Thoughts before leaving

The days had slipped past in friendship and ease and the spring's nature continued to be gentle, even the rains were soft and the wind a caress rather than an assault. Even so the wizard dallied in the forest watching the elves resume their life amongst the trees with a smile never far from his lips and gladness in his heart. The elves of Mirkwood had stood against Sauron's influence with little help these last years and the fight had been bleak and unremitting, it was only just they should have a little respite and ease before the battle recommenced.

But there were other reasons for him to linger in this elven land for he found the forest very conducive to thought and Thranduil a useful sounding board for the conclusions of his thinking. The Elven king was shrewd and clever and he knew much about the world and so he could be relied upon to consider things properly. He never said 'it can't be so' without good cause but nor was he willing to accept anything simply because it was a wizard proposing it. They had many conversations in the long spring evenings or walking the glades around his halls or riding through the land further south where once the spiders had held sway.

It was on one such ride that Thranduil halted and looked around in silence for some time as if seeking something. Here the trees grew high and the branches still showed the twisted shape of the days of shadow, while the land beneath them remained darkened by venom and bore little in the way of grass or flower, instead being covered by a thick blanket of dry and withered fallen leaves and, in places where the wind had rolled the leaves away, by a brittle brownish moss that was only just giving way to its softer, healthy kin. There was no blossom here, no scent of spring, instead the air was still rank as if it had not moved or been refreshed in a long time. Yet this desolation could not have been the cause of the look upon the king's face for it was not new to him.
"What is wrong my Lord?" The wizard asked after some minutes of silent scrutiny.

Thranduil cast him a wry look.
"It was here that Oakenshield was taken, after he disturbed the spiders and needed to be rescued. The others were taken closer to the river but I am sure that this was where he was caught."
"Here?" Gandalf looked around him in surprise, "So far from the road? Why did they end up here? I told them to stay on the road on pain of enchantment, for I know your people's magic to be strong my lord. Why then did they wander so far from the given way?"

The Elvenkings wry look became hard and disdainful.
"I do not know, for neither he, nor his companions when we took them, could manage civility enough to tell me. All I received from them were curses, insults and abuse, even though they trespassed on my lands, roused the spiders to fury and disturbed my people. They were treated kindly enough, given food and drink, and I gave them time to come to their senses, but not a word of explanation for their conduct did I get from them."
The wizard sighed and shook his head
"Ah well, I doubt that they meant anything by it and I suppose we should not be surprised, dwarf manners are strange to most. It took all of Elrond's restraint not to throw them out of Rivendell and there they were invited in and were held to be guests. But I do not think there was any malice in their misbehaviour."
"Perhaps not in Elrond's house but be in no doubt that their conduct here passed all excuse. Nor was it only their manners, for their wits too left much to desired. I had guessed at their objective and offered aid, for it seemed to me better that I did so than to have them tramping around a dragon inhabited mountain alone, for all it might seem to be sleeping. My proposal was fair and I asked little enough in return, but it was then that Oakenshield's madness became truly apparent, once it had …...well it was clear that he could not allow any agreement between us and it is true that I might have reconsidered my offer of help when I better understood his sickness. But as things fell out I was not called upon to do so. He escaped and the rest followed as the sunrise follows the fading stars."
A sad look flitted across his face and he sighed.
"Little it availed him in the end and he would have done better to have stayed my prisoner. Much as I like and value your Bilbo Baggins I think it would have been better for all if he had left the dwarves behind locked doors until they learned their manners."

Gandalf shrugged.
"Perhaps, but there can be no knowing that now."
Thranduil watched him with a deceptively mild expression.
"How did he manage to release them?" he said softly, "No one has ever been quite clear on that matter. That they escaped by the river door I know but how did he manage to obtain the keys unseen?"
There was a long moment of silence before the answer came.
"I understand that there was a feast my lord and that the holder of the keys was… distracted for a while. Bilbo took advantage of that and put them back before the guard realised and came to look for them."
The king nodded slowly as if considering the answer, though the wizard doubted that he was.
"Yes there was indeed a feast the night they disappeared, which makes it all the more strange that he was not seen given that so many elves would be milling around."
He turned an enquiring look upon his companion, who could not hide his unease at the question even so he answered.
"Hmmp. Well, he is a resourceful little fellow and blessed with a Hobbit's luck."
The king nodded again.
"Indeed he is, for he would have needed much luck to stay unseen within my Halls for the time the dwarves were imprisoned, and yet more still to find the cells they were held in without being detected."
Seeing the growing discomfort in the wizard's face Thranduil smiled a gently mocking smile and dismissed the matter with a languid wave of his hand.
"Ah well," he said softly, "he is safely returned to the Shire now and so I expect on one will ever know how he managed to move through my Halls as if invisible."
The wizard looked at him without expression as he replied.
"That is probably the case my lord."

The Elvenking's gaze became as hard as diamond though his voice was still soft and gentle.
"Let us hope that it is for all our sakes. The Shire is long way away but not far enough to be beyond reach of some. It would be wise for a watch to be put upon our Hobbit friend just in case he decides to test his luck, and his invisibility, again and sets off on another adventure. For I am not sure that his story is fully told as yet."
That brought a worried frown to the wizard's brow.
"That is true, though I do not think that he will venture far afield again, I think his thirst for adventure has been truly slaked, at least for many years. But I agree that a careful watch should be kept, for the Shire is a place of innocents and Bilbo deserves to live the rest of his life in peace, he has seen enough horrors for one Hobbit's life time."
Thranduil looked away and stared into the trees.
"We have all seen enough horrors my friend, but I suspect that will not save us from seeing more in time."
The wizard's expression became grim.
"No my Lord, I fear that you are right though I still have some hope that matters will not come to such a pass. But if they do we must be strong and united. Which is a timely reminder, I should be about my business again for I would know where our allies and enemies are. Much though I have enjoyed your hospitality I think that the time has come when I must resume my travels, for there is a great deal to do and the time in which it might be done is uncertain."

The king inclined his head.
"Very well, when do you wish to depart? The road towards the lake or Dale is not an easy one at this time of year, a good five days ride even if the weather continues kind and I assume you will need a horse and suitable and sufficient provisions for the journey?"
"That I will for I have delayed more than I should have and now need to move with some speed. I thank you for your generosity in the matter. As to when, it must be soon I think, tomorrow perhaps, if the weather holds fair, no later than a day or two if it does not. There is much to do here in the east before I return west, if indeed that is where my path leads me."
He cast the king of Mirkwood a sideways look and spoke in a distant tone.
"I travel to Erebor to speak with Dain but I will go first to Dale to talk with Bard. While there I would speak with your banished elf if you will permit it, for there are things about her story that perplex and worry me and I would seek answers for my concerns from her in person. Will you give me leave? An introduction to the elvish garrison in Dale and a message giving your consent to my meeting with her would set minds at rest."
The king slowly nodded his head, the sun shone brightly on the pale gold sheen of his hair and set the colours of the flowers in his spring crown aglow but for a moment winter was in his expression, then in the blink of an eye the shadow was gone and there was no hint of reluctance in is voice.
"Very well you shall have it, but there is a condition to my permission, that you inform me of any remark or answer of hers that gives you concern, or that seems to you to throw new light upon her actions. The garrison captain will bring any communication to me; it will not seem strange for there is regular discourse between us."
The wizard shot him a wary look but nodded his agreement.
"It shall be as you wish my lord, though I would hope for all our sakes there will be nothing to report."

"I too." the king said softly, "She has caused enough grief however innocently it might yet prove to be, but I would wish that her only malice was towards me. I hope you will find nothing more than that."
Gandalf stared at him in frowning silence for there was a hint of something in the melodious voice that suggested other fears, or other knowledge. Then, like the hint of winter a moment before, the solemnity of the king's expression melted into a smile and his voice took on a lighter note.
"Come then we have time to visit the water fall on the far side of the high hills before we ride home, I have been told that the river banks are yellow with celendine again, the first time since the spiders fled."

With that he turned his horse and motioned for the waiting guard to follow them. As Gandalf fell in beside him he could not help but wonder what it was that Thranduil was not telling him.

XXX

Though the spring was gentle the bright days were still short and darkness had already fallen when the wizard sought out Legolas, finding him in the company of a group of archers in one of the many small meeting halls within Thranduil's underground palace. Catching the wizard's eye he made his farewells to the merry party and stepped out to join him.

Gandalf took his arm and drew him forward.
"Come and stroll with me, for tomorrow I will resume my journey, weather allowing, and there are matters I would speak of with you before I leave. But I would not speak of them here."
Legolas gave him a puzzled look but fell into step beside him as he moved away from the door and down the passageway.

They ascended a flight of torch lit steps in silence and came out onto the soaring stair that led towards the palace archives, deserted at this time on a spring evening. There the wizard led the way into the library and having assured himself they were alone he sank into a wide seated chair and indicated that Legolas should take the one beside it. The elf did as he was bid and smiled at his companion.
"I shall be sorry to see you leave" he said, " but no doubt you have much business to be about, for if my father is right then the time of evil is not over and the battle against the darkness hurries towards us."
"Yes, and I agree with him on that. I have things to do to the east and then I must move north and cross back into the west, I would be across the mountains before the first heavy snows which leaves little enough time. Perhaps I have stayed here too long but I admit I couldn't resist your father's hospitality and the sight of the pair of you finding your way back to where you once were."
Legolas smiled slightly then nodded and settled further back into his chair.
"Well then, of what do you wish to speak that needs such privacy? None here would betray your trust."
"No I do not think that they would but some of which I need to speak touches you very closely and is better spoken of in privacy, I would not open healing wounds or cause you or others disquiet if a little care can avoid it."

A shadow passed across the elf prince's face and he sighed.
"Then it must be that you wish to speak again of Dale. But what more is there to be said? All know my folly and the sorrow that flowed from it; there is no secret there to be guarded."
The wizard smiled at him.
"Not guarded, rather respected for the pain I fear it still causes."
Legolas gave him a considering look.
"Pain? Of that I am not sure. Regret, there is that in full measure, and sorrow aplenty too for my treatment of my father and my people. But the pain for myself, if that is what you mean, is passing. Joy has not yet returned to me, and happiness remains only a visitor I admit, but the bitter winds of sorrow and grief that shrivelled my heart and spirit have abated. I no longer feel the deep despair that gripped me in my time upon the road."
The wizard's smile widened and his voice was warm.
"I am glad to hear it, for whatever lessons it might have brought have been learnt, or so I judge it. To preserve the pain further would be perverse."
Legolas returned his smile.
"So my father says, and I am willing to grant it. There remains some sense of loss I confess but for what I am no longer sure, and even that diminishes quickly now. I may not yet be as I was before but I no longer doubt that I will be so in time. So ask your questions without fear of the consequences and I will answer them as best as I may."

Gandalf's smile faded.
"I head first to Dale and it is of that I wish to speak as you have said, though my concern is not your part in matters, rather your opinion on others involved."
The elf looked at him with a slight frown.
"Then how can I be of help for I saw little of the battle in the city? But I will assist where I may, ask what you will."

There was silence for a moment as the wizard gathered his thoughts, then he gave Legolas a piercing look and when he spoke his voice was sharp and abrupt.
"The banished elf is my concern, and not only for her deeds in city, your father spoke of her trying to kill an orc taken and brought here to question. Why do you think that she did so?"
Surprise settled upon Legolas's face for this was one question he had not expected. But he gave the question due consideration before he shook his head as he answered.
"In truth I do not know, any more than I know why I did not protest at her actions at the time for it was a most strange thing for any elf to do. My father was clearly taken aback and protested, sent her away, yet I do not think that I gave it much thought; though I recall that I remonstrated with my father for his execution of it not long afterwards."
The wizard's sharp look remained though there was nothing accusing in the scrutiny.
"So you made no assessment of why she acted in such a manner?"
"Not at the time, nor in the time immediately afterwards when I caught up with her at the river, nor when we were in Dale. Only later, when I was on the road and again when I first returned home did her actions and my acquiescence in them, strike me as being strange."

Gandalf nodded and fell silent for a moment and when he spoke again his tone was softer.
"When you did think of it, what then, how then did you see her actions?"
Legolas spread his hands in a gesture of confusion.
"Strange as I have said, It was clear that there was much anger in her but at what that anger was directed, or why it arose, I could not say."
"Her love for the dwarf perhaps, would you judge that sufficient to explain her actions?"
"No I did not think so, not then." Legolas replied slowly."It was true that the orc seemed to taunt her with the fate of the dwarf, but that can only have been chance for there was no means by which it could have known of any partiality on her part, and no orc would consider the possibility of such affection between elf and dwarf. If I thought of it at the time I saw her actions as a response to the taunts rather than to the substances of them."
The wizard frowned.
"What would you say of the matter now?"
Legolas considered that in silence for a moment his eyes looking past the room to memory. Then his gaze came back to the present and as he looked at his questioner the quality of it changed, the depth seeming to reflect the years of his life, for though the son lacked the span and experience of his father he was well passed his majority and had seen more than ten centuries within the world.
"Love?" he said softly, "No, now I cannot see how she could have been in love at all, and though I took her words and tears on Ravenhill to be grief I am no longer sure of their significance, for they do not seem to be right somehow. Not that I would have wished it upon her but there seemed to be a depth of hurt that was not truly there."

His companion nodded his understanding.
"Your father has said something similar. He allowed her claim of love to stand as real at the time but he was of the opinion that it and her grief would prove false in the end but that her belief in them was genuine at that time. What would you say on that?"
Legolas smiled sadly.
"I know that is his belief and I would agree I think, though what the full truth of the matter was I could not say."
"Then to return to the original question, what do you think was the reason for her assault upon the orc?"

Legolas considered that for a moment before shaking his head,
"I do not know. It was strange and unexpected as I have said, for I had thought her anger to be a ruse to try and force the orc to speak and I did not truly expect her to attack it. But why does it concern you, do you see something sinister in it?"
The wizard sighed.
"Perhaps, for there are other readings than love for why she behaved as she did.
A surprised and wary look passed across Legolas's face at that.
"That is true but I do not think it to be the case. Does my father think so?"
"He is unsure, but as you he does not think that care for the dwarf was reason enough to explain her behaviour."
That brought another gesture of uncertainty.
"It was clear at the time he was displeased at her actions and perhaps even a little shocked. Yet he killed it himself not much later, do you see something sinister in that too?" A cold note had entered Legolas's voice, "For that I will not consider possible. I do not understand why he did it, he will not speak of it to me and I cannot demand that he does, but I will not allow there might be some evil reason for it."

The wizard gave him a long, straight, look.
"Be easy Legolas I do not suggest such a thing, I know well why your father acted as he did at that moment, and I know too the regret he feels for it."
Another look of surprise flitted across the prince's face, a look tinged with a hint of hesitant curiosity which was reflected in his voice.
"Did he tell you why, will you say? I would like to know but as I berated him for his actions at the time I cannot press him on the matter. Yet I would wish to understand for I was holding the orc even a
"So he said, and it grieves him to think that he might have risked harm to you."
Legolas smiled and shook his head.
"My father's skill with a sword is such that I would not fear that. But the orc was no danger why then did he kill it at such a time and in such a manner? If he had ordered it executed after we had finished questioning it none would have complained, even so I think his undertaking to release it was meant, so why then the blow?"
The wizard shrugged.
"There is little mystery there; he struck as a reflex and without thought, responding to to what had been not what was, his mind being lost in another place and time." He sighed, his expression grim. "Elvish memory can be a burden as well as a boon and those who saw battle at the Dark Lord's gates in that earlier age carry with them many memories that those who did not know that terrible fight cannot imagine. Memories that remain as real as the present and that can entwine with it if the circumstances so conspire."
Legolas nodded, a sudden thoughtfulness in his face.
"All elves know this for memory is not the past to us as it is to the children of men or dwarves. Is that what happened then, did the past and present come together for him at that moment?"
Yes, or so it would seem; as for why then, and in that way, he has not said, if indeed he knows. It may have been something the Orc said, a phrase or word even, or the sound of its voice, or just its very presence, but at the moment he struck the blow, past and present came together and he was at the black gate again, hearing the cry of Sauron's orcs, and at war."

Legolas thought on that for a second or two and then he smiled slightly.
"Looking back it is true that he seemed distant at that moment and strangely so given what had just occurred," he said softly, "also that he appeared taken aback by the Orc's death at first. Yet I paid no attention to it and he passed it off quickly enough. At that time I was displeased at his action and only concerned that he had killed it when it may have told us more, and when he had said he would release it."
The smile died to be replaced by a look of sadness.
"But why did he not tell me this, does the wound of my harsh words to him run so deep?"
He looked down at his hands.
"Whilst other griefs diminish and grow grey and cold this is one remains hot and raw. He strives to turn my unkindness to him aside as small and unimportant, claims the hurts I inflicted are discarded as of no consequence, but I do not think that is quite the case. There are times, if I catch him unaware when something reminds him, when his eyes betray him and the shadow of the hurt still lingers."

The wizard looked at him with both sorrow and kindliness in his face and his voice was gentle.
"He would be an unnatural father if there was no hurt in the circumstances and I do not think it is entirely worn away as yet, but be assured that it weighs as a feather with him and in time even that little weight will be shed."
"I hope that you are right, forever is a long time to carry that pain."
"No less a time to carry such guilt." The wizard responded. "As long as the sins are not repeated there is no reason they should be a constant burden."
Legolas nodded.
"I know that, and he would not wish me to be so burdened for he has said as much. But it was not of this you wanted to speak. What of Tauriel? Do you think there was something sinister behind her actions?"
The wizard shook his head.
"That remains to be seen, and I hope to speak with her and ease my mind of its worry. For it is not just the matter of the orc Legolas," he surged to his feet and began pacing as if he could no longer bear to be still. "If it were I would be inclined to let it pass, but that is not the only strangeness where she is concerned. So many of her actions are hard to explain and appear open to some malign interpretation."
Legolas watching him pace, and seeing the worry in his face, frowned again.
"Such as? What is it that disturbs you so?"
"Much, far too much, where she is concerned! Things that she claims to have known but could not have done in an innocent manner, her infatuation with one she barely knew, her abandoning of her post and your people without hesitation, her actions on the lake and her threats to your father. None of these would I expect of an elf, much less one of a captain of the guard!" He sighed, "I only wish to dispel the cloud of doubt that hangs around those actions, I must be sure for Sauron is devious and if he has found a way to draw an elf into his web I would know of it."

Horror drifted across Legolas's face,
"That cannot be the answer! I admit that her conduct was odd and unbecoming but I cannot believe that she would have fallen so far as to act as an agent for the shadow. In a previous age some of our people were deceived I know, beguiled by the fair look he wore and gentle words, and high was the cost of that mistake. No elf would be so foolish as to listen to the words of one who told such lies agai
His expression became weary
"But had you said to me before Oakenshield arrived here that she would abandon her post to follow a dwarf she barely knew I would have laughed at you. Where she is concerned my judgement remains uncertain it seems. Yet all that I knew of her in the past says that her heart remains free of evil however foolish she may have been."
The wizard gave him a sombre look.
"I hope that you are proved right my friend, for if Sauron has found a way to convince an elf to hear him our case is dire indeed. Yet in that earlier age you spoke of the words of Sauron first seemed fair, even noble, only later was the rottenness and evil at the core of them revealed. Sauron can wear the threads of honour and mercy when it suits his purpose and summon high sounding words. My concern is that she, like some in the past, might not have recognised the true meaning of them."

Legolas inclined his head.
"It is true that he beguiled elves with fair words but we are warned against the possibility of evil masquerading as good now so that such may not happen again. As for our people, we have lived each day with the evidence of creeping evil for a long time and know its look and sound, and my father has always insisted that such aspect of the Lore that provide protection against such confusion is taught to all."
"A wise elf indeed and a good and watchful king, but Sauron is skilled at finding weakness even in those who seem strong. Are you sure in your own mind that her purpose was foolish, or perhaps selfish, rather than that her deeds were in service of a blacker purpose?"
"In truth I may say that I am. I saw no sign of evil as such, or even of ill intent, other than perhaps the attack upon the orc. The threats to my father are a different matter and cannot be excused on any count, but at the time I did not see them as real, nor do I now think them so. For the rest, her conduct was not as I would have expected but then nor was mine, and I can assure that my folly was not in the service of any dark lord."
He frowned at the recollections of those days.
"If I were asked to explain her actions I would say that there was some longing within her that the dwarf seemed to fill for a while. What it might be I could not say, nor why it led her away in such a manner. But I remain sure that whilst her judgement proved faulty she had not succumbed to any dark power."

There was silence for a moment then the wizard sighed and laid his hand upon the elf prince's shoulder.
"I hope that you are proved correct in that, and it's true that your father, who must have known her as well as any, has hinted that there may be other explanations. I will visit for myself when I reach Dale and see what I judge to be the case."
He patted the shoulder beneath his hand.
"I have agreed to send your father word of my reading of her before I leave Dale and I am sure he would not deny you the knowing of it if you so wish. I doubt I will return here on my journey west again for time will be short but I shall return when I may and I hope to find you fully returned to yourself, and perhaps even a little wiser than you were before Thorin crossed your path. I too learned from the matter and made mistakes I would not wish to repeat, as did your father I expect. My concern is that it has not increased his likng for dwarves. Unfortunate when one of his closest allies is one. But come, supper awaits and I would enliven my last evening here with talk of things other than war and darkness."

Legolas rose to his feet.
"Be easy, there is no implacable dislike for dwarves on my father's side despite the history or our people with them, some caution perhaps, distrust even, but nothing more. No, my father's dislike of Oakenshield had little to do with his ancestry and a lot to do with his manners. Though it is true that Dain seems little better from what I have heard."
An odd look flashed across the wizard's face
"There was an issue between them. Thorin again it grieves me to say, though I think the substance of that has been dismissed, but relations will remain strained I fear with much of the stiffness being on Dain's side."
Legolas laughed as they both strolled towards the door.
"My father has been a king for a long time he has learned to deal with such situations with grace."

'Which may of itself be a part of the problem' the wizard thought as he recalled the meeting between Thranduil and Dain in Dale after the funeral. But he said nothing more of the matter as he followed his companion out of the door, for it seemed that Legolas knew nothing of Thorin's behaviour towards his father and it was probably better that he did not.