Part 12 – I am Genii

The Genii homeworld – four and a half months ago.

Sora sat holding McKay until she was sure he was fully asleep and then carefully disentangled herself. She sat for a while studying him, taking note of the physical evidence of his injuries and the tension and pain still evident on his face even as it relaxed in a drugged sleep. She reached out and ran her fingers gently down his arm barely brushing the skin. He flinched. Slowly she withdrew her hand and tried to analyse her emotions …. guilt, fear, compassion, affection, anger?

"You fool," she whispered softly unsure if she was addressing herself or the man now once again sleeping quietly in front of her. She rose to her feet and walked out of the room to her appointment with Cowen to discuss and agree the next steps in the integration programme.

As Sora walked into the room she saw that Cowen was not alone. "Commander," she respectfully acknowledged the presence of Acastus Kolya with a nod and sat down in the seat Cowen indicated with a slow wave of his hand. She hoped that she could hide her simmering hatred of the man who had done this to McKay.

"Sora, you were able to speak with Dr McKay?" Cowen's question was more a statement.

"Not for any length of time. He is sleeping now," she replied. Cowen looked at her with raised eyebrows and indicated that she should continue. "He has said very little to me other than to accuse us all of being insane and to say that this was his fault." Cowen smiled. "He also told me that he is Genii."

Cowen's smile grew even broader. "Excellent," he said.

Kolya shifted in his chair and leant forward, "I don't think we should congratulate ourselves on this just yet. The man is resourceful and a skilled liar. He had us all fooled that the shields around Atlantis would fail and that the City would be destroyed. Personally, I doubt whether he will ever be fully integrated and we should not relax either the guard on him or the surveillance he is under."

Cowen nodded thoughtfully, "I know and I agree with what you say, but even without full integration we still have a valuable resource," he said. He turned to Sora, "And thanks to Sora we have the leverage to get at it. Any more feedback on you being 'guarantee' for him?" he asked.

"His initial anger has given way to guilt. The attachment to me appears to be deeper than we anticipated," she said blandly and then continued, "May I make a suggestion, Sir?" Cowen nodded. "I think it may reinforce the attachment if it is evident that I have suffered as a result of this…….. incident."

Cowen frowned slightly, "And what exactly did you have in mind, Sora?" he asked with a slight frown.

"Nothing much, just a few bruises where they can be seen," she replied calmly meeting Cowen's eyes.

Cowen looked at her and wondered when Sora had become this implacable soldier. The sunny girl, daughter of his closest friend, had been lost to the Wraith and the hardships the Genii had suffered. He almost regretted her passing but decided that they were more in need of the soldier than the innocent child. He held her gaze for a few moments and then nodded once to show his agreement. He gestured to Kolya who rose to his feet and moved to stand in front of Sora. She looked steadily into the dark of his eyes.

"Are you sure this is necessary, Sora?" he asked softly.

"Yes," she replied, "I am," and raised her chin to indicate her readiness. Kolya breathed in and then raised his fist to strike.


It was hours until McKay woke from his drugged sleep and the first thing he saw was Sora sitting beside his bed. He tried to smile but felt his split lips crack and let out a muffled, "Ow," instead.

Sora leant forward and laid a finger gently on his lips to hush him. "Lie still, McKay and listen to me. It's not over; Cowen's coming to see you. Just say what he wants McKay, they are only words," her voice was urgent and soft and she was staring directly into his eyes.

He noted with concern that Sora had a blackened eye and there was a swelling along her jaw. "They hurt you," he stated, raising his hand to touch her face. She winced and he let his hand drop away and she covered it with one of hers.

"Cowen is displeased with me," she answered shortly.

McKay shut his eyes, turned his face away and whispered, "I'm sorry." His voice was so low she could barely hear him.

She ignored his apology and, laying her hand on his cheek, gently forced him to look at her again. "That doesn't matter. I just want to make sure that you understand you have to say what they want. It's not over yet. Do you understand? They're just words McKay, just say them," she ordered.

Resigned to his helplessness and impotence, McKay nodded.


Atlantis conference room, the present

"I was hospitalised for three weeks and then they let it go back to what it was before. I'd accepted that you wouldn't even be looking for me because you thought I was dead and I pretty much gave up the hope that I would be able to get away on my own," McKay spoke in a whisper, his words barely audible.

"Once I got out of hospital I was back into the Genii double-think routine. There was this polite, ridiculous pretence that I had had an accident, not that I'd had the crap beaten out of me by the psychos that keep everyone in line because I wouldn't say I was Genii. It was ridiculous but everyone played along. I found it …… hard but actually it was probably easier than the alternative – everyone openly knowing and speculating. Then again some of them were so naive I think that they probably believed it." McKay was staring intently into his coffee cup but he could feel his friends looking at him. He knew his words were inadequate but he couldn't think of any other way to describe the depression, the intolerable shame, humiliation, hopelessness and the sense of betrayal that he felt every time he had said, "I am Genii". He rested his head on his hands and closed his eyes. "I was so guilty that the friendship I had with Sora was being used, that they had seen through me and were manipulating me. They'd found a method of stopping me trying to get away, that and the fact that they'd hobbled me." He absentmindedly rubbed his left shin as it rested on his right knee.

He looked up and Elizabeth was startled by the intensity of his look. "I know I've said this before but it bears repeating. I know that what I felt and what I feel didn't develop naturally but it is real," he gave a half laugh and started drumming his fingers on the table. "I can't believe I'm saying this. This is me, not Captain Kirk here," he waved a hand in Shepard's direction, "but without her…." his voice trailed off and he didn't finish his sentence and she was in no doubt that without Sora, McKay wouldn't be sitting before her now.

"Rodney, I'm going to get straight to the point here. If you feel this way why don't you trust her? Why are we telling her she's at the Alpha Site?" Sheppard's words were harsh but his expression was gentle and supportive.

"Aren't you listening to me, Sheppard? I've been one of them for the past four months – you work it out. I trust her, but I don't trust myself," McKay's voice was unsteady. "I'm trying to protect Atlantis from any lapse of judgement I might be showing."

Sheppard was about to speak again when Elizabeth caught his eye and gave a faint shake of her head. He closed his mouth and settled back into his seat. McKay, oblivious to the brief exchange drew breath to resume his narrative.


Three and a half months ago, the Genii home-world

"Are you ready?"

McKay nodded and then winced as he gingerly stood on one leg and, with the supporting hands of two medics, transferred himself to the wheelchair that was parked besides the bed.

"How's that?" they asked as he settled his splinted leg onto the footrest of the wheelchair.

"Excruciatingly painful," he muttered in reply. His comment was received with wry smiles and they started to push the wheelchair out into the corridor. McKay sat in silence as they progressed through the underground complex, keeping his eyes strictly in front of him avoiding eye contact with anyone they passed. The corridors were dark and narrow at first and then widened out and became more brightly lit as they reached the lower residential levels.

Within fifteen minutes they had reached McKay's quarters. Wordlessly the medics helped McKay to his feet, handed him the crutches they had brought with them and watched as he swung forward, opened the door and entered. They deposited the small bag they had brought with them on floor just inside the door and, having made sure he was OK, they left.

McKay stood, leaning on his crutches in the centre of the room examining his surroundings. His quarters were pretty much as he had left them - two comfortable chairs with a low table between them, a desk with a reading lamp, one door leading off to a bedroom and bathroom and another to the small kitchen area. The papers he'd left on the desk had been disturbed, but aside from that everything was pretty much as it had been. His eyes strayed to the panel he had removed in order to access the air circulation system – it seemed like months ago. He wasn't surprised to see that it was back where it should be and that it had been welded into place.

He felt the walls press in around him and his depression deepened pulling him into a downwards spiral. He was broken, he'd failed and he had betrayed himself. He stood; head bowed trying to focus on a way out of the situation. He could see only one possibility – to co-operate until an opportunity arose whereby he could get away.

He wanted to deny the pattern of his future, the routine that he would soon enter into again, the pretence, the lies and the betrayals. He wanted the strength to end it but he couldn't bring himself to give up so thoroughly that that was the only option. He moved slowly over to one of the chairs and gingerly lowered himself into it setting his crutches onto the floor. Carefully he raised his splinted leg and gently lowered it onto the low table placing a couple of cushions under it. The dull ache in his leg began to lessen and he lay back against the chair, eyes closed, hands resting in his lap as he tried to relax. He felt the sharp edge of the device around his wrist press against the sensitive skin that had barely healed and he tried to shift it to a more comfortable position thinking back to the previous day when it had been fitted.

"I'm glad to see you are recuperating so well, Dr McKay." Cowen was back again. McKay felt sick as the coarsely built man sat down on his bed and reached out to pat his shoulder. He fought the urge to flinch but couldn't quite control the involuntary reflex.

"Dr McKay," said Cowen reproachfully but stood up and, moving away helped himself to a glass of water from the table next to McKay's bed. McKay relaxed visibly but still trembled slightly due to the physical proximity of man. He knew what was coming and braced himself to say what was required.

"What are you, Dr McKay?" Cowen turned and looked directly at the man lying in the bed. He saw the fading bruises, the fear and the submission but not the hatred and anger it was so well suppressed.

"I'm Genii," McKay replied dully.

"Have you accepted that the Lanteans abandoned you? That you were left to die and that we rescued you?"

"Yes," came the response.

"How will you repay your debt of gratitude?"

"I will willingly work to achieve the aims of…." the words almost stuck in his throat, "my people." He managed to complete the required sentence without stumbling.

Cowen smiled, pleased to see that the man in front of him was entirely submissive to his demands. "Well, we are making progress, Dr McKay. Dr Fellit tells me that he is happy for you to be released to your quarters now. Would you like that?"

McKay felt a surge of hope. "Yes," he replied trying not to sound too eager.

"Well, I'm not convinced that we should. I was thinking you should stay here for a while longer where we can keep an eye on you or perhaps be assigned to one of the single man's barracks." Cowen was teasing, playing with him. "What would you prefer, Dr McKay?"

McKay answered softly, "I will accept your decision."

McKay's submission brought another smile to Cowen's face. "I tell you what," Cowen said and sat down on the chair next to the bed, "you can go back to your quarters and recuperate there for a while, but we'd like to keep track of you." Cowen turned and gestured to a small wizened man who had accompanied him and took a device from the small flat box he held. It was one of the wrist worn communication devices the Genii used.

"Hold out your arm," Cowen commanded. McKay complied wordlessly knowing that to speak out of line would only earn him punishment. The wizened man started fixing the device in place. McKay watched him as he worked observing the complex closure mechanism and the resin-like substance that he coated the closure with.

"This is a communication device. It will also allow us to track where you are. Whenever I contact you, you are to respond immediately. You are not to attempt to remove this. Mahill has applied a sealant which will dry in the few minutes and you will not be able to remove this device. You are not to disturb the seal which will be inspected and checked every time we meet. If there is evidence that you have tampered with it then you will be disciplined. Do you understand?"

"Yes," whispered McKay. The fumes from the resin were making him nauseous.

"Good, well in that case, you go back to your quarters tomorrow and you will be back at work in three days." Cowen stood and left without a backwards glance. McKay lay back in the bed, swallowing back the relief that this ordeal would finally be over