Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or the lyrics to the song "What If?" by Coldplay. : )

Closer

The lights of the TV flashed across the wall. Dean paid no attention to it. He sat silently in the corner at and old table made of cheap wood. He stared out into the night at the fat snowflakes that fell steadily reflecting the soft moonlight. The motel room was cold but Dean didn't feel it. Dean's mind was elsewhere, wrapped up in Sam, where it always had been. If only he hadn't heard that damn song by some band that would never ever be as good as Zeppelin. On some station he never would have picked…but Sam had. Dean had let him pick a station that night they had fled from their father. That night that they were tired and bloody but somehow Dean couldn't stop driving. He wanted to leave it all in the rearview mirror and so he had. And somewhere along the way Sam's hand had flicked the radio dial and for once Dean said nothing. How he wished he had.

For now he sat here unable to sleep, haunted by that damn song.

"What if you should decide that you don't want me there by your side?

That you don't want me there in your life?"

That song had been like rubbing salt in his wounds. Making him ache way down in his heart. Especially after Sam had told him that someday he would have to let him go. Didn't he know that was fucking impossible? It was just like when Sam had left for Stanford on that rainy night years before. Offering nothing but a meager goodbye and leaving Dean to wonder how Sam could ever hurt him so much.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes then turned his head to look at his sleeping brother. What would he do when Sam walked away? He didn't know and that was why he could no longer just fall into the depths of sleep. If and when he did he felt like he was trapped. Trapped because when he awoke, a new day would have risen. He would be one day closer to the day Sam would walk away and never come back. Dean couldn't sleep, and as he studied the snow and frost slowly covering the Impala, he wondered if he ever would again.