Part 14 – Stupidity, part II

The Genii home-world – one and a half months ago

Sora was angry and her anger made her careless. She had lost her temper with McKay and now she would have to explain her behaviour to the Integration Board. As she stalked away from him she could hear him shouting after her. She didn't turn around and kept on walking seething with frustration.

Stupid, arrogant obstinate fool! Why wouldn't he co-operate with her? All she needed to do was to get him somewhere away from the listeners and he was fighting her all the way. She was beginning to regret the road she had chosen. It had seemed so clear at the beginning, what she had to do but she had had no way of knowing that it would be this hard. If her intentions were discovered by her people the consequences for her would be severe. The one person she was trying to help thought she was the enemy and the only way she had been able to protect him was to break him; that she had done and now he didn't trust her.

She was alone.

Stupid, selfish arrogant fool.

The only places where they could go where there were no listening devices were outside, on the surface of the planet, or her quarters. If only he would go to Evert's hand-fasting she would be able to take him to one side, could take him for a walk near the lake, could explain what she knew and then they could plan to get away. She'd already tried to get him to the only other place where they could talk and even the thought of how badly that attempt had failed made her blush.


The Genii home-world, two months ago

"Don't be ridiculous, Sora, this isn't high school and I'm not an idiot." McKay snapped at her, angry at her blatant attempt at manipulation. "I'm not coming back to your place for anything… This is all part of your integration programme isn't it? Well, it's pathetic." He pushed her away and turned to move away but was stopped by Sora holding him back. Her strength was surprising. McKay looked at her his anger, disappointment and hurt clearly showing in his eyes. "Don't try to manipulate me, Sora." McKay took her wrists in his hands and pushed her away from him. "Don't do this". His voice was uneven with barely controlled fury.

"Do what?" she said holding his gaze unwaveringly, then reached up and placed her one hand softly on his cheek. He leant ever so slightly into her touch closing his eyes momentarily. In a flash his eyes shot open and he fixed her with his piercing blue gaze. The anger was still there but it there was also hurt and longing.

"Don't play with me, Sora. I don't like it," he said through clenched teeth.

"Ssh," she said and leant towards him. She gently placed her lips on his and kissed him.

He pushed her back and, breathing hard, said forcefully, "Don't do this, Sora, please." He was nearly begging, "You mustn't do this for them."

Sora stepped back and looked at McKay with a hurt expression, "Do it for them? What do you think I am?" she asked.

"I…. I… I… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that…. I just meant that, well what other reason would there be for you to be interested that way in me?" McKay was babbling, words tumbling over one another, "Look at me, Sora. I'm not exactly a prize – I'm broken, I'm damaged goods. H… H… H… H… How could I… how could anyone find that…." he choked on his words and lapsed into silence. He backed away from her using the work bench in the lab as support and then collapsed down onto a stool burying his head in his hands.

Sora followed and perched on the work bench beside him, both hands on his left arm. Her heart ached for the hurt that had been inflicted on this man and for her part in it. "I'm not doing this for them, please believe me. I'm doing this for me. I thought that you wanted it. Am I wrong? Don't you like me the same as I like you McKay?" she asked looking down at his bent shoulders.

He groaned into his hands and replied, "God, yes. You know I do and you know I can't!"

"I don't see the problem," she answered simplistically.

"This is all wrong, that's the problem," McKay had one hand over his eyes and the other was stabbing the air violently. "This situation … how can I possibly trust you or how I feel? I can't let this happen… They're using you... Can't you see that?" his voice was strained and there was a frantic, almost hysterical undercurrent as he turned to stare at her.

"Is that the problem, McKay? You think I'm doing this for Cowen? Well, I'm not. I'm doing it for me. Look at yourself through my eyes, McKay - I don't see a broken man. I see a genius, a man who stepped in front of a gun to save his friend. I see a man who is helping the Genii fight back against the Wraith, who is improving our lives and protecting us." McKay sneered disbelievingly. "Yes I do, McKay. That is what I see. I also see a man who spent many hours with me when I was on Atlantis before I was sent back. You taught me chess, remember?" referring back to the weeks that she had spent with the Lanteans after the Genii's abortive attempt to take Atlantis.

McKay thought back to that time. "You're a lousy chess player," he said a slight smile playing around his lips. She leant closer to him and put one arm around his neck. Her closeness, the warmth of her breath on his neck and the delicate scent of her hair falling around his shoulders was all nearly too much. Every muscle was screaming for him to pull her into his arms. It took all his will power to push her away instead. She sat back and waited for him to speak.

"Stop it, Sora, just stop it. I don't believe it. I am a prisoner here and you are one of the gaolers…" He sounded weary and then turned to look straight at her again. "I won't let them make you do this to bind me tighter to them. I won't… It would be wrong, you're so…" special he wanted to say but couldn't bring himself to speak. He didn't need to though, his eyes said it all.

"McKay," she looked levelly into his eyes willing him to believe her, "listen to me, no-one is forcing me to do anything. I'm doing this because I want to. Yes, Cowen would be pleased that your ties to us grow stronger but I'm not doing this for him, I'm doing this for me," and with that she put her hands either side of his face and gently drew him towards her. She could still see the hurt in his eyes and the longing but this time she thought she could detect an element of hope.

He started to move towards her as if for a kiss but stopped and whispered, "I can't," and tried to break away.

She tightened her grip and then gently covered his mouth with hers and whispered back, "Yes we can." He closed his eyes as if in pain and then, after a moment of hesitation, he responded with a passion that shocked her and she realised that this man wanted her in a way she had never been wanted before. She felt herself melting against him with a need she didn't know she had.

Suddenly he stopped and pushed her away. "I'm sorry," he muttered and fumbling for his crutches he struggled to his feet and made his way to the door and left her sitting there alone. A single tear ran down her cheek and she angrily brushed it away as she listened to McKay making his way down the corridor away from the lab and from her….


They'd not spoken of it since. The resulting tension between them soured their relationship and questions were now being raised as to whether she should continue to be so closely involved in the integration programme. Everything was going wrong and with the stakes so high she couldn't afford to lose. Forcing her temper and fear back under control Sora went about her work and prepared for the meeting with Cowen that was scheduled for the next day.


"So Sora, what's your view on what we do next?" Cowen asked. "McKay put on quite a show of temper at the power station. Looks like he's bouncing back doesn't it?"

Sora nodded. "Yes, Sir," she commented.

Cowen continued barely acknowledging her, "He was right you know there are some serious problems with the power station. He's prepared a plan to address them and to improve output. He's put together a compelling case for focussing on this work." He turned to Sora and without speaking invited her to express her view.

Sora raised an eyebrow, "And how much of this compelling case is just avoidance of working on the bomb project?"

Before Cowen could answer the door burst open, "Sir, there's been an accident at the hydro-electric power station! A walkway has collapsed and four men have been swept away in the down flow from the waterfall. One of them is Dr McKay, Sir."


McKay was fighting to keep his head above water. He had been making his way along the walk way discussing with, or rather lecturing Evert on the best approach to replacing the corroded supports in the turbine chambers when suddenly there was a tearing sound and they were both plummeting down into the seething water beneath. He'd hit the water hard, his breath was knocked out of him and then he'd had been dragged under by the weight of his clothes. He'd fought his way out of his boots and heavy jacket and had managed to fight his way to the surface. He greedily sucked in air and struggled frantically to keep his mouth above water as the river relentlessly carried him along. He was powerless against the force of the water and it was all he could do to remain on the surface. He couldn't see the men running along the walkways, shouting instructions and throwing ropes to those in the water. All he could see was that the water was sweeping him along to the dark mouth of a cave where the river disappeared underground.

"I'm a dead man, I'm a dead man, I'm a dead man," he muttered to himself over and over and sent a private prayer to the god of scientists pledging everlasting loyalty if he didn't drown in the dark. As he was swept into the mouth of the cave it went black and the roar of the water became deafening. Where did it come out? Oh my God, I'm going to die, he thought, drowned in an underground river, a sunless sea. His heart was in his throat and the adrenaline was coursing through him. Then he saw a dull gleam of light. Were his eyes playing tricks? No, it was light and the current was carrying him directly towards it. "Oh thank God, thank God," he whispered fervently to himself and the pessimistic side of his nature pointed out that he could drown in the light just as easily in the dark.

The river shot out from underground into a low waterfall and McKay was carried with it into the plunge pool beneath. Fighting his way to the surface once more he squinted against the light as he began to strike out towards the nearest bank going with the current as much as he could. He hauled himself half out of the water and lay on his side spitting out water. He rolled over onto his back and lay there shaking with shock, cold and aftermath of the adrenaline rush. He had just about got his breathing under control when something brushed against his legs.

"Christ, what was that?" in panic he scrabbled his way back away from the water, away from whatever had brushed against him. Then he saw Evert's inert form barely afloat in the water.

"Oh crap," he scrambled forwards on all fours crawling through the shallow water to Evert and pulled him out on to the shingle bank besides him. He wasn't breathing. McKay fumbled with numb fingers trying to find a pulse. Evert's face was pinched and blue but there was a pulse, faint and erratic but there.

"You cannot die, you've got to breathe you idiot," McKay shouted as he shook Evert's limp shoulders. He let him fall back down to the ground and then, thanking Carson for insisting on comprehensive first aid training for all off world teams, he rolled Evert onto his back and started to perform artificial respiration.

"You ……are…… not……. dying……. I'm…….. not………… going………… to………… let………. you……... You're…….. too……… smart……….. to……… die……….. like………. this………. and…… I………… need………… you………… to……………. fix………….. those………… damn……… turbines…………. so………… start………….. breathing," he gasped out between inflating Evert's lungs with his own breath. Spots started to dance in front of his eyes and blackness started to creep along the edge of his vision. He paused to check for any signs of improvement. The pulse was stronger underneath his fingers and he could detect an improvement in the colour of Evert's skin. Evert coughed once and then started to retch. "Ergh, this is so gross," McKay pulled a face and swallowed against the bile rising in his own throat and then manhandled Evert onto his side, to clear his airways.

After he'd settled Evert in the recovery position and cleaned the vomit off his hands, he reached for the communication device on his wrist to call for help. It was broken, as was Evert's. He sat back on his heels and thought what to do next. A dark bruise was deepening all down the right hand side of Evert's face and although he was now breathing on his own he was incoherent and confused.

McKay looked around him, he could see one of the Genii villages about 3 kilometres away and if his memory served him well the Star Gate was just the other side of it. He looked at Evert lying on the shingle bank, down at the broken wrist device and then across to the village considering what to do next.


Atlantis, the present.

"I was so stupid. I could almost see the Star Gate, I could have got there in about an hour. They had no way of tracking me, my guard was gone, but I instead I went back," McKay spoke the last sentence with his eyes shut against the stupidity of his actions.

He drew breath and then opening his eyes again he continued, "You see, I thought he would die without medical attention and I couldn't risk Sora being hurt if they saw me as I went through the Gate. So I went back."

McKay sat back and remembered the pain of his barely healed leg, the sting of the cuts and grazes he'd picked up in the river and the rattling breath of the man he was dragging along besides him.

"That wasn't stupid Rodney. You went back to save Evert and to protect Sora. That's not stupidity," Sheppard voice was forceful.

McKay shook his head and replied, "It was stupid, hard to believe from me I know but I've thought about this a lot. I could have taken Evert with me to the Alpha Site and Sora, well, she told me herself that this guarantee business was all just another lie….. I was stupid to believe it in the first place."