AN: Ha ha, success! A chapter up no more than a week or so…pretty good, by my own standards. Thanks for the glorious reviews, especially Beachtree – felt like old times there. And Nina, your review left me giggling…I can't tell you how many times I've done that to myself…come across a story and ended staying awake into the wee hours to read. It makes me beam that this story actually does that for someone. And as for the "review whore" comment I got – and did not appreciate one bit – I will not say anything further…except that words like that are not in the slightest bit useful, nor intelligent. ANYWAY, read on. And enjoy!
FADING – Chapter Sixteen
Saturday
Sandy felt his heart fall to the pit of his stomach, his chest caving in as panic flooded through his system. Staring into his wife's devastated blue eyes, he clutched her shoulders tighter and forced air into his lungs, just so that he could stammer out one word. "What?" He said, his voice a near whisper.
Somehow, Kirsten managed to nod. "The pool house is empty…the door was open when I got there…" She stuttered helplessly as Seth shot out of his seat, leaving the stool teetering in his wake as he sprinted across the patio, his sneakers pounding across the cement. "He left, Sandy…" Her voice sounded haunted.
"Seth, go check every room! Check the front, see if he came around the side of the house!" Sandy shouted, even though it was obvious that was exactly what his son was in the process of doing. He let go of Kirsten long enough to run out to the driveway, dragging a trembling hand through his hair. The cars were both still there. Why were the cars still there?
Kirsten came up behind him, her arms wrapped around her midsection as her eyes began to fill with tears. "He didn't take any keys with him…his coat is still hanging in the closet, Sandy." Her voice cracked and broke as the first tear slipped down her cheek.
Running down to the end of the drive, Sandy looked down both ends of the street. No one was in sight. "God damn it." He murmured under his breath, turning and jogging back up to the house.
Seth met him halfway, out of breath, his face pale and eyes wide. "I checked everywhere." He gasped.
"He's nowhere in the house?" Sandy demanded, even though he knew it was pointless.
His son shook his head. "Uh uh." He replied immediately. Seth swallowed hard and tried to catch his breath and not look too scared. "What now, dad?" He asked fearfully.
Kirsten and Seth were both looking to him. He had to be in control. Dear God, give him the strength to not fall to pieces right here in front of them. He took a deep breath. "Okay…Seth, call Summer, call Luke…call Marissa. Get them to phone us right away if he shows up…have them out looking for him if they can." He said, thinking as he went. Seth nodded and turned to run into the house. Next he turned to his wife. She was still shaking. "Kirsten, go inside and get a coat. Seth can stay here in case Ryan comes back. We'll get in the car and won't come back until we've found him. How far could he have gotten?" He tried to hold his hands still, but it wasn't working.
"Sandy…" Kirsten's frightened voice came from beside him. He turned to see her still standing there, her arms shaking as she hugged herself. Her blue eyes were wide and scared. "He's out there all alone…it's cold and windy. What if…what if he's sick, or…"
Stepping towards her, Sandy wrapped his arms around her tightly and breathed into her hair, trying to still his heart. "We're going to find him." He said confidently. "I promise."
He felt a small nod against his chest and allowed himself to let her go. Then he spun on his heel and walked quickly back into the house collecting keys, pocketing a cell phone and snatching up a jacket as he went. Seth came running into the room, breathless. "Anything?" Sandy asked hopefully.
Seth shook his head. "Luke and Summer are out looking for him. They haven't seen or heard from him…Marissa's not at her dad's." He said, watching as his father started back for the door. "Where are you going?"
"To find Ryan." Sandy answered simply, hastily pulling on his coat and not bothering to zip it up. Then he pointed at his son. "You stay here. The second you hear anything, you call me, alright?" He demanded, holding out his cell phone and pointing to it emphatically.
With a nod, Seth swallowed and looked into his father's eyes. "Yeah, you too." He said. Then he hesitated. "Dad…" He began.
Impulsively, Sandy reached out and wrapped an arm around his son's shoulders, squeezing him hard and pressing a fleeting kiss to his temple. "We'll find him." He whispered, and then let go. Without another word, he dashed out the door and headed towards the Range Rover. Kirsten was already seated rigidly in the passenger seat.
That was the second time he had made that promise in the last sixty-seconds. He wasn't about to break it.
Marissa quietly stepped out the side door of the mansion she had come to hate, looking up through the windows to make sure that no one was watching her leave. Her mother had been bugging her all day to go shopping, and she couldn't think of anything she wanted to do less. Shuffling across the lawn and veranda, she walked quickly down the steps that led to the private beach entrance and stopped briefly to take off her flip flops, holding them in her hand. The sand was cold underneath her feet, but she didn't really care. It felt good to feel the breeze against her face, even if it was unusually cool.
She started walking west, the wind blowing towards her and pushing her long brown hair away from her face. Her mother had finally won a long-dreaded argument and Marissa was forced to spend the weekend in her old house. Normally that wouldn't be such a catastrophe because it meant that she could spend the days right next door to Ryan. But after the way she had messed things up – twice – that wasn't exactly an option.
As she passed the Cohen house she stopped for a moment and felt her breath catch in her throat. The house was quiet and only one car was in the driveway. She could just make out the lights on in the pool house and squinted to be able to see inside, but she couldn't see any movement from within. Sighing, she changed direction and continued on down the strip of beach.
She missed Ryan so much it hurt. It ached her to think of what she had done to him…how she had embarrassed herself, embarrassed him…it had taken forever just to work up the nerve to go back over there and try to apologize. Not that she deserved to be forgiven. Drinking seemed to be the only way to help ease the pain, and she had foolishly let herself fall into that familiar downward spiral. Even when she had wanted to see him again, just to say she was sorry, and that she loved him, she hadn't been able to resist one small drink to help make it easier; number. And as she had expected, Seth had turned her away.
She didn't blame him.
Staring out at the ocean as the waves crashed in against the shore, Marissa shivered and pulled her sweatshirt around herself more tightly. The sky was dark and cloudy, reflecting off the ocean and making its usually bright blue color a murky grey. Even if it was cold and windy, she had to admit, it had a certain beauty to it. It was peaceful.
Marissa stopped walking and found a dry, deserted log washed up on the shore. Tucking her feet up underneath her body, she sank down into the sand and let her beach bag fall beside her. Sighing, she closed her eyes for a moment and let the salty air blow past her face. She just needed some time to think.
After a moment of hesitation, she reached over and pulled a small bottle of vodka from her bag and held its weight in her hands. Then she looked back out at the ocean and felt tears building behind her eyes. God, she wanted Ryan beside her right now. She was so worried about him, so scared that her stomach tightened every time his face appeared in her mind. She suddenly found her fingers unscrewing the cap of the bottle and brought it to her lips, swallowing a mouthful of the pungent liquid.
Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Marissa squeezed her eyes shut as more tears slipped down her cheeks. This was what she had become. She was sitting here on the beach all alone, drinking straight vodka instead of taking care of her sick boyfriend. The thought made her face flush with anger. What the hell was wrong with her?
Rushing to her feet, Marissa gripped the bottle by the neck tightly in her hand and threw it with a scream as hard as she could into the raging waves. She watched it splash into the water and disappear.
After a long moment she turned back around, wiping tears from her cheeks with her sleeve. As she looked back towards the direction of her house, something caught her eye. There on the beach, a good thirty feet away was someone walking towards her. She was sure her eyes were playing tricks on her when she struggled to identify their face. She squinted and took a few steps closer, and immediately felt the air rush out of her lungs. There was no way she could deny it.
Ryan.
Lurching forward, Marissa stomped through the sand as fast as her numb legs would carry her until she was beside him. "Ryan." She gasped, her voice soft over the waves. But he heard her anyway and looked up, as if shocked by her presence. The moment he lifted his head, Marissa's worry mounted. He was pale, too pale. His eyes were dark, but seemed unusually bright against his skin. His hair was slightly damp, plastered against his face as he looked at her wearily from beneath his bangs.
He saw her, but it was like he looked right through her. Then after a moment he lowered his eyes and started walking again, ignoring her.
It didn't take much to keep up with him. His bare feet dragged through the damp sand, occasionally catching on the wet cuffs of his sweatpants. "Ryan, what are you doing out here?" She asked worriedly, resting a hand on his shoulder. When he didn't say anything more, Marissa swallowed and studied his face more intently. He was scaring her. "Do the Cohens know where you are?"
That made him pause, his eyes flickering in recognition for a moment. "No." He mumbled, still walking. "Better that way." His weak voice was almost a whisper.
Marissa's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?" She asked. But he ignored her again. She reached out to take his hand to stop him, and gasped at the contact with his skin. "You're freezing." She whispered, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. She felt him shivering against her
He was stiff under her arm, but he didn't pull away. "What are you doing here?" He asked suddenly, his eyes still following the sand in front of them.
"I'm staying at my mom's for the weekend." She replied distractedly. She had to figure out what to do. She didn't know why he was out wandering on the beach alone, without shoes, without a proper coat, but she knew for sure that he didn't look well at all. She had to get him back to the Cohens. "Ryan, you need to go home." She urged gently.
Ryan shook his head slowly. "I can't." He said, his voice soft, his eyes gazing out onto the ocean. "I have to make them understand."
Marissa wasn't sure if she heard him right. She had no idea what he was talking about, but a tight, uncomfortable feeling of fear was slowly building in her stomach. "Make them understand what?" She asked.
"That I don't need help." He murmured, and coughed. His voice was starting to sound raspy and tired. She could see plainly with her own eyes that he was rapidly losing strength. "That I can take care of myself."
Thinking fast, Marissa hugged him tighter and stopped him from walking. "Ryan, they know that." She told him, glancing around herself wearily. It was a good ten minutes back towards home, if they walked at the same clip she had started out with…but looking at Ryan now, she knew they were going to take longer than that. She had to get them turned around. "Come on, let's go. It's cold out here." She took off her dad's old USC sweatshirt and struggled to guide Ryan's arms through the sleeves, trying not to think about why, all of a sudden, it was small enough to fit him.
"No." Ryan persisted, pulling away with one hand through the sweater. "I can't go back. I can't, Marissa…" His voice climbed higher and his face crumpled, close to breaking down into tears.
Marissa was shocked by his reaction. She'd never seen him lose it like this before. "Hey, hey. Ryan, it's okay." She soothed, walking carefully towards him and wrapping her arms around his back, desperately trying to calm him down, and share some of her warmth with him at the same time. "We don't have to go back, okay? We'll just finish our walk and we can talk about it. How does that sound?" She asked him gently as he silently allowed her to draw his other arm through the final sleeve.
He didn't say anything, but after a moment he nodded hesitantly.
Marissa managed a smile. "Okay, good." She said, swallowing back her fear as she tightened her grip around his shoulders and turned him around. "But let's walk in this direction, okay? That way the wind won't be so cold." She thought quickly, and pointed them in the direction of home.
Ryan didn't say anything and allowed her to lead him back the way they'd come, the dark grey skies swirling above them, the wind screaming past their ears, and the ocean crashing angrily against the shore.
Staring at the half-empty, perpetually soggy bowl of cereal left out on the kitchen table, Seth sighed heavily and pushed it away from himself with a lip curled in disgust. He couldn't eat right now. He couldn't even think about eating right now. Not while his stomach was wound up tighter than a drum.
Taking a couple steadying deep breaths, he looked down at the phone in his hand as if to make sure that it was still there, and still hadn't rung yet. It was exactly seventy-eight minutes past the time his mom had discovered that Ryan had gone missing from the pool house and they still hadn't found him yet. Seventy-eight minutes of Ryan wandering God knows where, probably cold, alone, and sick…
When his eyes began to burn and panic crept up into his throat, Seth pushed the thought out of his mind and squeezed the phone harder. No, he couldn't think like that. They would find Ryan. His dad had promised.
But why hadn't they called yet?
Hastily, he pulled away from the table and stood, taking his soggy cereal bowl in one hand and the phone still clenched in the other. He wandered aimlessly to the sink and turned on the tap with his elbow, dumping the now sugar-filled milk down the drain, along with the saturated cereal and letting the water rinse away the excess grime. Sighing, he began to think that perhaps voluntarily staying at home to 'wait Ryan out' hadn't been the brightest of choices. He should have argued with his dad, demanded that he come on the search, too. Seth Cohen wasn't designed for waiting. At least not under these circumstances.
As he set the bowl in the sink and started to rinse his spoon, he looked up as he saw something moving out the window from the corner of his eye. Glancing up, he did a double take and felt his jaw drop open.
Marissa Cooper was walking across his patio, her arms wrapped tightly around a barely upright Ryan. At least he thought that person had to be Ryan. It was hard to tell. He looked…barely alive.
Staring wide-eyed out the window, Seth dropped the phone into the sink and started running towards the door. "Shit!" He cursed, spun around with a screech, and retrieved the phone from the sink, slipping it instead in the pocket. Then he started running again, throwing open the kitchen doors and sprinting around the pool until he was beside them.
"Seth!" Marissa exclaimed when she saw him. She looked relieved, and at the same time her eyes filled with tears that she had obviously been holding back. "I don't know…why was he…he's sick, Seth, he needs to be inside…"
Gripping Ryan's other arm, Seth held his brother steady and directed them all back towards the kitchen. "Marissa." He said sharply, silencing her. "Where was he? Where did you find him?" He demanded, his eyes fixed on the doorway to the kitchen, his current objective. Everything else he'd worry about after. Right now he had to focus on getting Ryan into the house. Where it was warm.
"Walking on the beach, a little ways past my house." She explained, trying to be helpful. She flinched and blinked, and at first Seth could have sworn that this whole catastrophe had caused Marissa do develop a nervous tick, but then a drop of rain fell in his eye and he found himself doing the same thing. Shit.
Ryan was being too quiet. "Ry, say something to me, man." Seth instructed sternly, his voice quavering. "Tell me you're okay." Light rain was beginning to spot the surface of the patio, slowly dampening the top of Seth's head. For once, he didn't even think twice about his Jew fro.
They finally got inside the house when Ryan turned his head to look at Seth, as if noticing that he was there for the first time. "Seth…?" He began, his expression clouded and confused.
"Right on the first try, dude." Seth remarked, feeling Ryan's weight begin to get heavier and heavier on his side. He didn't know where he was going exactly, but his feet kept moving and didn't stop until they reached the living room. At which point both his and Marissa's grips were exhausted, and they all but dropped Ryan onto the safety of the couch.
Ryan was shaking his head weakly, blinking in confusion. "No…" he mumbled restlessly. "I can't be here…I have to go."
No sooner than Seth saw his brother try to push up off the couch did he have a firm hand on his shoulder, stopping his movements and pushing him back down. "Ryan, no." he said gently, noticing absently that Marissa had disappeared from the room. "I think you've had enough roaming for one day, Columbus. What were you doing out of your room, man? My parents freaked, we didn't know where you were…" he rambled, sitting down on the edge of the coffee table.
"I have to go, Seth." Ryan repeated softly, his eyes exhausted, but begging. He slumped against the cushions of the couch and made no further attempts to get up. But his pleading blue eyes stared into Seth's soul and made his heart break.
Seth sighed. "Ryan…" he began, unsure of what to say. "Where are you gonna go, man?" he challenged gently. Keep him talking, Seth told himself. Keep him calm. Get that flighty look out of his eyes.
Ryan squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and when he opened them again they were filled with tears. He coughed and wordlessly looked away.
"My parents are worried about you, Ryan. They're freaking out, my mom was ready have a nervous breakdown when she realized you were gone…"
"No…" Ryan's broken voice interrupted. He didn't look Seth in the eye. He just stared at his hands and shook his head.
Ryan didn't have to say it. Seth understood that his foster brother still didn't believe him. "Ry…" He began, craning his neck to desperately meet the other boy's lowered gaze. "They're out looking for you, man. Right now, driving around like maniacs. My dad's probably tearing around corners and my mom is most likely too worried about you to be the backseat driver that she normally is." He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
Closing his eyes again, Ryan shuddered and ducked his head further.
"Ryan…" Seth began for the third time, the name slowly losing its purpose and meaning. His foster brother didn't speak, didn't look up, and didn't seem to want to listen. When Ryan coughed again, his blue eyes filled with tears, Seth found himself reaching for a slack, cold hand, holding it firmly in his own. The contact with his brother's skin made him shiver. "You're freezing, man." He whispered in realization.
"I know…he was like that when I found him." Marissa's voice announced as she re-entered the room, her face nearly completely hidden behind the piles of blankets she was holding. "I don't know how long he was out there."
Seth helped her wrap the cushiony duvets around Ryan's shivering form. He frowned. "Long enough." He muttered, unable to push aside his mounting worry any longer. Ryan's face was too pale, his eyes too bright…
Marissa's voice broke through his muddled thoughts. "Where are your parents?" She asked as she sat down beside Ryan, a gentle hand resting on his shoulder as her large blue eyes focused on his face worriedly.
For a moment, Seth mind was a blank. "My parents?" He repeated, staring at her in confusion. Focus, Seth. Furiously, he shook his head. "Shit! My parents!" He exclaimed, tearing the mobile phone out of his back pocket and hitting speed dial. As it rang, he paced.
On the second ring, his father's panicked voice answered on the other end. "Seth? Have you heard anything?" He demanded impatiently.
"Yeah, dad. Marissa found him. He was on the beach." Seth told him, walking a tight perimeter around the living room, but his eyes never left the couch as he watched Marissa speak softly to Ryan, words only he was meant to hear. Seth didn't like the way Ryan looked.
His dad gave a crow of relief before repeating what Seth had said to presumably Kirsten. "Oh, thank God." Sandy sighed. "Where is he now, Seth? At Marissa's?"
Seth gulped. "No, he's here, dad. At the house. Marissa brought him back and now he's here." He explained, taking a few steps closer to where his friends still sat. "Are you on your way back? How far are you, dad? Because Ryan is…well, he's not saying much, and yeah, Ryan's always like that, but…something is definitely wrong, he doesn't look too good and…"
"Seth." His stern voice demanded that his son calm down, and immediately Seth stopped himself and took several steadying breaths. "Is he okay?"
Seth made himself sit down on the table again, across from his brother. Rubbing his forehead, Seth tried to assess the situation. "…No?" He swallowed hard. Marissa was attentively watching Ryan, but he could tell she was actively listening to his conversation as well. "I don't know, dad. He's…he's not good." Seth sighed, trying to quell the fear in his stomach.
He heard a muted voice speaking on the other end of the phone, and could barely identify his mother's voice. Then Sandy's insistent baritone returned. "Seth, check if he has a fever." His dad's voice instructed. "Does he feel hot?"
"His skin is like ice, dad." Seth said, his voice dismayed. But even as he spoke he raised a hesitant hand to his brother's forehead. His eyes fell closed at their own accord, and he cursed under his breath. "His forehead is hot, dad. Really hot." He said into the phone.
Marissa's eyes darted to Seth's and she stared at him in alarm. "What?" She asked, and placed her own palm on Ryan's face, as if she had to confirm for herself. Then she bit her lip, and when she spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. "Oh my God. This is bad. It's bad, isn't it Seth?" She asked him, once again turning large, watery blue eyes onto Seth's face.
She was scared, as scared as he'd ever seen Marissa Cooper get. And that was saying something in itself. But even so, Seth nodded, clutching the phone between his ear and his shoulder. "It's not good." He mumbled, reaching out to pull the blanket higher up on Ryan's still shaking form. "Hang in there, buddy." He said softly, letting his hand rest on his best friend's shoulder. "Dad? Dad, how far away are you?" he asked into the phone.
"We'll be there in ten minutes, Seth. Just hold on." Sandy's voice returned, strong and steady, but Seth could hear the worry as clear as a bell. "Tell Marissa thank you. She did a good job."
Seth nodded. "Will do, dad." He muttered, his eyes wandering to Marissa's face for a moment before he looked away.
"We'll be there soon, I promise." His dad told him earnestly. Just as Seth was about to say goodbye, Sandy spoke again. "And Seth? Tell Ryan to hang in there, okay? Tell him everything will be alright. We'll figure this out." Seth felt his mouth go dry and his throat close up, so he didn't say anything. When his father spoke again, his voice was rough and scratchy. "And tell him…tell him we love him."
Rubbing the heel of his hand across his eyes, Seth gave a shaky nod. "Okay, dad." He said softly. And after a long pause, Seth forced himself to be the first one to hang up the phone.
AN: There goes another chapter…not quite so large of a cliffhanger this time. You're just going to have to wait and see how the rest of that pans out…can they convince Ryan that he's wanted? Is he going to have to go back to the hospital? And what is this latest catastrophe going to do to family dynamics – bring them together or tear them farther apart? In the words of an old TV show, tune in next time! And please review…food for the writer's soul…Cheers!
-Vancouverite
