Part 16 – Truth and reconciliation

Atlantis – the present day

"If I drink anymore coffee I am never going to sleep again. Can we get some water in here?" McKay asked plaintively. He waited until a cup of water was brought for him and he started to sip at it and then resumed telling his story.

"After I went back Sora and I became very…. close," he smiled and looked a little bashful.

Sheppard interrupted, "So this is when you and Sora became 'we'?"

McKay glowered at Sheppard. "And why is it such a problem for you that I have formed a functional relationship with another adult?" he asked.

"McKay! That's not what I meant. All I'm saying is that Sora was part of an elite strike force, she's a soldier, one of Cowen's hand-picked few, she…" Sheppard foundered under the cool blue regard of McKay, "she's not your type, McKay."

"She became disillusioned with Genii a long time ago. She wanted to leave. She helped me escape and came with me. If you want to understand anymore about her motives, I suggest you speak to her yourself. You're going to have to talk to her soon enough and make up your minds as to whether or not you grant her asylum."

"Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, we spent a lot of time together and we actually had fun. I began to forget that I was a prisoner. They even took that damn tracking device away – claimed they didn't need it anymore." His face twisted slightly at the memory. "Patronising bastards. They thought they had me." An overwhelming shame swept over McKay again and he scrubbed fiercely at his eyes to fight back any traces of moisture that were forming there.

"Sora managed to convince me that I should start socialising with people and so I went with her to Evert's handfasting."

Elizabeth interrupted him, "And a hand-fasting is?"

"It's what it sounds like – a wedding ceremony. In Genii society most marriages are arranged between clans to ensure loyalty and integration. There are some love marriages but not many," McKay explained. "Anyway, she convinced me to go and then, when we were on the surface and she was sure we were away from the bugs…"

Sheppard leant forward, "Wait a second. Bugs?" he asked. "Do you mean creepy crawlies or listening devices?"

"Oh, didn't I mention that? The entire base was bugged. Another charming facet of Genii live – Big Brother is Watching You. Although in their case it was more listening than watching. But if I may continue?" McKay shot an accusatory stare at Sheppard who nodded.


The Genii home world – five weeks ago

"Would I have to dress like an Amish?" McKay asked.

"A what?"

"An Amish. For Evert's hand fasting. You know, would I have to dress like you guys do when you're outside?" he elaborated and gestured vaguely with his hands.

Sora smiled. "Yes," she answered. He sighed deeply.

"But I wouldn't have to wear a hat, right?" She grimaced and nodded. McKay rolled his eyes. "Aw, crap. Do I have to go?" he asked.

"You don't have to but I'd like you come with me. Besides, Rodney, you are the hero of the hour you know. Without you Evert wouldn't be alive for this." He groaned and then got to his feet sighing dramatically.

"OK, where do I get clothes from?"

Sora smiled in triumph. Finally they would be able to talk.


Sora mingled with the crowd of happy people celebrating Evert's hand fasting. She stole a glance over her shoulder to look at McKay as he stood at the back of the room leaning against a wooden beam. He didn't look happy but as far as she could tell he wasn't unhappy; she knew full well he hadn't wanted to come although she could tell how excited he'd been to be going outside. He'd tried not to show it and made disparaging comments about allergens and UV radiation but she had seen him drinking in the sunlight and the excitement in his eyes as they had walked into the village. They had entered the gathering hall together and he had limped down the line smiling and nodding, following her lead. It had amused her to see that he had "lost" his hat within minutes and he was now standing bareheaded, arms folded defensively across his chest, slightly separate from the crowd, watching. She caught his eye and smiled, beckoning him to come and join her. He shook his head and remained where he was. She sighed and returned her attention to the crowd.

"May I refill your glass Dr McKay?" Cowen had appeared to stand at McKay's side with a flask of Genii moonshine in his hand.

Without turning to look at him McKay replied, "No thank you, Cowen. Now I've fixed your radiation problems I'm not about to destroy my brain cells with that rot gut."

"Suit yourself." Cowen poured a generous measure of the clear liquid into his own cup and over carefully set the flask down on a nearby table betraying his intoxication. "It's good to see you here, Dr McKay and to see you spending time with Sora. She's a remarkable woman."

McKay's eyes narrowed and with a short sideways glance at Cowen he gave a thin lipped smile he said, "Well, too much work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." Cowen roared with laughter at the inane remark.

"I have a question for you Dr McKay. This is the first time you've entered into purely social contact with anyone since you arrived. Does this mean that you are accepting your place in our society? That you've accepted that this is where you belong?" Cowen's face was flushed and he was sweating profusely. He emphasised his point by stabbing at McKay's shoulder with his index finger.

McKay shifted away slightly and grimaced, "Since I arrived? That makes it sound like I came on a visit doesn't it? You really shouldn't mince your words. Why don't you say since you brought me here? And I have a question for you; do I have much choice other than to accept? No, don't answer that, it's a rhetorical question and I really don't want to get into this debate now."

Cowen smiled, "I think you have just answered my question," and with that he slapped McKay on the shoulder and, humming to himself, wandered off in search of more moonshine.

McKay watched him stagger away and realised that Cowen's presence no longer triggered panic or fear, just resignation and endurance. As he digested this he let his eyes wander through the room, over the crowd and wondered if he really could become one of them or if he already had. He leant his head against the beam and closed his eyes thinking back to the last social gathering on Atlantis. He hadn't been an observer at that party; he had been in the thick of it debating animatedly with Sheppard about all the thousands of reasons why ice hockey was a far cooler game than American football. He remembered arguing about team work and co-operation. He felt a spurt of anger against Sheppard. He could almost hear the sanctimonious little prick lecturing him, "We don't leave our people behind…" Well you did this time you bastard he thought to himself, where was your sense of teamwork then? He took a mouthful of the Genii equivalent of beer to distract him and gagged at the bitter taste. "And I didn't think it was possible to make a beer worse than the Americans?" he muttered.

His eyes returned to Sora. He wanted to believe so hard that what they had, what they shared was genuine – it would make his life here bearable if it was – but he couldn't bring himself to. He knew who and what she was and what explanation could there be for her wanting to be with him other than she was being told to do so? He frowned and shifted uncomfortably. His movement must have caught Sora's eye for she excused herself from the circle of people she was with and returned to his side.

"Enjoying yourself, McKay?" she smiled up at him.

He didn't answer, just returned her look and then on impulse bent down to kiss her. The kiss was gentle and hesitant at first but then deepened and intensified as he drew her to him entwining his hands in her long titian hair. She was surprised at first by this unaccustomed public display of affection but then melted into the kiss and her arms crept up around his neck. A few moments later they became aware of a lull in the conversation around them. McKay opened his eyes, looked around and then broke off as he saw that they were the subject of interested glances and raised eyebrows.

"Can we go outside?" he whispered in Sora's ear. Smiling she took his hand and they walked out of the room, his arm draped possessively over her shoulder ignoring the whispers and giggles as they went by.

From across the hall Cowen watched them leave, a triumphant smile on his lips. The guard looked questioningly at Cowen asking for orders. "Follow them, but keep your distance."

McKay and Sora walked down to the shore of the lake and sat hand in hand at the end of a short wooden jetty. "That was out of character, McKay," observed Sora as she leant her head against his shoulder. She felt him breathe in deeply and sigh as he sat leaning back on his hands swinging his legs above the water.

"I've told you before to call me Rodney and I did it because I don't care who knows how I feel about you, Sora," he said. "I'm not going to hide it and if this is where I'm going to spend the rest of my life, well, I can't live a lie."

Sora froze against him, "What do you mean by that Rodney?"

McKay stared out across the water squinting slightly against the sun and then dropped his gaze to watch the waves lap against the jetty. "It means I can't leave here, Sora. If anything happened to you I couldn't bear it. My place is with you and if that means here then I think I just have to do what you said and accept it."

Sora straightened up until she could look directly at McKay her eyes serious and then in an urgent whisper she said, "You mustn't think like that Rodney. You mustn't let them win."