Author: Porthos
Author's notes: Okay, originally I had no plans to continue this fic, but then the reviewers had to go and sic the bunnies on me again, so here we go…
oOo
It had been several months since Rodney's impromptu excursion to the bottom of the ocean, and by extent, his visit from a rather odd companion. Rodney still wasn't entirely sure whether Sam was really a mental manifestation of an alien whale, or just a wishful fantasy cooked up by his overstressed and under-oxygenated brain. He knew that "Sam" had said she wouldn't return, but sometimes he would catch a flash of blonde and pink in the corner of his eye, then turn his head only to find empty space. The first time it had happened, he could have sworn he saw her turn a corner just down the hall, and he ran after her, calling out her name. Of course, as soon as he turned the corner, all he found was a very confused and slightly frightened lab tech named Brian. He hadn't made that mistake again.
He even considered going to see Kate, but that thought hadn't lasted long. "Yes, Dr. Heightmeyer, I recently met an alien whale that can manifest her mind in the form of a woman I worship as a blond sex-goddess, she saved my life, helped me sort out some personal problems, then promptly left to go hold the 'Council of Whale-rond,' but now I still get visions of her around Atlantis." Right. She would have him locked up faster than Rodney could disprove Stephen Hawking's superstring theory—which McKay could do quite quickly. When he last timed himself he got 42.13 seconds, exactly.
But, after a while, the visions stopped, and Rodney chalked the whole thing up to post-traumatic distress syndrome. Confident in his self-diagnosis, he continued with his work, making ground-breaking discoveries on nearly a daily basis, and saving the day on several separate occasions. Okay, well, maybe Radek and Sheppard had helped a bit on that last part, but the ground-breaking discoveries were all his. Mostly.
Rodney was currently working on just such a discovery, some sort of sonic weapon from PX6-3F2, when Radek asked to take an early lunch. "Yes, fine, fine," Rodney answered distractedly. "Go meet your mystery girlfriend. It's not like you're helping me out here, anyway."
Radek's lips pursed before he retorted, "I can't help you when you won't let me touch any of your precious equipment. And for last time, I have no girlfriend, mystery or otherwise!"
"Then tell that to Cadman, please, so she can stop filling me in on the latest gossip from the rumor mill. Why does she even think I care?"
"Is a valid question, Rodney. Why does anyone think you care?" Radek spat unenthusiastically as he exited the lab.
"Hey!" Rodney called after Zelenka, and saw his fuzzy head pop back through the doorway wearing a look of ultimate exasperation. "I'll have you know that I take the care and well-being of the scientists in my lab very seriously!"
Radek simply rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, you are good and benevolent lord of your domain. Can I go now?" He pointed impatiently towards the door.
Rodney simply waved him away with half-hearted disgust. "Fine, don't tell me who she is. I'm sure I'll hear about it as soon as Cadman figures it out."
Radek left the lab with a mumbled thanks and was off to the mess hall faster than Rodney thought Chef Olaf's "steak surprise" really warranted. Grumbling a bit about "lazy Czechs," Rodney got to work on the rather delicate wiring of the weapon, talking to himself as was his habit when working alone. "Let's see, the main power conduit is fried, so I'll just have to bypass the voltage failsafe and reroute power through the internal capacitor." He began connecting his equipment, and was about to make the final link when he heard a voice from behind him.
"I wouldn't do that if I—"
A bolt of electricity passed from the device into McKay, and he dropped it with a yelp that he firmly told himself sounded nothing like a girly scream. Whirling to face whoever had startled him, he got a shock of a completely different kind. "Sam?"
She was smiling at him, dressed in a pink lacy tank top and cut off Daisy Duke shorts which showed a lot of leg. "And here I thought you weren't good with names," she quipped.
McKay closed his eyes, silently counted to ten, then opened them again. "Nope, still here," she said brightly.
"N-no…You're not real. You're just a hallucination," he emphatically told her. After a moment of perusal, he added, "You may be a slightly better dressed hallucination, but you're still not really here! I was electrocuted, now I'm unconscious, and you're—"
Sam glanced down at herself, then back at Rodney. "I knew you'd like the outfit."
Rodney sank into his chair and put his head in his hands. "Oh, this is turning out to be a very, very bad day."
"You're telling me," Sam acknowledged.
McKay looked up at her, bewildered. "Excuse me?"
Sam became serious and sat in the chair across from him. "Rodney, I don't have much time. I need your help."
McKay immediately shot up out of the chair. "Oh, no no no no. My hallucinations do not just show up and demand help without an explanation. Now, you said you'd leave me alone after last time, so tell me, why are you here? Uh, if you even are here…Are you here?" he finished rather feebly. To test his statement, he put out his finger as if he was going to poke her in the shoulder.
Rolling her eyes, Sam grabbed his wrist and ignored the yelp of surprise from McKay when he felt her contact him. "Yes, Rodney, it's really me, I'm really here, and I'm really a whale, not a hallucination," she finished with a sigh.
"Well, how do I know that, hmm? You suppose I'll just take you at your word? You show up here, dressed all seductively, and expect me to think you're NOT a hallucination?"
"There's just no pleasing you, is there McKay? So, I suppose you want a test, right? To prove you're not cracking up, or just conjuring me as a symptom of sexual frustration?"
"Yes, well I—What?" McKay yelled, indignant.
Sam shrugged. "Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of. So the most action you've seen in a while was a kiss from the human manifestation of a whale, and you think even that may have been a delusion. I wouldn't be surprised if you started conjuring fantasy women to satisfy your needs, since you have such a hard time around real women." Her sweet, teasing smile only infuriated Rodney further, and he let out an offended snort.
"And what makes you think I don't get a lot of action? Because, I'll have you know, I've seen a fair share of women in my day. I may not be Colonel Casanova, but I caught your eye," he finished smugly.
At that moment, another voice came from the open doorway, "Uh, I'll just come back later…"
Rodney's head snapped sideways to see Colonel Sheppard standing in the doorway, a look of utter confusion and embarrassment on his face. "Ah, Colonel. We were just talking about you. Weren't we, Rodney?" McKay was surprised to see that instead of looking at Sam, he was now looking at Elizabeth Weir. "Rodney?" she repeated, obviously expecting him to answer.
Rodney was pretty sure that even if he wasn't going crazy, there was something seriously wrong with his brain, because at that moment all he could manage was, "Uh, yeah."
"Rodney, are you okay?" John asked.
"Yes, I was just…um, in the lab, alone, doing some work, and I was talking on the radio, to, ah…" Rodney trailed off. He really was a terrible liar, and he could tell Sheppard wasn't buying it.
"Right. Listen, I just stopped by to give you some news. Some sort of alien whales have been spotted out by the east pier. The marine biologists are having a field day, and everybody's heading out there to do some whale watching. I think it might be the same kind that led us to your jumper, Rodney. Wanna come?"
Rodney's mind was reeling. She was back? And there were more with her? "I, uh…"
"What Rodney is so eloquently trying to say, John, is that we'll be there in a minute." Rodney recovered himself enough to glare at her through narrowed eyes. She was just a hallucination, why was she trying to answer for him? He was about to answer for himself, when John spoke again.
"Sure. Oh, Elizabeth, I finished writing my report on PX6-3F2. I was just on my way to bring it to you." Sheppard indicated the file in his hands.
Elizabeth acted surprised. "Already? You just visited there yesterday, I wasn't expecting your report for another several weeks."
John smiled ruefully. "Well, I've been a little behind on my paperwork lately, and Caldwell threatened to ground me until it all got turned in."
Elizabeth put her hands behind her back, looking grim. "You know he doesn't have the authority to do that, John."
"I know," he shrugged. "But if I get all my reports in on time, maybe he won't immediately suspect me the next time somebody 'accidentally' superglues him to that chair he loves so much."
Elizabeth grinned. "Just leave the report on my desk, Colonel." With a thankful smile, Sheppard exited the lab and headed off to the east pier.
When Rodney turned back to look at her, he was once again facing Sam. "So," he began, "not a hallucination."
"Nope." She smiled.
"And you're here because…"
"I—we—need your help."
"Right." Rodney let out a long breath, then asked the question he knew she'd been wanting him to ask since she appeared approximately five minutes ago. "What can I do?"
oOo
Author's notes 2: Eh, I'm not too terribly pleased with this part, but it was just a lot of set up for what's coming. (I haven't written all of this yet, so I only have a vague idea of where it's going, just bear with me.) Sorry if it was slow, or the voices were off, or there wasn't a whole lot of Sam/Rodney interaction. There'll be more later, I promise.
