Yeah, it's been a fair few weeks I know. I'm quite busy; exams and all so this little story is taking a bit of a back seat until mid June (I know, I know they drag them out for long enough – but I've more or less got at least two or three exams a week till then) And I just can't risk starting up another chapter to find I've spent a whole afternoon on it. I don't want it to totally lose momentum though. We'll have to see. Basically apologies if this go on hiatus.
And on with the show:
Seifer POV
Now
The joy of air conditioning, oh how it can clear the mind, a cigarette would do nicely right now, but I'll never feel quite right smoking inside, and it's far too humid to step outside even for a few minutes… I can appreciate why they all retreated to office jobs, more or less. Problems just don't seem to haunt you quite as much in this cool sterile 'home', even the people here don't hunt me down as they have elsewhere, in-fact no on has confronted me, nothing more than a few double takes as I wander. I've refined it down to an art, wandering, without purpose or direction, away from nothing, towards nothing, I guess, any other would have been called a vagrant, another nameless faceless wanderer… if only that was the case.
My wanderings took me to the second floor, to Quistis's old classroom no-less, pausing at the door, it was time to finally do something with my life, that was why I had come back here right? To move on and actually achieve something maybe. What was the worst that could happen anyway, Quistis had always had a little bit of a thing for me, she would always be civil, it was her way… smear on the charm, the smile oozing confidence:
"instruct…." My god….
There in position in front of a young looking class, Zell… or what was left of him, a rather ragged aged man. How he had changed, scars littered his limbs and face, though his tattoo remained relatively untouched. Good thing too, that piece of eloquent beauty was best thing about him, something so mysterious and graceful was almost out of place. It had been something close to an obsession of mine in my younger years. When he first came in sporting it so proudly, claiming he'd done it for me; designed it specially and all, bless… I gazed at him, kissed it up and down, but I knew then he was not the one. Not the one I thought he was. Rather him than me.
His attitude however, seemed unchanged, he stood fighting stance afore his class, obviously 'enthusiastic about education'… or something equally corny.
"Seifer…. The hell!" Zell called across the classroom. Obviously having no knowledge of my return to the Garden, at which the students started a hushed discussion about the surprising new situation, who would win in a fight maybe? Some might be young enough to not recognize me, maybe, though its wishful thinking really, everyone knows me, they always will.
"Don't worry, chicken wuss, I won't keep you, I was looking for dearest Quistis."
Prickling obviously at the name, but equally perplexed at my sudden arrival mid-class, he replied:
"You missed her, left about an hour ago…" He'd matured, quite markedly, the vague answer… filled with subtle confidence.
"Oh? When will she be back?" I sound surprisingly pleading, strange how roles change, how people change, I like to think I'm living proof of that, Zell would seem to be as well.
"Not till the beginning of next week, earliest." He's advancing towards me now, and I find myself moving away, until we're both outside his classroom, the students gossip now audible even out here.
"…the hell do you want." Zell growls, too close for comfort, and there I am, the prey.
"I work here… Zell." He's a fair bit shorter than me, I've always towered over him, but somehow, now, his presence is far greater.
"Like hell you do Almasy, Maybe you've been hit round the head a few too many times to remember what you did, but you're not wanted here."
That was a blow worse than any physical wound. The malice in his eyes, rode on his words, and slapped me round the face.
"We have an obligation, to make sure these kids are safe, I suggest you resign whatever remedial job you're pushing and leave with at least a scrap of decency." He finished before turning
adding:
"And you ever go near Quistis, and you'll be wishing they had sentenced you to death at the sorry court hearing, I'll hunt you to the ends of the earth." Then Stepping back into his classroom;
silencing his class as he went. His gruff warning, if I'm honest had me shacking to the core, it lacked the immaturity, the lack of confidence that had made him so easy to anger, way back when. Constrained hatred lay in every word he said and the intensity of it left me there where he had left me for several minutes stunned. A lot can happen in a year, like Squall had shown, Zell had too changed, grown harder, thicker skinned. I like to think I had grown too.
Then
It was cold, the sun set early in the evening now, and on cloudless nights like tonight, bitter winds often blew in from the sea, bringing the salty tang of summer memories mixed with the bitter chill of winter to come. He had stood, looking gorgeous, gazing out into the wilderness, wild hair blowing frantically whilst I lit up my hundredth cigarette of the night before approaching him.
"sometimes I wonder…" he muttered
"Hm? Wonder what"
"… Oh, nothing really, just, it's so much effort, I sat in that bush for three hours, and well, would it really be that bad if it was public?"
I couldn't help but smile, sometimes, it was as if I could read his mind, his inner monologues, were as if he were talking to me normally. Sliding a finger under his chin and lifting his face to meet mine I reply:
"Then tell them, if you really want. Then we'll both be expelled, and be able to do what we want."
He didn't reply, lost in thought, but he won't be telling anyone about us, not for those reasons, exactly, but the unspoken social stigma is something he's not quite secure enough to deal with just yet. There were bound to be others like us, but, like us they were under thick covers, as was logical in a school which conformed students into killing units. Un-conventionality, in that sense was very much frowned upon.
With that thought in my head I kissed him, young and oh so suppressed, the breaking of the rules in this sensual way was a thrill on its own. Slipping deeper into the neat gardens, passion making my fingers all thumbs as I try to pull off his clothes, he follows suit, he's surprisingly rough for someone so petit, a lithe violence to him that's almost amusing… then he kneels down and gently pulls down my boxers, as is our habit, he's good, a quick learner, for someone seeming so lost the first time.
A shuffle the far side of the bushes make us freeze, a pair of deer caught in the headlights of a speeding truck there is very little to do other than stand and await the oncoming fate. I feel sorry for my squally, mouth poised, not quite sure whether to continue or to get up. He no doubt feels sorry for me, standing, all set up for something I was now quite obviously was not going to get…
"Is there someone in there" A disembodied voice called out
"You shouldn't be out at this time of night, if you don't come out in 5 seconds I will be calling the garden staff, and you will be escorted from the garden immediately." The voice barked, but I recognized it, and the slight nervousness it was trying so desperately to hide.
"Ahhh… instructor." I called back, meaning it to come out with my usual suave tone, though, due to the circumstance it sounded a little strained.
"Seifer? What do you think you're up to? Don't tell me this is one of your little disciplinary plots. Scare people misbehaving, because I'll have none of it."
"Eh… errrr… no, not at all ms, you see… I errr, was caught short… bit of a dodgy meal down in Balamb this afternoon, wasn't agreeing with me, and I didn't quite make it back in time." My god I was clever… wit always was on my side, or so I like to think.
There was no reply, she was obviously shocked and maybe somewhat disgusted by the image given to her, as was, looking down, Squall, who had retracted his mouth considerably and now was sitting looking thoroughly uncomfortable.
"If it's that's bad you should be in the infirmary. Or I should at least come in there and check on you." The call came from beyond the bush. Suddenly once again we were frozen.
"Eh, no, its err alright instructor, I'll be out in a minute, just be patient, I've got a little clearing up to do, don't want to shock the gardeners too much" I laughed nervously, whilst pulling my clothes back on, stumbling about and looking apoplectically at Squall, I wasn't the only one who had missed out on something this evening, and the occasions when we could get together were so few and far between that an incident like this led to great disappointment. Poor lad, I wanted so desperately to kiss him, knowing shamefully what I would do to myself when I had left Quistis's watch, but it wasn't the same. I stepped out into the dim garden lighting trying to look like I had indeed been having a disagreement with my food, decidedly unfulfilled.
Now
He was right, really, it was the only way to do it, no more running away from my problems, this time I would face them, back down, apologize, and then walk away, and then maybe leave with a little dignity.
The halls were unexpectedly quiet, guess everyone's in class. Up on the third floor, no Xu either. Just Squall to face then, I don't bother knocking, I'm on a roll, and if I stop I know I won't be able to carry on, so I burst into his office.
"…The hell…" He says looking up, caught off guard.
" I'm resigning." I proclaim.
"I don't know what's happened between you and Rinoa, Squall, but you've changed. And so have I. I don't know what I was expecting to find here, but it's quite obvious that there is nothing here for me. I know where I'm not wanted, so to save you, and everyone else the hassle of dealing me counteractive out-of-the-way jobs, I'm going to move on, as of tomorrow." Heaving outwards at the end of my hurried speech, I awaited his curt appraisal. Silence hung between us, for what seemed like forever.
Finally he sighed deeply, furrowed his brow and looked up hard into my eyes:
"Where did it all go so wrong Seif?"
There we go: a little bit more insightful maybe, though I'm finding it a bit hard to have any deep and meaningful moments, as of yet. And, as a result, the characters seem a little hollow; I want a few more tears and tantrums, violent confrontation and all the rest. But then, the only person to blame for that is me. It will all come with time, hopefully.
And thank you to my reviewers, you are truly wonderful people.
