winter halfed soul
my life split in two
one is cheerful
one is blue.
i love to make u laugh
love to make u smile
but the other half of me
watches in the back of my concious mind
watching all the while.
it wishes to distance its self
to never be hurt again.
afraid that at a moment of weakness
my soul will not remend.
i want to open up and shine
but a haunting past that follows
wont allow me to show more than a dime.
at times i feel my one spirit is really 2.
there's me
then there's another me.
the one that was forged in a time of icilation
a time when no one was there to smile back
it came with out warning as it wraped around me to keep me safe
at first i welcomed it
now...
i dispise it
"get over it"
"just relax"
"try to see past it"
these words i hear every now and then
yet i have no idea where to begin.
that other self will not end
it refuses to let go completely.
hiding in the shadows
waiting for a time of vunerability
then it encapes me once more
telling lies of how those i love are false
and i am ashamed to addmit
more than once i belived
more than once had i been decived.
but that was then
this is now.
even though its there, it reacts not as a blizard
wishing to hide all in its rage
but as a pleasent snow of winter
both holding memories of good and bad.
yet it is still cold
still trying to distance me
and still
not as far as it really seems
it feels like with each year,
a layer of my winter half
melts away
and with it
comes spring.
with that
a new me
my past is something that still affects me
but never again
will it
control me.
