I found myself staring into the eyes of a man who did not trust me in the slightest bit.
And I suppose it was rightly so, seeing that I was teetering on the edge of drawing my blade and beheading him.
"He must stand trial!" I said, adamantly. Mace alternated from watching Palpatine and myself with wary, wild eyes. He did not seem to know which one posed more of a threat to him, and was trying to watch us both carefully.
"He has control of the Senate and the courts! He's too dangerous to be left alive!" The Master insisted. This wasn't good. I could not allow him to kill Palpatine… I… I didn't know what to do!
"I'm too weak! Oh… Don't kill me! Please…" Begged the envoy of darkness… And I couldn't help but feel deep pity for his weakened, defenseless state.
"It's not the Jedi way!" I pointed out, hoping to convince Master Windu, "He must live!"
I began hyperventilating. I could feel my decision coming to a close, and I did not know what it was going to be. It would all depend on Master Windu at this point, and the malice, the firm intent on destroying his enemy plastered itself to his face, and he began to sort of cock his head threateningly.
…He was going to attack. Palpatine's horrifying, pleading yellow eyes shrunk. He saw it too.
"Please don't…!" He pled.
He didn't stop, and he raised his lightsaber… NO! I didn't want to turn to the darkness! I didn't WANT to kill Master Windu! I couldn't!
Padme, why did it have to be for Padme!
"I need him!" I said, feeling tears burn their way out of the ducts of my eyes. They were tears of stress. Stress at what I would have to do if Master Windu swung that lightsaber.
"P-! Please don't!" Palpatine begged one last time.
And Windu let out a battle cry…
Time froze. It was time to make my decision. I would live a life of darkness to save the one I love, or I'd allow her to die. If she died… at least she'd die loving me. Knowing I'd done what I thought was right.
But if I save her, would she hate me? Yes, I know she would. I know what the darkness wanted of me. It wanted my ability to kill. It wanted me to slay all my brethren. Wanted me to destroy everything I loved, save for the one—the most crucial thing in my life—Padme. Everything I cared about was the price for her life… Including her love for me.
I had to decide. I had to decide…
I was the Chosen One. It was my destiny to bring balance to the Force… Was the prophecy wrong? Did my true destiny lie in letting the Council down…?
…Letting Obi-Wan down…?
…Letting… myself down?
I remembered the first thing Obi-Wan said to me when I first began training under him as a padawan learner. It rung clear in my soul, like the precious final words of a long lost ally:
"Listen to your feelings, Anakin, and you will become the greatest of all Jedi Knights. Know that the Force is always with you, and that with it, you can do anything. There are no limits on the Force. And I believe in you, that is why I'm going to train you, teach you everything I know… So you can better it."
And for the first time in my life, I asked myself: What would Obi-Wan do…?
I felt it inside me for that one frozen moment in time. I felt the answer. I knew that Obi-Wan would trust in his feelings. He was always telling me to trust my feelings.
So that's what I did. I didn't listen to my emotions, or the Force, or anything like that.
I listened to my feelings. My intuition. What Obi-Wan trained me to do.
And finally, I found my answer. Padme wouldn't die. Mace Windu wouldn't die. I would not join the darkness. I would shroud myself in the light, and protect all the life around me, good or bad.
I did not need the darkness to save her.
I would find… another way.
I felt my senses peak, and my conscience felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from it. All the stress and strain and hate and indecision and regret evaporated. It was an inexplicable sensation of warmth, like standing in the brilliant rays of the Horaq sun, and it filled me suddenly, gave me more control than I'd ever had. For the first time in my Knighthood…
I was not confused. I knew exactly what I was doing.
With practiced finesse, I used the flowing river of power that every Jedi knight trains to master to call my lightsaber to my bionic hand. Quickly igniting my cerulean saber, I gently, yet firmly swashed the blade through the air, swiftly meeting Mace Windu's famous violet weapon, in one smooth, fluid motion.
The lightsaber's tangled and crackled, hissing as they repelled one another's energy emitting pattern. Familiar sparks of a saber stand-off—a form of saber fencing both I and Master Windu specialized in--flew from our clashed weapons.
Windu looked at me in fury at first, but it evaporated, and the power from behind his blade slowly dissipated. He looked a tad confused, or at least curious.
A long moment of us staring at one another, our blades humming and sizzling against one another gave way only when I gave the advance to him courteously, letting him shove my blade to the side. Normally, this would be a time for the advancing victor of the stand-off to strike his minorly disoriented opponent, but Windu did not sense hostility in me. I knew he didn't. If he sensed hostility in me, we would be engaged in a mad duel of flashing lights and sparks.
I deactivated my emitter and the azure energy retreated back to it's cell with a whisper. Windu did not follow in suit, pointing his blade warily at me.
"Young Skywalker, what is the meaning of this…?" He asked me. "Clashing blades with a superior unprovoked is an act punishable by exile, surely you know this?"
The Sith Lord suddenly looked wearily at me. I detected something I knew well in his eyes—confusion, fear, and firm denial that what was happening was really happening.
"No! Anakin, strike him down! Kill him! If you do not kill him, he will execute me! Your loved one will die just as you've foreseen! You'll change nothing! Do not abandon the dark side!" He said. His face suddenly shifted from a begging look to an evil, hissing demon-like scowl, "Kill him now!" He demanded.
I sighed, and held my hand out toward Palpatine, closing my eyes, reaching out to his emotions, his thoughts. It used to be so difficult, because Jedi and Sith know how to throw up mental barriers, but this time it came with ease. There was such clarity and sharpness to the power now that it was no longer clouded by indecision…
His look took on a face of pure horror. "Wha, what are you doing? Stop that! Stop that at once!"
I understood the pitiable man now.
"…I see. So it was a lie. A lie that brought you to the dark side. And you would try to do the same to me…? That's just tragic." I speculated.
I released his mind, and he began wheezing hard.
Mace Windu shook his head.
"Truly it is the nature of history to repeat itself." He said, seeming pensive. "Still, we must prevent it from doing so this time."
I advanced toward the crumpled, atrophied body of the Sith Lord, and he backed away, looking horrified.
"Stay back!" He roared, eyes wild with fear and anger. Curious I thought, stretching my hand out to pull him away from the window. He backed away more, hissing like a crazed laigrek. Farther and farther he scooched himself to the edge of the shattered window--and a 10 thousand-foot drop.
"What's the matter with you? I'm trying to help!" I said.
"There's no help for him now, Anakin, don't let compassion blind you! He's too far gone, the only thing that will end his suffering now is a swift death." Master Windu informed me, still waving his weapon menacingly. The chancellor hacked over and over, as if he were ill. The crimson circles around his eyes deepened in hue, making him look like the devil himself.
Is that… what the dark side does to a person?
"No… no… This is not right at all… it can't be true! It was not supposed to happen this way!" Palpatine wheezed, a sick mix of anger and sadness present in his voice, "You were so beautiful, Anakin, so powerful… But you threw it away! It was your chance! It was the only chance… My only chance! I saw visions of your power, your unstoppable power in my sweetest dreams! You could've been the greatest Sith Lord there ever was! Now look at you! I can't look, I can't bare to look!"
The words of the chancellor were almost as pathetic and sick as he was. I could do no more than pity how far he'd fallen, too far for any Jedi to save.
Even the Chosen One…
"Anakin, look out!" Shouted Master Windu. Wait, what was going on, I wasn't paying attention…
I saw bolts of lightning streaking toward me. My bionic hand raced to my side to retrieve my trusty blade, but I wasn't fast enough.
I felt a wave of pain tremulate though my body, which jolted through me as I was ripped apart from the inside out by the electricity. I grunted and held back a scream of agony…!
"Anakin!" Came the distressed voice of the Master.
"Hahahahahahahahaha! FEEL the power of the dark side, Anakin! The power you threw away! Unlimited POWER!"
The electricity wouldn't stop. It kept surging through my body, and I could almost feel my vitals slowly shutting down. How could I let this happen? Why couldn't I have sensed the danger?
I felt the scream being ripped from my lungs as I couldn't hold it in any longer, as the cold, painful bolts of dark energy rumbled within them, threatening to burst through my chest.
And eventually, the pain was so severe, it faded away entirely. The sounds muted. The smells were no longer detectable. My vision was the last thing to slowly dim.
No…
NO! I couldn't die! I had so much to do! I had to save Padme! I had to fulfill the prophecy! I didn't want to die at the hands of the Sith! No, not like this!
Was this the will of the Force? To kill me for making the right decision…?
Was… it the right decision?
Why did the Force hate me so?
These were the questions that circled within what little consciousness I had left. My vision was fading, getting darker…
"Padme…" I felt the words leave my lips, as the torch of my life slowly flickered into a flame half a step above a match. The wind was blowing at the flame. Soon it would go out, and all would go dark.
The last thing I saw before the darkness took me, was a purple flash, and the sick, cauterized head of the man who lied to me rolling across the ground, still twisted in a gross, malevolent smile.
--------------------
Somewhere in the darkness, I became afraid. I was always afraid of dying. The Jedi were not supposed to be afraid of death, or anything for that matter, because it led to the dark side.
I've said this before, haven't I? Just checking.
Anyway…
I began to wonder what would happen to me. It was so dark, so cold. There was nothing here.
Did I even exist anymore?
I had to, I still had a mind, a will. A will that wanted to live. But… Not even the fairy tale Darth Plagueous could save himself from death.
Was this what happened to everyone who died? Shouldn't there be more souls than my own in this place?
Why was I all alone…? Was this… Hell?
I didn't know. I didn't know where I was. But it was no paradise.
A lot of people, particularly historians that studied the ways of the Jedi believed that the theory of 'the Force' was a religion. I suppose they deducted this because we believed that when something died, it became one with the Force, rather than going to any sort of after-life, or being reincarnated.
Jedi didn't think of the Force as a religion. They knew it to be a divine truth, because they could see it. They witnessed it first hand.
But no Jedi knew what 'joining the Force' really entailed when death was upon them. They didn't know what it felt like, if it felt like anything; they didn't know anything about it, except that it was true. It was something they'd have to experience first hand to understand.
And something that becomes one with the Force doesn't come back.
…So I thought.
So was I at one with the Force now? Is this truly what it was like to be part of something as powerful and boundless as the Force?
…It couldn't be! This was… It wasn't the pleasure and honor that the Jedi made it out to be. It was just nothing. Just blackness, endless blackness. Infinite abyss, eternal darkness.
I had nothing to console me but my own floating thoughts.
And that wasn't very consoling. Often times, during my life, I ran away from my thoughts, tried to occupy myself with anything else so that they wouldn't catch up to me. My mind was a dark place.
And now it was all I had. That wasn't much. This was hell.
This was worse than hell.
I remained like that for the longest time, and yet the shortest time. I couldn't measure the time that had elapsed when something besides nothing had finally happened. I don't think time was a factor in whatever part of the universe I had landed in, whatever dimension or multiverse. But I know I was glad to see it when it showed up:
A tiny sparkle of light. Dim, faint, but it was there. It was something. Something besides blackness, something besides a thought or memory or regret.
So I reached out to it. I didn't have anything to reach out with except the Force, so the Force I used. And it worked. I saw the little light grow faintly, subtly bigger.
I pulled harder, and slowly I could feel my face again.
I pulled even harder, and I could feel warm, life-sustaining air fill my lungs once again.
I pulled as hard as I could, and the numbness that had gripped my legs faded, and once more, I had the power to run.
So I ran. I ran toward that light, and it grew and grew. It got bigger than I thought it would, it got bigger than me, filled the void as I neared it. I ran faster, determined to get to it, find out what it was.
It didn't matter what it was, it was something. That was all I wanted when I had nothing. Nothing but my mind and body and the darkness. And the Force.
To most Jedi, the Force was everything.
To me, the Force was nothing but a tool. It wasn't really that important to me.
A swift aeon passed me by, followed by a slow instant. It didn't matter how long it took, I'd make it eventually. The light was getting closer. I was getting closer, closer, closer. I was almost there now.
I ran as fast as my legs would take me, and I finally made it. I left the darkness behind. I left death behind. I sacrificed all that remained of me for the light, the mysterious, entrancing light. And I ran straight through it, and it engulfed me.
It caressed me, tenderly healed the pain and exhaust I felt. It made me feel better. I was glad it was there. I loved this light, and it loved me. I belonged in the light. I had never been more sure about a decision in my life.
I still feel the same to this very day.
I was overjoyed with my accomplishment, my greatest accomplishment:
How I ran, head first, into the light…
And it was beautiful.
------------
After experiencing what I had, I can say first hand, how strange of a feeling it was, to be alive one moment, and dead the next.
But now I had to admit, an even stranger feeling it was—to be dead one moment, and alive the next.
Slowly the six senses came flooding back to me. The first, naturally, was the feeling of pain. An aching, stiff sort of pain. It wasn't too horribly intense, but it faded slowly in, and eventually grew into a migraine of the entire body. Every cuticle.
My arm must have been offline, though, because I couldn't feel it.
And I think I was laying down. On something soft and warm. But I was a little cold still.
The next sense that returned to me was my sense of smell. The air of this place was one I recognized, but couldn't identify. Medical supplies, I suppose.
Then my sense of hearing slowly flooded back to me. At first I could hear a muffled whirring sound. Sounded like a droid of some kind, obviously in need of some routine maintenance. The sounds sharpened a little, and I could hear a slow beeping.
Beep, beep, beep. In sync with the rhythm of my pulse.
I waited for my vision to return to me, but before that could happen, I felt my left arm being pricked by something. I immediately knew what it was, and I did NOT like it.
"Owch!" I shouted, voice crackling dryly.
Everything was so bright at first, but my eyes quickly adjusted. I used my left arm to lift open the medical droid's chassis and swiftly rewired it and programmed it to self-destruct. I then raised my foot and kicked the floating pest as hard as I could, and it spinned into the far wall, slamming against it with a clunk before exploding violently into slag.
As spare parts flew all over the place, I rubbed my arm where the droid had so foolishly inserted the cursed needle.
I never did like needles. I'd rather be poked with a lightsaber than a blasted needle.
"Anakin! By the Sith's blood, you are alive!" Came a familiar voice, "And kicking!" A voice I knew well. A voice I had deeply missed, that brought joy to my heart.
"Obi-Wan?" I called, looking for him.
I was in what appeared to be a medbay, though I had been to many, and did not know which this was. Obi-Wan walked over to the cot-like bed I was on, and smiled warmly. It was such a relief to see him.
I smiled back.
"Master, it is good to see you are well." I said, courteously. Most refer to their masters so informally due to the Jedi teachings, but not me. No, when I addressed my Master so humbly, it was out of genuine respect. Obi-Wan was my friend, and my mentor, and I looked up to him.
Obi-Wan always told me he loved me like a brother, but I saw him more like a father. But of course, I never told him that… Obi-Wan was a little testy when it came to his age… Hahaha.
I didn't dare tell him he had a few gray hairs on the back of his head, or a little wrinkle under his left eye, for fear that he might bend me over his knee and spank me with his lightsaber on stun mode.
What? No, he actually did it once. I couldn't feel my hind quarters for 3 days. Which is… uh, exactly why a padawan should never ever, ever ever ever take their master's lightsaber apart and replace the emitter with a gag emitter that makes fart noises when you swing it. ESPECIALLY if they're planning on carrying out an important mission that requires effective use of intimidation in order to be resolved peacefully.
But at least that gang of Rodian thugs died laughing…
Huh? I'm not smirking! I'm more mature than that now! It's not fitting for the Chosen One to laugh at such childishness…
…(snickers)
…Ok, so maybe it's still a little funny.
Erh, but seriously, it wasn't worth it. Believe me when I say that getting spanked with a lightsaber is painful AND humiliating enough, without the degrading edition of flatulent sound effects accompanying every swat to your bottom.
Plus, well, the Jedi never had much of a sense of humor anyway. After all, I'll never forget the greatest quote of wisdom Master Yoda ever imparted on me: (imitating Yoda) 'To the dark side, harmless, (cough)slightly obscene(cough) lightsaber jokes lead!'
Okay, so he never really said that, but I swear he probably would if I ever told him one.
"Well of course I'm well, I didn't have a thousand volts of electricity sent through my body recently." My mentor informed me, with a weak smile.
Everything that happened came flooding back to me. The decision, Master Windu, the electric shock, the lies. I suddenly felt less at peace. The first real world question that came to my mind was:
"Where's Padme!"
I became scared at the fact that she wasn't here. I knew that if she was well, she'd be here, and she wasn't here. She wasn't here!
Seeing the distress in my eyes, Obi-Wan put a finger to his lips and hushed me with a gentle whisper. I quieted, but did not calm down.
"She's alright, Anakin." He told me. I always trusted my Master's words, so I immediately calmed down, but only a little, "She's in the emergency room right now. A day after you were hospitalized, she started having more powerful contractions. It won't be long before her water breaks, and she fully enters labor."
I started to sit up, and it hurt horribly, but I managed it nevertheless. Obi-Wan placed a hand gently on my shoulder and urged me to lay back down, but I sat up anyway.
"Easy!" He warned, half scolding half concerned.
"Augggh… I'm… Fine." I grumbled, fighting the pain. "How long was I out?"
"Anakin, you've only just recovered…" He lectured, "I know it may appear that you're all right outwardly, but the lightning did serious damage to your vitals, damage that's only just begun to mend." He added, bowling right over me.
"Master, please, don't worry so much, it hastens age. You don't want to shrivel up like Master Yoda, do you?" I said, with a wry grin. For the first time since I woke up, he narrowed his eyes at me threateningly.
How I loved pushing that button.
"I'll just let the fact that you'll be in excruciating pain when the sedatives wear off sate my sudden urge to inflict harm upon you."
I laughed a little.
"Calm yourself, Master, I'm only teasing you. You know I harbor the utmost respect for both you and Master Yoda." I assured him.
"You have a funny way of showing respect, young one." He retorted, finally giving way to a faint grin.
"Master. Please, how long have I been incapacitated? I must go see Padme…" I said, swinging my feet over the side of the bed. The medbay bed was uncommonly warm, soft, and sterile, and I didn't want to leave it, especially not with my stiff joints, aching muscles, and unrelenting migraine, but…
Padme was the one person I'd always make an exception for, no matter how much it hurt me or anyone else. She was my greatest strength and most devastating weakness. I had to see her, especially if she was about to give birth to my child.
Then a horrible fear struck me. The visions! The dreams! Oh… no!
There was no time, no time for Obi-Wan or pain or the fact that the only thing I was wearing was a tattered pair of leggings or that they hadn't been kind enough to restore power to my arm.
I jumped out of my bed, and dashed, rather stumbled toward the door. Obi-Wan immediately jumped up to protest, but I didn't listen to him. My legs were so stiff and sore I felt like my bones would shatter from beneath me with every step. But I ignored it.
Pain was something I learned to ignore, not by the Jedi, but from fighting. My bionic arm was proof enough: Those who choose to fight get hurt. I've had my share of hurts. But in a lightsaber duel, inflicting pain upon your opponent is more important than keeping yourself from it. So I taught myself to ignore the pain. Obi-Wan was much the same, but probably wasn't as good as I was at it. He wasn't as reckless as I was.
"Anakin, get back here! Anakin!" He shouted after me.
I'm sorry Master, but Padme comes first. She'll always come first, even after she ascends to the Force. So I ran, and breathed hard. I needed the Force—needed my sixth sense to guide me to her. And it hadn't come back to me yet. Damn it all!
The Force was not very dependable, I found as of late.
"I'm coming," I called out to her.
Okay, Obi-Wan will probably be chasing me, so I'll have to keep on the move. He said she was in the emergency room, so it won't be any of these private ones…
I dashed out of the hallway with cascading doors, some open some closed, some containing patients some not, in search for a sign to lead me to where I had to go. Everything was white, and it all looked the same, to my irritation. I needed the Force, and as usual, when I needed it the most, it wasn't available.
I thought by this time Obi-Wan would catch up with me, but I realized if I couldn't feel the Force yet, HE wouldn't be able to feel me in the Force either. Not until it returned to me. Okay, so at least we were both lost.
I suddenly bumped into a medbay protocol droid. I mean literally bumped into it. I managed to reach my left hand out to catch it, and pulled it up. Protocol droid's always had poor balance. The droid focused his photoreceptors on me.
"Good day, may I be of assisstance?" He asked, robotically. That's what I loved about droids, they always did what they were supposed to do unless they were malfunctioning. Unlike the Force.
"Yes, uh, please, can you direct me to the emergency room?" I asked it, practically jogging in place. The droid scuttled about, making a 180 degree turn.
"Certainly. The emergency room can be found on the northwest corridor, right down this hallway and to the right. Keep going until you see a large room on the end of the building." He said. "Caution: The emergency room is limited to doctors and medical droids and officials with proper clearance. Failure to abide by these rules may result in…"
"Great, thanks!" I said, completely ignoring the unimportant stuff.
Obi-Wan liked to think that I was always on the move, and I really couldn't argue with him. I guess it was just my nature.
Of course, as soon as I finally got directions and knew where I was going, the Force faded back, and I could feel the world the way a Jedi does. IMMEDIATELY after I got directions.
"Hmph, great help you are…" I muttered to it, as if it could hear me.
Hey, the Force is mysterious, who knows, maybe it could?
Regardless of that, any Jedi would feel incomplete without the Force, and I was glad it was back, though I didn't thank it for taking it's sweet time. But enough about the Force, I had to see Padme.
With the Force at my back, I ran more like a Jedi, each step more of a long leap. This was what I suppose was called the Force Run, or Knight Speed or something, because I couldn't really think to name it. It was one of the ways I used the Force most often. I always felt like I had to go faster, faster than I was. Even now, at about 3 times my normal running speed, I wished the Force could push me just a little farther a little quicker.
But I was already at my destination. And the door was locked.
Okay, locked door, no problem. I called my lightsaber to my left hand, seeing as my right was offline and…
Wait a second… where was my lightsaber?
Oh God, that's not good. I felt naked without it. Erh, more naked than I already was.
Okay, okay, this is no problem. This is still no problem. No lightsaber, a Jedi has another weapon still—the Force. Just great.
I felt the Force smiling smugly at me.
See, you DO need me. I could almost hear it say.
Alright, anything for Padme, pride or no. I'd need a whole hell of a lot of Force Push power to take down a durasteel door, but I figured I could handle it. I meditated, felt it flow within me, like a river, gentle, yet powerful. I mentally made the currents flow more swiftly, more rapidly. The river became a rapid. I pushed forward, and the door's windows bursted. It began to crack and bend. The rapid became a waterfall. The door bent more and more, and at last, the waterfall became a torrent, and I pushed forward against it with all the power I had.
Blam! There goes the door, flying from it's hinges. I felt a little pride and maybe a little more arrogance at how efficient my method was, but I ignored those for the time being.
I had to go see Padme.
