Summary: What once was lost is now found, though a little worse for wear.

A/N: My my, we're closing in on the ending soon. Not too soon, though because I still have to write and edit everything. I'm super excited for season two!

DISCLAIMER:This is a work of fiction. As the author I do not always agree with the actions the characters take. The MC has Haphephobia. The depiction of such in the story may not be entirely accurate and I do not claim it to be so. The depictions of anxiety and OCD are based on my own personal experience and do not apply to the illnesses as a whole. There will be mentions of various sensitive topics which are updated in the tags, read at your own risk.


November 11, 1983

Unlike the rabbit hole in the story, this one did not dip. Nor did it slope into an endless downward drop with nonsensical items flying past. When Mads tumbled through the slimy, pulsating membrane all that met her was moldy, rotting leaves and equally rotten trees. But she was here, again, in the Vale. This time of her own accord.

"Jonathan!" Nancy Wheeler screamed.

Mads was on her feet in a flash, legs prickling with pins and needles at the pace she set. With all the racket Wheeler was making, something was bound to happen upon them in search of live prey.

Even without her screams, Mads could have found the other girl in a matter of seconds. Running away from the portal was so fucking stupid. Like, the stupidest thing Wheeler could have done. It would have taken five seconds to crawl back through, but nooo. Why would anyone do the smart thing and avoid interdimensional travel? That would be too easy.

"Wheeler!" Mads called, frustration seeping into her voice. "Shut the hell up! Do you want something to find us and eat us both?"

She turned with a squeak, her flashlight momentarily blinding Mads.

"Je-sus, would you turn that thing off?" She complained, shielding her eyes.

"Sorry…" Wheeler whispered, switching off the flashlight. "Wait, why are you here?"

Even in the darkness, Mads could see the suspicion on her face, in her body language. Jesus, this girl was tiny… What did she think she could do against an eight-foot-tall carnivorous monster? It was obvious from the stuff she'd left outside the portal; her and Jonathan intended on revenge for Will and Barb.

Idiots.

They should have asked her for help. Maybe they would have if she'd been a little less abrasive.

"I'm saving your ass," Mads snapped, gesturing behind her. "I thought you were supposed to be smart, why would you run away from your only way to get back?"

"Th-there was this…" Wheeler faltered, gripping her flashlight to her chest. "You wouldn't believe me."

"Oh, trust me, Wheeler, I'd believe just about anything right now," Mads groused, stomping toward the other girl, then grabbed her by the arm. Thankfully, she hadn't run too far from the portal.

"Wait!" She cried, pulling against Mads' grip. "We can't go back that way!"

"And why the fuck not?" Mads snarled.

"There… there's a monster."

"Not when I came through."

"Then… Then where did it go?"

"Hell if I know."

Cautiously, Wheeler allowed Mads to lead her back through the trees. The pair took care to avoid vines and any particularly nasty looking spots on the ground. The pull that the portal had on Mads directed her, allowing her to keep an eye out for anything, and anyone, who may be lying in wait for them. She prayed 001 wouldn't deign to bless them with his presence.

If he did, prayers wouldn't be enough to save them.

"Do… Do you know what this place is?" Wheeler whispered, eyes darting around the fetid landscape. "How did you know where to look for me?"

"Not really." Mads shrugged. "And it was kinda hard to miss the gaping hole in that tree."

"But you have an idea?"

Before Mads could answer a soft, anticipatory warble reverberated to their right. Her head snapped in that direction just as the monster lunged. Fuck!

"Run," she yelled, pushing Wheeler ahead of her.

The monster slammed into her, its rotten scummy smell filling her nostrils, making her stomach lurch. She was in its territory now; it had the advantage. But she had something it didn't.

Rage.

The bellow that tore up her throat launched a shockwave, sending the creature flying backwards. Pain sliced up her sternum when its claw snagged into her skin, but she paid it no mind. Body moving almost on autopilot, Mads flung herself through the trees to find Wheeler struggling to get through the portal.

It was closing.

Holy fuck.

It wanted to keep them here.

Warm stickiness seeped through the front of her shirt, but she didn't have time to check. It was blood, and the creature was a carnivore. Most likely, it could smell her, and once it recovered it would be on her in a matter of seconds. The most important thing now was getting Wheeler back to their dimension.

Concentrating all her energy, Mads forced the portal open with her mind and shoved Wheeler. She screamed as she fell through. Mads could see her turn around, attempt to thrust her hand back into the portal to help her.

Then Wheeler's eyes widen in terror. Then the scream that fell from her lips.

Mads knew. She could sense it.

Lifting one hand, she twisted it into a fist, closing the portal before her. The other pressed to the cold, clammy chest of the monster. Blood rushed in her ears, her heart pumping so fast she knew the creature could hear it. Could smell it seeping through the cut it had left on her.

Like 001 had when she flung him away.

Before she could force her body to react the creature knocked her into the tree. Bark bit into her palms, scraping the exposed skin of her back where her shirt and jacket rode up when she scrambled around to face it.

She couldn't die here. She couldn't. It wasn't her time; Mads wasn't ready. The creature crawled over her, its claws wrapping around her calf, digging through her jeans. She could feel warm pinpricks of blood seep out beneath the fabric. Could smell it seeping from the gash between her breasts. Her body was already a patchwork of bandages, what was a few more?

"Fuck you," she spat and jerked her head to the side.

The nasty snap and its pained scream echoed through the decaying forest, making Mads' ears ring. The clawed hand that had been wrapped around her leg now hung limply at its side as it screamed, black, putrid spittle flying from the petals of its lips.

Mads relished at the odd angle of its rebroken limb with a feral grin. Then she was on her feet, flinging the monster away again with a forceful push. She was off, boots thundering the forest floor beneath her. If this was an echo of the forest outside the Byers' house, then she was also near the Lab, which meant there was another portal she could return home through.

Home… When had Hawkins become home to her? Probably when a certain tattoo covered, wild haired boy decided she was his best friend. Or when a certain babbling Joan Jett wannabe showed her that tough exteriors hold the warmest of hearts. Or when a certain couple made it nearly impossible not to love them.

Mads hadn't realized she was capable of loving so much. Of finding a place to belong, a place she could call home… and she wasn't too far off now.

"Wait…" she whispered, her steps slowing. "I can't go back through the Gate…"

Because the Gate led into the Lab, and if she left through it, Dr. Brenner would see her. Even though she had changed so much in five years, she was positive that if she went through the Gate, he would recognize her. And then everything would come crashing down.

Shaking her head in frustration, Mad turned and ran in the opposite direction. Surely the monster had another portal around here somewhere, all she had to do was search for it. All she had to do…

A tug pulled at the center of her mind. A pulse of life, a cry for help – weak and pitiful. Will? Now would be a perfect time to drag him from this hellscape. She was here in her physical form, wasn't she?

Finding another portal would be easy, even with the strong force of the Gate nearby. All she had to do was look hard enough, expand the corners of her mind and search, just like Peter – 001 – had taught her. Mads could grab Will and bring him back, then Joyce wouldn't go and get herself involved with the Lab. Nor would the Wilsons.

But the pull she felt didn't bring her where she thought it would. She ended up at what would have been a very large, very middle-class home that was rotted and dilapidated beyond recognition. The pool out back was filled with vines, rotting plants, and unidentifiable carcasses, blackened with decay.

Instead of the normal grave dirt and rust smell that permeated the air here, the subtle scent of brown sugar assailed her nostrils. An apple-cheeked smile flashed in her mind.

Barb.

Wheeler said Barb had disappeared from Steve's party… It was possible that she never actually left. A sinking feeling crept into Mads' stomach when she realized the implication. However, that pulse, that spark gave her enough reason to press on.

In the back of her mind, she knew 001 could be watching her, from wherever he was, but that wouldn't stop her from rescuing at least one other person from this pit. If Barb was dead, there was nothing she could do for her – bringing a corpse back would only bring suspicion down on her head, as callous as it may sound.

But if she was alive…

The sliding glass door was already shattered to pieces, jagged edges stuck out like the monster's gaping, teeth-lined maw. Pulling her jacket up to cover the top of her head, Mads climbed through the shattered door, thankfully without a scratch. Inside would have been nice, had the décor not been besieged by decay.

Or had it not looked like a tornado had landed in the center of the house. Rotted furniture was either overturned or smashed to bits. The floorboards were pockmarked with vines or completely torn up in places. Something had already been in here… searching. Most likely for Barb.

But she wasn't in the house… The coppery, hot-metallic scent of blood mixed with brown sugar, creating a nauseating aroma that was too hard to ignore. Barb had been in here, and she had been hurt… though she wasn't in here any longer.

That's when Mads noticed the places where the floorboards were particularly ripped up… right where the storm cellar would be. Although the foundation was crumbling underneath, the concrete was still mostly intact, meaning the monster was unable to get in. At least from above.

Rushing out the broken sliding door, Mads prayed it hadn't been able to get through the storm doors, even with the possibility of them being rusted beyond any hope of protection. Circling around the side of the house, Mads finally located the storm cellar, it's great steel doors jutting from the side of the house from their concrete support. Large gouges streaked through the rusted metal, but they held firm.

The gash between her breasts ached and burned. She was probably leaving a trail of blood behind for the monster to follow. Mads smirked at the thought of it trying to hobble after her on its twice broken arm. It sure did heal quickly…

With a shudder and a crack, the dilapidated cellar doors flew open, the iron bar holding them closed from the inside snapping like a twig. A light, dizzy feeling spun around in Mads' head, but only for a moment. She had a girl to rescue.

"Barb?" Mads called out, hoping to hear the other girl answer. When she didn't, Mads descended the stairs, two at a time, ignoring the pain in her chest and leg.

"Barb!" She called again, wishing she'd taken Wheeler's flashlight before she pushed her through the portal.

Through the dim light the Vale's constant lightning and moon cast upon its fetid earth, Mads could see the trail of blackened blood left on the concrete. There was no way… That much blood… There was no way.

Then why? Why did she still smell brown sugar and fresh blood? Why could she still sense that tiny pulse of life growing stronger and stronger with every step? Like a predator that smells the fear – senses the heart rate – of its prey.

"Madison?" The croaking sound of a damaged, disused voice called from the darkness.

At once, Mads rushed towards the sound, coming to a stop in the furthest corner of the storm cellar. It was completely dark, the weak light from outside unable to touch the darkness in the corners of this room.

"How the fuck are you still alive?" Mads demanded, crouching down. Her hands felt around blindly in the dark.

A coughing laugh and the flare of that life force lead her straight to the bloodied stump of Barb Holland's left leg. Bile rose from the back of Mads' throat as her hands recoiled from the sensation of torn flesh and muscle and bits of bone. Oh, holy fuck, she couldn't puke yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet.

The rotten pus smell of infection rippled through the squalid space. And Barb… she was sure to have more injuries than just… just the leg.

"Barb," Mads breathed, wiping her hands on her already grimy pant legs. "How are you still alive?"

"I was in the Girl Scouts for years," Barb rasped, her breath coming in short ominous rattles. "They teach you how to survive in the wilderness."

"We need to get you out of here right now," Mads insisted, scooting closer to pull Barb's arm around her shoulders. "I'm gonna help you stand, but we need to hurry. That thing is gonna smell us… the blood."

"I know," Barb groaned as Mads lifted her to her feet… foot.

God fucking dammit.

As quick as Mads dared to hurry, she and Barb limped toward the storm cellar entrance. The closer to the light they got, the extent of Barb's injuries became clearer. A tourniquet was tightened just above the knee of her left leg, bits of the fibula and tibia exposed through the ribbons of flesh and muscle. Infection wept from the wound, dripping onto the floor in gory splatters.

When they finally made their way up the stairs and into the low light outside, Mads noticed the mangled fingers at the end of Barb's arm which was slung around her. Instead of flinching, instead of gasping in horror, Mads forced herself to look the other girl in the face. It was the least, the very fucking least, she could do for opening this place into their world.

Mads was not prepared for what she saw. Barb's glasses were gone, and her sweet, pretty face was slashed to ribbons from those needle-sharp teeth. Her right eye was bandaged with what looked like the torn fabric of Barb's jacket, and Mads had a sinking feeling that if she removed that bandage… nothing would be underneath.

"Barb…" Mads whispered in horror.

The heavy feeling of guilt settled over her, making her bones dense and muscles weary. How could she ever make up for this?

"I thought we had to hurry," Barb whispered through her ruined lips.

Mads nodded, her mouth set in a grim line, and set off again at a much faster pace this time, warning Barb against stepping on the vines. She wasn't exactly sure what they did, but she knew she didn't want to find out.

From the rustling and growling all around them in this moldering forest, it was certain they were not alone. Why then, were they not being attacked? Was the creature afraid? Or was it a different entity entirely? Entities…?

Mads shuddered at the thought.

Were she alone, she would be less concerned. No, she didn't want to be eaten alive by a hoard of monsters, but if she were alone, she wouldn't have to worry about protecting Barb. Adding another person into the equation always complicated the outcome.

The pounding in her head started up again when she felt a pull directly north from them. That was the Lab. She couldn't drag Barb through there, even if it would save both their lives. Dr. Brenner would keep Barb too… hurt her. Mads wouldn't have that on her conscience on top of everything else.

So, she slowed their steps, taking a deep breath in, ignoring Barb's labored breathing. Focusing on Eddie, on Tris, and where she left them Mads felt another, fainter pull and rushed off in that direction, nearly dragging Barb with her.

The rustling was growing steadily louder.

And just as they passed into a familiar copse of trees, did Mads spot it. A small, membranous portal right in the forest floor. There was no way they could fit through that… So, how did the monster?

Did something else make it? If so… was that what was following them?

Whatever. It didn't matter.

Lifting her hand, Mads stretched her palm as wide as it could go, the edges of the portal widening with each strained shake that ran through her body. And finally, when it was wide enough, Mads collapsed, blood flowing from her nose onto the rotting forest floor.

Barb, thankfully, landed on her hands and knees. However, the impact must have been jarring, painful even.

"S-sorry," Mads whispered, struggling to push herself to her feet.

Messing with the portals… that was more difficult than anything Mads had ever attempted to do. Even moving that stupid abandoned traincar outside of Kali's hideout, or traveling long distances in her mind, or teleportation, or interdimensional travel. There was a wrongness about them, their otherworldly nature perhaps, which made it difficult for Mads to manipulate. But she was never one for heeding a perhaps.

Once again on her feet, she pulled Barb up off the ground and helped her to the portal's edge. The growling, rustling sounds had stopped. In fact, all the noise had stopped, save for the distant rolling of ominous thunder.

Mads opened her mouth to ask if Barb was ready when a wet squelch sounded behind them. Her body froze, her heart leaping to her throat then throttled to her toes. Without a second to spare, she threw Barb into the portal, gravity tearing through the membrane as she fell… upwards into their own world.

Whirling to face what was behind her, Mads lifted her hands defensively. She would not be caught off guard again. But where she expected the monster to be standing, tall and ready to strike, it was cowering, a clawed hand gripping the back of its skull.

One of its hind feet was stood atop a particularly large vine, pulsating like a heartbeat. Mads watched with horrified intrigue as the vine pulled itself from the ground like a writhing tentacle, wrapping itself around the now screaming monster. It thrashed and clawed, screaming as though it were begging for its life.

That's when a hoard of those vines tore from their resting places, surging towards the monster. Towards her.

Too afraid to take her eyes off the sight before her, Mads scrambled backwards, uncaring now where she stepped. The wet feeling of the perpetually decomposing sludge and vines squished beneath her feet until her heel caught on the edge on the portal.

The vines rose before her like a tidal wave, like the tentacles of the fabled Kraken, ready to pull her into their depths and drown her. She felt the smaller tendrils crawling over her boots, attempting to wrap around her ankles and drag her back, away from her escape.

A tremor ran up her spine and the ground shook beneath her, but it was not because of the vines. It was her. Her fear. Freezing wasn't an option anymore; her mind wasn't allowing it. The ground beneath her feet began crumbling into the portal, giving way.

And she fell. Up, up, up she fell into the dark, normal smelling forest. Nonsense, nonsense. This was like Wonderland, The Looking Glass, but complete and utter terror. Like the whimsy had been stripped away and left her with nothing but dark, horrid things.

The portal spat her out like a whale's blowhole, and the last thing she saw before she squeezed her fists shut to close it were the vines reaching out to grab her. Then she landed in a heap on the forest floor. Every part of her was either screaming or burning in pain.

Somewhere not too far away, she could hear her friends calling her name, but she couldn't utter a sound to alert them to her presence. That's when Barb began screaming. Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Dragging herself across the muck and leaves, surely getting dirt and debris in her injury, Mads reached Barb's prone body. She was writhing in the leaves, her hands clutched to her ravaged face. Screaming, screaming, screaming.

"Hold on," Mads soothed, brushing Barb's tangled hair from her face. "Just hold on. It will all be over soon."

She felt the rush of fresh blood pounding in her head, through her nose, into her mouth, down her chin. Mads had overworked herself and everything was muddled and muddied in her head. There was no way she could erase these memories which were so clearly causing Barb pain.

There was no way she had the energy to rewrite them. Even if she did… Barb's mind and body had gone through so much trauma that to try would kill her. Mads had learned that the hard way.

So… she would repress them. They could – would – come back eventually, and Barb would be right back here, in this moment in the forest with Mads, screaming. But there was no other choice. It was either that and calming her down long enough to get her to safety, or alert every person in the nearby vicinity to two injured, bloody teenagers – while Eddie and Tris were wandering around with knives and a gun.

Or the monster… those vines.

Mads didn't want to think about it. Because thinking about it would make other thoughts come to the surface and she just couldn't deal with that right now.

Eddie and Tris found them moments later, Barb's head laying in Mads' dirty, jean-clad lap. Mads' fingers running through tangled red hair. They had been waiting for Mads to pop out of that portal after Nancy, but when she hadn't and it closed, they all but forced Nancy and Jonathan to leave at gunpoint.

For a few minutes Tris was sure Mads was pulling a prank on them, but the longer it took her to show up, she began to panic. To calm her nerves, and his own, Eddie suggested they search the woods for another portal. Maybe Mads was trying to get through it, but was stuck.

It was a farfetched idea – stupid even, Mads wouldn't get stuck – but it made them both feel a little bit better. That's what they were doing when the screaming started. They followed it until it stopped, hoping, praying that the monster hadn't come through and taken some living person. They were not prepared for what they saw.

Barb's mangled body lying prone in Mads' lap. Eddie's dark eyes turned glassy at the sight and Tris' face drained of blood. This was bad. This was really bad. Then he noticed the blood on Mads' face and neck, blood that was much too fresh to be Barb's.

Her eyes, shiny and wet, met theirs from where she sat, begging – no pleading – for them to help her. The words were on her crimson lips, but they just wouldn't come. They died each time she opened her mouth.


Head pillowed on the old bean bag in the back of Eddie's van and covered with a musty, dope-smelling blanket, Mads tried desperately not to puke. Her head was spinning with more than just overuse. Eddie'd given her a couple pills he said would take the pain away, and they did, but they also made her feel fucking sick.

"You don't take this shit yourself, do you Munson?" Tris snapped beside her, brushing the hair from her face.

"I just sell what Rick gives me Beatrice," he snapped back from the driver's seat.

She flipped him off and went back to tending Mads, grumbling under her breath. "Doesn't stop you from smokin' all the good weed."

Mads wished they'd shut up. Who did what and when didn't matter. What mattered was Barb. And they'd just dumped her off at a hospital a city over, Mads using the last dregs of her powers to force one of the nurses to treat her own wounds before erasing her memory of the event completely.

Every limb was heavy and limp, her heart rate was dangerously low. Mads had overextended herself worse than she ever had, and they still hadn't found El. She was out there in the woods somewhere, cold and scared, and they hadn't found her. Tris flat out refused to let Mads set one toe back in that forest, and Eddie agreed. They already rescued Barb, that was enough heroism for one night.

Now they drove back to the Wilsons' with the intentions of deep cleaning the back of the van and cleaning or burning any items the Vale had touched. Once it was confirmed that the Wilsons were still not home – and that Jake was not there to check up on them – Tris helped Mads into the house where she promptly tore off her ripped shirt and ruined jeans. She gave her biking jacket and boots to Tris and balled up her clothing to throw into the fire pit out back.

Eddie chose that moment to walk in, flushing scarlet at Mads' near nakedness. Rolling his eyes, he took the ruined clothing from her and headed out back, presumably to burn them along with one of the blankets from the back of the van. He really chose a weirdo for a best friend, didn't he?

While Mads was too woozy to notice Tris' shoulders slumping, she did notice the thoughts of dejection Tris was practically shouting into her mind. It wasn't her business, it wasn't. Mads didn't have the energy for this.

Instead of dwelling on Tris, Mads trudged upstairs to find her first-aid kit where she cleaned and rebandaged anything cut, scraped, or needed cleansing. She then washed her hair under the tub faucet, careful not to get her stitches wet.

The last time she'd been banged up so badly was too long ago for memory. Maybe it was when she escaped, around her neck a necklace of bloodied scratches. Or when she got into a fight with an old member of Kali's crew. They died shortly after on a hunt for one of Brenner's men. Mads never let on how it happened.

They never asked.

Tris was waiting for her in Mandy's room, the biking jacket and boots clean and free of Vale grime. She was unpacking some of Mads' things, hanging them in the closet or placing them in the empty dresser drawers. It wasn't Mads' business, but it was bothering her.

"Hey," Mads said, catching the other girl's attention. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?" Tris smiled up at her, but it wobbled around the edges.

The words were in her brain, on the tip of her tongue, but the painkillers combined with her own weariness did not allow them to come. They stayed a garbled mess, swirling around in her mouth, making her heart beat faster and faster with each passing second. Grabbing a clean set of pajamas, she pulled them on and set about unpacking her things.

"D'you like Eddie," Mads finally blurted, her hands fisting into a blouse she held.

Tris froze, dropping the stack of cassette tapes she was holding onto the dresser, the clatter echoing loudly in the silent room. Slowly, slowly she turned to face Mads and the words she spoke. There was nothing more she wanted to hide than her feelings for Eddie, except maybe Robin's secret.

"Have you been reading my mind?" She asked in a trembling voice.

It wasn't an accusation, not really. Her mind was reeling and couldn't think of another explanation; though, she knew she was bad at hiding her own emotions. If Eddie knew, he would hate her, she just knew it.

"Of course I haven't," Mads protested. "I promised I wouldn't and I don't break promises."

Except for any that she made 001 in the past. Those didn't count.

Tris was quiet for a moment, staring at Mads as though she were the Vale monster. As though opening her mouth would be the end of her very existence. It seemed strange on a girl who never knew when to stop talking.

"Yes," Tris admitted finally in a small voice. "Yes, I like Eddie."

"Good," Mads said, nodding with finality. "Because I don't."

That shocked Tris. "You don't?"

"I don't think so."

"What do you mean 'you don't think so'?"

Mads shrugged, pulling at the hem of her pajama top. That dream… surely it didn't mean anything. But what if it did? What if it did mean she liked Eddie? What would she do then? Tris was her friend, and hurting her would be bad.

"I-I…" Mads began. "I had this dream the other night."

"The night you, uh, locked yourself in the bathroom?" Tris asked hesitantly.

Mads nodded.

Eddie had filled her in on what happened. Mads couldn't bring herself to recount that night for a second time. She could only imagine how Eddie felt telling Tris, how the both of them felt. They probably thought she was crazy.

"E-Eddie and I, I mean, we…" Mads faltered.

Tris held up a hand with a wry smile. "I get it," she said. "It was a sex dream."

Mads found that she couldn't meet Tris' eyes.

"Listen," Tris said, voice commanding – like Mads imagined a big sister would sound. "I already spilled the beans on myself so I can admit it, Eddie's hot. Like, really hot. I know we both know he's actually a huge dork, but in spite of that, he's attractive. You are a teenage girl with hormones and shit going on and Eddie's a nice, hot guy. It's normal to have dreams like that. They don't mean shit."

"Are you sure?" Mads asked in a small voice.

How could she be? Dreams meant things. Pa– Dr. Brenner said so. 001 said so.

"Uh, like every so often I have a dream where I'm making out with this girl I bumped into on a trip in Paris," Tris confessed, blushing furiously. "Thing is, I don't even like girls. Didn't even catch her name and we never made out."

"Are you sure you don't like girls?" Mads asked curiously.

"Ah, no. I don't," Tris said, a smile spreading over her face. "I definitely do not like girls."

"Sooo… you're saying that… these kinds of dreams don't mean anything?"

"Exactly. Sometimes our brains just make shit up. They use thoughts we've got stored in there about ourselves – or other people – and make up stuff. Scenarios, that would never happen… sometimes things you would never even want to happen."

Mads was used to her dreams meaning things, used to replaying her life in the Lab over and over. Or seeing things that were happening in real time if she traveled in her sleep. Yeah, she had normal stupid dreams… But she never thought that they were just meaningless. It was something to think about.

"So, this isn't my subconscious tellin' me I wanna fuck Eddie?" Mads hedged, feeling slightly abrasive.

Tris turned to her with a skeptical air. "Do you wanna fuck Eddie?"

"No," Mads shook her head, biting her lip. "I've thought about it, but it made my stomach knot up… and not in a good way."

"Good," Tris said much too quickly, the flush on her cheeks deepening. "I mean, then you don't actually want to, and that it's a good thing you were able to work that out."

The conversation quickly tapered off into other things, mostly out of embarrassment on both girls' sides, and soon enough the sound of Eddie's sneakered footsteps stomping up the stairs alerted them to his presence.

"And then he bit me—" Tris said when the door opened.

"Who bit you?" Eddie asked, tossing himself down on the clothes both girls had neatly folded on top of Mads' bed. He smelled of woodsmoke.

"You did, asshole," Tris snapped, yanking articles of clothing out from underneath him.

"What? When?"

"You don't remember?"

"Ah, that would be a 'no'."

Mads chose that moment to pipe up. "When she was in first grade, you defended her from Tommy and some other boys."

"I did?" Eddie looked puzzled for a moment, then it dawned on him. "That was you?"

Tris nodded tersely as she refolded the items she managed to pull from underneath him.

"You tried to kiss me!" He protested. "You're still mad that I bit you? I was defending myself!"

"Yes, because apparently I had cooties to seven-year-old you." Tris sniffed.

Mads watched them bicker with amusement. Back at the Lab she never had friends. 002 and his group hadn't liked that she'd shown them up. He was supposed to be the favorite, and he made sure to keep the attention off her in any way he could. She was never able to get close to any of the other experiments then, even Kali.

Kali had been… difficult to get along with when she found her in Chicago. It had been worse in the Lab. Remembering her life before gave her an angry and prickly personality, one that pushed Mads and anyone else away.

Having friends was new and strange; it made Mads nervous, but happy. For the longest time Peter was her only friend, then he betrayed her. It was different this time – no ulterior motives – but nervousness crept up inside her chest anyway, swirling around her lungs and clutching her heart in its cruel hands. There were always limits to what people could take, what they were willing to put up with.

In spite of the weight lifted off her shoulders about that fucking awful dream, Mads was positive she would find her newfound friends' limits. It was only a matter of time. And when that time came, she would have to pick up the shattered pieces of her many times broken heart. Alone. As always, alone.


November 12, 1983

Tires screeched on the asphalt outside Bradley's Big Guy masked only by the shattering of the glass sliding doors to the supermarket. They'd been too late to intercept El going into the store, but they could at least get her before she disappeared again.

"El!" Mads called, flinging the side door to the van open.

The younger girl saw her and froze, boxes of eggos spilling over her thin arms. Scared and angry customers and employees were beginning to slip through the broken glass. There were two choices, run and lose her eggos, or jump in the van where Mads was possibly very angry with her and keep the eggos.

El chose the latter, finding herself crushed to the older girl's chest as they sped off, leaving the witnesses behind, befuddled and confused.

When Mads pulled away from their embrace she gazed down at El with barely restrained anger and tears. "Don't you ever hide from me like that again, do you hear me?"

El nodded once, fearing her wrath.

"El," Mads said, cupping her cheek. "You're not in trouble, I promise. Not even for throwing Lucas. We were just worried about you."

"I'm sorry," El whispered, her eyes swimming with tears.

"I forgive you, and I'm sure Lucas will too, but for now we're going back to my place so you can get cleaned up."

"Uh, not to be rude or anything," Eddie interrupted from the driver's seat. "But what in God's name are you wearing?"

Mads and El simultaneously looked down at the dirt-stained pink dress, blue jacket, and tube socks El wore. It was a horrendous outfit; one only middle school aged boys could put together and feel confident about. A sneaking suspicion that it was a very specific group of boys crept over Mads.

"Pretty," El said to the back of Eddie's head, frowning slightly.

"Oh yeah," Tris placated, glaring at Eddie. "The dress is really pretty! But it's a bit dirty and it's so cold out. That's all Eddie was saying. Right Eddie?"

"Yep! Just didn't want you to get sick!" His voice squeaked a little at the glares from the two older girls.

Thankfully they had been out driving around since the sun came up, waiting, just waiting for a spark of El's thoughts or her presence somewhere in Hawkins. The way she just completely disappeared from Mads' radar was terrifying. Of course, it was easy for Mads to figure out that El was just hiding the only way she knew how, which probably included a subconscious shielding from anyone with their abilities.

That hadn't made it any less scary.

The trio had spared only a few extra minutes for Mads to load up on snacks so she had enough energy to even try to find El before they set off on their quest. After last night, Eddie didn't even want Mads to go out and look for her. But Tris, being a big sister herself, sided with Mads. Though Mads was just as surprised as her two friends when she had them pulling up in front of the supermarket to see El, arms laden with frozen waffles.

When they returned to the Wilson's, Jamie and Pam still hadn't returned home, which was a relief. Jake hadn't come back either. Hopefully that meant he was off at his girlfriend's place, or still asleep and wouldn't be showing up unexpectedly.

"Can I help you with those?" Eddie asked, holding his hands out to El.

She looked down at the now rather soggy boxes she carried, then back up at Eddie and his wild hair. El had only known girls to have long hair; it was strange to see it on a boy. And the heavy, dark clothes he wore, all the jewelry… it was weird. But Mads trusted him, so El supposed she could too.

"I won't eat them, cross my heart," he promised, miming the action solemnly.

Only then did El relinquish her hold on the eggos, handing them over with barely a tremble in her hands. He smiled sweetly at her and headed inside, her following behind quiet as a mouse.

"Okay," Mads said after she locked the door behind them. "Let's get you cleaned up!"

Since Dr. Brenner chose to have actual showers in the Lab, El was able to figure it all out on her own after Mads showed her what stuff to use. While she was showering, Mads and Tris struggled to find her something to wear; eventually, they settled on a smallish black t-shirt and cropped jeans, which would fit okay with a belt. Eddie, wanting to give the kid some privacy, decided to make her something to eat and the rest of them a large pot of coffee.

It felt like that's all they were running on for the past few days.

Bearing a plate of eggos and three cups of highly sweetened coffee, Eddie entered Mads' new bedroom to see her holding the kid close – like if she let her go, the world around her would crumble. His heart lurched, and not in a good way.

Somehow, a poisonous little thing – a thought, a whisper – crept inside his heart at the sight. Once it was him Mads clung to like that, no one else. Not even Tris. Just him. He didn't want her to find another person to need like that. It was stupid, mean even, to think such a thing. To feel it. But he did.

What he felt for Mads was just friendship, but that friendship as short as it was, ran deep. The thought of being replaced in her heart was a fear he never thought he would have to encounter until now. And the thick, oily terror of it that ran though his veins turned his roiling stomach to lead.

He shook his head, as though banishing the thoughts, and set the coffees down on the large vanity. Tris jumped up to grab herself a mug when the radio sputtered to life, causing her to stiffen noticeably.

The Chordettes' "Eddie My Love" crooned from the speakers, El watching the machine with rapt fascination. Mads' face, on the other hand, was a mask of pure calm.

"That's a bit loud, don't you think?" Tris quipped, lifting her mug to her lips.

"Sorry." Mads smiled, pulling away from the kid long enough to grab her own mug.

Eddie felt as though he missed something, but couldn't put his finger on what.

"Thanks," El said softly, taking the plate from him when he handed it to her.

They ate and drank in silence for a moment, El wandering around the room looking at the pictures of Mandy Mads had refused to put in the now full closet. Her brows furrowed in confusion, looking back at Mads for a moment, then, as if deciding they were different people, turned back to the picture.

"Pretty…" she said, then stuffed another bite of eggo into her mouth.

"Yeah," Mads agreed, moving over to where El stood. "Her name's Mandy, and she was very pretty."

"Was?"

"She's… She'd gone, kiddo."

"Oh. Still, pretty."

"I think so too."

Behind them, Eddie was fiddling with the radio – fed up with Mads 'oldies' music- and switched it to his favorite Black Sabbath tape which he carried on him at all times for instances such as this.

The loud rock music blared through the bedroom as a smile crept over the three teenager's faces. The atmosphere between them had been odd since 001 visited Mads last, but strangeness and rock music – what brought them together in the first place – seemed to soothe their troubles. At least for now.

A tug on the sleeve of Mads' shirt pulled her attention back to El, who pointed at her and Tris.

"Pretty," she insisted.

"Oh, thanks kid," Tris blushed, fidgeting a bit.

"Am… I pretty?" El asked, gaze trained on her toes.

The girls clamored to placate her, insisting that she was adorable, the prettiest little girl they knew in all honesty. Mads didn't think kids needed to worry about being pretty, they needed to worry about being kids, but she had a suspicion El's feelings about the subject had something to do with a certain boy.

She didn't quite understand her feelings on that matter, but she knew she didn't like it.

Mads didn't like it one bit.

While Mike Wheeler wasn't 001 by any means… she couldn't help but think of her own desire to please him when she was younger. About her daydreams featuring them running away, seeing the outside world for the first time. Imagining the bright sunshine 001 had described to her, lighting his beautiful bright hair up in a halo around his heartbreakingly lovely face.

The sun had not been shining when she left, and 001 had not come with her.

El pointed to Eddie, the movement breaking through her thoughts. "Pretty?"

A wry smile curled over Mads' face. "Oh yeah," she agreed. "Eddie's real pretty."

"What?" His head snapped up to look at them. He had been digging through her ever-growing cassette tape collection. "Am not!"

"Are too," Mads argued, sauntering close. "Isn't he Tris."

"Uh, yeah, sure." Tris blushed. "Whatever."

Mads' hand curled around a stray eyeliner pencil on the vanity and brandished it like a blade. Dark eyes widening in shock and horror, Eddie stumbled back into the dresser, scattering tapes onto the rug.

"You know what would make him even prettier, El?" Mads said, flashing her teeth at her best friend in the whole world. He cowered against the dresser, frantically begging Tris to help him with his eyes. She shook her head pointedly.

"What?" El asked, peering curiously around Mads.

"A makeover."

Eddie's face dropped. He wore makeup occasionally, for shows or D&D sessions, but he'd always done it himself. He didn't trust anyone else not to make him look like a clown. Or a girl. Or a drag queen. Not that there was anything wrong with that in his mind, he just didn't want to give the bigots in this town another reason to want to kick his teeth in.

"No way!" He protested, throwing his arms up to cross over his face, his bracelets and buckles jangling. "No fuckin' way!"

But it was too late. Mads and the kid were already on him, dragging him over to the vanity stool despite his desperate pleas. Tris soon joined in, running a wide toothed comb through his curls, spritzing them with water and scrunching them like he always did in the mornings. He wondered how she knew what to do.

Soon enough, he was laughing along with the girls. They didn't do more than his eyes and hair, and he looked more like a rock star than a clown. But he did allow El to "tattoo" his arms with an old eyeliner pencil Mads gave her. Her little hearts and kitties and stars covered the empty spaces. She even tried to recreate his bats on her own arm, something that made his chest tighten with guilt.

He'd been jealous of a kid for chrissake. Someone who was as close to Mads' sister as she'd ever get.

With bittersweet amusement, Eddie watched as El "tattooed" a "dragon" on Tris' entire bicep, then traced the tiny skeleton tattoo on the inside of her other arm. Mads' head rested against his knee, his hand running through her hair. When Tris was declared finished, El descended upon Mads who wanted a stick figure drawing of the four of them on the inside of her forearm.

They all pretended not to notice the tears welling in her eyes as El attempted to write their names above each little figure. When she finished, Mads pulled the girl into her embrace, the kids' sharp, skinny elbows bumping into Eddie's knees.

They sat like that for a moment, El unsure of how to respond to the sudden burst of affection, until Mads pushed away abruptly. There had been so much touching lately, so much of her wanting to touch. It was uncomfortable. Her heart pounded and her palms became sweaty. Hate and love for the sensations touching others brought churned within her and she didn't really know how to deal with it.

Instead of allowing her feelings to consume her, Mads grabbed her brushes and makeup, holding them out to El. Tris, sensing what Mads was thinking, scrambled for the other makeup products. Steeling her spine, she settled herself next to Mads, between Eddie's knees. It wasn't weird. They were friends. It wasn't weird. Thankfully he didn't seem to care, just flicked the back of her head. Something warm bloomed in her chest and she hoped he couldn't see the flush on her ears.

"Your turn." Mads grinned.

"Pretty?"

"Yeah, we're gonna make you just as pretty as Eddie."

El made a face at that, and they all laughed. Laughed harder than they had in days, the musical sound mixing with the heavy guitar and drums that pounded from the speakers. Strange things were happening, dark things. But this moment, in a flood of the dark and scary – the downright awful – moments, was a bright spot. One each of them would carry with them forever.


A/N: Thanks for reading and commenting y'all. I obsess over it. Literally.

My ears are still not better, and my appointment is like... forever away. I'm so irritated.

I'm also thinking about hosting a discord channel for this fic? But Idk. Maybe.

Also... My view counter was acting up. I normally get quite a few daily views, but it just dropped to 0 on the 14ht, which was odd af. It seems to be fixing itself now, but there are still quite a few days with little to no activity on my stories which I know is wrong since I received follow/favorites on some stories on those days.

Chapter title is taken from "Far Too Young to Die" by Panic! at the Disco on the studio album "Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die!" released in 2013 (my favorite Panic! album!).

Thanks for the favorites, follows, and reviews! I appreciate each one! (Please don't forget to leave a review if you liked the story so far!)

Also, here is the mini mixtape for the final chapters, since we're about to wrap things up soon!:
playlist/2w0Fg6UPmVvj5L3EIMRYfw?si=fd523c888f364bc5

This is the "mixtape" I created for this fic. It's not entirely period accurate, but I feel like these songs fit the theme of the show and characters.
playlist/2w0Fg6UPmVvj5L3EIMRYfw?si=d8e38810c96f4875