Part 21 – Loose ends

Atlantis – the present day

Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard and Stephen Caldwell were in the conference room waiting for McKay to join them. Elizabeth had discussed and agreed her decided course of action with them and they both agreed, although with some reservations on Caldwell's behalf.

McKay entered the room, quietly walked over to the table and sat down.

"Have you decided yet?" he asked.

"Rodney, good morning. How are you?" Elizabeth ignored his question and McKay gave her a hard stare before he answered.

"I'm feeling better, thanks, so have you decided that I'm not crazy and what you're going to do with me and Sora?" he asked rudely hiding his nervousness.

"Rodney, how about saying good morning back to us first?" Sheppard interjected.

"Why? I never understand why people want to go through this strange ritual of congratulating each other on what a good morning it is. It's not as if we have an influence on it, is it?"

"Rodney," replied Sheppard in a low warning voice. McKay gave him a half hearted scowl and then turned to face Elizabeth with a questioning look.

Elizabeth smiled brightly and said, "Rodney, I want you to know that I have considered this decision very carefully and I…"

She hesitated minutely and McKay leapt in.

"You're sending me back to Earth, aren't you? You think I'm a security risk….." McKay had a look of profound disappointment on his face and sank his head down into his hands. "I'm not asking for my old role back, I just want to stay here and work. That's all," his voice was shaking slightly.

Elizabeth sighed patiently. "No, Rodney," she continued gently. "We want you to resume your role as Chief Scientist."

"What?" McKay looked up with an incredulous expression. "I thought that I was the crazy one with the flawed judgement around here? Haven't you been listening to what I've told you over the past two days?" McKay stood up and then sat down abruptly. "What about Radek? You can't just take this away from him! It's not fair," he continued.

"Rodney, as soon as Radek deciphered your message he's been planning how he will hand everything back over to you," Sheppard interjected.

"But, but, why?" stuttered McKay. "I can't believe it."

"It's true; Rodney and you had better believe it. For the past four months I've been looking for ways to divide the Chief Scientist's responsibilities between more of the team. And at Radek's insistence Colonel Caldwell has been negotiating on my behalf with Lieutenant Colonel Carter to come here and take on the role. So far without success." Elizabeth laid a hand on Rodney's arm and said, "You're a hard act to follow Rodney and there aren't many people who want to take up the challenge although I think, if you hadn't got back, Lieutenant Colonel Carter would have given in eventually."

"What! You were going to give my job to her? That's rich…." For a moment outrage replaced the disbelief on McKay's face. "No, no, no, no, no, wait. How can you do this? What if I have been compromised? Huh? What about that? No-one here is smart enough to spot that if I'm back in my old role!" McKay looked triumphant and accusatory as he made his point.

Caldwell leant forward and said, "Dr McKay, it is our considered opinion is that if you had been compromised and if you didn't want to be caught no-one would be able to spot it anyway…"

His words took the wind out of McKay's sails and he looked questioningly from Elizabeth and then back to Sheppard who gave him the uncomfortable smirk he recognised as meaning, I'm never going to say this aloud but, yes, you are smarter than everyone I know.

"We want you to go back to Earth for a few weeks for a full debriefing at SGC and some rest and recuperation time. I will be going with you for the debriefing. The rest of the time will be your own," said Elizabeth as if the matter was settled. McKay slowly nodded and a smile began to tug at the corner of his mouth.

"There are some conditions, Rodney," Elizabeth stared meaningfully at McKay who now had a fully fledged foolish grin on his face.

"And they are?"

"You will be expected to attend three counselling sessions with Dr Heightmeyer every week and you will only be allowed back on off-world duties when both she and Carson decide you are fit."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me?" The foolish grin was replaced with an exasperated expression as he threw his hands into the air. "How will I be able to get anything done if I'm spending three hours a week with Heightmeyer? You don't expect me to go and see Carson every week do you?" Sighing again, he leant back in his chair dramatically and then froze. "What about Sora?" he asked berating himself silently for loosing sight of that question in his relief.

"Well, as a member of the team that runs this expedition, I want to hear your view on what we should. You can't shirk this, Rodney. She's your responsibility."

They couldn't be asking him this. He'd made it so clear that this shouldn't be his decision to make. Didn't they realise that he wasn't to be trusted? That if she hadn't defected he would have stayed with the Genii?

"No, no, no. You can't, I can't…" his voice trailed off and he thought back to his silent vigil sitting next to Sora. The hours spent analysing his actions and facing up to reality. He looked up and met Elizabeth's calm eyes with a panicked rabbit-caught-in-the-headlights look. His throat was dry.

"As a member of the team who run this expedition, we want your opinion," Elizabeth repeated.

McKay made a strangled sound that was lost in the silence of the room. He swallowed again and then realised that they did trust him that this was his decision to make and it was his responsibility. In fact, he was probably the only one who make this decision. He was silent for a few moments as he considered his words and when he did speak, his voice was calm and measured.

"I recommend that asylum is granted and that we offer her a role. She could provide us with a tactical advantage in many situations. I believe that she could supply us with much useful information regarding Genii outposts but we should avoid putting her in a situation where there would be a conflict of loyalties. She's best suited to field work and a guide role, similar to Teyla's, would be the best way to make the most of her skills."

"Thank you, Rodney." Elizabeth smiled warmly at him and he knew he'd said the right thing. "I'd like you to go and extend our offer to Sora and let her know where she really is."

McKay nodded and then headed out of the conference towards the Infirmary.


Sora was bored.

She was feeling better and wanted no more than to leave the room she was cooped up in. McKay had been gone for hours and she had no-one to talk to and nothing to do. She lay back down on her bed and closed her eyes.

She was also nervous. She still didn't know if she could stay with the Lanteans and even though she doubted she would be cast aside she wanted to know what her future was going to be. She had settled into a fretful doze when McKay came into the room pushing a wheel chair.

"I thought that you might like to get out," he said. "Carson said I can take you out for a walk so long as you're back within the hour. So, do you want to hop on board?" he asked patting the wheelchair.

Sora smiled at him and held out her arms to indicate her willingness. He helped her into the wheel chair and made her comfortable.

He took hold of the handle and started to push the wheelchair out of the room and then suddenly stopped and said, "Before we go, there is something I need to tell you. I lied to you, Sora. Or rather, I didn't tell you the truth."

Her heart sank and she asked numbly, "How, about what?"

"It's easier to show you, "and with that he started pushing the wheel chair out of the room. She tried to turn to see his face but couldn't due to the pain in her side and she sat quietly as they made their way down a long room.

"What is this place?" she asked nervously wanting to fill the unaccustomed silence between them. "You said it was an Ancient outpost that your people had found, yes?"

"Not exactly," he replied with a nervous smile and continued pushing the wheel chair along until they came to a transporter.

Realisation flooded over her. It couldn't be but it was…. "It wasn't destroyed….." she whispered. "You never left."

They stepped out of the transporter and made their way down the corridor to the control room where he stopped in front of the Stargate. Sora began to laugh and laugh and laugh until her peals of laughter turned to tears and she was crying. She struggled to speak and clumsily wiped at the tears on her face with her sleeve.

McKay ignored the curious glances that were being thrown in their direction, turned the wheelchair around and pushed it out of the room, along a corridor and out onto a balcony. He stopped the chair close to the rail so that Sora could see out over the sea. He moved to lean on the rail next to her and cautiously watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was gradually getting herself back under control.

"So?" he asked after a few moments.

"All things considered, Rodney, I will forgive you for lying to me," she finally managed to say. He smiled and stood there considering what to say next.

"What happens now?" she asked after a few minutes had passed.

"Well, this is the part where I explain our offer to you," McKay was nervous. "They would…. no, we would like you to stay and to join us. It's not so much asylum as an offer to join our expedition. You could, we thought, that is, if you wanted, you can work with one of the off-world teams as a guide… once you're well that is…. And if you want to…" He was struggling with the words, trying desperately not to coerce her as he had been coerced.

"Are you offering me a place in your society? A chance to integrate?" Sora asked quietly.

"No!" he exclaimed and then continued, "Well, yes, but only if you want it." She said nothing, just sat there staring out across the waves, feeling the stiff sea breeze on her skin.

As her silence continued he began to panic.

"It's not integration, I promise you that. If you want you can have a role similar to Teyla's. She's still the leader of the Athosians and plays a valuable role in our expedition… And… and… if you don't want to stay we'll help you find another home," he said finally.

His words cut her to the core of her being. He wanted her to go… She steadfastly stared ahead of her, not looking at him and asked, "Is that what you want, Rodney? For me to find another home?"

McKay groaned and bent his head down until it was resting on the rail. "No, I don't," he replied softly, "you should know that."

The cold metal felt good against his forehead. He considered what he should say next and then turned to stand facing her with his back against the rail.

"Sora, I'm not nice. I'm not good with people, I'm obnoxious and a workaholic. We both know that under normal circumstances you'd still think I was an arrogant jerk and I'd still think you were a member of a fairly primitive society, although a pretty hot one. But this isn't, by any definition, normal circumstances, Sora and no I don't want you to go. I want you to stay. Here. With me. But I would understand it if you wanted to leave and start afresh somewhere else."

He crouched down besides her and took her left hand in his right and entwined his fingers with hers. He could feel the warmth of her palm against his that was cold from gripping the rail.

"It's your choice, Sora, but know that I want you to stay," he said softly.

Sora was staring at their hands and gradually looked up to meet McKay's intense blue gaze. She'd not thought of what would happen after they escaped. She hadn't dared think of it in case it didn't happen. But it had. But was this what she wanted? She had wanted to get away from the Genii but where had she wanted to go? She wanted to help McKay but how could she count on a man who had been so hurt and abused by her and her people? Could he ever forgive her and could she ever forgive herself?

She opened her mouth to speak and then stopped. McKay's expression was almost comical. He'd laid his heart out for her to take it if she wanted. She could see the hope fading in his eyes. He flushed slightly and then broke his eyes away from hers. He'd suffered so much she couldn't risk hurting him again. He tried to free his hand but she held on to it tightly realising that this was what she wanted. More than that, it was what she needed.

She reached up and laid her right hand on his cheek forcing him to look at her. His skin felt cold.

"When I started on this I never thought that this would happen. All I wanted was to get away and to help you to repay the kindness that you and people had shown me. As part of that I had to manipulate you and your feelings. I never wanted to hurt you, Rodney, but I did because I had to," she stated plainly. She took a deep breath and continued, "I didn't plan for my feelings to change but they did. I care for you but now you are back here and I would understand if your feelings were to change. There is probably someone you'd rather be with. The manipulation is over, Rodney. The acting is over."

He smiled at her.

"I worried about that too you know. Do you remember when I shouted at you about Stockholm Syndrome and how it would never happen to me? Well, it did. I went and spoke to our shrink about it." Sora looked confused. When he noticed her confusion McKay explained, "Dr Heightmeyer, our psychologist." Sora's brow cleared with understanding.

"I know that what I feel didn't develop normally but," McKay gathered his courage together and said the words he'd never said before," I love you, Sora and I can't see that changing."

Sora looked into his eyes and saw the truth there and in a voice that was a mere whisper she replied, "I love you too, Rodney and, if you want me, I'll stay."