston, and phone or no phone, he would have to see Sherry.
Lorelai felt childish, mere steps away from desperately clinging onto Chris' arm and yelling, "Mine!"
These past few days had felt like a dream. She felt happy and like everything was falling into place. But a nagging worry kept trying to invade her head as she glanced in the rearview mirror at the wood stacked in her car. She couldn't help but wonder if this dream that she had always wished for, Christopher getting his life together; them being a family, was going to work the way she had always hoped. The situation wasn't ideal, him still living in Boston, but they could make it work. Couldn't they?
As she mindlessly took the exit to Star's Hollow, she returned to consciousness. She paused at the stop sign, debating. Left would take her home. Then there was right. A right would take her to the Independence Inn. Right would allow her to salvage the scrapings of her self-dignity. She silently cursed Luke for instilling her with such self-doubt.
The way Chris looked at her in the morning should have been enough. But his uncanny ability to charm his way into or out of anything had always been her enemy. While she knew Chris had the best of intentions, sometimes he said things she knew he couldn't possibly mean. With his departure looming on the horizon, Lorelai questioned when he would actually return. He had whispered promises of the weekend and making things work in her ear, and she believed him then. She really wanted to believe him now. Things had been so easy over the past few days. Things had been great. He had given her no reason to doubt him this time. The way he looked at her in the morning should have been enough.
She forcefully turned right, hoping the rough turn would startle Luke's doubtful voice out of her head. They were happy, and they were going to make this work. The distance was only a small factor in the equation.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Lorelai pulls up in the driveway, Chris' phone lying haphazardly in the passenger seat. It had barely moved since Lorelai had tossed it there minutes earlier. She hadn't even glanced at the screen, keeping her resolve. She didn't need to know how many more times Sherry had called while she was gone.
She places the phone into her purse and breathes in deeply. Chris' car was in the driveway. She smiles thinking of him and Rory spending time together today. Her mind danced with visions of Rory dragging Chris through libraries and bookstores and music shops.
Chris comes out of the house, nodding at her and walking towards the back of her car. He begins to pull wood out as she removes the key from the ignition and walks towards him to meet him. He stands looking at the wood disbelieving.
"This is a lot of wood."
Lorelai smiles and nods, knowing that he is feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount of materials presented to him.
"It is. You think you can handle it?" It's a loaded question. She wants him to assure her that this will work. She wants him to convince her he's ready. Her nervousness seems to go unnoticed to Christopher as he simply gives her a small laugh and continues unloading the car.
They toss the pieces onto the lawn in silence. Lorelai thinks of the phone in her purse. She places her load on the grass and walks to the front of the car, reaching in and grabbing the phone. The longer she waits, the more suspicious it might seem.
She turns around to him with a smile plastered on her face. "Hey look what I found today."
He looks at her and smiles as she tosses it to him.
"See, I didn't check the home improvement store," he scoffs jokingly, "And I thought I had covered all my bases."
Lorelai laughs to humor him. She laughs even though she knows that when he looks on the screen, his face would tell her everything. And perhaps, an uncomfortable, but necessary conversation would take place.
"I found it at the inn this afternoon."
Finally, he looks down to check the phone, and she watches him intently. His expression doesn't change and she looks puzzled. He sticks the phone in his pocket and looks back up to her.
"Just business stuff."
She smiles stiffly. Business stuff?
He returns to unloading the wood and she opens her mouth to ask him what exactly 'business stuff' entailed. She wonders if he even saw that Sherry had called. Again, lost in her trance, Chris finishes the unloading and stands in front of her.
"Lor?"
She snaps out of it and looks at him.
"Your life is in Boston. Your job, your place. Sherry." It comes out unexpectedly and she doesn't mean to spit out Sherry's name like that. Chris is taken aback by her tone, and she knows she had to have sounded like a jealous preteen. She grimaces slightly at her outburst and watches as he takes in her accusation. It was out. She couldn't take it back; she had laid her insecurities on the table.
He watches her intently, waiting for an explanation. When nothing comes he steps towards her slightly, "Lorelai, where is all this coming from?"
"What are we doing here? How is this ever going work?"
Christopher drops the wood he's holding and walks to her. He places his hands on her shoulders.
"I've told you, we'll make it work."
"How? Are you going to visit every weekend from Boston? Phone calls every night? You'll be in your car more than we'll see you! We're too old to do the long distance thing."
She sniffles a little and Christopher starts rubbing her shoulders soothingly,
"Hey, hey. We can make it work if we want to."
"I'm just starting to think we can't."
Christopher's face falls.
"No Lor. We've been having a great time. Me and you. We work."
Lorelai lowers her voice and calmly states, "I'm just scared that the reality will never live up to the fantasy."
"This is reality. The wedding. That was real. The shelves. Rory." Rory. Lorelai watches Chris's face distort from pleading to guilt-stricken to panicked. "Rory."
Lorelai looks at him scared and skeptic.
"Chris, where's Rory?"
"Oh Lorelai…" he tries to preemptively soothe her apologetically.
Lorelai asks again, harder. Her own worries momentarily forgotten.
"Chris, where's Rory!"
"At school," he says, dipping his head sheepishly.
"You forgot. You forgot! Of course you forgot!" She starts walking quickly to her car.
"Lor, I'm sorry! I had to go get my tire changed from the flat the other night. I couldn't go to Boston on the spare. I just forgot. I'm sorry." He catches up with her at her car and lightly touches her shoulder, "Lor…where are you going?"
"To get our daughter!"
"Look, I'm sorry!" he begins to get a little defensive but Lorelai gives back as good as she gets.
"Christopher, all day I've been convincing myself that this will work. That we can be a family; that you have finally grown up! You let her down Christopher. I thought things were going to be different this time."
"They are different!"
"No Chris! They aren't. Our daughter was counting on you today. She was so excited last night. She's so excited that you are back in our lives. And the first chance you get, you disappoint her! I can't do this to her. I can't tell her that things are going to be different and not be able to count on you. You turn me into a liar. I don't want to lie to my kid."
"Our kid! It was me! I forgot. I'll take all the blame."
Lorelai shakes her head frustrated, "You don't get it do you? It's not about who is to blame."
"Lor…"
"I need to go."
"I'll go. Let me please. I screwed up. Please let me do this. For Rory."
"You should go."
"Thank you. We'll be back soon. I'll make this up to her-"
"No Chris. You should go back to Boston."
His face falls.
"No Lor."
Lorelai gets in her car defeated. Christopher grabs the door before she can shut it.
"I'm sorry Lor. Don't do this."
"Your life is in Boston now."
"My life is you and Rory."
"Christopher."
"I love you guys. I want to make this work. I can make this up to you guys. Go get Rory, bring her home, and I'll make dinner for us. We can watch movies, laugh and I'll show you what a good boyfriend I can be. What a good father I can be!"
Lorelai shakes her head sadly.
"No Chris. I thought this could work. The three of us being a family. I was stupid. I was being selfish. Rory needs a father. Someone she can depend on."
"I am her father! I can be a good father!"
"I know Chris. I know you can. But that needs to be your priority. Both of our priorities. Not this. Not our relationship. We owe her that much."
"Lorelai! We deserve to be happy too!"
"But you can't handle it Chris. I know you think you can, but you can't."
"Lorelai this is crazy! I can handle it! I love you guys. We can be a family. We were doing so good!"
"Christopher you live in Boston. We'd have you part time. And that's fine for Rory. She's used to it. She doesn't deserve it, but she's used to it. I just can't. Not two days a week Chris. Not when you have so much to make up for with Rory. She should be your priority. Not me."
"I can move!"
"Chris you have a great job. A great apartment. A car. You're finally settled down. You can't leave that. You've worked for that for years. You can't leave that. I'm not going to ask you to."
"Lorelai. I'm finally what you've always waited for me to become. You always said when I settled down, we could make it work! We can make it work now!"
Lorelai shakes her head sadly, "I thought it was what I was waiting for, but I need you to be a father to Rory. You've proved that you can handle only one Gilmore girl, and I need it to be her."
"No Lorelai."
"I have to go. Please, just pack your things. Go back to Boston." She places her hand gently over his. "I've had a wonderful time this week. You are a good man, and I know you mean well. But I needed you to prove to me that you could be a partner to me and a father to Rory."
"I just forgot Lor! An innocent mistake. You know I love Rory more than I can express. Give me another chance. Please!"
"Call Rory tonight when you get back okay? I'll explain the rest," she says as she cranks her car.
Defeated, Chris steps back from her car.
"So this is it?"
"I'm sorry Chris."
"This is it," he concludes.
"I just need more. I need more than you can offer me. Rory needs more than her mom's boyfriend. She needs her father."
Chris lowers his head defeated.
"I thought we could do this."
"Me too."
"Tell Rory I'm sorry."
"I will."
And with that, Lorelai pulls out of the driveway; leaving Chris standing in her yard that they would never share, surrounded by the wood for shelves that he would never build.
TBC
