Reflections of a Wizard and an Elf

Night had fallen and, like the day, it was unusually warm for so early in spring and so the wizard felt no need to stay close to the fires; instead he took his pipe and wandered amongst the glades of towering beech that ringed Thranduil's Halls and mingled with the feasting elves of the Woodland Realm.

It had been a good day, a day of light and love, of families and friends, of delicious food and good wine, of laughter and music and dance. He smiled to himself as a young elf scampered past him to join a group of friends in the dance, there would be memories gathered today that he would store up against the time when the dark returned and despair might seek to defeat them. His smile grew as he thought back across the day, images of Thranduil greeting the sun and his people in his green and gold spring robes, the chosen representative of all the tribes of the sylvan elves, solemn and nervous, placing the new season crown upon his king's head and of that regal king throwing off his cloak of dignity to laugh and dance an ancient reel with the children as the sun rose above the tree tops. The wizard leant against a tree and watched the smoke from his pipe rise in the evening air as more memories flooded in, of Legolas leading the traditional hunt for the first whitebells, only one of which might be picked to set upon the king's table for the evening feast, a dozen more couples coming to the kissing bough and Legolas again, the first babe of the spring in his arms laughing with the child's parents. There had been a hint of sadness in his eyes as he had handed the child to its mother and turned away and the wizard had grieved for him for he was clearly still regretting his mistaken affection.

The sight of it had turned the wizard's thoughts towards Dale and the elf who could not return home and he had wondered if more grief and trouble lay in wait for them there. But he had pushed his doubts away for there was nothing he could do about them for the moment.

Now as the stars appeared above him and the music drifted around the trees and the song followed not far behind it, he allowed himself to bask in the peace. Yes these were memories to treasure, bread for the soul to keep him walking the true path in the sadness ahead, and like his host he did not doubt that sadness was closer than any would wish. Already there were rumours of happenings in Mordor, stories of a new presence at the black tower though no indication as yet that they were anything more than rumours, no reason to think it anything other than the shadows of an old fear never truly lost. Yet he did not believe that, and in time he was sure the reality of the shadow returned would be made clear to them. There was news too of more disturbances amongst the people of the further east, stories borne out by Thranduil's report of fleeing easterlings crossing the withered heath. That had troubled him more than he cared to say for this was the first report he had heard of those so far north being disturbed. In Rivendell and Lorien it was easier to forget, those realms protected by the elven rings seemed unaffected by the shadow and could too easily seduce their occupants into believing that all was well, or that there was time if it was not. There the world might seem untouched but here, even whilst the forest was whole and free, the danger seemed always to be waiting,

Thranduil was a true king who always kept the longer game in his mind and he had fought a long and bitter fight over many centuries to keep his land and his people from being overrun by the darkness, it was to his credit that he had managed so much given the circumstances. The wizard could only hope that he would continue in that success. As for how the Elvenking had done it, he smiled to himself, that king was rather unwilling to discuss such matters. That he had done so with some form of magic or enchantment the wizard had never doubted, and the dwarves of Thorin's company had been loud in their protests of it. Yet it was something different from the power of the rings, something more benevolent perhaps for he had yet to hear of any dying from it. When the coming war was over he was determined that he would know more of it, reluctant though the Elvenking might be.

Yet that too was for the future and for the moment he was happy to revel in the joy of the elves, for the forest realm of Thranduil was a happier place than when he had last been here. Then he had been on his way back towards Erebor having returned Bilbo to the Shire, his intention had been to visit Dain but the journey was a long one and he had remembered Thranduil's invitation to his Halls and taken him at his word. He had not expected to find what he did however, even though he knew that many had died before the mountain. At that time, barely two years after the battle, the forest had seemed lost and desolate, and the grief had hung heavy in the air even though the shadow has started to retreat.

He frowned as the smoke from his pipe blurred his vision of the present joy, he would not forget that visit easily for his own regret had come close to overwhelming him and he had been as near as he ever had been to wishing to lay down his burden. There had been fear too, the worry that something had injured this beleaguered Realm as a result of his own plans, actions unforeseen and unplanned that had struck a deep and lasting wound in the King and the Realm, one that he could only hope did not prove fatal. For it had occurred to him then that if Thranduil decided to withdraw from the world, to sail, then an important bewails in the wall against the shadow might well crumble.

That such a thing should follow from the childish silliness of just one was an irony too bitter to be contemplated.

He puffed harder upon his pipe as he recalled his own fears and doubts and how they had been stirred by that last visit Had he known of Thorin's madness he might not have left the dwarves to travel the forest alone, or he might have risked sending them by a different route, or remained with them, but in the end what difference would it have made to the outcome? None that he could be sure of, and Galadrial might not have been able to overcome Sauron alone. Though it had occurred to him lately that Sauron might have been playing with them in that matter, and that he might have intended to leave Dol Guldur without their intervention; perhaps just a little later. But that too was of no real import, for the moment Sauron was gone and was silent and they could all take time to draw a little breath.

The wizard smiled to himself as he heard the sound of the harp and lyre drift across the evening air, the Woodland Realm was taking some rest, even its king in an easier frame of mind than at their last meeting. Legolas however seemed to be avoiding him, always about some business when ever the chance for them to converse arouse. But he was home and his father's worst fears had apparently come to naught, though there was a time, at his last visit, when those fears had been great, and for all his soothing words he too had feared the worst,

His mind drifted like the smoke settling back in the past

"What is it that you fear my lord," he had asked the Elvenking. "Your son is indeed your son and is a fighter, no weakling he. It is true from what I have heard that he was foolish and erred grievously, but I do not think his heart is touched by darkness, nor do I believe that he sought your death."
Thranduil had turned in a swirl of silken robes and denial
"No! Legolas is honourable and a staunch enemy of the shadow, there is no darkness in him!"
He shook his head.
"Her….. of her I cannot be so sure."
The king drew a deep breath his mind returning swiftly to his absent son
"He was mistaken, foolish if you will, seduced by empty but high sounding words from one whose good opinion he wished, nothing more than that. He did not stop to reflect, merely acted on what his heart told his eyes to see and fear; that was his only crime."

By this time the wizard had known much more of the matter than he had in Dale and did not need any further explanation so he had simply nodded
"Yet it must be of concern to you that he was so easily beguiled by one who deserted her people and all she was sworn to protect to follow a dwarf she barely knew. One who was willing to kill her protector and her king on so little provocation?" He had replied mildly
Thranduil had stared at him in silence for a moment then drew a deep breath and bowed his head
"Yes, I will not lie to you Mithrandir. After the matter with the orc I had thought he might consider a little. I allowed him to follow her, to bring her back, to give him the opportunity to do so. I thought that if she returned there would be the opportunity for his yearning to die a natural death.
"Instead she incited him to follow her.
The king shook his head
"I do not know for I was not party to what happened when they met, or to any of their discourse afterwards. That he followed the orc to Laketown I know, that the dwarf she desired to protect was there I also know. That she went with Legolas into the town now seems clear but more than that can only be speculation."

The wizard recalled his own doubts at that point and how he had sighed with some weariness for there could be no escaping the reality of the matter however much the father might wish there to be
"But you know that he refused to return when he learned that you had banished her.
The king echoed his sigh.
"Yes that do know, and from his words to my messenger at that time I can deduce other things. But what was in his heart then or when we met in the street in Dale that I do not know.

Thranduil had turned away then, sinking down into his chair and picking up his glass to stare into the deep red of the wine, speaking slowly as he turned the glass restlessly
"You may say that I seek too many excuses for him given his actions, but he is my son Mithrandir and besides I do not absolve myself from all culpability in this matter, for I saw how things were between them and did not act when I should have done. I was too slow to understand the destructive nature of his feelings and of her nature and her actions, though on looking back the evidence was perhaps there. I thought her better than that, wiser and more considered; my fault was that I did not appreciate the childish nature of her. Perhaps I did not wish to for she was raised within my house.
He turned his eyes towards the fire
"Each time I allow myself to remember I wonder how I failed her, what I should have done that I did not do. I will not pretend that I tried to replace her father; I remembered only too well the grief when mine fell and knew that I could never do so, but that aside I was not aware that I had deprived her of anything she needed or asked for. How then did she do what she did?"

The wizard easily recalled his own sense of despair at that point, for how could he provide any comfort against the stark brutality of her betrayal
"My Lord I cannot say; had she been a daughter of men I would have said she was besotted to the point of madness, enamoured of some romantic vision of herself, but that is not the way of elves.
He could do no better than that and its only effect was cause the Elvenking to smile a bitter smile
"No it is not; perhaps that is why I was so blind. For blind I was, why I not see before the dwarves came that something had gone so awry with her? For it is now clear that it had. If I had seen before I would never have given her preferment in the manner that I did, for now I know the extent of the treachery of which she was capable I do not wish to think of the damage she might have done to our realm in other circumstances.
"But you did act my Lord.
"Yes in the end. Once I did understand … it was the fear of where her actions might lead that persuaded me to act so swiftly upon her continued desertion. But it seems that I had misjudged that too for while I had been prepared for Legolas to bring her back regardless of her banishing and to plead for forgiveness for her but I confess that I had not expected that he would follow her in that desertion. If that is what he did.
He recalled that he had nodded in some sympathy for his desire to ease the kings hurt had been aside from his own regrets
"I do not consider he would have intended any ill outcome against you nor anything that might have increased your losses in battle.
Then, seeing the sorrow in the king's face, his own irritation overcame his measured calm. "I do not doubt that Legolas did what he saw as the best until that cursed confrontation. What was in his mind then is beyond my comprehension; for I would never have taken him for a fool, certainly not a lovesick one!

The king sighed wearily
"You know much of the history of my race Mithrandir and I do not doubt that you understand my worries on that score. Such errant affection, rare as it is, has spilled much elvish blood in the past. I would not see my Realm so blighted." He smiled faintly. "Yet the manner of our parting gives me hope, for his regret was clear and I so not think it all for his loss of her.
"Let us hope not, for his future will be grim indeed if he does not come to his right mind where other things are concerned. But I do not doubt that he will do so, all he needs is time and some space from the disappointments he must know that he has caused.
He had spoken softly, he recalled, in deference to the king who was also a father for his mood had not been soft and had Legolas appeared before him then the errant elf would have felt the full force of a wizard's anger. That anger had burned within him until the day he met the prince upon the road and saw his misery, only then had forgiven.

"And what of her my lord, what will you do with her? It is true that she has not behaved as one would expect a captain of your guard to behave. Nor even with the skill you might have expected of her. As you say she was raised within your house, yet she would have killed you, what then can you do with her?
Thranduil had raised sombre eyes and met his look without flinching
"No, that is true. Do not think this matter does not grieve me nor believe that there is not a hurt that runs deep within me. For as you say she would have killed me, if only in that moment, and made it clear she considers me of little worth. Though I might wish to believe that it was a childish tantrum produced by her thwarted will I cannot be sure of that, for she will never tell me the truth of it, if indeed she knows it. But even if that were the case her judgement must forever be suspect and her loyalty in question, and though her grief at the dwarf's death was real enough at the time in the balance of things it cannot outweigh the rest.
He sighed, his eyes going back to the contents of his glass
"I am the king Mithrandir and I must abide by the laws as I swore to do at my crowning and the law is clear, she must be banished for life. Only in the most exceptional of circumstances might this sentence be set aside or in any way mitigated.
He raised his eyes to meet the wizard's compassionate look
"But I have thought long on this and have persuaded the council that the circumstances are exceptional, for we have lost many skilled in arms in the battle and to lose even one more is undesirable if another way can be found within the law and in a way the people feel that justice has been done."

The wizard recalled his surprise, for there were few who would have forgiven sufficiently to even try and find an alternative way. But then the Elvenking had always been capable of giving surprise when matters called for i
"Have you found such a way?" he asked curiously
"I believe so. The council have accepted that Dale may be deemed far enough from our Realm to be considered as banished provided the elf in question continues to serve the Realm without danger to it or others, and this only in light of our losses at the Lonely Mountain. I have stripped her of her rank, for it clear she does not deserve it, and placed her under the command of those I trust and she is never outside of their oversight. Placing her in the City garrison, which must be serviced, allows another elf, one trusted and untainted, to remain within the forest to defend it."

The wizard smiled at the recollection, had he ever doubted Thranduil's wisdom, or the kindliness of his people, then those doubts were lost in that moment. She was fortunate she was an elf, and one of his people, in the lands of men her crimes would have brought her only the noose, or, had her king been hurt in so personal a manner, an even more unpleasant death.

Yet despite the kindliness and sense of her disposal there remained concern about the matter in his mind. Elves were generally continent and stalwart, not given to light affections to foolish bravado or empty gestures, and yet she had threatened murder of her king and protector and in the middle of a battle, she who was supposed to be a warrior trained. It might yet prove to be a faulty gentleness should the darkness return. He wished he had paid her more attention when there had been the opportunity as it was he could recall little of her during the battle and his only real memory of her was as a waiting presence at the gate as they buried Thorin.

For there was much in Thranduil's fears, what did lie at the bottom of such strange behaviour from an elf? Care for the dwarfdom and world? It seemed unlikely somehow, for she was a guard and must have seen the threats they faced daily. She must have been aware that it was her own people who were fighting to defend their home and loved ones with little help. Love, as it seemed she would have it? Unlikely as an answer to any one other than a child and he was not a child. From Thranduil's report it seemed that she could have had no more than a conversation or two with the dwarf, and that through a door with the possibility of the holder of the keys coming upon them at any moment, and with his fellow dwarves close by too. What, then, could they have shared of any importance? What could have been exchanged between them to produce so deep a feeling as to explain her conduct? No, there could have been no real feeling between the two of them at that time, even if they had not been elf and dwarf.

Which meant there must be a reason yet to be discovered; one that even she might not be fully aware. That had caused the wizard some concern, and indeed still did.

The matter of her claiming to know where the spiders spawned also caused him great unease, for though she was wrong in her belief someone must have told her it was so for she could never have seen the fortress for herself. Dol Guldor was beyond Thranduil's border, and by some margin, and he never sent his people there knowing the risk to be too great. But who might have told her and for what purpose? It could only be someone who she had reason to think might know; someone she would believe had been there. The question then must be why would she be in company with such a person? She was a Captain in the Guard and so her duties would have been in the forest, she was not of the king's guard and so unlikely to travel with him to places where she might come across others. So it must have been an elf who told her. It was not unknown for elves to become corrupted, to turn to evil even, though it was rare; but for one to serve the dark one, that would be a new and worrying development.

Yet Thranduil had spoken of other possible causes for her strange actions, though he had refused to say more on the matte. He must hope that the king was right and that there was some other answer. The wizard frowned into his beard and chewed upon the stem of his pipe, his mind returning to the present. It seemed unlikely that he would get the king of the wood to share more of his thoughts now that Legolas was home and his mind was at greater ease, and yet there was more to be known of that he was sure.

Then there was the matter of Dain. Thranduil was right that Dain felt in some debt to the Elvenking for his slanders for the dwarf king was honourable and fair enough in his dealings with others; but to be under a debt of this nature, one that touched upon the honour of the House of Durin would be irksome to him. The crown he now wore would temper his words and his actions but any lingering tensions between the two realms were best dispelled before war returned.

He looked around him, the night had deepened and the glow from the fires was brighter. The song could be heard above a rising wind and the wizard realised that the night had developed a chilly edge the stars seeming colder than they had done when first they appeared. How quickly things could change and it was best to be prepared even when the day seemed warm and bright. He pulled his cloak more closely around his shoulders and turned back towards the Elven kings halls and the bright warmth of the fires. As he walked through the now dark and restless forest he decided that he would visit Dale on his way to Erabor and pay a call upon Bard, there might be much to be learned from the Lord of Dale if the questions were framed in the right way.

"Mithrandir."

The voice came from behind him, the tone a question and an entreaty at the same time. He turned and met an anxious look from Legolas who stood on the edge of the clearing as if uncertain of the permission to come closer, unsure of his welcome.

The wizard smiled broadly, it seemed that they would get their discussion after all
"Legolas Greenleaf, I was wondering if we would get chance to speak before dawn, for whenever I have seen you it has seemed that you were going somewhere in great haste." He indicated a broad tree stump before him
"Come and join me for it has been a long time since we have spoken.
"The inn on the back roads.
There seemed to be some anxiety in the elf's voice
"I recall little of the encounter other than I was angry with you, for which I must apologise." He gave a slight smile, "I hope it nothing more than a surge of temper for which I owe you apology, but it seems that I can no longer be sure of that."

The wizard looked him closely noting the frown between his brows and the tightness of his mouth. It seemed the elven prince was in considerable anxiety about their last encounter. His mind drifted back to the shadowy inn, the smell of wood smoke and sour ale, the shadows and the glow of the fire and the raw hurt in the elf's voice. He spoke gently
"Be easy Legolas, I too was angry when we met for I had seen the grief of your father and was not disposed to be kind to the any of the cause. But my anger did not survive the sight of the misery in your eyes and when you snapped at me for a perceived slight of your father I felt more relief than displeasure."
He nodded again towards the tree stump~
"Come sit with me a while and tell me of your wanderings and how you finally found your way home."

Legolas smiled as he came closer, a quiet and gentle smile
"I am glad that I did not insult you or in any other way malign you for it is true I remember little of our conversation. I was as you say much weighed down by events, and by my own guilt, though at that time I did not see it for what it was.
The wizard shook his head sadly as the elf price sat down beside him the green velvet of his tunic sitting oddly beside his own worn robe
"Guilt or grief or both you were much afflicted, but I had been told of your leaving and was not as surprised as I might otherwise have been.
Legolas looked away at that
"I was right then, my father did send you to find me?
"No, as I think I told you then. But I will admit I had visited here before we met and the matter had been mentioned. I had not realised of your departure before that time Oh I had noticed you were not with the returning host but your father merely told me you were about a commission for him and I had thought no more about it. It was not until I broke my journey back to Erebor in your father's Halls that the truth of the matter became apparent."

His mind slipped back to that earlier visit when he had first learned of the departure of Legolas, he recalled his surprise for that had not something he had expected. He sighed and puffed again upon his pipe, for even now he found it painful to recall Thranduil's grief and fear for his son at that time. Even at this distance the words still rang true in his head if he called upon them.

"I could not stop him for I knew that for him to return at that time would have hurt more than himself. Yet I knew there to be danger too in his going, for he will be alone with his bitterness and loss and I do not know how he will bear it. I have set him a task Mithrandir, for I would not have him set out in such anguish with nothing to bind him to this world. A task I know cannot be completed but that he will seek to accomplish. I can only hope that by the time he understands that he is not going to succeed the worst of his turmoil will be past.
The king had turned away but the wizard had seen the sheen of tears within his eyes before he did
"Yet I have heard no word from him." His voice had been calm but sad. "I had expected that he might reach the lands of the Rangers within a year and so send me word of his first failure from there, but no message by letter, nor by forest or by bird or beast has arrived, and my fear for him grows. I do not think that he is lost to us as yet but with each turning of the moon the chance of that must grow. You are about the byways much, I beg of you to seek him out if the chance offers itself and to send him home or send me word if you should come upon him, whichever seems the better to you."

He came back to the present and looked towards the silent Legolas who was still staring off into the distance a look of sorrow on his face. The wizard sighed and placed his hand upon the velvet clad arm
"All your father asked of me was that, if I encountered you upon the road, I would let him know; for he had heard nothing of you and was much concerned.
His companion shook his head
"I know, and do not ask me why that was, why I chose to prolong his suffering in such a manner for I cannot answer you.
"Perhaps at that time you still blamed him in some way for the way in which events fell out in Dale?
Legolas sighed
"Perhaps, but I truly do not know. But if I am truthful I do not think that I thought of him at all being much taken up with my own sorrows. I am greatly ashamed of it now, as I am ashamed of much of that time. I had not thought myself a fool but….
He fell silent looking down at the ground, and he shook his head with another sigh.

The wizard nodded with a slight smile
"Ah Legolas my friend, we none of us discover ourselves a fool without discomfort and you are not the only one who feels regret for the events at the Lonely Mountain. I too have doubts about my wisdom, was it wise of me to send Thorin on his quest at that time? Should I have taken time to discover more about him before I gave him the map? Should I have sent them round the forest rather than through it? Should I have sent word to your father of my intention? Should I have known more about the gathering forces of Sauron before setting such matters in train? All of these things I have wondered. Yet in the end what is done cannot be changed and the doubts and worries at my error serve little purpose, unless I learn not to make the same mistakes again. So then must it be for you.
That brought another faint smile to the elf's face
"So my father has also said and I know that it is true. I am striving to ensure that it is the case
The smile died
"Yet it seems I caused much pain to many and still I do not understand why. Now I look back upon that time Mithrandir I do not know myself, it is as if a sickness fell upon me and all that happened did so in a dream.
Legolas drew a deep breath and met the wizard's eyes with a sad look
"My conduct towards my father at that time cannot be defended by any means and now it seems that I treated more than him with distain and insult. But more than that," he paused for a moment as if the words were too terrible to say, "I was willing to accept any infamy on her part without question, caring only to please her and to see her as the best of us, when the truth is she echoed the worst that elves have ever done in the world. She might not have slaughtered thousands of her own, yet I can see now that the weakness that led the sons of Feanor to such evil lay within her. How did I not see it then? How did I allow myself so even begin to place a foot upon the path down the same road? For surely that's where he actions led?"

The wizard felt a wave of pity run through him for at that moment the elf beside him looked as lost and desolate as the one he had met in the inn. He reached out a hand and patted the green clad arm beside him
"Well you suffered for it. For when I met you on the road there was little of the elf I had known to be seen. Enough pain was within you for me to think that your errors were foolish rather than considered.
Legolas bowed his head
"Perhaps so, but the errors were made all the same, and, as we have said, I must learn from them." He drew a deep breath and went on softly. "It is clear to me now that I must put all thoughts of love and marriage and family behind me for I cannot trust myself to judge wisely in that matter.
"Legolas!" he protested, "Surly there is no need for such a grave punishment of yourself!
"Not punishment Mithrandir, see it as self protection rather than that. I was so blinded by my feelings that I was ready to forgive any transgression on her part even up to the last one. Would I ever have said 'stop' to her, held her back from what she wished to do? I do not know but I cannot risk such a misjudgement on my part again, for where may it lead me next time? So I will put such hopes behind me and instead I will find my love and hope in family and friends, in our people and the forest and in comradeship and fellowship."

The wizard puffed on his pipe for a moment regarding the shadows in the eyes of the elf beside him, recalling what had gone before. After a moment he inclined his head
"There are worse fates Legolas and though your father would wish to see you know the love he has known I can understand why you might feel this way. Yet it may not prove to be this way for always, in time you might find one with whom you can find love and confidence in that love.
"Perhaps, but I do not think it will be within the world.
"Have you told your father of this decision?
"No, and I would not have you do so. He knows my doubts but believes that in time they will pass, yet I do not think he will be surprised if I remain unwed and he has been at such pains to tell me that there is much else in life that I do not think he will complain, and if it grieves him he will be sure I never know it."

The wizard nodded but said nothing more. He was well aware that Thranduil feared the matter with Tauriel was a step on a path set for his son that did not include home and family. But as Legolas had observed if it grieved the father the son would never know of it. Perhaps he was right and Legolas would only ever find happiness in the wedded state when he had left the world behind.

But that was something else for the future and for the moment he wished only to remove the renewed sadness from Legolas's eyes.

He rose to his feet; pipe clenched tightly between his teeth and held out his hand
"Come my friend, the day fades and night grows chilly, I feel the fires and your father's best wine calling to me. Put the past aside, do not dwell on your errors but look to new beginnings. Your father is glad to have you home and this is a season to rejoice and look to the good things that will come. Those we can be sure of and for the moment the shadow remains just that. Let us go and feast and bolster our hearts against a time when the fires may be needed for another purpose.
Legolas rose and brushed down his robe, seeming to brush away his sadness with the same motion, for when he looked up the spark was back in his eyes and the pain was gone
"As you say Mithrandir, and I would be glad if you could keep my father distracted for I have a little matter of a bow to attend to."

The wizard raised his eyebrows but Legolas would say no more, and side by side they walked back through the dark forest to Thranduil's table.