A Family Outing

It had been Eva's bright idea. Though she tried to refrain from going on family outings in public places due to the inevitable sibling battles and general forgetfulness on her demonic husband's part about the uniqueness of the family, she had decided that there were some things that just had to be done.

She was going to teach her sons to swim, and her dear Sparda would be helping whether he liked the idea or not.

He really didn't like the idea.

"I don't see why I have to come along." He complained bitterly as he drove them towards the leisure centre as he had been told. "You could drive. You could drive before I knew how. You're the expert."

"It's about time we did something as a family. Dante, stop that right now! And all kids should learn to swim. Vergil, put that down! I had always planned to do this when they were a lot younger because it's best to start them when they're only babies…I just never found the time. Cut it out, the pair of you! Plus, there was never a guarantee that they wouldn't do something 'unusual'. But now they know not to let any demonic ability show."

The car jerked awkwardly as Sparda had to make an abrupt halt to prevent crashing into some fool in a convertible that zipped over a crossing at breakneck speed. "You pathetic human whelp, I should gut you for that!" Sparda yelled at the retreating green vehicle. This was followed by a long list of profanities.

Eva could only hope that the boys would forget most of what they heard or at least didn't repeat it.

After that incident the journey became a lot less calm and various phrases were produced by the frustrated Dark Knight along the way.

"Oh come on; you could fit a bus through that!"

"Move it Mr. Porsche. I'm driving a Frontera and I've been going faster than you!"

"You ever heard of changing gear!"

"How many lanes do you want! You're in a Fiesta not a bloody Hum V!"

"Get your break lights out of my face!"

"What are you playing at! This isn't Grand Turismo!"

"Is that meant to be music! Turn it down or take requests!"

Eventually, however, they reached their desired destination and after locating and making use of a parking space that did not require automobile ballet to reach, the family made their way inside. After that it was to the changing rooms, to the lockers and then to the pool itself.

Random women in the pool got quite excited when the tall, handsome man with the bright white hair and perfect muscle tone walked out the door into the main pool. Then they got all upset when they saw the wedding band on his finger. In light of this they instead cooed over the two cute and also white-haired twin boys that were following him. One was in blue swimming trunks and the other in red. Sparda had black. (What did you expect?)

He led his boys over to where Eva was waiting in her dark green swimsuit beside their towels.

"You took your time." she commented.

Sparda gave her an exasperated look. "They wouldn't co-operate!"

Dante gave a small slight smiled and Vergil tried to smother a giggle with his hand.

"How do you mean?" Eva enquired.

"Vergil kept running off, nearly lost the locker key and to top it all off Dante threw my underwear into the next door cubicle while we were changing. It was occupied. You have no idea how embarrassing it was to have to knock on the door and ask for them back. "

Eva glared at the boys. "Well, I hope you at least apologised."

The twins looked up at their father with puppy eyes. "We're sorry." They said in perfect, adorable unison.

Sparda just huffed and crossed his arms. "Can we just get this over with please?"

Eva smiled sweetly and took the boy's hands. "Come on then."

She brought them into the shallow end of the water and they took to it like…well…ducks. They seemed just as at home paddling around as they did legging it after each other on dry land. It didn't take long for the usual brotherly fighting to return. Though this time it was more playful than usual with the two of them mainly competing to see who could swim faster or hold their breath longer. Eva watched happily, though got worried when at one point they stopped coming up for air. It turned out that their devil abilities allowed them this gift and she had to remind them to put an effort into acting as if this was not the case.

She then realised that her husband was not in the pool at all…in fact; he had never gotten in, in the first place. He was just sitting on the edge and watching them splash about.

Eva went over to him. "Get in the pool will you." She told him. "I know that you wanted to stay at home but that's no reason to go on strike. You should be spending time with your sons. That's the point of being here!"

"What's the point in standing around in a big puddle of chlorine?" he whined gruffly.

"Well then go off for a swim or something. You don't have to stay in the shallow end, permanently. Just some of the time. You could take them with you. They're strong swimmers. Just look at them."

"I would but…" his voice trailed off.

"What is it?"

"I..."

"Say what?"

"I can't swim! There, happy now? Come on, I lived in the underworld and I was a warrior. Swimming was something they neglected to teach me when I was learning swordsmanship. Plus the fact that there wasn't a lot to swim in unless you fancied pools of souls or boiling hot lava or something…"

End

Author's Note – It just came to me. Not as funny as in my head. Hey ho, never mind. Right. I'm off to write the next one. I just had a thought. (Ouch.)

Thanks to all who reviewed so far! RI2, I will most certainly give your suggestions a go.