Chronicle 1
Title:
Zabi zabi maruu
Characters: Zabimaru, Zangetsu (Ichigo,
Rukia, Renji)
Pairings: none. Okay, maybe some Zabimaru
action.
"Zoo?"
"Yes a zoo Rukia."
"Never
heard of it."
There they stood, at the Karakura Zoo. Renji read
the sign:
Welcome all to the Karakura Zoo, open twelve
ours a day! (If you are lucky) We provide excellent service! (If you
are lucky) and the animals here are all friendly! (If you are lucky)
Bring your friends, your kids, your aging grandparents (They need a
life) and your lovers! We currently feature the exhibit of "Baboons
Bombardment!" Get your tickets today and don't miss out!
-
Owner
"We'd better be lucky," Renji muttered.
"Come
on, the hollow is somewhere inside there," Rukia said.
The
three headed off into the gates of hell and cotton candy and stopped
at the "Rabbit Ru…uh Rumble?" exhibit. A massive hollow was
circling above the cages like an oversized snake.
"There!"
Ichigo cried. He turned into his shinigami self and proceeded in his
chopping session.
"Ichigo! Ichigo! Stop, Ichigo!" Rukia
screamed.
"What the heck is it Rukia!"
"You're going
to hurt the bunnies, dammit!"
"Shut up! Killing the hollow
comes first!"
"Shut up! They are innocent little rabbits,
Ichigo! You…Renji! Baka! Stop throwing the rabbits!"
Renji
was hurling the poor little cute bunnies at the hollow as it flew.
Little squeals came out from the puff balls.
"Darn it Rukia!
They're too sof…" Renji's face collided with the ground,
compliments of Rukia's foot.
"Freeee bunnies, frreeeedddommm!"
(:3) Rukia released the little rabbits everywhere.
The hollow
dived down at Renji and opened its mouth. Renji blocked the attack
with Zabimaru, and the hollow caught it with his teeth. Slowly, the
blade started to break down into little pieces. They glowed and took
the appearance of Zabimaru, baboon-snake animal (?).
"Eh?"
was the only thing Renji could say. The hollow knocked down
Renji.
"Renji, you bastard, look what you did!" Ichigo slammed
his blade into the mouth of the hollow. It smiled as the blade
started breaking apart too. Out came Zangetsu.
"Eh?" The
hollow knocked him down.
"Renji, Ichigo! Idiotic, stupid,
worthless!" She pulled out her zanpaktou and started to fight the
hollow.
"What did you do to their zanpaktous!"
"I
materialized them so they can't use them!"
"What kind of
ability is that!"
"I have no idea!"
"Hey,
Zangetsu."
"…Yes?"
"Where are we?"
"A zoo, I
presume. Shouldn't we try to wake up Ichigo and Renji?"
"Eh,
they'll wake up eventually."
The two walked past the
bystanders, staring at the loose baboon with a snake tail and the
main who was wearing too much black for summer. A man stepped
forward.
"Loose monkey! Run for your lives!"
"Ahhhh….No….!
etc. etc."
Zangetsu and Zabimaru coolly walked by, without
noticing a thing.
"Baboon Bombardment"
"Hah,
haha."
"What's so funny Zangetsu?"
"You are a baboon
and we're at the baboon section."
"What's so funny about
that?"
Zangetsu shrugged his shoulders. They jumped over the
fencing and walked by a number of baboons, butt pink and shining in
the sunlight. They all raised their heads and looked back down to eat
whatever baboons ate.
"Ah, you should learn from them,
Zangetsu."
"What's that?"
"A society with peace and
where we help each other. Where baboons are free to do what they like
without discrimination or segregation. You humans should learn
a thing or two."
"You mean scratching asses, eating whatever
moves and doing things again and again without realizing the
mistakes? Oh wait, humans do it too."
Zabimaru walked by the
pond and that's when he spotted a certain monkey.
"Pst,
Zangetsu! Look over there."
"Yes a baboon, I think you know
I've seen about thirty of them already."
"But isn't this
one looking fine…yo?"
"I wouldn't know." He
looked at Zabimaru. "Don't say 'yo' ever again."
"Togther
we can make baboo snake babies and rule the world with our skills and
social caste system maintenance!"
"Right right, I'll be
going somewhere else now…"
"No, you have to help me, I'm
nervous!"
"What is there to be nervous of? She probably won't
care if you stuck your uh, thing in her uh thing."
"Baboon
romance is precious dammit!"
"Right."
"Hey, you
there. Yea, you look good uh, drinking your pond water there. Yea,
with that bug in your teeth and all that."
The female baboon
scratched her armpits.
"Ehh, rawh! Eeee. Ahh rawwwh." (What
sounds do baboons make?)
Zangetsu shifted his eyes back and
forth.
"Don't worry Zangetsu. I know her language of
love…Ahem, Ehhhhh AHHHHH, oo, ahhh eee rawhhhhh. Eh."
"Eh?"
"Eh.
Hah, see Zangetsu, her name is Poupa."
"Hello…poutry er
something."
Zabimaru reached in to touch her pinkness underneath the hairiness.
A gust of wind
blew Poupa down. The hollow crashed on the fencing and Rukia was on
top of it, driving her sword into its mask.
"Darn you
hollow!"
The hollow smacked Rukia aside and roared at the
baboons (which are now running around in circles).
"I'm coming
Rukia!" The hollow smacked Renji aside.
"This looks like a job for us baboons! Go my minions! Attack!" Zabimaru shouted.
The baboons jumped on
the hollow and started biting its body. The hollow fell down and
crawled towards Zabimaru.
"Evil one, beware of my
power…rawr!"
While he was fighting the hollow, Zangetsu
kneeled down towards Ichigo. He poked him.
The hollow began to
disappear along with the images of Zabimaru and Zangetsu.
"No,
Poupa! I'll come back for you someday!"
It scratched her
butt.
The two zanpaktou spirits returned to their normal blades.
Renji and Ichigo and picked their swords up.
"Okay…"
A
bunny ran by.
