Meredith walks down the halls, her shoes squeaking a little as they make contact with the clean white hospital floors. She is going up two flights to visit with a patient – bone cancer – but other things are on her mind. Usually she is almost completely absorbed in her work. Or the various men that make her life a living hell. But now she is finally thinking unselfishly of Izzie.
Meredith has never seen any friend so seriously depressed. Her eyes are hollow, and her face is always pasty white. Because she is so weak, her hands shake and her knees buckle when she walks around, which is seldom.
No one knows what to do when they are around her, her sorrow is so deep. George sits without speaking, or he begins to say something and his mouth quickly snaps shut as if he doesn't trust himself to say the right thing. Cristina is brisk and inhuman, as always, but sometimes Meredith catches her looking at Izzie with an expression of worry. She herself tries to be as motherly as possible, but her comfort falls on deaf ears. Sometimes, Izzie doesn't even acknowledge her and instead stares ahead like a limp glass-eyed doll.
Burke is the only one who knows what he's doing. His gentleness is the only thing Izzie truly responds to, and though Meredith feels twinges of jealousy that her friend finds more solace in Burke than in her, she is more grateful than anything.
Meredith's squeaking shoes are annoying the hell out of her. She glares down at them as if they have done her a personal wrong.
She suddenly feels her downturned head bump against something soft. She looks up quickly and realizes with a jolt that the soft thing she bumped into was Derek's chest. She leaps backwards with a strangled noise, feeling her cheeks go red.
He looks surprised to see her, and she realizes this is the first time she's seen him since the prom. "Sorry." She says quickly, and spins around in the other direction as fast as her goddamn squeaky shoes can take her.
Nearly stumbling down the hall, Meredith's heart is racing. How can she go on working every day with Derek to slam into when she isn't paying attention? How can she get on with her life if he's around every corner? She needs a drink, but her shiftends inanother eleven hours.
She leans over the nurse's desk for a moment, awed by the fact that she actually needs to take a breath and calm down.
Through her closed eyes, she knows that someone is next to her. Not Derek, please, not Derek. It is Alex. He looks unnaturally quiet and melancholy, and though Meredith knows why, she waits for him to say something.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah." she says softly. No way she's going to give him an explination.
"How... how's Izzie?" He looks almost embarrassed to being her up, and Meredith is reminded of a little boyadmitting a crush on a girl that he likes. Alex doesn't break eye contact, though, he looks steadily on at her. "Is she better with the IV?"
"She's not so good." Meredith says, placing a shaky hand on the counter and standing up straighter. "She's very dehydrated, even with the IV at home. She keeps trying to pull it out and walk around without it. Why,did-"
"She doesn't want me around, okay?" Alex says, his voice suddenly raised, and his face showing signs of pain and guilt.
Meredith jumps at his hostile tone, involuntarily stepping backwards. She was only going to ask if Bailey knew about the stolen equipment, but she doesn't say anything now.
Alex goes on. "After what I said about Denny - you heard what I said - she'd kill me if I went anywhere near her. You think I don't want to go see her?" His voice is pained, and Meredith is sure this is the first time he's shown to herany strong emotion other than anger. He grabs her wrist, and she doesn't pull away. "Don't try to tell me she'd be happy to see me." he says, and there is a catch in his voice.
Then he lets go of her, and is gone before she can reply. She wouldn't have anyway.
