Disclaimer:

Haldir: Yes, the author, Nenuial, owns nothing. *turns to Nenuial* Can I have my clothes back now?

Nenuial: *tilts head from side to side* Umm...no? What do you think girls?

Overview: Nervous Orophin, Shifty Rumil, Loving Haldir, Troublesome Niamh, Hopeful Anarrima, Teasing Brilthor, and an Evil Calandil.

A/N: I'm sorry this took so long....but this chapter was just hard to write...I don't like it. But the next two will be fun!

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To my reviewers: Free Haldir balloons to all!

Naomie: My faithful reviewer! I wuv you! You are so encouraging, thanks. It helps to know someone looks for the next chapter

Lady Gothia: Well, all I can say is there will be future tear jerkers... No really, it's sad for me to write

Haldir's Heart and Soul: I love the name! Thank you for reviewing every chapter. I made me feel all warm inside!

elvinscarf: Thank you! I hope you like this chapter.

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Hail the Conquering Heros

Chapter Five: Where Do Babies Come From

~~

Niamh rolled over in bed and glanced out the window. The sun was already up, and she could here voices from the kitchen. She jumps out of bed and runs to her closet. Pondering for a few minutes about which one she should wear, she pulls out a dark green dress and tugs it on. Walking over to the bowl on the stand by her bed, she washes her face before emerging from her room. With her feet softly hitting the floor, Niamh arrives to the kitchen area and looks at the picture in front of her. Haldir was desperately trying to make something edible to eat. But by the funny smell in the air, Niamh assumed she would be hungry until lunch. Rumil was lounging at the table, sipping milk and laughing at his brother's feeble attempts to cook. Orophin on the other hand was staring at nothing in particular with a dazed look on his face. Niamh chose to approach the latter.

"Are you well Orophin?" Orophin glanced down at the young girl and smiled.

"I am feeling a little ill." Haldir glared at his brother, "My cooking isn't that bad."

"It is not that." Rumil suddenly perked up, "Then what is it?"

"Nothing." Niamh suddenly gasped and smiled at the poor elf.

"I know! He's going to..." She was quickly cut off by Orophin's hand blocking her mouth. Niamh continued speaking, but her words were muffled. Orophin had turned a bright pink, Rumil looked liked he had found his prey, and Haldir was letting breakfast burn.

"What was that Niamh?"

"Omipin wis doeing poo asp Emimmia twoo..."

"What?"

"Errr!" Niamh glared up at Orophin but quickly stopped trying to talk. She patted Orophin's arm. He dropped his hand and smiled at her.

"Sorry, but I am sworn to secrecy by pain of tickling." Rumil and Haldir frowned while Orophin smiled at his 'little sister.'

"Haldir you orc! You let breakfast burn!" Haldir mumbled about unfair treatment and the other three glared at him.

"I guess we will have to eat in the dining hall."

~*~

Niamh toddled along behind her three guardians. Rumil kept shooting curious looks at his brother. Haldir kept turning to make sure that Niamh was not getting herself lost. Niamh would smile at him, thus causing him to smile back. Niamh sped up her step to walk next to Rumil. She tugged on his arm to get his attention.

"Yes Niamh?"

"Leave my big brother alone!" Orophin grinned and picked her up, "That's right, leave me alone."

"Niamh, if he is your big brother, then what am I?" Niamh turned to Rumil and smiled.

"I decided you were to be my new ada." The three brothers exchanged looks of curiosity. Rumil looked at Niamh closely.

"Why am I your new ada, and Orophin your brother?"

"Well that is easy! You see, Orophin treats me like a little sister, and we act like it too. You treat me like my ada used to, actually, you have many things that remind me of Father." Orophin switched Niamh to his other arm and looked at Haldir.

"What of him?"

"That's different."

"What is so different?"

"Haldir is special." Haldir gave his brothers a smug look and plucked Niamh from Orophin's arms.

"Yes, I am special." Rumil nudged Orophin and they both shot Haldir identical looks of delight.

"I've always known you were 'special' brother."

"Yes, mother told Rumil and I how you fell from a tree in your early days. She said you were never the same after that." Haldir practically growled at his brothers. Niamh looked at the three of them with a confused expression.

"You have a momma?" Haldir held Niamh a little tighter as the fair faces filled with sadness.

"We did." Niamh realized something was wrong and decided not to prod any further. Se hugged Haldir and remained silent.

"Look Niamh, we have reached the dining hall." Haldir set her down and let her walk. Suddenly overcome with shyness, she grabbed his hand and walked close to him. They walked into the dining hall to a new site for Niamh's eyes. There were so many elves. Niamh looked around with a look of surprise.

"I've never met him, or him, oh! Or her..." Haldir smiled down at her.

"There are many elves you haven't met. Now, if it pleases you, we will sit with some of my wardens." Niamh nodded and they joined a table where Orophin and Rumil were already sitting at. Niamh put herself between Haldir and Rumil, feeling they would protect her if she needed to be. A few conversations stopped as the little girl sat down. All of Haldir's wardens knew that he and his brothers were caring for the young girl, but many had not met her. All three were rather protective of her, and she only ventured out to see the wardens when Haldir would return from the border. And of course, Niamh was a topic that the three elves could speak about for a long time.

"Where have you been hiding Niamh?" Calandil asked, being the only face she recognized.

"Away from you." Her comment caused quite a few laughs. Calandil grinned at her and turned back to his companion. Niamh scooted closer to Haldir and began picking at the plate he had prepared for her. Niamh perked up as she heard Orophin laughing loudly.

"That is where you have been all these nights." Orophin laughed at the elf across from him.

"Well..." More laughter could be heard.

"Careful Aegnor, you don't want her father to learn of your nightly exercise."

"Yes Aegnor, we don't need young ones running around here. Especially if you are the father." Haldir was glad the poor elf cursed in elvish, allowing Niamh to be saved from his colorful language. The was a slight lull in the conversation then, and Niamh took the opportunity to ask a question she had been meaning to ask.

"Haldir, where do babies come from?" All eyes turned to Haldir as he began stuttering in a very unelf like way.

"You see, when, and, then, yes, um....ask Rumil."

"Rumil, where do babies come from?" Rumil turned pink and quickly left the table. Niamh got up and sat next to Orophin.

"Brother, where do babies come from?"

"You see, Niamh, when a male and a female love each other..."

"Very much."

"Thank you Haldir, when a male and female love each other, they may come to the decision to have children."

"Uh huh...keep going." Orophin turned to his brother for help, but only received a look of misery.

"Well, they then go and....they...well, you see, they..."

"Orophin!"

"They go to the market!"

"Market?" Multiple voices ask the same question.

"Yes the market. They have to find the perfect child, so they shop for a long time..."

"Yes sometimes for, nine months!" Haldir chipped in.

"And when they finally find the baby they want they buy it." Niamh gave him a confused look.

"Well, then why does the momma get really big?"

"Because she drinks a potion."

"Why?"

"To have the baby."

"I thought you buy a baby."

"Um...you buy the potion for the perfect baby." Niamh looked at Orophin for a few moments and then smiled.

"Thank you Orophin!"

"Think nothing of it." Elves around him were laughing, some even to the point of tears.

~*~

After breakfast, Niamh had grabbed Orophin and dragged him away to her favorite garden. She wanted to help her big brother get married, no matter what.

"When are you going to do it?" Orophin gave her a shy look.

"Whatever do you mean?" Niamh scowled.

"Ask Anarrima to marry you! Look here big brother, you have been seeing her for three hundred years. That's like three human lives smushed together!" Orophin blushed and got a dreamy look on his face.

"I truly don't know Niamh..."

"Do you love her?"

"Of course!"

"Is there anything wrong with her?"

"I wouldn't care if there was."

"Then what is the problem?" Niamh looked up at Orophin and gave him a innocent smile, one that tugged at his heart. Orophin knelt down and hugged her.

"I was planning on doing it the day Haldir found you. I returned from the border that day, but you were here. I became very attatched to you, as you know." Niamh giggled and backed away from Orophin.

"Well, you have to do it, today!"

"Today?"

"Yes, and I will stand no objections." Orophin smiled at his young friend and nodded.

"Fine, I will. But you must help me."

"What can I do?"

~~~

Annarima sighed as she carried a basket of mended tunics to Orophin's talan. This was something she had been doing ever since there two month anniversary.

"And now three hundred years later..." she mumbled to herself as she clinmbed the steps. Yes, she loved Orophin, but sometimes the elf was so dense! For one hundred and twenty two years she had been hinting that they should marry, bind as life mates. One would think that discussing their future children was hint enough. Annarima had begun to wonder if she would have to be the one to propose. She unlocked the door to the talan and walked in. The home had become much neater now that a young girl was living there. Apparently chores were expected of her. Annarima turned around as heavy footsteps came towards the talan.

"Annarima!" Niamh came running in and skidded to a stop. Her cheeks were flushed and her dress wrinkled. Her hazel eyes seemed to dance.

"Yes Niamh?"

"Can you come with me somewhere?"

"I need to put away Orophin's clothes, can it wait."

"No! You must come now! Let Orophin do soemthing on his own for once. Please!" Niamh gave the elleth a pleading look that none could refuse.

"Oh, I suppose..." She could get no further because Niamh was dragging her out the door. Annarima wondered what had made the young girl so adament about taking her somewhere. Millions of thoughts ran through her mind when they came and stopped in Niamh's favorite garden. And Orophin was waiting for her. He smiled at her and Niamh ran back a few steps to hide in the bushes in spy on the unfolding event. Orophin grabbed Annarima'a hand and gave her a heart melting grin.

"Good day my love." Annarima couldn't stop the blush that covered her cheeks.

"Good morning Orophin, is anything wrong?" He only grinned bigger and pulled her into his arms.

"Nothing is wrong, the world is wonderful. Does the sun seem to shine brighter? The birds sound happy, no?" Annarima sent him a curious glance begging him to keep going.

"Annarima, I've known you since the day you were born, 1,237 years ago. I've been in love with you ever since that day you returned from Ilmadris, when was that? 700 years ago. I knew then, that moment I saw you at the border, that you were my life mate. For 300 years I have courted you. You consume my thoughts and dreams. I can not imagine life without you. Annarima, I love you. Words can't describe how I feel for you. I have one question. Will you make me happier then I have ever been? Will you bind yourself to me?"

Niamh pressed her hands to her mouth to smother her laughter. Annarima had just started saying "Yes, of course, you stupid elf!" over and over again. Then they had started kissing. Niamh averted her eyes and smiled. Her big brother was happy, and that was what really counted.

~~~

Niamh strolled away from the scene of the crime feeling happy. She had been such a great help. And she could really go for something to eat, and she knew just who to beg from. And there he was, totally unexpecting.

"Haldir!" The golden haired elf turned around and smiled. Niamh ran and jumped into his arms, forcing him to drop his bow.

"Hello Niamh, is something wrong?" Niamh smiled and wriggled a finger in his face.
"I know something you don't know."

"What is it?"

"I can't tell you!" Haldir sighed and set her down. Niamh picked up his both, though with a little difficulty. It was twice her size. Suddenly her eyes widened and she dropped his bow and ran past Haldir.

"Niamh, you don't treat my weapons like that." Niamh payed him no heed as she launched herself into another's elf's arms.

"Calandil! I've missed you so much!" Calandil laughed and spun her around. Haldir frowned, hoping he wouldn't drop her.

"Jealous Haldir?" Brilthor asked walking upon the scene.

"No! I just don't want him to drop her." Brilthor smiled and patted his friend on the back.

"Don't worry Haldir. Calandil would never drop her. And she seems to be attached to him quite firmly." Haldir followed Brilthor's gaze and sighed. Calandil had topped spinning Niamh and was now letting her play with his hair as he whispered something to her. Calandil caught sight of Brilthor and smiled.

"Brilthor! There you are. You ran away quickly." Brilthor took the opportunity to pluck Niamh from his arms.

"What? No welcome home for me?" Niamh hugged her tutor hard and laughed.

"I missed you too! How were the borders? Did you fight any nasty monsters? Tell me please! Neither Haldir, Rumil, or Orophin went on the last patrol!" Brilthor laughed ans sat down.

"You wish to hear of such things?" Niamh nodded. "Well, it was rather quiet. We found nothing that would bring harm. Though Calandil was scared out of his mind when..."

"Brilthor that is not nescessary!"

"...Well you see, Calandil had fallen asleep on his watch. So Maglor thought it would be funny to put a spider in his shirt. We all thought it would be funny but....."

"But what?"

"Calandil awoke immediatly and ran away screaming for his mother."

"Brilthor, that's enough!"

"But we didn't get to the part where you fall face first into some animal droppings..."

"Enough!"

"Calandil is cranky today right?" Niamh said why smirking at him. Calandil gave her a frosty look and picked her up.

"Let us see how smug you are when I'm done with you."

"Wait...what? Haldir!" But Calandil ran off with Niamh over his shoulder. Haldir and Brilthor began walking after them. This was quite usual. Haldir began to run when he heard Niamh scream.

"Niamh! What's wrong?" Haldir and Brilthor stopped walking. Calandil had tied Niamh upside down from a tree branch. Calandil was laughing histerically and Niamh was trying to keep her dress from falling down to low.

"Haldir! Help me!" Niamh practically sobbed. Haldir quickly climbed onto the branch and untied Niamh. Holding her tightly in his arms he glared at Calandil, who was still laughing.

"I am not laughing." Calandil stopped laughing and glanced up at his commander.

"Sir?"

"Tomorrow you will go back out to the southern borders...for a month." Calandil's mouth dropped.

"Sir, it was just a joke..." Brilthor tool the liberty to slap the stupid elf upside the head as Haldir climbed down with Niamh in his arms.

"And I am being serious..." Haldir began to walk away, leaving Calandil in shock.

~~~

Niamh sat in Haldir's lap that night looking around the talan. Rumil was writing in his journal and Orophin had a dreamy look on his face. After talking to Annarima's family, looking at Orophin's schedule, and considering other factors, they had decided to get married two years from now. Two painful years for the lovers. Niamh tapped Haldir on the arm to get his attention.

"Haldir, what happened to your momma?" Haldir looked at her softly, while the other two stopped what they were doing.

"Our mother faded from grief when our father was slain in battle. It was quite a long time ago..."

"What was she like?" Rumil walked over and sat next to them, "She was beautiful, kind, and she always seemed to be singing. She favored neither of us above the others."

"And she was always there to fix anything for us..." Orophin added from his spot.

"I miss momma..." Niamh whispered.

"What was your mother like?"

"She was strong. She could wield a sword and ride well. She would kiss my nose when ever I got hurt. And whenever it was storming outside she would hold me in her arms..." Niamh trailed off and buried her face in Haldir's shirt. Haldir stood up to take her to bed.

"Niamh is going to bed now, and so will I." Rumil and Orophin nodded.

Haldir placed Niamh in her bed and sat down. Niamh was still attached to his arm, shaking slightly.

"Will you be alright Niamh?"

"Don't leave me!" Haldir pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head.

"As I promised you yesterday, I will never leave you." Niamh stopped shaking and relaxed into his arms. Within a few minutes she was asleep.

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Another chapter done. Boy, this chapter sucked ass. *Sigh* I will try better next time, I swear.

Next time on Hail the Conquering Heros..... It is almost Orophin's big day. Time to move him out into his own house. Niamh practices being the flower girl. And Rumil and Haldir try not to get too emotional

Please leave me a review..... I will give a cyber monkey!

Nenuial