Title:
Inside, Part 1- Chapter 11 of How Many Days
Disclaimer: Joss doesn't play with his toys anymore. Someone has to,
dammit!
Rating: R
Pairing: Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Other, Willow/Giles, Willow/Other
Summary: Post-Season 7. This is a sequel to 'Don't Stop the Dance'
Distribution: Anywhere you like, just let me know.
Feedback: is welcome. ~Xionin (xionin@beautiful-freak.com)
Thank you: Maribel and Pam: the most amazing betas in any universe.
A/N: I needed to break this chapter up into two parts. I could have made
them two separate chapters, but they really are parts of a whole.
The lyrics I've used are from a song called 'Inside' by Sting.
Enjoy!
~Xio
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inside the doors are sealed to love,
Inside my heart is sleeping...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You got a sec?"
"O-of course."
Giles takes the pen out of his mouth and straightens his glasses as Willow enters the darkened study; the only light provided by the small lamp on the desk. His heart speeds up a bit as she takes the chair across from his; moving as quietly as a moon-kissed cloud.
"Is there...any change?"
"No." Her voice is soft; even softer than normal, when she's consciously controlling it. It's laced with something that Giles can't place. Sorrow, perhaps. "Colin is still with Dawn. We moved her to one of the guest rooms. Buffy is still resting upstairs." She stops mid-thought, but he is loath to interrupt her. "I, uh, just got off the phone with Wesley and Angel; the whole gang, practically, in L.A."
"Oh?" He responds after an embarrassed silence, catching himself staring at her. He's waiting for her to make some eye contact. Until now, she hasn't even looked at him.
Willow is exhausted and not looking forward to the journey that's coming. She can feel, with raw intensity, the pain of her friends; her family. She just wants it to end. She wants it to stop.
She wants to stop it.
It doesn't seem fair, having all of this power and not being able to use it to help the people that she loves.
She sighs. He covers her hand lightly, which she doesn't seem to notice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inside the fingers of my glove,
Inside the bones of my right hand...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Willow?"
The tenderness in his voice rouses her from her thoughts. She turns careful, ice blue eyes into his attentive gaze. The way he looks at her now is so unlike before. Since Sunnydale, since her...change...he treats her differently. He's more respectful, more caring. More...like a man and less like a guardian.
Maybe that is the catalyst: her transformation. Giles seems somewhat enthralled with it. She'd thought that it would pass; this latent adoration of her. But it hasn't.
He's hidden it well, of course, and she doubts that anyone else even has a clue. But she does. And it makes her heart ache for what can never, ever be.
And yet...
She smiles and he squints his eyes in curiosity; leaning forward onto the desk. His thumb mindlessly caresses the soft skin on the back of her hand; the effect of it rippling down to her toes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inside it's colder than the stars.
Inside the dogs are weeping.
Inside the circus of the winds,
Inside the clocks are filled with sand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dawn swims just beneath the surface of oblivion. The heavy weight of nothingness feeds the lethargy she feels in her spectral body. Aware of seeming solid, yet without substance, she tries to get her bearings in this plane that is naught but seamless light.
It's a blinding and terrifying thing, the light. She blinks in an attempt to clear her vision; clear her head. But somewhere deep inside she knows that this isn't her reality.
Dawn doesn't understand how, or why, but the knowledge is there. She is adrift in a dream state and something is calling to her; pulling at her spirit. She should want to fight it, but she doesn't. It feels like home is beckoning her: Baked apples and hot cocoa.
Sweet warmth and unconditional love.
But the thought of giving in and following that urge to walk towards 'it' sends a paralyzing fear throughout her being. And still...she feels herself reaching out to touch...something.
It's acceptance that is calling to her. She feels it now. Whoever you are, whatever you are, you are loved and will be cared for. It's somewhere to belong. It feels so right to finally belong; to be wanted.
But a small voice in the back of her mind tells that it's not right. It's a lie.
Dawn tries to think of the reasons why she should turn her back on the light. There are...people. Family. Yes, people that love her and...
Oh but it's so warm here...Ah. Ah. Ohhhh, so warm.
No, no no. She has to fight, needs to...
Colin. Colin, Buffy, Willow and...and...Giles. Her family. Her friends, they need...
No, they love her. Want her back. She...
Oh, but it smells so sweet. Feels like sunshine. Like the California sun on my face and mmmmmmm...
No. No, it's wrong. All wrong. Oh...help.
Help me. Please. Please...someone help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inside my head's a box of stars
I never dared to open.
Inside the wounded hide their scars.
Inside this lonesome sparrow's fall...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What did Wesley, er, say?" The question is perfectly legitimate, but his expression belies what his eyes are saying.
Willow...I am drawn to you like no other. Is it so wrong?
"I need to go there. I might be able to get some answers if I'm there." She neglects to tell him about the amulet's discovery, unsure how he would react to such a revelation.
"Does he have any idea what's going on with Dawn?" He removes his glasses and the light dances over his face in a way that makes her momentarily forget her reasoning.
This is wrong, isn't it? I-I don't know why, but it has to be. We...we can't, but...oh...why do I feel this way? What is wrong with me?
Despite everything, she appears to him as an angel. He knows it's a foolish notion and he feels terribly silly pining after such a young woman; a girl that he'd been almost a father-figure to for a number of years.
But then, this isn't the same person. Is it?
I fight everyday to keep my eyes off you. I don't think I want to fight anymore. I need you; your strength, your guidance. You are divine, Willow. Were you always so? If I take you in my arms, would you pull away my charming girl?
"Uh-uh. But I think I do." Willow breaks the spell forming between them. Giles clears his throat, replacing his glasses.
"So, you'll go right away?" He pretends to ignore her rapid breathing and her flushed cheeks. This is the most inopportune time for...for...any of this. There may never be a 'time'. Period. Best to let it go, he tells himself; though his body is telling him otherwise.
"Yes. I'll leave tonight." She gently extricates her hand from his and stands. He rises to meet her.
"T-tonight? Er...alright, let me- I'll drive you to the airport. Have you purchased a flight?"
"Um...no, I should call-"
"I'll call for you, Willow. You go get your things together and I'll take care of everything." She smiles warmly.
"You always do." There is a hint of playfulness in her eyes that he finds hard to misinterpret. He smiles a small smile and rounds the desk to where she stands.
"Not always. You've done quite a bit yourself." He towers over her but ducks his head, fixing her with a gaze so...intimate...that she cannot help but blush. Still, she doesn't look away.
Giles wonders at the way her wintry eyes glaze over at his manner. He reaches a tentative hand towards her shining, snow-white hair and dances over it with a shadow of a caress.
"Willow." He breathes more into that one word than ever before. Staring into her eyes for brief seconds, he lets his hand drop to his side. "This is wrong on so many levels, I dare not say, but my god...what you've done to me."
She shivers, momentarily closing her eyes. "Ru..."
"I know." He sighs dejectedly. "I know it's wrong, I-I know, it's just..." He laughs mirthlessly. "It's just wrong."
"Is it?" She opens her gaze to his.
Her question surprises them both. He holds his breath, looking at her with wide eyes.
"Isn't it?"
She doesn't answer, only studies him and allows her emotions to surface for an instant. Giles sees his own passion reflected back from her and is startled. He closes the short distance between them and asks a silent permission to which she acquiesces.
And then his lips are on hers. Briefly. Softly. Oh-so-fleeting, and then it passes.
He pulls back, having not touched her in any other way, and waits. Her bright eyes flicker open and they smolder. He moans her name.
"I'm leaving." She says softly. "There is so much that needs to be done to set everything right, and I have to go now." He nods. "When I return, you and I are going to do quality time, Ru. Cause this?" She indicates the two of them. "This is happening whether we want it to or not. And to be honest, I don't know what's right or wrong here, because...because..."
She moves her hands in the air between them, as if caressing his aura and her own.
"This is something."
"You're right, of course." Giles steps back a bit. "This really is not the time." Willow stops him by advancing and placing her hand on his cheek.
"I know what you're thinking." He squints at her. "No, I'm not reading your mind. Do you guys really think I would do that?" They both laugh softly. She brushes her fingertips across his lips and then places her hand on his shoulder. He softens at her touch.
"You're thinking that you've been like a father to me for a number of years and now it just seems wrong that we have this...this attraction or whatever, right?"
He nods imperceptibly.
"Only I never thought of you like a dad, Ru. Not really. And things have changed so drastically over the last year or two."
She pauses to think.
"All of that seems like a lifetime ago." He smiles, tentatively. "We're different people."
"We certainly are." He covers her hand with his own.
"And we can't let our past rob us of the special things."
He smiles. "And this is special, do you think?"
"Yes." She answers without hesitation. "Don't you?"
"I think I could love you." He whispers urgently, as if saying it in full voice would cause some great disturbance. She lightly traces the lines in his forehead.
"Does that bother you?" Giles hears the genuine fear in her voice and takes her into his arms, cradling her head in his large palm.
"It should, but it doesn't." He chuckles. "It bothers me that it doesn't."
"Yeah." She agrees, returning his embrace and placing her head on his chest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love is a shameless banner unfurled
Love's an explosion,
Love is the fire of the world
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We can't do this now." She sighs as he kisses the top of her crown.
"No. We cannot." He raises his head and looks into her eyes. "Sweet Willow."
Their lips meet again and this time the kiss is real. He hugs her to him as if his very life depends on it, wrapping her small frame in his arms. Willow takes a long moment to recognize the comfort of his embrace and the fire in his kiss and then she slowly pulls away.
"I...um..." She motions towards the door.
"Yes, of course." Giles quickly steps back and allows her to pass. Her voice calling from the door turns him around to face her.
"Thank you, Rupert." He tilts his head, confused.
"For?"
"For being you." She smiles and leaves quietly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love's an explosion.
Love is the fire of the world.
Love is a violent star,
A tide of destruction.
Love is an angry scar,
A violation, a mutilation, capitulation,
Love is annihilation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dawn fights to
rise to the surface, but something won't let her.
The urge to stay grows stronger, and her resolve is weakening.
She turns to the light and feels it commanding her to submit.
And she lets go.
Warm hands pull
her and she goes willingly, but then the atmosphere changes.
There is a struggle and she is suddenly in the middle of a war.
Darkness strobes through the light and with it she hears intermittent screams.
Oh god...what...what is that?
She is struck with a bolt of fear and fury and grief that takes her breath. A throbbing agony manifests itself in her stomach and she doubles over. She looks up with watery eyes and sees a great chasm opening before her.
No no, not real. Not. Real.
Very real, young one.
No. Why? Please!
You are an abomination.
What?
You were never meant to be. You are not to exist. We will set things right.
I am Dawn. I am Dawn Summers. I am not an abomination. I am a human being.
You are a mistake and we intend to correct it. You cannot hide behind the other one for long.
What? What other one?
He will be released to claim his prize, miscreant, and when he is free of you and you of him, we will come for you.
When he is...you mean...Spike?
When he is free, you will be ours to dispose of as you were meant to be.
Oh...god...no...
Go back to your falsehoods, blasphemer. We will come for you soon enough.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Outside the rain keeps falling.
Outside the drums are calling.
Outside the flood won't wait.
Outside they're hammering down the gate.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dawn wakes with a scream into Colin's tightening arms. He is chanting her name over and over, stroking her hair and rocking her soothingly, trying to bring her into awareness. She screams until her consciousness is anchored and she feels him around her.
She looks into his deep, chestnut eyes - sees the love and concern for her in them- and clutches him to herself, crying for all that she's had, all that she has and all that she is about to lose.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: You guys were pretty quiet about that last chapter. Are you still with me? I'd love to hear from you.
~Xio
TBC Chapter 11.5: Inside, Part 2
