Zen could not remember the last time he had been so happy about having company. He had never been the type of person who needed comfort by others to feel save and something one would probably call the opposite of "lonely". However, this time was different and he was very grateful that Yoosung was with him right now even if he knew that he was probably more of a comforting anchor to Yoosung than Yoosung was to him. But it was good. It was so good that he was not alone right now. It had only been a few hours ago since V had made his strange and shocking confession through the messenger. Since V had made his apologies for all his secrets not realizing that these very apologies just sounded like the biggest secret of all.
"I will no longer be the leader of the RFA."
"Then, don't hesitate and just hate me."
"Bye forever."
Bye forever? What the heck? What were they supposed to do with these statements now? What did he think would happen by saying these things and then just disappearing into nothingness? Without a trace, a chance to contact him, anything! How pathetic was that? How cowardly was that? Did he really believe that this would have been enough?
Zen was overwhelmed with all these questions and his anger and frustration about the situation. He had never been really close to V or Rika, even if he owed V his life, but it still bothered him so deeply. The RFA had become so important to Zen. It was like family and he loved it to the bottom of his heart. And so it hurt seeing V react the way he did.
Zen took a sip from the beer he held in his right hand. It had already been his fourth can that evening. Yoosung hadsurrenderedafter the second can. He had fallen asleep on Zen's lap while complaining about how angry he was at V and how little he could understand his behavior. He had also whined about wanting Rika back and had started crying at some point until his body could not handle the tears and swearing anymore. Zen emptied his beer and placed the empty can next to him. He looked at Yoosung and could not help but sigh at the sight of the swollen eyes of his young friend. Under normal circumstance Zen would have definitely found it weird or even uncomfortable yet maybe disgusting letting another guy sleep with his head on his lap, but right now it was everything else but weird, uncomfortable or disgusting. It was actually nice and strangely comforting.
He began petting Yoosung's blond hair, which was surprisingly soft considering all the styling products he used to keep it in shape. "Poor Yoosung…" Zen whispered so as not to wake him up. If this whole mess was already so troublesome for Zen himself, how must it have been for Yoosung who was much closer to V and Rika? How much pain would he have to endure now? How much sorrow and sadness…. Zen could only imagine a fraction of what was going on in Yoosung's mind right now. And while Zen tried to concentrate on the soothing feeling of Yoosung's hair in his hands to distract himself from all the troublesome thoughts in his head he remembered the greeting speech for the party Jaehee had sent him before. He had already gone through it several times and memorized the content but it was probably best to go through it again. There was nothing else to do anyway and focusing on something practical like practicing lines was far better than just letting his burdening thoughts take over his mind.
He started reading the speech again and for a short time it really helped him get distracted. But while the speech made Zen forget about V and Rika and his worries for MC and Saeyoung, it made him instead think about Jumin. Zen put the speech aside again and unlocked his phone. He started to go through the messenger's chat conversations for the day. Except for that stupid part about the average length of a cat hair (Zen could not believe they had actually talked about such a thing in the messenger) and the comment about Zen being so superficial that taking a couple of selfies would surely make him feel better, nearly everything else Jumin had said in the chat room, had put Zen to shame and made him feel like the most pathetic person of all time.
Jumin was a rock. Zen did not know how else to put it. He was a rock who could always remain his cool and he was protecting all of them. And what did he do? What was it exactly that Zen did for the sake of the group? He had just been worried and did not offer any significant solutions for anything that day. He had just studied some short speech, which he had not even written himself. And that was it. And the most pathetic thing of all was that he had actually mocked Jumin for being cold and not thinking enough of the wellbeing of the RFA members. "Pathetic…", he said to himself.
It is probably right what people say: To really get to know someone you have to experience them at their worst. That was something Zen now knew. Accusing Jumin for not being able to really have emotions was simply stupid and unfair to him. Zen went through the chat conversation they all had had in the messenger before Yoosung had knocked on his door. Never had anyone seen Jumin react the way he did then. Never had they all been so worried about him. Never had it been so clear that Mr. Cool, Mr. Rock, Mr. Jumin fricking Han could get hurt emotionally. Never had Zen felt sorry for the man he himself referred to as "cat mom" or "trust-fund-kid." And never had he wished to hear from him more than now.
"Did you hear anything from Jumin?" he typed in his phone and sent the message to Jaehee.
"No… he does not pick up his phone…." she answered right away.
"Damn… he must be really hurt… damn really V, what the hell…"
"I know…"
"Can you keep me posted on Jumin?"
"Sure, I will probably not be able to sleep anyway."
"Me neither… hang in there, Jaehee."
"Thank you! You too!"
Zen stared at his phone for a while and wondered about whether or not it was a good idea to try contacting Jumin himself. He had just waited for Jumin to come online again or asked Jaehee about him up to now. They did not get along very well so why should Jumin even want to hear from him? He was probably the person Jumin wanted to hear from the least at this moment. So why even bother if it was pointless to begin with? Zen grabbed the speech one more time and started reading only to put it down again after the first sentence. He started typing into his phone.
"Jumin? Are you ok?"
"Jumin? Are yo"
"Jumin?"
"Ju"
" "
"What kind of stupid question is that?" Zen thought, which is why he had deleted the first draft of his attempt to contact Jumin immediately. What could he actually write him now without sounding pathetic? What could he say to comfort him? Zen grabbed his hair and started tearing it. "Damn V! Why are you such a coward?!" Zen exclaimed and ended his sentence with a long sigh. He re-opened the messenger app. "Just don't overthink this now, Zen!" he told himself and started typing again.
"If you wanna talk, I'll listen. Anytime."
Zen hit the send button and put the phone aside. He was sure that Jumin would never respond to this but then he heard his phone beep, indicating the incoming of a new message. Zen nervously checked his phone. It was a message by Jaehee. "Well what did I even expect?" Zen thought to himself and read the message.
"Nothing from Mr. Han so far. However, I asked his driver to go check on him just in case."
"Ok, thanks for letting me know. You should try to sleep. Get some rest."
"I will try. See you tomorrow."
Zen felt the urge to move. Just sitting around waiting for something almost impossible to happen was simply not bearable. Especially not for an active person like he was. He wanted to stretch, walk and maybe even jump a bit. However, Yoosung was still fast asleep with his head resting on Zen's lap. "Let's hope he does not wake up!" Zen whispered to himself and lifted Yoosung up. The blond young student grunted a bit but there was nothing that could have been able to wake him up. Zen carried Yoosung into his bedroom and layed him on the bed before tucking him carefully into the blanket. "See you tomorrow, buddy." Zen said quietly and left the room again.
Back in the living room Zen began stretching. First the arms. Left arm. Right arm. BEEP. Zen cringed. BEEP. Forget about stretching! It was time for jumping! Zen jumped over the backrest of the couch and immediately grabbed his phone which was lying on the coffee table.
Two new messages. From Jumin.
Zen couldn't believe his eyes. He began to tremble. "Ok Zen, prepare for the worst!" he thought to himself and opend the message. Zen could only make himself squint at the message as he was too aprehensive of Jumin making fun of him again.
"You sure are special."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
This had not been what Zen had expected. Not in the slightest. He felt his heartbeat speeding up. He hesitated a bit but then he summoned up all his courage and wrote his answer. Still trembling.
"I really meant it. The talking, I mean. Just so you know."
Zen hit the send button and waited. The waiting lasted for about 15 seconds.
"I meant it too."
Zen had to hold his breath. "I meant it too?" What did he mean by that? That he would see him tomorrow? Or that... he was special? Zen didn't know what to respond or even what to think of Jumin's statement.
„Goodnight, Zen."
"Yeah... see you tomorrow. Good night, Jumin." And with that Jumin's status changed from logged in to looged out.
"You sure are special."
Zen was completely confused. It was as if someone had showed him evidence that the earth was indeed flat. He could neither make sense of Jumin's words nor of the feelings that these words provoked in him. The only thing he knew for sure was that with this sentence resonating in his head he would definitely not be able to get a single second of sleep. Even if his body wanted to.
