Author: evansentranced
Disclaimer: I didn't do it, I didn't take it, I didn't steal it.
A/N: This story works the same as the last. Italics/Bold is the movie. Everything else is...well...everything else.
"Welcome, welcome." George stands next to a fire, dressed in a posh red robe with a scarf knotted about his neck. His hair is slicked back and heholds a pipe. "Tonight, we will discover the social habits of the English 'Giantus Pratus'! Follow WWP as we charter this strange creatures' social and mating habits."
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"Excuse me!" Malfoy stood up suddenly, looking very angry, "If you're going to do what I think you're going to do, then you damn well better stop this movie right now!"
"Gee, Malfoy," Harry drawled, in a fine imitation of Malfoy himself, "If you honestly think this is about you-"
"It's called 'Giantus Pratus'!"
"So you agree you're a giant prat?" Ron asked hopefully. Malfoy scowled and sat down.
"I've seen a bit anyway," Harry whispered. "Since last year, all the movies have to have my approval. Or I burn them. Anyway, it's not all about him."
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"If you look carefully at this scene, you will be able to spot at least one type of Pratus in the herd." The image is of a large crowd of students, shoving their way down a corridor. Percy is evident among them, railing about being Head Boy and getting pushed a lot.
"That's right." The picture zooms in on Percy's attempt at dignified exasperation. "The Pratus makes his way through the crowd, trying and failing to lead. He is like the beta male of the pack, the jester of the jungle, the middle dog, the-"
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"Alright, alright, we get it!" yelled a supremely annoyed voice. Percy came barging toward them, ears quite red, looking very peeved. "Fred, George, I'm going to write mum about this!"
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"The Pratus is uncommonly touchy, mentally incapable of taking a joke, and will run to an authority figure at the first sign of unauthorized fun.
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Percy reddened and sat down abruptly. Fred and George smirked at each other. Malfoy looked as though he was trying very, very hard to contain himself.
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"There are many breeds of Pratus. This particular breed is known as the Medius Pratus. Note his stiff posture and tell tale stick-up-the-arse prowl." Percy is eventually shoved out of view of the camera, and Roger Davies struts into the picture instead.
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"Hang on a second," Malfoy muttered from his seat nearby. Fred glanced at him, as did Hermione, and he said nothing more, just stared calculatingly at the screen.
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"Aha!" Movie-Fred said, "Here we see another breed of Pratus! My, but they're plentiful today! There must have been a serious bout of rule-breaking somewhere!" Roger Davies struts through the halls, prefect badge glinting below his Quidditch captain badge on his chest. A small band of people follows him, chatting animatedly.
"This breed, the Minimus Pratus, is a much less volatile, much more irritating creature."
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Roger Davies made a displeased noise from his seat amongst his Ravenclaw cronies. "If I must be a 'Pratus'", he called to Fred, "Can I at least not be referred to as Minimus?"
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"The Minimus Pratus can be recognized by it's self assured strut, small band of followers, (who will abandon the Minimus Pratus if a more promising Pratus comes along) and the ability to make known the fact that he is, indeed, a Pratus. This is usually done very simply, (for the Minimus Pratus dislikes complication, you see) by the insertion of the foot into the mouth. Like so:
Roger stands with Susan Bones in a corridor, "So he says, 'my parents are dead!', so I say, 'yeah, so are mine, don't see me whinging on about it!'" Susan looks distinctly uncomfortable, but Roger continues talking and laughing at his own jokes, oblivious.
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Roger sputtered incoherently for a moment. His friends gave him slightly scornful looks and edged slightly away.
"See?" Fred asked, grinning, "Open foot, insert mouth! Such a prat."
Harry just grinned and shook his head. He was in a very good mood, having not been mentioned once so far. He had found that he loved Fred and George's movies, at least when he wasn't in them.
"Poor Susan," Hermione whispered, "Davies is such a prat, talking like that when her uncle…"
"Yes, yes it's all very sad," Ron said, sounding very slightly impatient. "But Herm, you're making me miss the movie!"
Ron was subjected to Hermione's fearsome glare, but, other than a mutter that sounded distinctly like "Don't call me Herm," Hermione was silent.
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"It should be noted that Prattishness can be genetic, but not always. Our resident Medius Pratus is a prime example. His parents -" A snapshot of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley flashes on screen, with both waving and smiling cheerily. "- are not of the prattish persuasion. Except perhaps the mother on a bad day." Mrs. Weasley scowls suddenly, butseconds later reverts tobeaming and waving with her husband.
"Of his kin, it appears that his elder brothers are not tainted with prattish tendencies." The picture of their parents is replaced by a picture of Bill and Charlie, waving energetically at the camera. "Although their Auntie Mabel has many of tendencies that point toward Prattishness." Bill and Charlie are replaced by a grumpy looking old woman who glares irritably at the screen before ducking behind the frame of her picture.
"His younger twin brothers, Fred and George, are not only Prat-free, but are also quite good looking and debonair." Fred and George wink and wave at the camera cheekily.
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"Is there a point to this?" Hermione asked the two twins, who were now winking and waving back at their movie selves, "Or are you two just showing off?"
"Turning into Lockhart, are you?" Ron asked, watching them doubtfully. They immediately stopped their antics and glared at him.
"Pay attention to the movie you lot," Fred said, an evil sort of glint in his eye.
Ron glanced up at the screen and asked, "Am I going to like this?"
Fred pretended to think for a moment. "Probably not," he and George said in unison.
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"The youngest of his siblings, Ronald and Ginerva,"
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"George! Fred!" Ginny scowled, slapping them both in the back of the head and causing them both to wince, "What have I told you two about using my name?"
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"-Are quite different. Ginny is following in the footsteps of her elder brothers," Fred and George wink at the camera again. "-and is becoming quite the clever and formidable opponent."
Ginny smiles and waves cutley at the camera, before using a very nasty hex on Colin Creevy, which causes him to sprout tentacles all over his face.
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Hermione was appalled. "Ginny!"
"He agreed to it!" Fred said defensively, slinging an arm around Ginny's shoulders. "And besides, even if he didn't, it was for Harry's honour! The whole 'missing pictures' catastrophe and all."
Harry grinned at Ginny, who promptly blushed. "Really, Ginny? Thanks!"
"Even if she was the one who bought the pictures…" Fred whispered so that everyone but Harry, who had turned back to the movie, heard him. Ginny's eyes widened and her blush became more pronounced as they all grinned at her knowingly.
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"Now Ron, on the other hand, is also following in the footsteps of an elder brother." Ron waves tentatively at the camera. "Just…not the same one…"
The picture of Fred and George shatters, to be replaced by a picture of Percy in all his pompous glory.
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Ron groaned and put his face in his hands. At this point, Percy frowned and stood, declaring, "What's so wrong with Ronald wanting to follow in my footsteps? "
Fred and George just grinned at him, and Ron groaned again. Hermione and Ginny patted him on the back sympathetically, and Harry watched, knowing something good was about to happen.
"In fact," Percy said, getting into his stride, "I think Ron would do well to practice a few manners, and you'd all do well to show more respect to authority!"
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Percy stands over Fred and George in a dimly lit room and yells, "You'd all do better to show some respect to authority!"
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Harry, Ron and Hermione stared up at the screen, awed and confused as what Percy said was immediately duplicated by Movie-Percy.
"And what's more, I think mum would be very interested…" He trailed off and looked up at the screen.
"Is there an echo in here?"
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Percy continues to berate Fred and George. "And what's more, I think mum would be very interested…Is there an echo in here?"
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Percy's eyes widened. He waved a hand experimentally in the air. Tittering filled the Hall around him as people figured out what was going on.
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Percy waves a hand around in the air, looking for a moment like a confused monkey. Fred's voice over proclaims: "This is what young Ronald has decided to emulate."
A/N: Well? Do you like it? Do you realize, that at the time I'm writing this, I still haven't found the first chapter? I think he's mad at me or something...ah well...I shall go find him now. Poor dear's probably lost under a bed or something... And Malfoy will come into it soon, I promise. Fred and George are just holding off to make him let down his guard...heh heh...
