I'm really really really sorry! I haven't updated in uh….two weeks? (HOLY SHIT!) x I was just so restless and sick, I just couldn't write. Kind of writer's block…sort of not, but my schedule will continue….I'M SORRY!

"Ohayou Kagome, dear. Happy holidays."

Mrs. Higurashi greeted her daughter with the calm warmth that always exuded her personality. On the kind, but time weathered face laid a gentle smile. Kagome ran into her mother's open embrace with a child-like elegance, her eyes beaming with surprised happiness. Shippou greeted the young man squirming passed his mother's legs blocking the doorway. The two immediately rushed back further into the recesses of the oom to open the gifts they bought for each other. Only the wrapping paper differed, one snow covered with snow men and the other a cartoon version of Rudolph, for both boys knew the item within was the same. The newest version of a popular video game that Kagome couldn't even fathom, not to mention being able to play.

"Come in okaa-san. Would you like some tea?"

"That would be nice."

Aiko Higurashi dropped her concealed package next to Shippou would was now laid out on the floor on his stomach. His thumbs moved furiously over the controller steering his character through the game. Aiko smiled as her son practically bounced in excitement sitting Indian style next to Shippou. She continued on to the kitchen to pause at the entrance watching her daughter as she moved easily around in the spacious interior. The water boiled quickly, the hissing of the teapot sounding in the heavy air she had created. Aiko sighed and rubbed her forehead with the back of her fingers. She righted her clothes before sitting herself at the small kitchen table that was clear except for a glass mosaic. The piece of work was finished in a grey, black and white color scheme, and would serve as a coaster for the pot of water.

Kagome hummed lightly to herself, turning off the stove. She moved to a nearby cabinet pulling the loose tea in its green tin from within the shadowed depths. Her thoughts however, despite her company, were not light on her mind. She knew what tonight was and even seven years later, Kagome was still shaken by the very number as it blared on her calendar in red. Christmas and…that meant New Years was just around the corner. Kagome always went home for the winter celebration because it was one of the very few times she could spare to visit with her family and also she didn't want to be alone. Even with Shippou's unconscious comfort, Kagome never felt safe unless she was resting with her legs under a warm kotatsu eating homemade cookies. But Kagome wasn't oblivious is any way, unless her mind was caught in her thoughts, and she knew her mother would never have come to her apartment unless it was important.

A lump formed in her throat thinking of any and all complications that could have arisen, but only her grandfather's failing health cam to mind. The poor man, who was barely a day over seventy, still acted like he was a sprightly twenty, and had been in and out of the hospital several times already this year. Kagome gripped mugs in her hands tightly in anticipation of what it was her mother could have to tell her. Kagome carried the teapot to the table with her for no doubt the pair would have more than just one cup. The cups were placed, one in front of her guest and the second left for herself sitting to the right on the table. The conversation didn't start until the bittersweet drink was poured steaming into each cup. The faint green caught the light coming in from the window behind Kagome's shoulders.

Kagome ran her thumb over the smooth ceramic surface. The wintry Parisian scene, a famous painting by some artist Kagome could never find, spoke soft whispers of comfort as heat tingled against her fingers. The rendition had a calming effect for her tense jaw and rapid heart. Kagome smiled wanly at her mother, but averted her eyes taking a small sip from the glassy olive liquid.

"You can't come home for New Years."

The words weren't harsh, but nonetheless struck the electrified air like a shockwave. Kagome stiffened, leaning back away from the table until her spine hit the chair. Her stone grip on her cup intensified and she looked at mother with worry, but there was a horror deep inside that she was still not ready to cope with. Seven fucking years and still she couldn't bare the thought of that forbidden past. The one she promised never to think about ever again, it was finished, over…but those troublesome thoughts, doubts, and fears always remained on the edge of her mind nagging her attention before she forcibly ripped away from it with shaking hands. Kagome hated herself then and still did now, not only for allowing everything to happen, but for not being able to move on. This time of year always brought back those memories with a much stronger ferocity, so the wilting girl had always buried herself among familiar faces and surroundings. And with each year she buried those lost feelings with it, but no matter how far they were shrouded the unbidden recollections always returned. With every passing Christmas day, New Years burned horribly in her eyes on that calendar pinned to her wall and Kagome became helplessly immersed and floundering for air.

Kagome's mother had continued on to explain her reasons, but noticing the blank look on her daughter's face signaling that the young woman had inwardly sunken in on herself, Aiko hesitated in her sentence. She rested a hand on her daughter's that was grasping at her cup like it was her lifeline, her only stability in this reality. Aiko was surprised to find the skin so cold. She frowned, deciding to give her precious girl a minute to herself. The elder woman stood from her chair drifting through the apartment quietly until reaching where she knew, from Kagome's vivid description via the phone on the day she moved in, Kagome's bedroom would relatively be residing.

Kagome felt her mother's hand and the gentle pressure she applied to focus her attention, but Kagome felt there was nothing she could do. She wanted so desperately to fall into her mother's arms and cry away all this tension, heartache, fear, and…guilt. All the while the kind-hearted woman would comb her fingers gently through Kagome's long hair speaking soothing reassurances that 'Everything would be okay.' It had been so long since those words had passed Kagome's ears and no matter how stupid she felt admitting it, Kagome needed to hear them again. But…how could she admit to her mother that even after the counseling, the extensive diaries she kept to sort out all of her emotions and the healing process everyone thought she went through never helped? That all that time she'd been pretending so her mother wouldn't worry about her. Kagome slumped, giving in to the pressure mounting at her neck, and cradled her head in the crook of her arms that folded on the table top.

It wasn't her fault, Kagome wasn't that idiotic. She was the victim and she knew it, but she was also aware that she wasn't the only one affected. Her mother, brother, grandfather, and even her friends had been completely stricken with worry over her. And for that Kagome felt guilty. It wasn't that big of a deal, yet it became so in her mind. It meant so much to her that she delved into it, obsessed over it; she couldn't forget it despite how much she wanted to. Her heart and weary body that screamed for release of the constant ache, the one she had lived with and bore for so many months before her secret was discovered. Afterwards, after it was all over, even now, deep down she burned with a need for revenge. Well more along the lines of closure. A completeness and satisfaction with the past that would finally allow Kagome move on and get passed it.

That evil soul got away clean, the police had searched long after that giving Kagome escorts to and from school. Everyone knew in school, well not exactly, because she told no one and neither did her friends. Her mother told the school principal a brief explanation, but nothing left that locked room with its windows such tight. Being escorted to and from school and any other activities for a month and a half was more than enough for people to notice. Soon the rumors were let loose and Kagome found herself in the spotlight of some very unwanted attention. She still didn't like being put on the spot, being stared at by groups of people. It was reasonably unsettling, though a shame because she was once such a charismatic public speaker.

She never wanted to know his name, but he constantly whispered it in her ear. His hot breath breathing down her neck and that overbearing nature pushing passed its limits as if to strangle her. The cologne that wasn't exactly disgusting itself, in fact Kagome had rather liked it at first, but after him she could stand no one who wore it. That was the one thing about Inuyasha that made her sick. He wore the tangy sweet smelling junk heavily. It left Kagome the assumption that he thought she'd like it. Apparently it was a gift from someone and Kagome wouldn't find out who that was until later.

It turns out, no surprise really, that Kikyo had given it to him and Inuyasha wore it everyday because she loved it. Kikyo had said this with such arrogance and at that time it had crushed Kagome's heart. It hurt because of the victorious smirk on her face and because Kagome knew it was true. She had often asked Inuyasha why he wore that cologne and even tried to get him to wear a different one by buying him others for his birthday, etc. They were always left untouched. It was ironic that Kikyo's favorite men's cologne was also Naraku's. Despite herself, Kagome smiled. No matter how depressed she could be that always made it a little bit better because at least she had nothing in common with that egomaniac fuck- Naraku.

There wasn't much Kagome could say about Naraku or the way he manipulated her into doing what he wanted. All she knew was that she was deceived, used like some shameful tool, and thrown away. And really- that was a lot.

That's why…when I found out about Inuyasha…-

It wasn't just painful. The way it happened was all too similar, felt too similar. Inuyasha wasn't like Naraku, not in the least, but Kagome found herself wrapped in a web of misery all over again. The love she had accepted into her heart, one of the few people she let near her, was wretched and consumed by secret guilt. Kagome was not the name in Inuyasha's heart and her face was not her own. Instead it was Kikyo that remained carved in bloody calligraphy across the abyss in her beloved's mind and heart. It was always Kikyo, never Kagome.

Aiko entered the doorway of her daughter's room. The interior neat and straightened, everything being in that cleanly order that Kagome always insisted on having. Aiko turned her head glancing back down the hallway. There was one door that was closed where the others were left open or at least ajar. Aiko's lips down turned in thought. What could be behind that door? Her daughter was never one to like shut doors. She always preferred having them open where she could always welcome visitors. Kagome never liked people having to knock. The only time Kagome would shut the door was when she was changing or meditating. Meditation became a constructive habit that Kagome picked up freshman year of high school. It helped her to concentrate with archery greatly. A way to cleanse the mind, sort her thoughts and the occurrences of the day to find what was important. Certainly lessened any stress if not anything else.

A small, flat box was slipped underneath the white pillowcase on Kagome's bed. Mrs. Higurashi ran her hands along the bed's comforter, smoothing the miniscule wrinkles she'd caused by lifting the covers. A sigh escaped her lips and Aiko ducked her head down to rest her chin against her chest. Kagome was always cold, her body, but never her heart. The girl was often sick as a young child, her temperature being at least two degrees lower than normal. This number only dropped when Kagome would catch a sickness. Recently she'd been worried about her little girl, Kagome was never one to be so quiet.

Light brown eyes closed, hiding the worry etched in the darkening depths. Aiko was no fool when it came to life or her daughter. She always seemed to know what Kagome was thinking. If the girl thought Aiko didn't know she still feared her past or that she was hurt severely by the separation of her relationship by Inuyasha…than Kagome was indeed naïve. Aiko however would not press her for it wasn't her place. Kagome was on her own now and needed to learn to deal with her problems. It was a part of life, but if Kagome ever truly needed her mother, Aiko could never deny her only daughter. Kagome was learning a valuable lesson about grief and perseverance, that there is light even in the darkest of places. Kagome only needed the warmth of love be it through her friends or by something more. Kagome could be the most persistent weed, but perhaps just like coal, if given enough pressure perhaps she would turn into a blooming flower. Aiko could only hope that the precious diamond her daughter was would be born and not crushed under the profound weight of her troubles.

Eyes shifted back over to the pillow as Aiko paused once again at the doorway, one hand resting on the frame.

Maybe that gift will help. I believe it will.-

A small smile appeared even as the stirrings of tears that always began at the thought of her late and still her only love. Under the soft feathery pillow, a surprise waited. One that held the possibility of a new beginning and a remembrance of old times.

My email isn't working as of now. It's being finicky and for some reason I can't respond or send any emails. I apologize to those who usually wait for an update message. I tried like six times, but it never worked.