A/N: I'm never going to be able to make it for another two weeks…
Anyway, since there is only four chapters left in this fic, I thought I might let you know that I am already working on the next one. It's Inuyasha/Kagome, as always, but since the story ended up being so long (My original outline called for 72 chapters…I have pulled it down considerably) it's going to take all summer. Don't worry about it being a ton of chapters of meaningless stuff…It's supposed to take place over two years.
I'm still rethinking over the title, but I hope you guys'll check it out. I'll post more about it as this one comes to a close.
Chapter 16: The Right Decision?
The sky had gone orange with the impending sunset as Kagome sat on the bank of the river, looking down into its depths. Over and over she wondered in her mind how she could have let the attack on the village happen.
I've let my miko powers decrease…she thought, her eyes sinking. Because I cannot help but love Inuyasha…Shutting her eyes tightly, she internally screamed, Baka! Kikyou never let this happen!
Kagome felt mostly guilty over the loss of Kaede's eye. Kaede had lost an eye before Kagome came along, but never knowing if this was how she actually lost it, or if it was because of her interference made it unbearable. The girl had told her repetitively that she did not blame her for it, but nevertheless, she still blamed herself.
The losses in the village were not heavy, there were a few broken huts and fires, but other than that, there was no real damage. They would recover.
But Kaede would not. She would never again see with both eyes.
After the attack, she had to fix Kaede up, and though she was not squeamish (she had seen many wounds since her travels in the Sengoku Jidai began), it was nearly sickening to see such a wound bestowed on a little girl.
And would there be more wounds like this? Kagome glanced up at the slowly darkening sky. As long as she was the miko Kikyou, and she protected the Shikon no Tama, there would always be more youkai, more fighting. There would be more times when she would see children like Kaede hurt, or worse, even dead.
I never did like this fighting as Kikyou…Kagome remembered the time when she had first become the rival miko, a year ago. And I don't think Kikyou liked it either…
Is there a way that all this violence could just stop?
As she was lost in thought, she heard someone come near her. Kagome turned, her heart fluttering when she realized who it was. Inuyasha…
He sat next to her, sitting on his haunches like he always did, as he looked at her with concern showing clearly on his face. "The kid's eye…how is it?"
Kagome looked away from the hanyou. Of course he would know, he was there after all. He knew it was her fault that Kaede had lost it. "It's a pitiful thing…" she replied, as Kikyou would. "And it's all my fault…Just because I…" she stopped for only a moment, glancing subtly back at Inuyasha. "I couldn't control my feelings."
It doesn't matter anyways. she reminded herself. He already loves Kikyou, after all.
Inuyasha also looked away, seemingly to be in deep thought for a moment, his amber eyes calculating. "Don't blame it on yourself." He finally replied, trying to make her feel better. "After all, isn't this thing common in fights?"
Yes, it is common in fights…Kagome was reminded of what she had been thinking just before Inuyasha had shown up. People were always hurt in fights…especially fights between a miko and a youkai. And if the miko did not have the spiritual powers she had before when fighting…then what was the point of it?
There will always be more fights…more hurt…more death…but I am Kikyou…fighting is all I have ever known…
"Inuyasha?" she asked, turning back to the hanyou who seemed determined not to meet her gaze. "If you didn't fight, would you not be who you are now?"
Without turning his head, Inuyasha's golden eyes glanced back at her, the calculating look still within them. "You've asked that sort of thing before."
She didn't respond, looking up at the orange and purple sky. Fighting youkai over the Shikon no Tama does this to us…makes us turn hard…without fighting, we would be normal…and happy…
No one would get hurt by me again…I could stop the trail of violence before it even began…
But, Kagome began to argue with herself. Is it right?
I cannot go home…I will never escape from this now. I could stop everything bad before it happened…Miroku's kazaana, the exterminator's village being killed…Kikyou and Inuyasha's misunderstanding…I could keep everything bad from happening…
But I'm lying to Inuyasha. one side of herself argued strongly.
I'll never come home. she could not forget. He doesn't know who I am. I might as well be Kikyou now. And at least…I could be happy too.
This is what Kikyou wanted, after all. To stop the violence…and to be happy. How wrong is it, to give her what she wanted?
The argument was ended. Why should I follow along with time when time only seems to bring sorrow?
"Should we try to stop fighting?" she asked, glancing back at the hanyou, who looked back at her with a surprised look.
"What?" he asked, as if he hadn't expected that.
Kagome plunged ahead, not wanting to stop before she changed her mind. "If we stop fighting, we can become human, right?"
Inuyasha looked back at her with mild interest, though his eyes revealed mixed feelings. "Me…become human?"
"It's possible." she informed him, watching his every facial expression for signs of his feelings. "You are half human from the start."
He once again looked away, amber eyes trying to find a decision. Kagome could see that he wasn't sure of this, and she knew why. He didn't like it when he was in his human form for one night, how could she ask him to be in it for the rest of his life?
But he'll say yes. He knows that we could be killed if we keep fighting like this…He knows there's no other way. But Kagome still couldn't stop the small doubt inside of her from giving her second thoughts.
"In the hands of an evil youkai, the Shikon no Tama's power makes them even stronger." she informed him, reminded of a time when he declared that he would use it to turn himself into a full youkai. "However, if you use it to make you human, the jewel would be purified." A small, relieved smile appeared on Kikyou's face as she continued, "It may just disappear."
There was another silence while Inuyasha gave it deep thought. "So at that time, what happens to you?" He glanced back at her, their eyes meeting.
Kagome could feel her heart race, and knew her eyes as well were betraying the feelings she had for him. She turned away once more, hoping that he hadn't noticed—Kikyou's heart would never run away from her like that. "I am the one who protects the jewel." Kagome replied, the memory of the youkai exterminators placing it into her hands over a year ago fresh in her mind.
"If the jewel were to vanish, I would become an ordinary woman." I wouldn't have to see children hurt at my expense anymore…she added.
Inuyasha was silent once more, and Kagome could feel those amber eyes of his looking her over, trying to decide what would be best. At last, he turned away once again asking, "I need some time to think over it."
She nodded, understanding. It would take a long time to think on it for him, after all. "Please do, Inuyasha…" Her eyes glanced at him with longing that she didn't even bother to cover up. "You know...this choice affects both of our fates, Inuyasha. We would both become ordinary humans…able to live as ordinary humans."
Together. Kagome had to get up and turn back to the village before more of her feelings were betrayed through her eyes. But she knew, her meaning was known well enough. It didn't matter that she had second thoughts anymore. This is what Kikyou would have wanted.
And more importantly, I can't help it…If I cannot have what I have longed forever to have…then I want this as well…
Kagome had to wait until the next day, at dusk for her answer. She and Inuyasha did not speak of the question she had asked him afterwards, or throughout the next day. They both had to go down the river near the village to once more fight youkai, and after the fight, which had ended in a sad demise for the youkai, they had glanced at each other, remembering the talk which they had before.
We would never have to fight anymore…We could become normal humans...
Kagome climbed into the boat they had found, and set off along the journey back to the village, and she knew that they were both thinking of the choice that lay before them. Perhaps it wasn't the best choice, but she could never go back. It was all that was left for her now.
The orange sky sparkled golden as the boat docked, Inuyasha still holding the long pole he used to paddle upriver, while she stepped out of the boat, carrying her arrows. Lost in her thoughts of Inuyasha, Kagome didn't realize that her bow had caught on the edge of the small pier until too late, tripping and falling into Inuyasha, feeling her face flush up as she realized what she had done.
Now I look like an idot…she thought, mortified, glancing up into his hypnotizing amber eyes. A lovesick idiot…
But he stared back at her, his eyes never leaving hers. Kagome could feel her heart begin to pound violently in her chest, making her feel dizzy…feel loved. Inuyasha had only looked at her like that one way before…when he had tried to kiss her because he had been thinking of Kikyou. But…was that all that was revealed in his eyes? Kagome could only see love, but she saw something else…guilt, and pain...
She knew her eyes must be revealing everything about her as well. She probably looked nearly lost in love, but she was also guilty, also in pain…but the pain was lessening every second she was around him.
After what seemed like an eternity of staring into each other's eyes, learning everything about each other, Inuyasha dropped the pole with a clatter, and suddenly wrapped his arms around her in a hug, as if it was an obligation. Kagome was so lost in his eyes and in her love that she thought he had said "Kagome…" when he first murmured her name.
Inuyasha hugged her tighter, and instead of in the loving tone when he had first spoken, his voice turned to one with purpose, without any other choice. "Kikyou…I'll become human."
Even though Kagome knew he was going to do it, she still gasped as her heart raced faster, and she felt like she was floating, almost bursting from her love and the realization that she would finally be loved.
Pulling slightly away, Inuyasha replied, obligated, "I will become human."
Glancing up at him, Kagome was almost surprised when she heard Kikyou's voice speak instead of her own. "Inuyasha…" He was doing it, he was finally going to love her…though she was Kikyou…
His amber eyes were resigned, aware of what he had to do as he said, "And since you've been lonely all this time…I could…"
"That's enough." She pulled away, knowing a smile was on Kikyou's face as she looked back up at him, the man she loved, now promising to live his life with her. Replying softly, she came closer, her dark eyes lost in his bright golden ones, staring slightly past her. "You don't need to say anything else."
"Kikyou…" he whispered, his mouth slightly open, as if trying to find the right words to say.
That was enough talk for Kagome. Inuyasha loved her…he wanted to spend his life with her…It didn't matter that he thought she was Kikyou, and she didn't care anymore. He was going to live with her, and love her forever…what she had always wished of, but never thought she was going to get.
Slowly, she stood on her tiptoes, seeing Inuyasha's eyes widen as he realized what she was going to do, before she closed her own, head turning slightly to the side…as she had seen it so many times in her fantasies, but never expected to experience…
And she gently touched her lips with his.
Kagome thought her heart would explode with emotion, with love and the feeling of finally kissing him…but one thing wasn't perfect. He was still too stunned to do anything.
But suddenly, she felt his strong arms wrap around her, pulling her closer to him as he leaned into the kiss and kissed her back. She knew he could hear her heart pounding in her ears, he could probably feel her soul soaring as well…
What could be so wrong about this, when for the first time since she had become Kikyou, everything was so right?
At long last, she was completely happy. And nothing could ever take that away from her.
A/N: Yeah, I bet. (Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha.)
Awww…finally, I put in some fluff for you. But the story's not over yet, remember…
