Part 19 - Decisions, decisions

Atlantis, the present day

The jaws of everyone in the room were hanging open. Even Sheppard was temporarily robbed of the power of speech. McKay's bombshell had not only derailed the train of thought; it had ripped up the tracks.

"What the hell?" Sheppard was the first to speak.

"He married a Genii?" asked Caldwell in disbelief.

Suddenly Sheppard laughed. "Well, I'll say this for Rodney, he never does the expected!" he said with a grin.

Elizabeth nodded her agreement and then said, "I think I'd better go and talk to Sora, don't you?" and she stood up and left the room.

"Yeah," agreed Sheppard nodding as he watched her walk purposefully away wondering what the hell had gone on to lead to this.


Kate Heightmeyer was going through her files and setting her desk straight, preparing for her next appointment. She was in two minds as to whether she was looking forward to it or not. She had felt relief and joy that McKay was alive and back in Atlantis but from what she knew of what had happened she did not relish the prospect of doing a psychological evaluation.

Kate had experience of McKay as a patient and in the course of her job had been given full access to his files and she knew his history. She knew experiences with quack psychologists as a child had made him wary and sceptical of the whole science. She also knew first hand that he was the most awkward of any of her patients; he was stubborn, rude, obsessive, compulsive, uncooperative, a good deal more intelligent than anyone else she knew and quite capable of running rings around her if he choose to. He was also her friend. Remaining impartial would be difficult.

He was, unusually, on time and hesitantly walked in studying the room intently as if familiarising himself with something he had missed. He said an awkward hello to her and stood hovering near the door as if unsure of his welcome.

"It's good to have you back Rodney." She had started appraising McKay as soon as he walked into the room. He didn't appear to be in as bad a shape as she had been led to believe. She smiled encouragingly as he plonked himself down on her sofa and sat there awkwardly and defensively, arms crossed, shoulders hunched.

"You know that I've been asked to produce a psychological evaluation don't you?"

He nodded. "Yeah, see if I'm a crazy man," he replied rudely and sketched a few circles at his temple in the universal indication of insanity.

Ignoring the rudeness she continued, "I will prepare a psychological evaluation as asked; however, my prime concern is you." She looked at him intently. Besides the pale scar on his temple that tracked up into his hair there were few other physical signs of his ordeal and those that there were were subtle; he was thinner, he looked tired and he had an air of wariness about him that hadn't been there before.

McKay sighed and interrupted her, "Look, I'm not really your patient, Deanna. Weir, Sheppard and Caldwell want you and Baron Samedi to evaluate whether I'm fit to go back to work or not. That's why I'm here so can we get on with it and leave the psycho-babble to one side,Counseller?"

Kate cringed inwardly. This was going to be every bit as difficult as she had feared.

"Well, I'm glad to see that your tactful and diplomatic nature is still in one piece," she said smiling to take the sting out of her words. She then added, "You might think this is just an evaluation but I think we need to discuss how your experiences have affected you and how you're going to adapt to being back here."

McKay rolled his eyes.

Kate raised her eyebrows and fixed McKay with a look. "Rodney, you might want to put the psycho-babble to one side but since you described yourself to Elizabeth as," and she referred to her file, "a complete bloody mess, you feel guilty and angry, you don't know who to trust, at one stage you didn't want to come back, you don't know what to believe and what's messing with your head even more is that you don't know whether what you feel is genuine or whether it's some bizarre psychological effect of what has happened, I think we might need the psycho-babble, OK?" Whilst she was talking she noticed that McKay was shifting uneasily in his chair. "Those are your words, Rodney, aren't they?"

McKay looked embarrassed. "Yes, OK, I might have said that but that was just initially, I'm OK now. I'm dealing with it. I don't have post traumatic stress disorder, I just need some peace and quiet and to get back to my work. I'll deal with it," he snapped back.

Kate nodded and replied, "Rodney, you can't just shut this off and repress what happened. You have to deal with it and it's my job to help you do just that. You've been through a very traumatic six months. However, we'll start with the evaluation and then we take it from there, OK?"

With a relieved expression on his face, McKay nodded.

"OK, I'd like to start by you telling me your reactions to being back here in Atlantis."

With a grimace McKay started to talk.


Elizabeth Weir knocked lightly on the door before leaning around it to look into the small room off the end of the infirmary where Sora was ensconced. She was sitting up in bed talking to one of the medical staff who was in the process of disconnecting most the monitoring equipment she had been hooked up to.

"May I come in?" Elizabeth asked.

"Of course, we're nearly done here anyway," the medic said looking over his shoulder as he packed together his kit. With a few last words to Sora he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

"How are you feeling Sora? Dr Beckett tells us you are doing exceptionally well," Elizabeth spoke softly. She had always felt a twinge of conscience about exchanging Sora for the bombs although she couldn't quite place her finger on why and was glad to see her doing so well.

Sora smiled a quick tight smile. "Dr Beckett is a skilled doctor. I know that he saved my life and I am very grateful to him and to you." She paused for a moment and started fiddling with the bed covers. "Thank you for seeing me Dr Weir." Sora looked nervously at Elizabeth. "I appreciate that you are very busy but I need to talk to you. Rodney has asked for asylum on my behalf." It was a statement rather than a question.

"Yes he did. He also told us what you did for him and I would like to thank you."

Sora's face clouded as she replied, "Has he told you everything that happened? What they.. what we did to him?" Elizabeth nodded. "Then how can you thank me, Dr Weir?"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, "You helped him escape, Sora. He's back with us and that is something we value very much. You saved his life."

"It was my fault he was taken in the first place."

"Rodney told us what happened. You can't take the blame for that."

"Can't I?" Sora replied angrily.

Elizabeth smiled at the younger woman lying in the bed and answered softly, "No, you can't." She sat for a while without speaking, studying Sora who nervously returned her level look. Finally she asked, "Why did you decide to help Rodney, Sora? He has told me what you told him but I'd like to hear it from you."

"I wanted to help him because it was my fault that he ended up in the situation he was in," she held up a hand to stop Elizabeth's words of protest. "Even before he was taken I'd made up my mind that staying with my people was not an option." Sora's eyes grew distant and she remembered her return to the Genii from Atlantis. Hours and hours of questioning, interrogation even. The suspicion that had fallen on her, how she had had to prove her loyalty over and over again, how she had striven to return to Cowen's inner circle and the realisation that once she was there she no longer wanted to be a part of it.

"I always believed in my people, Dr Weir. I believed it was our destiny to one day defeat the Wraith. I believed that we were better than all other races we encountered. As I grew older I began to see that what I had believed was not true." She fell silent.

"That does not explain why you decided to help Rodney."

Sora nodded and then continued, "When my father died the last of my illusions died with him. He was my hero and yet he did not act to save someone who could have been saved. Our peoples could have achieved so much more if only we had co-operated and been truthful with one another." Her face was twisted with grief. "He was so foolish. We all were. He killed that man and alerted the Wraith. His actions nearly ruined the mission!"

"Everyone can make mistakes, Sora."

"But not everyone pays for them with their life," replied Sora bitterly. "I came to hate him for it. He died and left me alone and part of me died with him. Rodney brought that part of me back to life," she said simplistically.

"Rodney is very attached to you, Sora," stated Elizabeth quietly.

Sora smiled and responded, "And I to him. Believe me, it was not my intention at the start but he grew on me. I was so scared that we would break him before I could get him somewhere we could speak but he didn't break, Dr Weir. I'm not seen anyone stand up to Cowen the way he did." She paused looking for the right words. "Rodney is everything that I am not. He is honest, direct and brave."

Elizabeth spoke with Sora for another two hours and then, when it was obvious Sora was becoming fatigued, she left. She spent several hours in her office mulling over what she knew, what her options were. She needed more information. She needed to talk to Kate. She stood up abruptly and headed off to Kate's office.

Kate was working late into the evening, typing up her report when Elizabeth came into her office. "I'm sorry Elizabeth but my report isn't ready yet," she said as Elizabeth perched on the edge of her desk.

"I didn't expect it would be," said Elizabeth. "I just wanted to see if you could give me a quick assessment now. I need to make some decisions pretty quickly and I want your's and Carson's view before I do. In your professional opinion, how is he?"

Kate Heightmeyer smiled and then said, "If you're asking, is he OK to go back to work? Well, then I'd say yes, after a couple of week's rest and reorientation with the proviso of on-going counselling."

Elizabeth gave Kate a questioning look.

Kate continued, "If you're asking me, what is his mental state? Well, the answer to that question is that he's neurotic, obsessive, compulsive and slightly paranoid but not much more so than six months ago."

Elizabeth relaxed slightly and then nodded at Kate to continue.

"He's still the same old Rodney. He called me Deanna and Carson Baron Samedi. He also told me that he's not my patient as he doesn't have post traumatic stress disorder. To some extent he's right; he isn't showing significant signs of it. However, I would not be surprised to see post traumatic stress disorder emerge over the coming months. He still has some unresolved irrational and directionless anger because of what happened but mentally, as far as I can tell with one session, he's in remarkably good shape all things considered."

"Well, you know our Rodney, he's a resilient kind of guy," said Elizabeth.

Kate ruefully smiled her agreement. "I think you've hit the nail on the head, Elizabeth. I think the reason why he is in such good shape, relatively speaking, boils down to the fact that he is obsessive compulsive and stubborn. Obsessive people are difficult to brainwash and when you combine that with someone as stubborn as Rodney… well I'm sure you can fill in the blanks."

Kate frowned and then continued, "He needs help though, Elizabeth. Something is worrying him. He mentioned Stockholm Syndrome a couple of times and asked a few questions about evolutionary psychology and capture bonding and, although he hasn't come out and said it, he is very worried that what he feels for Sora is a manifestation of that and I'm inclined to agree with him. How else can we explain such a strong emotional attachment developing in such a short time? I'm not saying it's not a genuine attachment because I think it is but it didn't develop naturally. Without this attachment, without her, I don't think we'd be seeing the same man sitting in front of us, Elizabeth."

She paused and ran her fingers through her hair before continuing, "Whatever she did she centred him and gave him a focus but he's got some heavy duty unresolved issues there he's going to have to confront. He's overcome with guilt that he didn't trust her, that he used her to get away and that he is still lying to her about Atlantis. He can't control how he feels about her and he doesn't like it. His abdication from all responsibility as to whether we take her in is generating so much guilt, stress and turmoil….. It's not healthy." She stopped, wondering how to continue. "He's going to have to confront this and the sooner the better unless we're planning on keeping Sora locked into that room in the infirmary for ever."

Elizabeth nodded her agreement and then asked, "Did he tell you that they are "married" for want of a better word?"

Kate nodded slowly. "Yes he did. He told me how exactly how and why too."