Chapter 10 – Waiting and Wondering
Sam stood on the back deck, looking up at the stars and contemplating the news she had to reveal to her husband tonight. She had put off the announcement for a few days because, while there was the familiar fluttering of excitement, Sam also felt more than a bit of trepidation. How would Jack react to the news? While she was fairly certain he'd be more than happy, a small part of her wondered. And how exactly did she feel about it? Was she too old to start over once again? Sighing, Sam hugged her arms tightly, trying to control the nervous fluttering of her heart.
Sam stayed where she was even as she heard the sliding door open behind her. "Hey, it's kind of cold out here. What are you doing standing out here without a jacket?" Jack came up behind her and put his arms around her, enveloping her in his warmth. Sam sighed and leaned back into him, closing her eyes as she relished the feeling of warmth and security she always felt in his embrace.
Jack bent his head slightly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "What's wrong, Sam? You've been quiet all night." He paused for a moment, then asked, "Is it the hamsters? I know you're not overly fond of rodents…"
Sam smiled into the darkness. "No, Jack. It's not the hamsters. I'm glad you got them; the kids are crazy about them."
Jack smiled against her hair as he thought about his two little ones and their obvious fondness for the little creatures he had brought home that afternoon. "Grace wanted Winnie to sleep with her. I had to explain to her that Winnie might end up a pancake if she did that."
Sam gasped and craned her head to look back at him. "Jack! You didn't!"
Chuckling, he reassured her, "Well, not in so many words. But I did stress that Winnie and Eeyore would be much happier, and safer, in their cage." Jack chuckled softly again. "Our Grace is quite a character. I wouldn't trade her for the world."
Sam turned back, looking out into the darkened back yard once again. When she didn't respond to him, Jack's smile faded away and he looked down at her with concern. "Sam? What's wrong?" He repeated his earlier question.
Sam stayed quiet for a moment, then asked quietly. "Jack? Are you happy? I mean with our lives right now…you, me, JJ and Grace. Our work schedules…everything?"
Jack's heartbeat quickened as he thought about her words and what she might be trying to tell him. Oh God, please don't tell me you're not happy, he thought to himself even as he spun her around to face him, holding her firmly by the shoulders. "Am I happy? Are you kidding me, Sam? I've never been happier in my entire life, and I think you know that. I wouldn't change a thing in our lives, nothing," he stressed as his gaze locked with hers. "Everything's perfect the way it is right now."
Sam bit her lower lip and looked down as she contemplated his words. She looked up again when she felt his hand under her chin, drawing her face up. "Sam, please. Tell me what's bothering you. Whatever it is, we can fix it." His eyes pleaded with her and Sam felt a shot of guilt over what she might be putting him through right now.
Raising her hand to his face, she said, "Jack, it's nothing like that. It's just…well…no matter how much you don't want things to change, eventually they do."
His frown deepened. "What do you mean, Sam? What's going to change? Do you want to rejoin an SG team; go on more missions? Do you want me to retire? I know I've been gone for longer periods of time lately, but…" He was interrupted by Sam's fingers over his mouth.
She looked at him intently. "No, Jack none of that. I just mean that…our family dynamic is going to change." As he continued looking at her in confusion, she smiled somewhat tremulously at him. "Jack, we're going to have another baby," she whispered, then watched him closely for his reaction.
At first, he was stunned and his face showed it. They had never really talked about having another child. Granted, they hadn't done much to prevent it, but after 3 and a half years and nothing happening, Jack had just assumed they wouldn't be having any more children. And he had been fine with that: Sam, JJ, and Grace were all he could have ever hoped for in a family. But now…a slow smile began to creep its way across his face. "Another baby? The pitter patter of another set of little feet? Is that what's had you so quiet for the past few days?" At her nod, his smile faltered and once again, his heart rate picked up a few notches. "Do you…not want this baby Sam?" he asked, schooling his features into an emotionless mask. His heart clenched in pain at the thought that she might not want this child, but he wouldn't wear his emotions on his sleeve.
Sam closed her eyes briefly against the look on his face before she opened them once again and took his hands in both of hers. "Oh Jack, of course I want this baby…our baby…very much. I've just been worried that…well, that maybe you might not," she admitted quietly. "Things are so much easier, now that JJ and Grace are a little older. And in two years, Grace will be starting school as well, so that would free us both up even more. A new baby would be…well, a big change," she admitted softly, her eyes large and luminous in the dark.
"Yes, it will be a big change," he admitted. "But a most welcome change, Sam. How could you even think I wouldn't welcome a new baby into our lives?" he asked, his tone hurt that she could even think as much.
Sam felt chastened; she had been unfair to him, especially since she knew how much he loved JJ and Grace. Sam wrapped her arms around him and put her cheek against his chest and held onto him tightly. "I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered as tears blurred her vision. "I know you'll love this baby, just as much as you love JJ and Grace. I guess I was just afraid…I'm not in my thirties anymore. What if I'm too old to have another baby? What if something goes wrong?"
Jack held onto her tightly, recognizing that her hesitation in telling him had only been her own fears coming through. "Shh," he whispered as he ran a hand through her hair. "Everything's going to be fine, sweetheart. And you're not too old…obviously," he smirked, then smiled when she gave him a smack on his backside. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. Releasing his hold on her to cup her face, he said, "Nothing could make me happier than the news you gave me tonight, Mrs. O'Neill. I love you so much." Then he pulled her close and gave her a deep, loving kiss.
When they pulled apart, he didn't release her. "There's only one bad thing about this," he stated seriously but with a twinkle in his eye.
Sam cocked an eyebrow at him. "What?" she asked, slightly puzzled.
Jack broke into a wide grin. "Well my dear, when this baby is born, we are going to be sorely outnumbered around here."
Sam laughed then hugged him tightly again. She felt so grateful to have married a man like him; someone who could overlook her insecurities and reassure her that everything would be all right.
"So, when is the newest O'Neill due to arrive?" he whispered into her hair.
"Early June," Sam replied quietly.
"Good," Jack replied. "School will be out and we'll have plenty of time to get JJ and Grace used to the idea of a new sibling; although I think Grace is going to take some convincing that this will be a good thing." He chuckled to himself as he recalled her reaction to her little cousin's birth a year and a half ago.
"Well, at least she won't be angry at Santa Claus for bringing us a baby," Sam replied with a chuckle of her own.
"Maybe we can tell her the stork brought the baby," Jack offered. Then he shifted his arm around her and turned back toward the house. "Come along, Mrs. O'Neill. It's getting much too cold out here. Let's get you and Junior to bed."
Sam groaned as she let herself be led into the house. "Please Jack, no calling the baby junior. You know how that gave me nightmares when I was pregnant with the other two!"
"Yes, Ma'am," Jack wisely replied, drawing her into the house and closing the door behind them.
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It was the end of March; a beautiful day that heralded the promise of spring. The weather was balmy, the sun shining and the wind blowing gently. Sam was out on the back deck, watching as JJ and Grace tried to fly the small kites Daniel had given them the other day. Jack had rolled his eyes at the gift, for each kite had a picture of some non-descript Egyptian Pharoh on them. Where Daniel had ever found kites like that, neither one of them could hazard a guess. Never the less, the children had been thrilled with the kites and had been playing with them almost non-stop since they had received them.
Sam rubbed her swollen belly absently as she watched the children scamper about the yard and try to get the kites in the air. She smiled as JJ held tightly to the string of his kite, told Grace to hold it, then started to run. Grace tried to run along with him but her little legs couldn't quite keep up. She abruptly let go of the kite and tumbled to the ground as JJ continued to race across the yard. Miraculously, the kite began to rise and Grace rebounded quickly to her feet, screeching with excitement.
Sam called out, "Great job JJ! Let out some more string but just don't get too close to the trees." While they had a large, spacious yard, there were an abundant number of trees along the back property line and Sam didn't want to see JJ's kite get tangled into the branches.
Unfortunately, in his excitement at finally having his kite aloft without his father's help, JJ did exactly that. He made a loop around the yard, much too close to the trees, and soon found himself holding onto a kiteless string. His little face was a picture of disappointment as he looked up into the branches of the still bare Maple tree. Then he looked over at his mother as his chin began to tremble. He tried hard not to cry, for big boys didn't cry over things like kites in trees, but he couldn't stop the tears from escaping down his cheeks.
Grace raced over to her brother and met him long before Sam could get there. "It's OK, JJ. You can hab my kite," she assured her brother. "You is the bestest kite flyer ever!" she gushed, still very much impressed with her big brother's prowess.
"I want my kite," he replied a bit petulantly, as he looked up into the low branches of the tree.
Sam came to stand beside him and put her hand on his shoulder. His teary blue eyes met hers and the sadness within their depths quickly turned to hope at her words. "It's all right, JJ. We can get your kite down. It's not too far up." In fact, as Sam walked under the branch that had entangled the kite, she stood up on her tiptoes, and reached for the kite. It was just out of reach, but not too far that if she stood on something, she could get it. In fact, if she used a small step ladder, she would be able to reach it with ease. "JJ, can you go get the little step ladder next to the deck? I can reach it with that."
JJ wiped his eyes, then looked at his mother somberly. "I don't think Daddy would like you to be on the ladder, mommy. Member what he said when you standed on the chair in the kitchen?"
Sam looked down at the little boy, feeling a bit of exasperation at the reminder of her husband's overprotective nature…which he seemed to have passed along to their son. She'd only been reaching for a mixing bowl in the back of the cupboard…it wasn't like she was climbing onto the roof, for heaven's sake. "I'll be fine, JJ. I'm only going to stand on the bottom step. I won't be more than eight inches off the ground. Now go grab the ladder for me, OK?"
Not one to argue with his mother, JJ raced off to do her bidding. She looked down at Grace, who was gazing up at her with concern. "Me go get daddy?" she asked hesitantly, the brown eyes filled with worry. She too had been in the kitchen when Jack had caught her mommy standing on the chair. Daddy had been displeased and Grace didn't like it when daddy was displeased, with anyone.
Sam bent down to Grace's level. "No, sweetheart. Daddy's busy painting the baby's room. Don't worry, mommy will just go on the lowest step. If I can't reach JJ's kite, then we'll go and get daddy, OK?" She was determined to show her children that just because she was pregnant, she was not useless.
"Kay mommy," Grace nodded, still looking worried.
JJ huffed over to them, dragging the small ladder with him. Though it only had three steps, Sam had found it useful in reaching low items in and around the house. It was light enough for JJ to carry as well, proven by the fact that he had just brought it across the yard with no help.
"Thank you, JJ." Sam took the ladder from him with a smile and opened it, then situated it under the tree branch. She jiggled it back and forth until she found a secure spot, then placed both hands on the sides. Throwing her children a look of reassurance, Sam looked up at the kite and took a deep breath, praying that she could reach it from the bottom rung. She really didn't want to bother Jack with this, especially since he had been hard at work painting for the last 2 hours.
Sam put first one foot, then the other on the ladder, still holding tightly to the sides, and waited for just a moment to make sure the ladder would hold her. She was six months pregnant after all! Sam was amused when she glanced down and saw both children holding either side of the ladder for her. Though she really was only eight inches off the ground, to them, it probably looked much higher. "This will just take a second," she reassured her two little helpers.
She had just started to reach up with one hand, her fingers within inches of grasping the errant kite, when she heard the loud,angry voice of Jack calling her from the deck. "Samantha Jean Carter O'Neill? What in the hell do you think you're doing?" he thundered, even as he took the steps in a leap and raced across the back yard.
She winced, then spared at glance at the children. She heard JJ's quiet, "Uh-Oh," from her right side and Grace's quiet, "Daddy mad," from her left.
Before she could take a step backwards off the ladder, she felt his strong arms at her hips, lifting her gently but firmly off the ladder. She turned and met his gaze, wincing again at the anger and reprimand she saw there. "Jack," she tried to explain calmly, but was stopped by his hand raised in an impeding gesture.
"JJ, Grace. Inside now," he ordered curtly. JJ shot his mother a look of sympathy before taking his little sister by the hand and pulling her across the yard and into the house.
When the children had gone up the back steps, Sam frowned and met Jack's glare with one of her own. "I think you're overreacting a bit here, don't you? Why did you send the children inside?"
"I didn't want them to hear me ask their mother how she could even think of doing something so stupid," he growled, grasping her by the upper arms. "God, Sam, what if you would have fallen? You're six months pregnant, for crying out loud!"
"Yes, Jack. And with my third child. I think I know what I can and can't do," she argued with him. "I wasn't even a foot off the ground; nothing was going to happen."
Jack closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. Seeing her up on that ladder, no matter how low to the ground she had been, had made his insides churn in anxiety. Knowing that yelling wasn't going to prove anything to his hard-headed wife, Jack went for the truth. Gentling his grasp, he sighed deeply and looked into her eyes. "Sam, I know that you are a strong, capable woman. But you are also carrying our baby. And seeing you up on that ladder, or on the chair the other day…well, it scared me to death. I don't want to see you or our baby hurt. And I don't think our children should see their mother put herself into situations, no matter how safe they might seem, that might endanger her or their new sibling."
Their gazes locked for several long moments, wills clashing, before Sam lowered her eyes and sighed. He was right and she knew it. Though she still felt it was perfectly safe to get up on that ladder, she never should have put her children in that position…especially when both of them had raised concerns of their own. And knowing how Jack felt about it was just one more reason why she should have just waited until he was able to come outside and help. She was just so used to doing things on her own. She so wanted her son to grow up with a view of women that wasn't stereotypical, that maybe she went overboard sometimes.
"I'm sorry, Jack," she said softly, looking down at his chest.
At her quiet apology, Jack's anger dissipated completely and he pulled her into his embrace, holding her tightly and tucking her head under his chin. "You don't have to prove yourself to those two, you know that don't you Sam? Grace and JJ worship the ground you walk on. They couldn't ask for a better mother," he assured her.
"I just miss not being able to do some of the things I used to do with them before," and she indicated her protruding belly, which was pressed firmly between them. "I don't want them to think back on this time and regret that their mother was too fat and clumsy to play with them or help them."
Jack pulled back and looked deeply into her eyes, rubbing his hand lovingly over her stomach and smiling when he felt an answering kick. "You are not fat, Sam. You're beautiful. And JJ and Grace aren't going to think any less of you, or regret that you couldn't climb trees with them or race around the yard for a few months out of their lives. You'll have plenty of time for that after the baby is born." His face changed from serious to light in an instant. "Heck, if I'm lucky, I can get you to teach Grace to ride a two-wheeler next year. I'm getting too old for running alongside a bike!" he added with a grin.
Sam met his grin with a smile of her own. "You're not too old, Jack. Just maybe not in the best shape anymore," she teased, poking him in the stomach.
"Hey! I'll have you know that I can still take down the young recruits," he protested playfully.
Laughing, Sam stated, "I think you just scare them to death…you and Teal'c, when he's on base helping. Those poor kids don't stand a chance."
Jack shrugged, "Well, whatever works, I say." He looked up at the house, then back at Sam with a smile. "Come on, Mrs. O'Neill. We'd best kiss and make up. Two pairs of eyes are watching from the window."
Sam followed his gaze and looked up toward the house, smiling when she saw JJ and Grace anxiously peering out at them. "Yes, sir, Mr. O'Neill," she replied, then she let herself be pulled close for a long kiss. When they both turned back toward the house, they were not surprised to see two little figures come pouring out the door and hurtling down the steps toward them.
When JJ and Grace had been assured that all was fine, Jack had effortlessly untangled JJ's kite from the tree and retied it to the string. He then spent the next 30 minutes helping both children get their kites aloft while Sam returned to her spot on the deck. Later that night, when the children had been safely tucked into their beds and Jack and Sam were cuddling on the couch, Jack made her promise that she wouldn't climb on anything for the next few months, well, except maybe for him. At which Sam had lightly punched him before agreeing, just to put his mind at ease. Though she had no plan to go back on her promise.
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The incident with the step ladder, no matter how innocent, had affected the children and for that Sam had a hard time forgiving herself. For the next three months, both children kept a close eye on her when their father wasn't around to do so. JJ was more than happy to do some extra chores around the house to help his mother and Sam had to wonder if Jack had talked to the little boy.
Grace stuck to her mommy like glue, worried a bit about her safety, but more than a little apprehensive about the whole process that would bring her a little brother or sister. Daddy had started to tell them a funny story about a stork, but mommy had stopped him with a look halfway through the story. While neither parent felt their children was ready for the whole "Birds and the Bees" speech, they had told them enough about how the baby was growing inside mommy's tummy and would come out when he or she was ready to be born. Sam spent many hours reassuring the little girl that the baby could breathe just fine inside of mommy's tummy, kind of like how fish could breathe in water, but it was different with babies. Grace puzzled about that one for many days.
She wondered too what it might be like, for try as she might, she just couldn't remember what it had been like in mommy's tummy. She knew she and JJ had grown there as well, for mommy and daddy had told them. And they had seen pictures of themselves after they were born…all red and wrinkly looking. Mommy insisted they were beautiful, but Grace didn't think so. She had seen newborn puppies on TV before and though that her and JJ kind of looked like that. She would much rather have a new puppy than a little brother or sister, but Grace wouldn't tell mommy that 'cause it might make her sad.
Grace had been just a bit miffed when she realized that JJ had gotten to be inside of mommy first…maybe he had taken some of the fun toys out with him. She figured there had to be fun toys because the baby kicked around a lot inside of mommy and once she heard daddy say that the little guy must be boxing in there. She wondered if he had those boxing gloves on that Uncle Teal'c sometimes wore with daddy. They'd have to be really little though, she mused.
So sometimes, when mommy and daddy were busy or JJ was playing with a friend, Grace would huddle under the covers of her bed and pretend that she was in mommy's tummy again. But it got hard to breathe after a while, so she would come out and start to worry all over again about the baby breathing inside of mommy. Even though she'd rather have a puppy, she didn't want her new brother or sister to have trouble breathing.
JJ had told her that his friend Billy said that the baby would come out of mommy's butt. She didn't think that could be right, but what if it was? What if mommy forgot to check and accidentally flushed the new baby down the toilet? That caused many worrisome thoughts for Grace, so she started to check the bathroom after mommy was in there. When daddy caught her at it, she had to tell him what she was worried about. Daddy had made a funny face; his eyes crinkled and his lips got all pinched together. Then he'd told her not to worry, that the baby would definitely not be coming out of mommy's butt. She'd been relieved and gone back to her room, wondering as she sat and played with her dolls what mommy and daddy were laughing so hard about in the other room.
By the time June rolled around, all four of them were more than ready for the new arrival, though no one more so than Sam. Although, if anyone had bothered to ask Grace, she might argue otherwise. Even though she knew mommy's back hurt and she was tired all the time, Grace was more anxious to see if this baby came into the world bearing any toys…or if it had gills like a fish. Maybe, when the baby could talk, it could tell Grace what it had been like inside of mommy so she too could remember. All in all, Grace thought maybe that story about the stork wasn't such a bad idea. After all, if a stork could bring a baby, maybe it could drop off a puppy as well.
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Grace's thoughts were some that my own 2 children shared with me before their little sister was born quite a few years ago. Couldn't resist adding them in! New baby will arrive next chapter! Thanks for the reviews...I am thinking one or two more chapters. I am running low on ideas and I think people are losing insterest...not enough action perhaps:)
