The Reply
Tauriel finished her watch as the city bell chimed the start of the fourth hour after midday, the bright light of the spring day was starting to fail as she left her post at the gate and turned towards the Elvenkings' house. Pulling off her helm she skirted the impressive frontage and walked through the gardens towards the garrison lodgings, once there she made her way up the stairs and turned into the room that housed her sleeping quarters. Closing the door behind her she drew aside the curtains that enclosed her small private space and entered, tossing her helm and weapons onto the narrow bed before laying aside her heavy cape and unbuckling her armored jacket. This room accommodated four of the guards, each having a corner of it, but at the moment she was the only occupant and so she didn't bother to close the curtains again before sitting down on the trunk at the bottom of the bed to change her boots for soft shoes.
As she bent forward her eyes came to rest upon a square of parchment lying upon the pillow, she stilled for a moment the sight of it seeming to cause a band of iron to tighten around her chest squeezing the breath from her lungs. She drew a deep breath and continued to remove her boots placing them tidily at the foot of the bed, staring at the pillow and its unexpected addition whilst she slipped on her shoes, her mind torn between the hope that it was a reply from Legolas and the fear that it might be.
She straightened and after a moment of silent consideration she rose and reached forward to pick it up. It was addressed to her by name in a flowing script she thought she recognised, turning it over any lingering uncertainty about its origin disappeared for it was sealed with blue wax into which Legolas had impressed his seal. Tauriel stared at the seal, the band around her chest tightening further as she did so, the letter must have been brought up by the raft elves or by one of the regular supply wagons to have reached her so quickly. This realization caused her heart to sink, that Legolas had applied his seal and then handed his letter to such a messenger could only mean that he had rejected her plea for a secret meeting. And that almost certainly meant that he had informed his father of her letter, and probably of her request for a meeting with him too, that thought caused a further wave of despair to wash over her for she could not think that the king would permit it.
Drawing a deep breath she broke the wax and unfolded the parchment, there were two sheets covered with the same flowing script so it wasn't a simple refusal, but what else could he have found to say? She was about to sit down when the sound of boots on the wooden stair betrayed the return of her room mates, not wishing to read it in company she quickly folded the letter again and tucked it into her tunic then she grabbed her cloak and moved forward towards the door. With a smile and a dip of her head she acknowledged her fellow guards as they entered the room then slipped past them and stepped quickly down the stairs and out across the stable yard and towards the gate and the street beyond.
xx
Turning away from the Elvenkings' house Tauriel made her way quickly through the busy streets to the large square before the new wool exchange. The shadows were lengthening within the walled space but the crowds had barely thinned from the post noon throng; many of the farmers and merchants had not yet departed to their lodgings and homes and were gathered in small groups drinking ale and sharing gossip. Among them were a small number of dwarfs, some if not all of who would be from Erebor, merchants looking for woollen cloth from which to make the rails of cloaks and tunics that the growing population of Dains' mountain kingdom required. It was unlikely that any of them were of Thorins' company, or of Dain's guard, but they still had tongues to carry news back to the mountain, back to someone who might make other use of it. With a sigh she pulled her hood up and held it close about her face turning away when a dwarf passed close enough to recognize her as elf.
On the edge of the square a vendor was selling the last of the autumn chestnuts, shelled, roasted and rolled in a sweet butter, and she bought a small portion and settled herself on a little bench not far from the stall, a seat shielded from the sight of much of the square. Setting her little twist of chestnuts beside her she pulled out the letter and began to read.
'My dear Tauriel, I hope this letter finds you well.
I confess that your missive was unexpected for I did not know if you had heard the news of my return. For myself I thought it best to wait a while before attempting any communication between us and so made no move to draw your attention to my return.. Perhaps this was cowardice on my part but my travels had not eased my heart nor resolved my confusion on the matters of the days before the battle or the events in Dale. Instead my mind remained riven with uncertainty and guilt and I could not think what we could say to each other, or what words I might have that would ease your pain.'
She sighed and looked up for a moment, staring towards the deepening blue of the sky her thoughts slipping back to that day. She had regrets and one of the greatest was that she had not taken time to speak with him before he left, that she had not put her grief aside long enough to make Legolas a fair goodbye. She had not asked his father for news of him, something she was sure the king had not forgotten, nor had she gone looking for him when they had taken Kilis' body away to lie beside his brother and his uncle. She wished now that she had, that she had sought him out to thank him for his care for her, but she had not and nothing could change that. With another sigh she resumed reading.
'My father has told me some of what happened in the days after the battle and a little of what passed between you before he left Dale, though I suspect that there is much he has not said, more for my sake, or yours, than his. Do not fear that he has been indiscreet or spoken on anything you would not wish spoken of, but he understood that I needed to know of your fate if I was to find any peace. My travels had taught me that our actions of that day would have been viewed most seriously by others and with little sympathy, and though I trusted to my fathers compassion and care of you I understood as I had not before that your fate would not sit entirely within his gift. He said only enough to reassure me that all that could be done to protect you from the worst consequences of your actions had been done and that your life had not been forfeit; nor had you been cast out and left to wander the world alone and without support as I confess I feared might prove to be the case.
But while I am glad beyond measure that your punishment has not been as harsh as I once feared it must be I know that will not diminish your sense of what is lost. The dwarf is gone, buried in stone with his kin in the mountain he came to reclaim, a place I understand that you cannot go. A prohibition which, unavoidable as it seems to be, must cause you considerable pain, and for that I grieve.'
Tauriel swallowed hard, her throat suddenly tight, and her hand sought for the stone within her pocket. It was true that being forbidden entry to the mountain, being prevented from showing her grief at his tomb, had been one of the most difficult thing to bear in the days after the battle. She had not been allowed to see him once they had taken his body from Ravenhill and she had been barred from the funeral rites, though the king had attended them she had not been allowed to form a part of his escort. Nor had she been allowed to visit in the time since, Dain had made his thoughts on the matter very clear, or so Lord Bard had told her, she was forbidden to set food upon the road to Erebor, or to go beyond the environs of Dale, unless commanded by her king. Something else that it seemed could not be changed. Drawing a deep breath she returned to the letter.
'It must also be hard for you to be unable to return to the forest, more so now that the shadow has withdrawn and the trees recover and joy returns. Perhaps in time that banishment might be changed but for the moment you must draw comfort from still being amongst your kin and with frequent news of your friends and comrades of the past.
I would have you know that you are often in my thoughts and that I do not lay any blame for my actions at your door. If there is any way in which I can ease the pain that I do not doubt you feel without further grieving others then tell me what I might do.'
Tauriel looked up from the words, tears misting her eyes. If only he could, but she knew that was no longer the case and that no action, no intervention, on his part would change the future that stretched before her. He could not set aside the bitterness of his father, nor the distrust of their kin, and while that continued then nothing could change her fate. It had taken Mithrandir to make her see it but finally she understood that her actions would cast a long shadow and that the king could not change it, even if he wished to. Blinking away the tears she looked back down to the letter in her hand with little doubt now about what else it would contain.
It proved to be as she expected.
'But for all that I am unable to grant your request for a clandestine meeting, nor do I understand why you ask it of me. Though this might seem a harsh decision on my part be assured I take it with both our interests in mind, for were such a meeting to be discovered the likely interpretation of our actions by others would be unfavourable. Few, if any, would believe that there could be an honorable reason for us to meet in such a way, and why should they? Were we to be discovered meeting in secret there would be nothing my father could do to shield us. Given your attack upon him, and my defence of you, it takes little thought to discern how it would appear to others and the consequences that might follow from it. Therefore I cannot agree to it for my own good as well as yours.
Though it may seem from a distance that I have paid no price for my actions of that time that is not so and I would not have you think it is. Do not consider that it is being a prince that allows me home, had I turned my fathers sword away while you were still armed and threatening him then my fate would have been no different to your own. That he had already disarmed you is what separates our fates according to the law and my father has made much use of that in my defence, claiming my actions as deeds of foolishness rather than infamy. But do not think the matter is ended there. Amongst those who saw what passed between us that day most have accepted me back without comment for love of my father only. The truth is that there are many for whom forgiveness for my actions in Dale remains fragile and sits upon a blades edge, one false step on my part may yet banish it like early mist under the sun. As it is I must endure their harsh judgement and the knowledge of the pain that I inflicted upon my father. Yet he has forgiven me and asks no reparation from me, though I know that he cannot have forgotten.'
The sound of the bell for the fifth hour caused her to raise her eyes once more. The light was fading fast now and the crowds were thinning, vendors were packing their stalls and tents for the day and the lamp men were starting to light the sconces that ringed the wool market. A small cluster of dwarfs strode across the square and she pulled her cloak closer about her, soon there would be too few people about for her to risk remaining if they stayed. But she was determined to finish the letter before she returned to the Elvenkings house. As the dwarfs turned away from her and strode towards the far side of the square she resumed reading.
'I suspect that it is a similar knowledge of the grief inflicted that causes you to fear that my father will prevent our meeting. Yet you misjudge him just as I did that day, and his unfailing understanding and compassion since I have returned convinced me that you were wrong in your assumption. So it proved to be, for I have told him of your letter and your request for us to meet and he has agreed that we may do so with as often as we wish provided we do so at his house, openly and with his explicit blessing, for he also understands how others might see things if they are done differently and he would protect us from any malice. For this reason I have assured him that there will be no secret meetings and that any conversation between us will take place at a time and place that he agrees.
As to the timing of our meeting, I confess that I do not understand your urgency, what is there that we must say to each other that cannot wait until I travel to Dale in the summer? Yet there may be matters I do not know of and so if the need for this meeting is indeed pressing inform me as quickly as you may and I will travel to Dale immediately. But time is short for the king asks that I be here at his Halls during Lord Elronds' visit and I wish to honour his request, they are expected here in little over half a moon cycle and to stay with us until the second cycle of summer.
For myself I am content to wait until the planned visit to Dale, my father has assured me that we will be granted as much time to talk as we wish provided I perform my allotted duties. If I do not hear from you I will understand that you are now content to meet during the summer and I will arrange matters accordingly. Know that I wish only the best for you and look to meet with you once again before the summer fades.
Your friend and brother in arms
Legolas Thranduilion'
With a sigh Tauriel folded the letter again and tucked it back into the pocket of her tunic. It would take many readings before she decided what to do. Clearly the relationship between Legolas and his father were less damaged than she had assumed, that came as a surprise for she had not thought the king would forgive his son his betrayal so easily. Anger shook her and she rose quickly and crossed the square, her thoughts a mix of bitterness and despair. That she was punished for doing nothing more than demanding the kings help for the dwarfs whilst Legolas was forgiven for openly defying his father in the same cause was beyond her understanding.
Her steps quickened as her anger mounted, no doubt it was the king who was behind Legolas refusal to meet with her as she wished, as for his caution well there was no reason to think that anyone would find out about their meeting so why was he concerned? No doubt that was Thranduils doing too, once he had known of her letter he had played upon his sons regret and worry to twist her request into something other than it was, to make it seem something devious and base! When Legolas spoke of fear of how others might see such a meeting what he meant was what his father might see in it, for the king was determined to see evil in her deeds whatever they might be.
It seemed that she would have to wait until the summer for them to meet, with Lord Elrond visiting it would take something of greater urgency than she could cite to bring Legolas to Dale.
Her steps slowed for a moment as a thought struck her, why was Elrond visiting? In the two millennia since the coming of the shadow to Greenwood he had never left his mountain fastness that she knew of, or sent more than the occasional messenger to the king. Yet now there was something of such importance that he came in person. What could it be?
She left the rapidly emptying square and walked toward the Elvenkings house. She would reply to Legolas and his accept his offer to meet in the summer and perhaps when he next wrote to her he would know more of the reason for this sudden visit.
