Chapter 12: Bearing Burden

He stood just several feet before her. His face, stone like and calm, as if nothing were wrong. But then that's always how he stood. Calm was always how he looked, even when facing an enemy, even when facing fear. She had wondered if fear was something Jin had even known. She saw him battle. He fought with all that he was, with courage, resilience and strength. Had he felt fear when fighting like he did, there would have been no way he would know such skill.

But what did it mean to fear? People fear many things. But at the root of it, those who fear only do so because they have something or everything to lose.

What did Jin have to lose?

What do I have to lose? Mai's mind prodded itself. What a foolish question...

"Jin?" Her voice cracked.

"He loves you," He stated simply.

"No he doesn't."

"You must go back."

"'Back'? Back where? To nothing? To some strange but painfully familiar place? A place called 'home', and, yet, it is not."

"You cannot remain here," Jin's voice repeated.

"Why do you keep doing this? You keep pushing me away. You push everyone away. Why? Do you seek what you cannot have? Is that only part of the reason? Where is she?" But Jin made no response, he stood where he was, looking to Mai with the same intent stare. "Where is she, Jin? You still love her, don't you..." And slowly he turned to walk away. Mai froze, her body paralyzed, she found she could not stop him. She could not stop any of it.

Her body jolted and her eyes flew open and immediately this came accompanied by muscles that screamed in protest. She willed her body to sit up, but her effort was futile and Mai let out a deep breath. Her head relaxed back into the small pillow under her. She felt dizzy as she tried to view and make sense of her surroundings. Finally her vision gripped focus and she realized she was on the floor in a tiny room, wood panels all around, small holes spread about allowing rays of sun to pour down through. Mai could hear voices outside, then a dog barking and she slowly moved her head toward the source of brilliant sunlight. The long flap of cloth like material caught the soft breeze entering the room and it flowed up and down slowly.

Then it was a dream?

She moved her legs and then abruptly ceased the motion as she felt the great pain travel like electricity in her right thigh. Apparently, not all of what happened was a dream. It was and yet it wasn't. Her thoughts returned her to the battle.

Was Hiratoshi truly dead? And Fuu! Mugen. Jin. Owen. God was he even alive? Owen...

Mai felt her eyes begin to water and she tightened her fists in worry. Her hands hurt right down to her finger nails. Closing her eyes, she felt a flurry of wind on her skin and immediately Mai turned her head toward the door, a man's tall and broad figure was blocking the sunlight. His form allowed only bits of rays to shine through.

"You're awake," came Jin's voice. And he approached her, bringing his legs underneath him as he knelt down beside her. Mai said nothing in reply, only staring up at him wide eyed, taking in his face. "You seem alert. That's a good sign." Mai swallowed, allowing her gaze to drop from him. "He is dead," Jin then said after a few moments, as though reading her thoughts. "Hiratoshi. In case you were wondering." Mai closed her eyes once more and Jin watched as her body took in desired breath. "You've been asleep more than a day's worth so far. I am pleased to see you've awaken earlier than anticipated." She brought her eyes up to him once more. "Owen is conscious. He's been seen by a local doctor at a nearby Inn. I apologize we could not do the same for you seeing as you're a wanted woman. Fortunately, your wounds could be worse than what they are," Jin paused, as if waiting for Mai to give a reply and when she did not he proceeded. "He continues to ask for you." Mai then could take it no longer. Upon hearing this she had to go and see him and it took all of her just to prop her weakened body on her elbows. Jin placed a hand on her shoulder. "Lay back down. Owen can wait. He knows you're alive. Fuu has been filling him in." Mai wanted to resist but physically could not and instead complied and did as told. She was grateful to hear Fuu had been looking after him but truthfully she felt it was her that needed to be there with him, not Fuu. For the rest of the day, Jin remained by her side, leaving only to fetch her soup and water, while Fuu visited and kept her company in between. Even Mugen paid her a short visit the next day.

"Jin wouldn't like me in here. But who gives a rat's ass what four eyes thinks, right?" Mai shocked herself, finding she rejoiced in his familiar attitude and in the fashionable smirk he always wore. "You look pretty weak. Guess it'd be stupid to ask how you're feelin'. Shitty, I'm thinkin', judgin' by how you look." Mai let out small chuckles and smiled to him.

"Thanks."

"Anytime," Mugen teased as he squatted down beside her. "Listen..." His tone lowering in seriousness. Mai noticed even his smirk had faded. "You kicked major ass out there. I gotta say I didn't expect all of that from you."

"I'm full of surprises I guess." Mai grinned weakly, retaining her gaze up at him.

"Yeah. You are."

Later that evening, Jin entered carrying with him an extra lantern. He set it down beside the door, then sat down beside Mai like he had been doing for the past few days.

"You should be laying down," Jin informed, noticing she had been sitting up.

"I've been laying down all day," Mai said, waving her hand and wearing a placid expression. "It was driving me insane, just laying there all that time. I'm a woman not a vegetable."

"You need your strength for tomorrow. The ship departs at dawn." And then silence. Jin could feel Mai's heart fall. She looked away from him, taking in a shaky breath then exhaling slowly. "You realize this was inevitable," he softly pointed out.

"But he's dead..."

"Regrettably, Hiratoshi's death does not mark the end of the slave trade, nor does it signify the end of their search for you. If anything, their pursuit of you will only grow stronger." Mai cast her eyes downward recalling his voice snarling at her,

It will NEVER be over...

"I know. I've known all along that no matter what happened," She paused. "I'd never be able to stay but I ignored it. I've been pushing it away. It would be selfish of me, really, to stay here. The only real reason I want to stay is because of-" Mai stopped, biting her lip.

Dammit, I'm so tired of crying.

"If I stayed, I'd only bring more burden to your life..."

"Remaining here would only burden your own," Jin assured softly. Mai smiled a smile of sorrow and dread.

"Leaving will be my greatest burden."

I apologize if chapter 11 seemed confusing. It was written as a dream/memory sort of scene. I added that chapter to give a bit more insight into Mai's past. Thanks again for reading and reviewing! It's greatly appreciated.