Chapter 5: Indigo
"I'm starving!" Fuu moaned, clutching her stomach, her feet dragging along the dirt road. All four of them were hungry since the earlier fishing had been unsuccessful. Their particular chosen spot of lake had been oddly and painfully lacking in fish. It hadn't been long before they met with an uphill slope and once more Fuu whined, "You gotta be kidding me...there's no way I can make it up that hill! I'm beat." She fell to her knees and exhaled deeply. Mai stopped several feet ahead of the exhausted girl as the two men continued walking up the hill. She meant to stop them when Jin abruptly announced sighting of a small village and Fuu immediately leapt to her feet. "FOOD!"
"So much for bein' 'beat'." Mugen said rolling his eyes as she sped up next to them atop the hill. "Just 'cause there's some measly town don't mean you're gettin' fed. We're not exactly rollin' in dough right now." Mai climbed the hill and approached the group slowly. Guilt weighed down her every step more so than exhaustion did. Fuu frowned up at him,
"If we don't have the money then we'll simply do what we always do in each new village, work for it." And with that, the fifteen year old marched proudly off ahead of them.
"What would we ever do without you." Mugen grumbled sarcastically as he followed suit. Jin began to follow as well but stopped when he took notice Mai wasn't behind him. His eyes asked what his mouth did not. Mai gave a weak smile. The entire time she had been with them, Mai repeatedly struggled with the mental conflict within herself. I can't possibly stay with them. I'm nothing but a burden to them. And yet she thought herself too much of a coward to leave them now.
"I'm coming." Retaining her smile and hurrying to catch up.
"Dammit, this sucks." Mugen spat as he flung down a scummy rag sopping wet with water. He slammed his hand down onto it and began cleaning the wood floor vigorously. His new found energy growing greater from his anger. Fuu decided to ignore him. He'd just have to get over it. If cleaning is what they had to do in order to get a decent meal and room, then so be it. Embarrassingly, she had to brush away the saliva from her lips several times, as the scent of cooked squid and shrimp tempura met her nose. Her stomach grumbled horribly and it made her scrub the dishes that much harder.The sooner their chores were complete, the sooner the owner kept his side of the bargain to give them food.
Outside, Mai wiped the sweat from her forehead as she worked in collecting the Inn's recycling. Lifting the heavy pail, she steadied most of it's weight on one thigh and lifted it up high, dumping the access into a large wheelbarrow. Taking in a deep breath, she gripped the handles and proceeded in carting it out to the outstretches of the village to the local farmers. They paid to use such materials as fertilizer. A large hand caught hers before she had gotten several feet. Gasping, her grip tightened on the handles and she immediately looked up. Jin.
"I'll do it." He said simply.
"No, really. It's ok. I can handle it."
"It's too dangerous. You mustn't go off alone." Mai blew the stray bangs from her eyes and stepped aside, retaining her handle on one side. Jin eyed her.
"Then I'll help you." Dropping off the last of the remains, Mai headed back toward the tiny building with Jin, each steadily manning their side of the wheelbarrow.
"Job well done, thank you for helping me." Mai complimented.
"Hmm." Jin hummed his usual hum response. Mai giggled quietly. "What is so funny?" The tower of a man beside her wanted to know. Mai cleared her throat and straightened her posture.
"Oh nothing..." the smile evident in her voice. Its contagiousness proved high, for the same secretive smile presented itself on Jin's lips. The wheels continued to roll smoothly, but stopped suddenly when Mai's feet came to a halt. Jin looked to her, puzzled. Her gaze seemed latched to the sky above and so, Jin did the same. "The sky's most beautiful at dusk..." she began, admiring the flourish of colors that seemed to melt away, consuming the clouds. "So many colors: fuchsia, turquoise, garnet. Yellows and oranges in which fire itself would greatly envy. It's as though the sky is dying a slow death. But a beautiful death, a surrender to paradise that will soon be reborn again, in the light of morning's dawn." Her eyes continued drinking in the vast ceiling of colors above her, the immense glow of the sun shrinking slowly as the mountains in the distance overwhelmed its light. "It reminds me...of..." Her words trailed off and Jin immediately looked to her.
"Reminds you of what?" Mai closed her eyes, causing everything to become drenched in darkness. There had been just a flash of an image within her mind and she furrowed her brow, knowing she had seen this thing before. This canvas consumed in every color imaginable.
"Of a painting."
"What painting?"
"A painting." Her voice apologetic to him as well as to herself. Such a general answer was disappointing and she wish she could have recalled more of the canvas. Jin continued looking at her but then broke his gaze as he returned it to the sky above.
"Indigo." Mai barely heard him say. "There's indigo. Like in your eyes." Mai was caught off guard by the fact he had taken notice of something has unimportant as her eyes. At least to her, they were as such. She swooped down with him as they both laid down the wheel barrow to the ground. Jin then slowly started back toward the Inn. She took in a deep breath, looking once more to the sky when Jin's voice broke her concentration. She shot her head toward him. "It's not worth it to kill yourself." Mai's eyes bugged from her sockets, shock overtaking her once calm features.
"KILL myself? I have no intention to do such a thing..."
"You spoke of a 'beautiful death' of a 'surrender to paradise.' You only spoke of the sky?" Mai blinked and finally understood. He must have thought, that in all her talk, she was really hinting of her future suicide.
"I'm too weak to do something as drastic as take my own life." Jin gripped the doorways frame, his back facing her.
"Only those who are weak take their own lives. It is those who are strong that take on the burden that is life."
"Isn't it thought honorable to take your own life?"
"It is of greater honor to keep it." Mai pondered this and as Jin was about to disappear from sight she started,
"Not all of it is a burden." The samurai froze in place. "There are many things I find myself very grateful for, like the beauty of the sky, for nature, for friends. For your company and kindness." Jin didn't know what to say to that. It wasn't exactly common for him to hear that someone was actually grateful for his presence. And so Jin reacted the only way he know how, with silence.
Mai's eyes intently watched the blazing flames of the fire before her, hoping its hypnotizing dance might sway her to sleep but rest refused to grace her. There had been one tiny room available that night and this infuriated Fuu and Mugen earlier that day. All four of them were exhausted after working for so long and the Inn keeper had so conveniently forgot to mention the less than accommodating situation. He did, however, have two of the very "finest bedding materials in all of Japan." as well as "Japan's greatest view." Mugen angrily insisted he wanted a REAL bed that night and that he more than deserved it. He wanted nothing to do with "Japan's greatest view" because he knew very well the man's boastful words were only referring to a night sky.
"Who gives a damn about the sky?" Mugen had growled. Mai then insisted it would not bother her in the least to sleep outside. The thought of being a burden continued to plague her mind and she wasn't about to take something like a goodnight's sleep away from any of them. It was finally decided, after a good hour or so of arguing, that Fuu and Mugen could have the room. Truthfully, the room could accommodate three, a tight squeeze but not impossible. But Mai would have it no other way and insisted they all take the room and she would sleep outside. Jin would not have this, as Fuu would not either. Mugen was already passed out in his room.
"I'll sleep outside." Fuu volunteered, although in all honesty, she only wanted to sleep in a real room and bed for once.
Letting out a deep sigh, Mai closed her eyes, dimming the glow only to reopen them and switch position to her back. Her view drastically altered to an immense blackness above her. The darkened sky was perfectly dotted with a vast amount of tiny stars. She brought her hands to behind her head and surrendered to the fact she'd be getting no sleep anytime soon. So involved she became in studying the sky, her thoughts were spontaneously ripped away from the fascinating lights when a man's smooth voice broke her concentration,
"You have much difficulty sleeping." Mai swiveled her head in the direction of Jin, who had not moved from his seated position on the ground diagonal to her.
"My thought's demand much attention."
"Thoughts can prove deafening at times." Jin agreed. "Would it be too forward of me to ask you of them?" Mai smiled.
"First, I'd like to know why you're here and not in your room."
"My thoughts, too, demand much attention."
"You can't sleep either, huh? Mugen snores pretty loud doesn't he?"
"Like a fright train." Jin said with such seriousness that Mai couldn't help but laugh but she quickly quieted herself as not to wake up Fuu.
"I'm thinking about dancing." She said suddenly. Jin hadn't expected that response.
"'Dancing'?"
"Yes."
"What of it?" Mai sat up.
"Would you like me to show you?"
"Show me?"
"Don't tell me you've never danced before?"
"I can't say I've ever entertained the notion." Mai got to her feet and padded over to him and knelt down.
"Then I must show you." And Mai shot out her hand, intending for him to take it.
"I'd rather not." Jin declined, avoiding her eyes. Mai pouted.
"It'll be fun, I promise..." Her tone surprisingly playful and it came as shockingly pleasant to Jin. Still, he made no move. Instead of waiting for him to accept her hand, she took his and pulled him to his feet. He could have very well sat there while she struggled to pull him as she would never had succeeded but he gave in. Jin stared down at her curiously and hoped his face wasn't too red. But again, he was in debt to the night. Calmly she rose his left arm up and placed her right hand in his then took his right hand and placed it at her hip. Jin tensed but relented and admitted to himself he was more curious than embarrassed at the moment. She nodded to him and stepped forward, only to crush directly into his chest. "Oof!" Came her muffled cry and she stepped back, blushing. "Guess I forgot to mention you have to move backward when I move forward..." And Jin did when she attempted the move again. "Very good! Now you move to the side and I follow." Jin did as directed and Mai smiled. "That's it! Now move toward me..." Unfortunately, Jin moved a little too far and his foot came down on her's. "ACK!" Immediately he jumped backward.
"I'm sorry." He apologized plainly.
"It's alright, dancing takes practice. It's worth a few crushed toes." Mai grinned when she saw him smile. "You should do that more often, Jin..."
"Do what more often?"
"Smile."
"Shall we continue?" He asked hesitantly, brushing off her comment. Mai nodded. And they did, and Jin improved with every taken step, they seemed to float effortlessly around the roaring fire. Well almost effortlessly. Mai yelped every now and then as Jin stepped on her feet by accident. His sincere apologies were followed by Mai's chuckling."What an odd dance." Jin commented.
"I can't say I was too fond of it myself when I was being forced to learn it." Jin stopped moving then, still holding her to him.
"You remember learning this awkward dance?"
"I was only a young child then, but yes, I do. I think I only remember this because it was practically drilled over and over into my brain."
It hadn't been long before Mugen heard the voices. He stepped into the clearing and scratched his head, his eyes groggy from sleep.
"What the hell are you guys doin'?" Mai and Jin immediately broke from the other's grasp. Jin stood stiffly, his hands firmly at his sides and Mai folded her arms, her eyes avoiding Mugen. "Well, don't mind me...gotta take a piss." And Mugen went stumbling off toward the woods.
"We should attempt sleep..." Jin suggested, sitting back down on the ground. Mai watched him and then slowly did the same. She laid down and closed her eyes then opened them slowly again, staring off into the distance solemnly.
"Your eyes are very sad, Jin." Jin shot his head up to look at her but she was motionless. "You can tell a lot about someone by just looking into their eyes. You can see their emotions, their truths, their lies. You can see them as they truly are." Mai's eyes fluttered closed again. Jin sat there in silence, taking in what she had told him. Finally he spoke,
"I see sadness in your eyes as well." And the tears came from her.
