A/N: Okay, so apparently a complete and utter lack of free time plus a nomination for the Stargate Fan Awards equals mucho inspiration. Sorry for the delay, I was sort of buried in writer's blocks, but I now have the whole thing planned out (more or less). This chapter and the next are a lot of set up for the chapter after them, which I've already started writing and is probably my favorite chapter of the entire fic. Also, the McKay-Sheppard snark sort of seduced my muse while my back was turned and took over the fic. Meh.
This chapter received a quick and dirty beta from the ever patient and kind aaobuttons. Thanks for kicking my butt into gear on this fic, and I hope you enjoy your bribe!
oOo
By the time Rodney made it to the Jumper bay, clean and fish market-smell free, Radek and Elizabeth were already there waiting for him. He entered the rear hatch of the Jumper, approaching both their backs as they were crouched down over something, speaking in low tones. "Everything ready, Zelenka?"
The pair leapt about a foot into the air and Radek put a hand to his chest in fright. Elizabeth shot a hand out to steady him. "McKay!" he admonished, "Did no one ever teach you not to sneak up on person working with extremely touchy nuclear device?"
"I wasn't sneaking, you were obviously just—" Rodney's brain suddenly caught up with Zelenka's words. "Wait, nuclear device?" He spied the naquada generator at Radek's feet, various wires snaking out of it to connect to the main control console.
Radek shot a relieved look at Elizabeth, probably happy to have avoided the verbal sparring match he was destined to lose, anyway. And was that…Did she just wink at him? "Go on, Radek. Tell him," she said proudly.
Zelenka nodded with enthusiasm. "I have connected naquada generator to the shield controls, since puddlejumper has only a small power source in comparison. This will allow for increased shield strength and durability."
Rodney blinked. "Oh. That's…That's actually very clever, Radek."
Zelenka's face beamed for a split second at the praise before he firmly stamped it out in favor of snarking. "Yes, well, you were not very forthcoming with information, so I figured necessary precautions should be—"
"Yes, yes, I'll explain my plan when everyone else gets here, you'll just have to be patient," Rodney interrupted, not seeing Zelenka's glare since he was too busy checking several systems on the Jumper. Finally turning to Radek, he asked, "Where are the sonic sensors I asked for?"
"Dr. Balaena is calibrating them to detect frequencies in the whale's audio range." Elizabeth supplied. "She should be bringing them by any—"
"Looks like we're having a party!" Sheppard called as he exited the transporter, along with a very frustrated-looking Dr. Balaena. "And since my mother always taught me never to show up at a party empty-handed…" He gamely plucked the sensors out of Balaena's grasp and was about to present them to Rodney as if they were more precious than the crown jewels when she snatched them back.
"This is highly sensitive equipment, Colonel Sheppard!" She huffed and jutted her chin out in defiance, looking to Rodney about as intimidating as an angry halibut. "They require delicate handling," she continued, shaking the instruments in her hands for emphasis. "The slightest jostle could undo painstaking calculations! The slightest shake, a little tap, and you might—"
Rodney gingerly took the sensors from her wildly gesticulating hands. "Yes, I think he gets it, Dr. Balaena." He said it as politely as he could through gritted teeth.
"Oh. Right, yes." A faint blush crept to her cheeks as she released the equipment. Rodney was eerily reminded of Kusenagi whenever she offered to give him a foot rub in the lab…Not that he ever refused. He just tried to ignore the weirdness of it.
"Well, now that we're all here," Elizabeth began, gazing expectantly at Rodney, "Would you like to fill us in?"
Looking around the room, McKay really had no way of determining if everyone he needed really was there. After all, he had asked Sam to meet him in the Jumper bay, but given her penchant to hide in plain sight, he had no way to tell if she was in the room or not, so he might as well get started. Just as he began his explanation, a voice called out from the transporter. "Sorry I'm late McKay!"
"Cadman?" Rodney questioned as she came jogging up to the rest of the group.
"Don't look so shocked, McKay. You were the one who asked me to meet you here."
"I did?" At Cadman's raised eyebrow, he quickly examined the casual outfit, realizing the pink t-shirt with sparkling daisies wasn't Cadman's usual off-duty attire. Squinting into the glare caused by an amount of glitter that even a twelve year old girl would find gaudy, he changed tactics. "Yes, of course I did. Good of you to finally join us."
"Well, you know how it is. Carson and I were talking and we got a little…wrapped up with each other," she said with a wicked grin.
At the image her words conjured, Rodney felt the urge to scrub out the inside of his eyeballs with a Brillo pad.
"Er, yes, well…whatever. Look, do you all want to hear my plan or not?"
"Yes!" came a chorus of impatient and amused voices.
"Fine! It's all very simple, really. The jumper's been rigged for marine travel, so I'll need Colonel Sheppard to pilot the Jumper into the ocean, where I'll—"
"Wait, why do I have to pilot it? Did it ever occur to you that I might have better things to do with my time than cart your sorry ass all over the planet?"
"Oh, like what? Get beaten to a pulp by Teyla and her Mighty Sticks of Doom?" Rodney countered. "Stop being so difficult. We both know you've been dying for a chance to see how far down you can take the Jumper, and I certainly can't pilot it and take readings at the same time. Besides, if you don't do this, then see if I agree to help you the next time you need a favor."
"McKay, you never agree to help me with anything."
"Yes, but I at least order one of my brainless lackeys to do it. Next time, I'll just—"
"Gentlemen," came Elizabeth's stern, if slightly smirking voice. "Can we focus, please?"
"Er, right. As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted," he cast a glare at Sheppard, who just rolled his eyes. "I'll start the emergency distress beacon once we're underwater, since we know the whales respond to it. We'll use the sensors to track the source of any anomalous frequencies, and we'll know when we've found the source of the illness when the whales either become disoriented or leave. Then, depending on what we find down there, we can just shut the source down or come back to the lab to devise a solution."
Elizabeth smiled encouragingly. "That sounds like an excellent plan, Rodney."
He smiled smugly. "Yes, well, we're not ready yet. Zelenka, why don't you start attaching the first sensor to the Jumper's systems, and Cadman and I will work on the other." Zelenka nodded as he took the device from McKay's hand, and Cadman followed Rodney as he moved to the opposite side of the Jumper.
"She's right, you know. It's a good plan," Sam-as-Cadman began. "Especially the part about using the beacon so I'll have an excuse to follow you around down there. There's just one problem, though."
"And what's that?" he replied defensively, still concentrating on the sensor and not bothering to hide his irritation.
"I'm not going anywhere once I know we've found the source of the signal. I'm not leaving you alone down there. Nobody knows what's down there better than me, and I won't just—"
"Look, if my hypothesis is correct, you'll be feeling too sick near the source of the sound to do us any good. It would be better if you just hung back at a safe distance." He could tell by the set line of her jaw that she didn't like the idea, but wasn't going to argue further. After a few awkward moments of silence, Rodney asked, "So, you didn't really…with Beckett…"
Cadman snorted. "No, of course not!" Rodney breathed an internal sigh of relief. Cadman just leered and added in a mischievous tone, "Carson's cute, but there's only one guy I want to get wrapped up in."
Rodney frowned. "That's…not at all comforting. In fact, it's a little disturbing…" Cadman was taking great pleasure in watching the red creep up Rodney's neck and onto his face.
Thankfully, Zelenka chose that moment to stand and announce proudly, "We are done!" earning him a pat on the back from Elizabeth.
"Good, uh, we're done here too," Rodney stood, trying to get his flustering under control. He headed towards the open Jumper hatch, then stopped short, rubbing his hands together nervously. "So, ah…after you." He gestured toward Sheppard, who just gazed back and raised a curious eyebrow.
"What gives, McKay? You've ridden in these things a dozen times since the crash, and you were fine."
Rodney glared at him like he was a few brain cells short of an amoeba. "Yes, well this is the first time I'll be taking it underwater again, isn't it? Now stop acting like an overprotective mother hen and just get in the Jumper." Sheppard let out a low growl of annoyance but did as instructed. Still, McKay stood at the threshold, clenching and unclenching his fists. Then suddenly, he felt small arms wrap around his waist. Looking down, he felt his eyebrows skyrocket upwards at the sight of Mildred Balaena attached to him like a lamprey, and her coke bottle-thick glasses were digging into his chest.
Cadman let out a bark of laughter, and McKay looked up to see Elizabeth's usually diplomatic expression marred as she struggled with the amused grin plaguing her features. Radek hid his reddening face behind his hands as he shook with silent laughter, and Cadman wasn't even bothering to hide her manic giggles. Honestly, you'd think he worked with a bunch of children!
McKay simply rolled his eyes and muttered, "Oh, please," under his breath. Peeling Balaena off of him, he gripped her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length, elbows locked, as he tried to put as much distance between the two of them as possible. "I'll be fine." He tried to sound reassuring, but he was pretty sure it came out as condescending.
She simply nodded, schooling her fish-like features in the most austere expression she could manage while sucking in her cheeks and pursing her lips. "Good luck," she said, "and Godspeed." Elizabeth stifled her sudden choking fit behind her hand.
Abruptly feeling an urgent desire to be anywhere but here, Rodney found he had no trouble entering the Jumper. As the hatch closed behind him, he heard Cadman call out in a sugary-sweet voice, "Godspeed!" just before the hatch banged shut.
Setting his jaw, McKay stoically ignored the look Sheppard was giving him as he settled into the copilot seat. Not one to be disregarded, Sheppard remarked casually, "So, it looks like you've got a new member of the McKay Fan Club. Tell me, is Kusenagi still their president?"
"Just shut up and drive," Rodney muttered.
oOo
A/N: Sorry this was kind of short, but this was written as one chapter, but I split it up because it was so long. The next chapter is a bit longer, and it's getting beta'd as we speak, so it should be up soon. Thanks for your patience, everyone!
