Part 13 – Stupid, part I
Atlantis – the present day
"Cowen would contact me at all times, just to make sure that I knew that I was at his beck and call. It was absurd, I couldn't have got away – I had a broken leg for God's sake. It was all just one big demonstration of how thoroughly I was in his power," McKay sighed deeply, "and there wasn't a damn thing I could do." He was calmer now although still nervous and on edge. His whole demeanour conveyed guilt and embarrassment. Elizabeth got the impression that he really didn't want to tell them what happened next. The silence lasted for a minute and then two and then three as McKay sat there fiddling with his mug and draining the dregs of his cold coffee with a nervous swallow.
Elizabeth stood and walked over to McKay. Picking up his coffee mug she asked him, "Refill?"
With a quick strained smile, McKay nodded. "Yes," he answered softly and watched her as she walked over to the coffee pot and poured it. He kept his eyes focussed on her as she came back and sat down next to him and slid the mug back over to him. She waited until he had taken a gulp and then asked, "What happened next, Rodney? You know you can trust us, don't you? We know that you had to do what you did in order to survive. We understand."
"Oh, I don't know about that," McKay shot back anger colouring his voice. Elizabeth was taken aback for a moment but then realised that his anger was directed toward himself and so waited for him to speak again.
"Stupidity is not a flattering trait and when I see it I don't like it." McKay's mouth was a compressed angry line as he thought back to what he'd done. In the end he burst out, "I can't believe I was SO stupid. I'd been doing OK for a couple of months, doing what they wanted and trying to keep my nose clean. I was keeping it together and biding my time. Then about six weeks ago I was at the hydro electric power station and I did something really, really stupid." McKay shook his head in disbelief at his own stupidity and then told them what he'd done and the events leading up to it.
The Genii home-world – one and a half months ago
McKay lay in the pitch black waiting for the sound of the key in the lock that heralded the start of his day. Hands behind his head, he stared up into the darkness thinking, analysing, theorising. He couldn't see a way out yet but knew he had to keep the thought alive or he would be lost. The thought of escape was what kept him going and was the hope he was determined never to lose no matter how deep he had to bury it in order to survive. He'd never been able to hide his emotions before, he'd been a man who lived on the very outside of his skin, each nuance of his changing mood clearly visible to those around him. All that had changed. He had learnt deceit and subterfuge the hard way and had the bruises and scars to show for it.
As usual he had slept fitfully for five or six hours and now, unable to sleep, he was waiting for morning and was listening to the familiar sounds of the Genii base around him; the dull hum of the air circulation system, the clanking of the pipes and the sounds of footsteps and voices that never stilled throughout the night. He thought back to the sounds of Atlantis, the soft whispering of the Ancient technology and, always there faintly in the background, the sound of the wind and waves. When he'd been there he'd never consciously noticed them; he'd always focussed on the beauty of Atlantis, the elegance of her spires and the intricacy of her technology rather than the ocean surrounding her. He was surprised how much he missed them - the ocean and the wind; the feel of the sea breeze on his face as he stood on one of the balconies and the sound of the waves to soothe him into sleep.
There was a grinding sound as the lock turned and then, with a flicker, the lights throughout his quarters came on. Steeling himself for the day ahead he pushed himself upright and swung his legs off the bed. He sat for a while and examined his left leg with a disgusted fascination. The splints had come off a week ago and he was gradually regaining muscle tone and strength. He carefully ran his hand down his left shin and poked at the site of the break exploring the areas of numbness and hypersensitivity and the irregularity in the bone. He'd been informed that there was no permanent muscle or nerve damage and that the sensation would gradually return to normal. As if they cared, he thought to himself. Sighing deeply, he fumbled for the single crutch he was using for support and limped over the bathroom.
Half an hour later he opened the door to his quarters. As he limped through, he avoided looking at the guard stationed near his door and started making his way towards the communal dining area. The guard followed at a discreet distance.
"How are you doing, McKay?" Sora fell into step besides him. "Can I join you for breakfast?" she asked. He glanced at her and smiled, then nodded his agreement as he continued on his way. McKay didn't get people but he knew Sora so well by now that he could read her moods. She was mad about something.
"So I take it that means you are fine, thank you for asking and yes, please do join me for breakfast?" she asked pointedly.
So, thought McKay to himself, it was going to one of those meetings. He stopped and, sighing dramatically, he turned and looked at her, "Yes, I am fine and yes, please do feel free to join me," he answered emphasising the word 'free'. Then he turned back and carried on walking. As he turned he caught the slight frown that appeared momentarily on Sora's face.
After a few minutes of walking in silence Sora observed, "You know, you really should try to put more weight on your leg. You need to use it more."
"Stop telling me what to do, Sora," McKay replied in an even tone. "I know that you're my keeper but I'm a genius remember, I know what is and isn't good for me."
Her eyes narrowed slightly, "I'm not your keeper, McKay."
"Strange," he observed, "you fulfil all the criteria for a keeper; responsible for my behaviour, keeping track of where I am…."
Sora grabbed hold of his arm forcing him to stop and look at her. "Why are you being so unreasonable this morning?" she asked.
"I'm not, I'm always like this," he retorted, "but you're pissed about something." She scowled and he knew he was right. "Care to share it with me? What have I done? Obviously nothing so bad or I'd be sporting more bruises courtesy of Cowen's rottweilers.… So would you mind telling me so we can get the fight over before we eat? I don't want to ruin my appetite," he explained in a reasonable tone. "So, what are you angry about this time?"
Sora's expression hardened, "You. You're a selfish fool."
McKay stood there and waited for her to continue. When she didn't he started walking again and was brought up short by Sora grabbing hold of his arm again.
"Why aren't you going to Evert's hand-fasting?" she demanded angrily.
"What?" McKay was confused. This was not Sora's normal approach. Usually when he turned down any of the invitations for social activities he would get a lecture about conformity, integration and community. This time Sora was angry and upset with him personally.
"Why aren't you going to Evert's hand-fasting?" she repeated.
"Why is this an issue, Sora? We discussed this and I don't," he corrected himself, "I won't do these things. I'm here and I'm working for you, I will say what I have to and I'm not going to run away again, you've seen to that," he spoke in a faintly accusatory whisper, "but I am not going to play happy families." He felt tired and resigned and angry. She knew how he felt and he had thought she understood. He couldn't do this – it was another level of acceptance of his situation that he wasn't prepared to take, not yet. "You know why I don't want to so why are you asking? I won't do it."
Sora's expression was almost desperate as she returned his gaze. "It's always about you isn't it, McKay? Why can't you do something for me for once?" she whispered back at him and then turned and walked away her head bent. McKay moved to reach out for Sora but she was too quick for him and brushed past him. He'd seen the pain in her eyes and felt a stab of guilt at being the cause. He never wanted to hurt Sora but it seemed he was managing it more and more often.
"Sora!" he lunged forwards to grab her as she passed but missed. He lost his balance and went down heavily. Kneeling on the floor he swore under his breath and then shouted after her again, "Sora!" She ignored him and carried on walking until he lost sight of her as she turned a corner.
"Oh crap," he swore softly to himself.
Footsteps approached and he turned his head to see who it was. His guard was a few metres away from him and was stood there silently holding out a hand to help him to his feet. Swearing again, McKay reached up and let himself be hauled to his feet. He wasn't superstitious but he was beginning to wonder if today wasn't the Genii equivalent of Friday the 13th, it was promising to be one corker of a day.
By eleven in the morning McKay's assessment of the day was being proven right. His fight with Sora had soured his mood and he was on the verge of losing his temper. Since his spell in "re-education" McKay had done what he'd been asked to do and had kept a check on his tongue. However, he could feel his temper begin to rise past critical as the head of the hydro electric power station dismissed his comments, blocked his questions and mis-informed him at every turn. The man regarded him with barely concealed dislike, was openly hostile and doubtful of any meaningful contribution McKay could make.
"Look, I have been asked to review this facility and to prepare a report for Cowen and his staff. In order to do that I need to have access to all areas, how much of a problem can that be?" McKay was no longer trying to keep his voice reasonable and his irritation was evident.
"You have the reports from my staff. You don't need to see the facility; you can get everything from the reports." The fat man sitting behind the desk smirked at McKay's obvious irritation.
"Do I have to explain to you the meaning of inspecting something? It means looking at it with my own eyes, not reading second hand and, quite frankly, badly written reports prepared by semi-literate…" McKay's tirade was cut off as the communicator on his wrist chirped into life.
Cowen's voice was tinny but clearly recognisable, "McKay, report your status."
He felt as he always felt when Cowen contacted him, ashamed. This time the shame fuelled his anger.
"Well, my status is that I am at the power station as you requested and I have achieved precisely NOTHING. What I can say is that, based on the reports I've seen and the comments I managed to get from the staff, I have some serious concerns about the structural integrity of this facility. However, I'm waiting for Tweedle Dum here to get off his back side and to unlock the doors to give me access to all areas of the station." McKay caught the eye of the head of the power station and, fixing him with the most arrogant and supercilious look he could muster, he finished his report to Cowen, "Oh, and in case the literary reference from Alice Through the Looking Glass was lost on you, Tweedle Dum was a short, fat, stupid and fairly pointless little man."
With that, McKay sat back in his chair and waited for Cowen's response. He knew he'd either earned himself another beating and a week in solitary confinement or was about to get the back up he needed to finish the job he'd been asked to do and at the moment he honestly didn't care which it was.
