A/N: The AR chapter. Fun stuff! KS fans, there's not really any in this one... sorry to disappoint.
The corridor was empty as the pale girl walked alone. She tugged her uniform down after having changed out of her plugsuit. She stopped walking abruptly, however, when she encountered Misato standing there. Misato regarded her with a worn out look.
"Hello, Rei. How's it going?"
Rei bowed politely. "Just fine, miss."
Misato smiled wearily and her eyes flickered from Rei to elsewhere. The younger girl stood, watching Misato curiously until the woman returned from her daydream.
"Oh, sorry. I guess I've been worrying... about Asuka lately."
"Pilot Soryu?" Rei asked, raising her head.
"Yeah." Misato rubbed the back of her head. "She's been really miserable lately, since Nagisa's shown up, really. She even ran away for a while."
Rei recalled that unusual night but said nothing.
"I guess she's jealous of him" Misato said, laughing uneasily. "As weird as it sounds."
"Jealous?" It seemed to be the last word Rei would use to describe pilot Soryu.
"Mm... She pushes people away, but at the same time she expects they'll come to her. She's like... everyone to some extent I guess."
"Pilot Soryu is alone..." Rei said quietly, more to herself than to Misato.
"Yeah. I wonder if this is selfish of me to ask but... maybe you could help her out a bit. She needs a friend her own age who has some idea of what she's going through, you know?"
"I could try and befriend her... If that's what you wish of me."
"I'm going to Rei's" Asuka said flatly once dinner was through. She pushed back from the table and rose, collecting her dishes. Misato set her beer can on the tabletop. Shinji held his chopsticks precariously close to his mouth, which was now agape.
There was the sound of running water, clinking dishes in the sink, and then Asuka headed to her room to retrieve her backpack. She paused in the kitchen where Shinji and Misato remained. Shinji's comical reaction had changed to one of puzzlement. Misato was just grinning broadly. Asuka felt the need to explain herself. "We're stuck together on a project. It's our summative; we have to do well on this." Asuka turned and walked off. "And I don't trust her to do even her half by herself. She'll just screw it up!"
The front door opened and then slammed. The apartment became quiet. Penpen waddled into the kitchen at that moment, looking as confused as ever. Shinji finally sent Misato a quizzical look.
"Asuka and Ayanami are friends...?"
"Not friends exactly" Misato answered, smirking with amusement. "But it's about damned time they learn to at least treat each other civilly." Misato tilted her head back, taking another sip of beer.
Shinji rolled his eyes, picking at his meal. "That goes double for Asuka."
It took a lot of courage for Asuka to step into Rei's apartment yet again. Still, it seemed easier the more she did it. Each time she went in, the redhead felt as if she was admitting defeat, something she hated. But she also felt trapped. These situations seemed unavoidable. As she walked into the dim apartment, Asuka's first words once inside were about Rei adjusting the lightning.
Once they were settled on the living room floor, Asuka began taking out her notes from her backpack. She set them down and then held out her hand to Rei. "Alright, what have you done, Wondergirl? Nothing I bet."
Rei said nothing, handing her the pages she'd done on their project. Asuka skimmed through them, impressed at least by how many she'd completed in a single day. But she wasn't completely sure of what it all said. Asuka's own kanji was a little like simple speech in the way she wrote. Not everything was understandable to her as of yet.
Rei's red eyes remained locked on the other girl until Asuka finally glanced up at her in annoyance. "Well, it'll do" the redhead huffed, flinging the papers back to Rei. Rei sorted them, getting the feeling that Asuka hadn't been able to read it very well. "Alright, this is what I've wrote." Asuka took her half out. Rei studied it for several moments before she raised her head.
"Pilot Soryu, they don't link"
"What?"
"Our reports are two halves of the same one, so they should link. But our ideas do not."
Asuka sat back, frowning. "Well, that's why I'm here, isn't it" she said in a mocking tone. "To make sure screw ups like these don't happen!"
"Perhaps I should write your report for you...?" Rei offered. "You could tell me what to write. I know you can't write in kanji."
For once, Asuka didn't become so defensive. She just sighed and looked at the ceiling. "Yeah, it's harder than I thought it would be. But I'm learning." She looked back at Rei, pursing her lips together. "For once, she comes up with a good idea. I'll dictate my report to you, you write it down."
Asuka shifted, sitting in a cross-legged position on the floor and began voicing her ideas to Rei, who scrawled them down almost as fast as they were spoken, occasionally offering help. Asuka actually agreed with most of what Rei suggested. A couple hours passed and then Asuka abruptly stopped, sighing. "I'm done for now. It's a lot harder than you think, just talking."
Rei set the paper and pencil down. "We'll continue later."
Asuka glanced at the clock and frowned a little. Rei stood up slowly, gathering her things together. "Miss Misato will want you home now" Rei said quietly. She glanced down at Asuka, looking a little confused. The girl sat on the floor with her knees pulled up to her chest. Her eyes gazed out at nothing.
"I guess so... but... I really can't stand Misato and Shinji these days. I can't stand them."
Rei said nothing. Asuka raised her head sharply. "God, look at me, acting this way..." she said, smiling sadly. "I'm nothing... nothing to anyone you know. Nothing to... him."
Rei crouched down to the girl's current level, placing her palms on the floor in front of her to steady herself. She regarded Asuka with concern. "Is it Ikari?"
Asuka tilted her head back, smiling and closing her eyes. "And what's the use?"
"Pilot Soryu..."
"What's the use talking to an emotionless doll about it?"
Rei's eyes hardened slightly. "I am not a doll."
"You are... You'd do anything you're ordered to. You'd kill yourself if you were told to, wouldn't you?" Asuka's voice lacked its usual edge.
"Of course."
Asuka laughed dryly, looking back at Rei. "Life has value, yanno. We don't know if there's anything before life or anything after life. Not for sure. So why not savour the time we have right now? The time we know we're guaranteed to have."
The pale girl was taken aback by the words. She sat back slightly, blinking and thinking of them. It made sense, didn't it? To just live? But Rei always felt she didn't live as others did. She wasn't born as others were.
"I guess you don't get it" Asuka sighed. "Typical. You really aren't all that observant are you? Like Shinji."
Rei hung her head, almost shamefully. "I'm sorry."
"Ah, well there's no reason to get all worked up about it now, geez." Asuka rolled her eyes a bit. "I just... ugh... I don't want to go home!"
Rei's reply was almost automatic. "Then stay here."
Now Asuka surprised herself when she almost said yes. That right now she'd rather stay there than in the apartment with Shinji and Misato... It troubled her a bit. Didn't Rei represent everything that had gone wrong in her life? Such feelings were still there, but they'd diminished significantly. She'd been more focused on other things as of late.
"Misato and Shinji would think me mad if I did"
"Oh..." Asuka studied Rei's face carefully. Did she look disappointed? Rei always seemed to be perpetually disappointed with life.
"But anywhere is better than with them"
"I'll set you up a place to sleep then" Rei said, walking off. Asuka watched her and then sighed in spite of herself. Staying here wilfully... She really had gone mad...
Shinji was watching TV when the phone rang. He stood up and walked over to answer it. "Hello?"
"Shinji, tell Misato I'm staying at Rei's tonight."
"What! Why?"
"Don't be so stupid! I didn't feel like walking home!" She hung up and sat by the phone, moodily.
Shinji stared at the phone in his hand, dumbfounded. He hung up.
Asuka had never been in Rei's room before. She wandered towards the open door after a moment, seeing Rei standing over her dresser with her back facing the other girl. Asuka surveyed the room with a rather critical eye. Pretty plain, but just as she'd expect from Rei. Asuka hung in the doorway, as if crossing the threshold was a taboo. Leaving her usual problems with Rei at the door, Asuka stepped inside, half expecting the world to end.
Rei jumped slightly with a gasp, whirling around to face Asuka. The redhead noted that in the girl's hands was a pair of glasses. With one swift movement, Rei opened her dresser drawer and put them inside as if they were reason for great shame. Asuka put her hands on her hips, the usual scowl crossing her face.
"Well? Aren't you going to make a bed for me?" she asked. "Or do you expect me to sleep on the floor without any blankets or pillows?"
"You may sleep in my bed. I apologize, I don't own a sleeping bag for you to use..." There really wasn't a use for one. No one ever came to stay at Rei's apartment. And the only people who'd ever been in it were Shinji and Asuka. Rei was inexperienced with entertaining guests. It seemed only right to allow Asuka to use her bed.
Asuka eyed Rei's bed. A real bed anyways, not a bed on the floor like where she usually slept at Misato's. She looked at it with uncertainty, stepping closer. She knew she should have felt disgust at the very thought of sleeping in a bed that Wondergirl had used. It probably smelled of her. Maybe she slept without clothing in that bed. It should've made Asuka sick to think about. That her skin should touch the sheets that had touched Rei's skin. But strangely... it didn't. The only thought that crossed her mind was how she ought to have felt that way.
The German girl reluctantly sat on the side of the bed, testing it with her hands. It wasn't even that uncomfortable. "And where will you sleep?" Asuka asked.
"On the couch, I guess..."
Asuka's blue eyes studied the other girl. Another forbidden thought entered her head. She's so pretty... She almost fell off the bed at the thought. But again she was surprised that disgust hadn't come to her for thinking such things. Rei was pretty. Even the first time Asuka saw her, she felt a little jealous that she'd have to compete with such a pretty girl. Asuka knew she was nothing special in appearance. No wonder everyone likes her better.
"That will be alright, won't it?" Rei asked, interrupting Asuka's thoughts.
"I'm the one staying over, I should sleep on the couch" Asuka said sternly.
"You're a guest in my home" Rei pointed out. Asuka looked at her hand resting on the quilt.
"It's a big bed... big enough for two people" she said quietly. She tried to appear indifferent with it all. Her face was reddening along her cheekbones.
As it turned out, the bed wasn't really big enough to give both of them sufficient room. Because of this, Asuka found she was lying awfully close to Rei. Too close for comfort. She couldn't understand her own body, incredibly hot with her heart thudding. It was just Rei, after all! It wasn't as though she were sharing a bed with Kaji or even Shinji. Rei was another girl. Asuka slept over at Hikari's sometimes and she'd share a bed with her so why did it feel so uncomfortable?
The lights were out; the room was dark but not entirely impossible to see in. For a long time, Asuka lay on her back and gazed at the ceiling. Her breathing was irregular, she was aware of every breath. She wanted to slap some sense into herself.
Turning her head to one side, Asuka was surprised to see Rei still very much awake. Still, she seemed oblivious to Asuka, staring off at nothing. Asuka's heart thudded faster as she took in Rei's soft features. Her skin was like porcelain. She really was a doll.
With a swift and deliberate movement, Asuka rolled away from Rei, her back facing her. She put her hands to her head, shutting her eyes. How disgusting she was being. Why was she here? Why was she doing this? Rei was an emotionless doll, a doll that did what she was told and nothing more. She represented the doll her mother had cradled close to her in the few months before her death.
"I'll live for myself!"
Asuka thought she loved Kaji; it was something she wasn't afraid to admit. He was attractive to her, both physically and in personality. But his heart belonged to Misato. Asuka was just a child in his eyes. Shinji... well Asuka didn't know what she felt for him. Love or hate. She was overcome with grief because Shinji let down his defences so easily with Kaworu. But he'd never done that with her... She wasn't important to him. She was just some girl.
Curling up slightly, Asuka let a silent sob wrack her body. She made no noise but her throat constricted and she covered her face in her hands. She'd always been alone, but she'd never felt so utterly alone. At that moment, the feeling was unbearable.
I can't live for myself at all...
She needed someone, anyone, to ease the pain of loneliness. She felt a hand on her shoulder and Asuka uttered a gasp, rolling over and seeing Rei sitting up and leaning over her. She looked concerned. At least as concerned as Rei could look. Asuka knew her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. She knew she'd run out of defences. She'd run out of excuses.
Asuka reached up towards the pale girl. How she looked so stunning in the moonlight. Asuka felt like she'd been separated from her body. She felt like she was watching it all unfold from the doorway. It may as well have been someone else in her body. She put her hands on Rei's face. She leaned up, her eyes closing, only slightly aware of the sticky tears in her lashes. She was aware that Rei drew in a sharp breath.
Contact was made.
An explosion of white light went off in Asuka's head, leaving her dazed and numb. Her body moved without her control, pressing her lips eagerly against Rei's. She fell back against the bed, unable to retain her current position. Rei tumbled over her but managed to brace herself with her arms. She stared down at Asuka, eyes wide.
"Pilot Soryu..." she squeaked. Asuka ignored her slight protest. She grabbed the girl's arms and urged her downwards. Rei complied with her without a struggle. Asuka pressed her mouth to Rei's once more. She urged it open and slid her tongue inside. Rei stiffened, a slight cry emitting from her mouth before she succumbed. Asuka didn't know if Rei wanted this or not. Dolls didn't really have wants, did they?
Swinging her around, Asuka managed to reverse their positions. Now it was Rei beneath her, staring up at the other girl. Rei, braced against the sheets, clear fear and uncertainty on her face. Asuka seemed grounded by it and uttered a cry, taking her hands off of Rei's arms. She got off of her, embarrassed. More than embarrassed. She felt exposed. She crawled across the bed, away from Rei. The other girl, in a daze, sat up slowly. She looked down, touching her fingers to her lips.
She looked over at Asuka's form, laying on its side and facing away from her. Rei felt awkward but little else. She didn't feel disgust towards Asuka. She crawled towards Asuka's form but she didn't know what to say. Then she heard a whimper. Asuka's shoulders trembled and she wept. Rei lay next to her. "Pilot Soryu?"
"You didn't feel anything!" Asuka sobbed, her voice muffled into her pillow. "You really are just a doll! You could at least hate me for it!"
"I don't hate you..." Rei said quietly.
"You're just indifferent to me! You always have been! Everyone has! I wish I were dead!" She gripped her head again, as if willing herself to shut off from the world. Rei could do little but listen to her crying. And in her opinion, it was the most heartbreaking sound she'd ever heard.
