A/N: Sorry if this update wasn't as prompt as people would have liked it. You guys have been amazing as always with the reviews, keep it up. There is a lot of medical jargon in this chapter, so try to stay awake. I'm just trying to keep this believable and help everyone really understand everything about Ryan's disease. Happy reading.

FADING – Chapter Seven

Sunday Evening

"What's a five letter word for erroneous?" Sandy asked lazily, tapping his pencil rhythmically against the crossword puzzle in his hand.

After a slight pause, Ryan said, "False" and resumed staring at the wall.

Glancing up at the boy curiously, Sandy penciled in the word lightly, shaking his head in disbelief when it fit. "Crap." He muttered under his breath. "You're too good at this."

"Who knew that a guy with so few words to say would be a regular thesaurus?" Seth said playfully.

Shooting his foster brother an infamous glare, his head cocked to one side, Ryan couldn't help but crack a smile. Everyone was trying so hard to ease the mood, the least he could do was play along. Even if the reason they were waiting was for the daunting conversation with Dr. Collins.

Kirsten looked at her son disapprovingly. "Seth." She said, her tone warning. Seth just looked at her innocently and smiled. "You know, believe it or not, commentary is not necessary for every single sentence spoken. Some of those you can let go." She said, her voice hinting amusement.

Seth looked wounded. "Mom, do you know me at all?" He asked, bewildered. "Where would the fun in that be, I ask you?" Leaning back in his seat, Seth put his feet up on the mattress, stretching out.

"Shoes off the bed, Seth." Kirsten chided, pushing her son's legs off the blankets. "They're dirty. You're going to mess up the linens."

With a roll of his eyes, Seth relented. "Because they're so nice to begin with. And why do you suddenly care about keeping them clean?" He asked cheekily. "It's not like you're the one who does the laundry at home." He pointed out.

Kirsten's mouth dropped open and she was about to defend herself when she heard Sandy laugh. Shooting him a glare, Sandy tried to keep his chuckling under control. "Oh come on, honey." He smirked. "You've got to admit that was funny."

"I don't see the humor in that." Kirsten retorted, glancing at Ryan, who also was attempting to hide a smile. "Well I'm so glad that everyone finds it so hilarious that I'm not that great a homemaker." She said sarcastically.

That started Sandy into another fit of laughter. Seth gave his mother a sympathetic look. "Mom, you and 'homemaker' don't exactly work together in a sentence." He explained helpfully, patting her hand.

Ryan sighed, feeling relaxed for the first time in days. Even though they weren't seated around the Cohen's breakfast table fighting over bagels, this felt normal. The afternoon had ticked by precariously slow until Marissa and Summer had gone home. Ryan had felt as if both he and his girlfriend had been walking around one another on eggshells; the conversation had remained on safe grounds, avoiding any topic that touched illness or the hospital. They chatted lightly about summer vacation and planned trips to Las Vegas and surfing at the beach that Ryan knew would never happen. It wasn't long before Marissa claimed she had to be home for dinner and she awkwardly left.

"…Ryan?"

Realizing that he had zoned out and Sandy was trying to get his attention, Ryan looked up. "Yes?" He replied quickly. The three Cohens were all staring at him now with renewed looks of concern, and Ryan had to wonder how long Sandy had been calling his name.

Sandy's face softened. "You okay, kid?" He asked gently.

Ryan nodded. "Yeah. Just a bit tired, I guess." The boy reassured them. Clearing his throat and trying to redirect their worry somewhere else, Ryan managed a small smile. "Can't finish that puzzle, can you?"

Though his eyes narrowed, Sandy decided not to pry any further. "Six down. A four letter word for exuberance." He scratched his head with the end of the pencil in his hand.

"Zeal." Ryan said instantly, cockily folding his hands behind his head when Sandy, Kirsten, and Seth all shot him similar looks of surprise. Ryan shrugged. "That was an easy one."

The sound of someone clearing their throat at the door caused four heads to turn. "I have to say, I'm impressed." Dr. Collins said as he entered the room. His appearance had changed drastically from the previous night as he looked run down and very haggard. His once pristine white coat was now wrinkled, his glasses crookedly framing tired, dark-circled eyes on an exhausted face. "You're looking at a Scrabble champion and even I didn't get that one as quickly as you did." He smiled warmly as he entered the room, shaking hands with Sandy and Kirsten, greeting Ryan with a friendly pat on the shoulder.

"We find that Ryan is full of surprises." Seth said playfully as he stood up to introduce himself to the doctor. "Unfortunately I take your presence as my cue to leave. I'll be in the hall with my ear pressed eagerly against the door."

Dr. Collins chuckled as the other boy left, sitting down on the end of the bed. "Well, you'll have to forgive me for my appearance; I'm coming off one of the longest shifts of my life." He said sarcastically, blinking owlishly at the clipboard at the foot of Ryan's bed. "You're my last patient of the day, thank God. So let's finish off this day on a high note, shall we? We'll discuss treatment and get the proverbial recovery ball rolling. The sooner we start treating you the sooner you can go home. How does that sound?" He directed the last part of his question at Ryan.

Ryan didn't know how to answer that question. What was he expected to say? Should he be thrilled that the sooner he was started on some painstakingly long road to recovery he'd find himself back at the Cohen's house where he'd no doubt be treated like just as much of a patient as he was here, except by people he cared about and respected? He knew that if he opened his mouth he was at risk of saying something equally cutting and sarcastic, so Ryan just forced a smile and nodded.

The doctor returned the smile. "Good. Well, since I dropped this huge bomb on you last night we didn't really get much of a chance to discuss the technicalities of your disease, Ryan. Short of going over it with a fine toothed comb, in acute leukemia the abnormal blood cells are blasts that remain very immature and can't carry out their normal functions, so they are considered cancerous. The number of blasts increases rapidly, and the disease becomes worse quickly. In your case they are developing very alarmingly, Ryan, so it's important that we take action as quickly as we can.

"Now, this form of leukemia originates mainly in the lymph nodes, which is why it's called Lymphocytic. But in some cases the blood carries it throughout the body and that's how it spreads. In your case most of the cancerous cells have already spread to your spinal chord and around your brain, which explains why you've been complaining of headaches. Before anyone is alarmed, it's not as bad as it sounds. In fact, it's almost desired to be this way because it allows us to treat with chemotherapy in a much more direct, aggressive manner."

Ryan stiffened and physically felt Kirsten and Sandy beside him grow rigid as well. Kirsten reached for his hand and started stroking it gently even while her blue eyes blazed at the doctor. "Chemotherapy?" she asked softly.

Dr. Collins nodded grimly. "I'm afraid so, Mrs. Cohen." He replied, watching as their faces fell, their obvious disappointment rising to the surface. "Given that Ryan is young and healthy we think that chemo will be his best bet at achieving a quick remission. The chemotherapy kills the leukemia cells by stopping them from reproducing. Unfortunately, chemotherapy also kills normal cells, so as I'm sure you know, there are many serious side effects such as…"

"We're well aware of the effects of chemo, doctor." Kirsten interrupted briskly, her eye contact no longer holding Dr. Collins gaze, but instead fixed on Ryan's bowed head, her fingers rhythmically running through Ryan's sandy hair. "My mother died of cancer a few years ago." She said softly, the thought bringing back too many painful memories.

The doctor winced. "I'm very sorry, Mrs. Cohen." He said sympathetically. "But like I said, Ryan is a young, strong, otherwise healthy teenager and chemotherapy is his best bet at beating this thing. It's going to be a long and difficult road, I won't lie to you. And the chemo is just the first stage. We'll introduce radiation and possibly stem cell therapy as we go, depending on how quickly the cancer begins to die. But the chemo is very necessary if we want to get Ryan into remission."

Before Kirsten could protest again, Ryan swallowed thickly and looked at the doctor, fighting hard to sound brave. "How soon?"

"As soon as possible…tomorrow, if I get my way." Dr. Collins replied. "Because we've noticed such an aggressive progression of leukemia in your blood, Ryan, we want to be just that much more aggressive with the chemo. We'll start out with fairly intense sessions once or twice a week, and that could taper off to once a month if it works well."

Sandy spoke up for the first time since Dr. Collins had arrived. His tone was all business. "You said before that the location of cancerous cells in Ryan's blood allows you to treat it more directly." He recalled, listening intently. "How, exactly?" He rested his arms on the bed, a small reminder to his foster son that he was close by.

"Well Mr. Cohen, in Ryan's case the chemo will be injected directly into spaces between his spinal cord. We will be doing this as well as administering it by vein. There's just a better chance at targeting it directly if we include the intrathecal injections with the regular treatment." Dr. Collins explained.

Kirsten still didn't look convinced. It was obvious that this was not the news she had wanted to hear. "Are there any serious risks with doing it this way?" She asked nervously.

"To be honest, every patient reacts differently." The doctor answered honestly. "Because the treatment will be so intense it's likely that Ryan will suffer from all the regular side affects much more severely, so it's important that he be constantly monitored the days following treatment. He's going to have a seriously lowered resistance to infection. Essentially, his body is going to drastically change. It might be a good idea to have him admitted into a clinic at an outpatient basis…"

"No." Kirsten answered instantly, an arm wrapped securely around Ryan's shoulders. "No. Thank you, but we'll be taking care of Ryan at home. We're perfectly capable." She said, her voice cold.

Dr. Collins nodded. "I didn't mean to imply that you weren't. It's just that…you look like two hard-working individuals and Ryan is going to need to be under careful watch a lot of the time."

Sandy's voice broke in. "And that's exactly what we'll do." He said sternly. "This boy is our son, Dr. Collins. We'll do anything necessary to get him better."

Ryan sighed. "Could you please not talk about me like I'm not here?" He asked quietly. Kirsten looked at him sadly and nodded her apology, rubbing his arm soothingly. Ryan turned his attention back to the doctor. "Um…am I going to loose my hair?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

The pitying look that Dr. Collins gave him was enough to bring tears to his eyes. "I'm not sure, Ryan. For some people it does, others it doesn't." He said gently. "Healthy cells that divide often are the ones that often get targeted by the chemo, like cells in hair roots. It just depends on how strong your follicles are." He explained.

Ryan tried a thin smile and looked at Sandy. "Its times like this that your hair has its perks." He joked quietly.

Sandy laughed. "I knew one day someone would get jealous." He said, ruffling Ryan's hair.

Dr. Collins smiled. "Well, if no one has any more questions I'm going to call it a day." He said, standing up and looking at Ryan's chart one last time. "You're looking much better, Ryan. Your temperature is closer to normal, I see. That's very good. Now we just need you rested for tomorrow."

His mood sobering immediately, Ryan's stomach sunk. "Right." He said softly. "When can I go home?" He asked hopefully.

"Well, if all goes well after your first treatment I might let you recover at home. If that's alright with your parents, of course." He added immediately. "Your condition will be serious when we discharge you, Ryan. It might be a good idea to stay an extra day so that you can be treated if we run into any complications." He said seriously.

Ryan looked at Sandy and Kirsten hopefully, but they only nodded. "No, we'd like to take Ryan home as soon as possible." Kirsten said quickly. She looked at her foster son and his eyes shined with gratitude so much that her heart broke. The thought that he doubted whether she'd want to take care of him made her ache.

With a nod and a smile, Dr. Collins turned to leave. "I figured you'd say that." He said, straightening his lab coat and waving. "Goodnight. Get some rest, Ryan. You're going to need it."

Once they were alone, Kirsten turned to Ryan and brushed back his bangs, searching his eyes. "Are you okay, honey?" She asked just as Seth walked into the room.

Ryan nodded. "I guess." He answered, trying hard to put Kirsten at ease. Ever since the doctor had first walked into the room she had been hovering even more than usual, her blue eyes studying him fiercely. "That was a lot to take in."

"You're telling me." Seth groaned, flopping down onto a chair. "Do you know how hard it is to listen through a vent? And in case anyone didn't notice, the man mumbles when he talks. My eavesdropping skills were put to the test, man." Seth whined.

"So you caught all that?" Sandy asked his son.

Seth nodded somewhat grimly. "Most of it." He said. "So their going the chemo direction, right?" He asked quietly.

Kirsten nodded. Glancing at Ryan out of the corner of her eye, tried to sound positive. "Well, I was skeptical at first but everything Dr. Collins said sounds like its for the best. You'll be better in no time." She smiled, kissing Ryan on the cheek.

Suddenly desperate to change the subject, Ryan asked what time it was. After hearing that it was after eight, he frowned. "You guys haven't eaten dinner yet." He realized aloud.

"Well no, but…" Kirsten began.

"Go down to the cafeteria. Or better yet, go home. I'll be fine, there's no point in just watching me sleep." Ryan said quickly. He hated that for two days he had been under Sandy and Kirsten's constant watch, dragging them away from work. Kirsten still hadn't been home since he'd been admitted.

Sandy shook his head. "We're not going home, Ryan." He assured the boy. "When are you going to get it? If you're here, we're here. That's it."

Ryan swallowed hard. "Please." He said softly. "I can't stand you worrying about me any longer. Please, go home. Have dinner, get some rest." He begged, looking at the Cohen's hopefully. "I can't keep doing this to you. Please." He repeated.

Seth shrugged. "I am kinda hungry…" He relented.

With a small sigh, Kirsten nodded her okay. "We'll go get some dinner downstairs." She said reluctantly, collecting her purse and rising from the edge of the bed. "Can we bring you anything?" She asked, smiling warmly.

Ryan shook his head and Seth answered for him. "Are you kidding? He already had a feast of stone cold, petrified chicken breast and green Jell-O that looked like alien brains." He smirked, grinning at his foster brother. "What more can a guy want?"

Shooting Seth a look, Ryan shook his head when Kirsten asked again. "No. I'm fine." He insisted. "Go have dinner. Please."

Nodding reluctantly, Kirsten kissed his forehead as they retreated from the room. "We'll see you in a while." She promised.

Sandy squeezed his arm. "We'll be back, kid."

After saying goodbye to Seth and watching the Cohen's leave the room, Ryan sank back into his pillows with a heavy sigh. This wasn't getting any easier. And as he suspected, this was just the beginning. Starting tomorrow was what surely would turn out to be the most difficult journey of his life, and even though the Cohens at times felt smothering, as he sat in his bed in the surrounding silence, Ryan suddenly felt as if he were doing it alone.

Wiping a tear from his eye, Ryan swallowed the lump in his throat and wrapped his arms around himself. He hadn't even started yet and already he was getting tired; tired of being scared, helpless, and so alone. And the end seemed so desperately far away.


Outside in the hall, Sandy stood still as stone, his eyes locked on the figure in the bed. The image of his son sitting by himself burned its image in his brain as the boy scrubbed his face, hiding evidence of tears and struggling vainly to regain his composure even as he sat alone. Even when he thought that no one was watching, Ryan Atwood refused to let himself cry.

Sandy's heart felt as if it were being crushed against his ribs. The pain that swelled in his chest made him breathless, desperate to rush back into the room and do whatever he could to take away even a tiny portion of Ryan's pain, to do anything in his power to make his son well.

"Sandy?" His wife called, halfway down the hall. Sandy looked and saw her standing there watching him, Seth beside her. They were waiting for him to join them. "You coming?"

Waving her away, Sandy shook his head. "I'll meet you down there." He replied. After a slight hesitation, Kirsten nodded and she and Seth disappeared around the corner.

Sandy turned back to the glass. He knew that this was something he would not be able to fix. This was something that he was helpless against. And the thought was killing him. He could not lose Ryan.

He would not lose his son.


A/N: Ahhh! This was sad! I hope I held people's attention at the doctor lingo part, I hope it wasn't TOO boring. I just wanted to really explain what we're up against here. Now that's done, it shouldn't happen again. Please review, I'll post faster that way. Cheers!

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