Chapter Two: Confessions

A.N: Italisized is Severus, Bold is Albus, and Bold/Italisized is the journal. Enjoy.

Severus poured him some vodka and began to read again, a little calmer than before.

I am in Arithmacy right now thinking about you Sirius. What are you doing before you start you night shift at St. Mungo's. I know we are not speaking right now, mostly thanks to Severus… What the hell have I done? Severus thought as he through the journal across the room. It landed in the sink. Why him? Why not me? Severus thought as he went to retrieve the journal. He began to read once more. …thanks to Severus, and its tearing me up inside. Damn Severus and all his Severusness, Is that even a word? Don't think so, but it works, I still love him for it though. I love you both just not in the same way. I find it highly amusing that once I stopped taking notice of Remus, he started noticing me. That's irony for you. She like Remus to? What was up with her and teachers? I guess she just like older men because she was very mature herself. I can't belive that my birthday is only a month and twenty five days away, May 28. I can't believe that I'll be seventeen, it seem like I came to Hogwarts only yesterday. And Now Severus, here is a poem for you:

You look at me as I walk your way,

With those soft green eyes.

Your like a lemur, jumping all around,

Your like onyx, solid black and comforting.

I am the flower and you are the sun,

You give me life.

You are the moon in the heavens above,

You are there but barely out of my reach.

A silent tear ran down his face. How could he have been so damn stubborn? He threw the journal, but this time he aimed for the fire. There was a loud explosion and as he looked up he saw coals coming at him, felt the piercing pain of fire on his face, and then everything faded into nothingness. He could feel no more.

He felt someone rubbing something on his face, it felt cold. He slowly opened his eyes and saw nothing but white. He could here voice's. Albus? Apparently he had spoken out loud.

"I am right here Severus, you need not to worry." He heard the comforting voice say. Wait…why should he be worried. Without even speaking he heard the reply.

"You are blind Severus. Minerva found you in you quarters, blood all over your face and a book in your hand. We tried to find out what the book is, but its pages are blank. Would you care to explain." Once again a silent tear fell down his cheek, he felt it role over the bumps of what used to be perfect skin. What had happened to him? What had Hermione done. "What are you talking about Severus, Hermione is dead. She died in the war."Couldn't the old man stay out of his mind? Couldn't he respect his privacy, he thought as he slowly drifted of to sleep, feeling weaker than he had in years.

-

Severus could here voices. Was that Albus? Yes I'm here, Severus. You were about to tell me why you have this book. Who's book it is. It is Hermione's journal. I found it in my room the night after, his voice cracked. Wait was that his voice? Why wasn't he talking? Your not talking Severus because you have Post Traumatic Syndrome. You are unable to speak. For some reason your vocal cords are not allowing you to speak. It is up to you to get yourself out of it. (A.N: I Could not think of the name for Post Traumatic Syndrome, is that correct for this situation? If not, please email me and let me know so that I may make some corrections.) Why does this happen to me? I thought everything was going to be over after that damn war, and then this happens. Why did I have to get that damn journal! Because she obviously had something to tell you Severus, you should continue to read it. How am I supposed to read it? I'm blind. Well I believe that if Hermione really wanted you to read this, and I think she did because she used some powerful magic to protect it, then she would have been prepared for this. She was a smart girl you know. Here, read. Albus grabbed my hand and put the journal in it. It was in my memory, the words. Like fire etched on stone. All I had to do was to touch the page. I hope your okay Sirius. The scariest thing happened to me last night. Sirius dropped the book. He did not want to read anything about Sirius, the bastard. He took Hermione away from him. She loved Sirius more than he loved him. You know that's not true Severus, now read! God that man was demanding. Why is he still in my thoughts? Severus picked up the book and began again. …last night. I set my alarm clock for seven, to wake up to Keith Urban. For the past year I could not make it wake me up to music. Well after I wrote your letter I went to bed at eleven. Even though I set my alarm clock for seven if went off at midnight, playing Keith Urban really loud. It really scared me. Then after I finally went to sleep again I had a dream that you died in a car crash. You had ran of the rode trying not to hit the child standing there. When I say the child' face Sirius, it was mine. Does that mean I will accidentally kill you? I hope not, but I don't know what is happening to me. It is way to much of a coincidence. I need to talk to Dumbledore. I hope that nothing happens. I love you way to much. To make matters worse, it is a cloudy day. It is very depressing. Severus could not read anymore. What was wrong with her? Couldn't she see that Sirius was just stringing her along? Wait didn't she say that she was going to talk to Albus? Did she? Yes she did Severus, and she was in tears the entire time. She told me that she would not be able to forgive herself if anything every happened to him. Well now shouldn't he be the one beating himself up about it, not her. She was dead, and it was all Black's fault. He did not protect her. And now he's parading around with another women, not even a month after her death. I guess every ones true colors come out in the end. But then again you didn't protect her either did you Severus. Don't think that way Severus; it is not your fault that she is dead. There is only one person to blame and that is Voldemort. He was the one that killed her not you. But I wasn't their when she needed me. I heard her screaming but I did not run. I was to busy fighting Black. Under the Imperious Curse my ass. I know the Imperious Curse, I've been under it. He did all of that under his free will, but did he get criticized? No! and you know why? Because he is Potter's Godfather. Nobody would want to cross the almighty Potter, the one who defeated Voldemort. Well what about us Albus? We were there to, why won't anyone believe us when we tell them the truth.I don't believe that he was under the ImperiusCurse either, but that wasn't my call, at least that is what theMinistry said. And,because my boy, sometimes the truth is just too painful to hear. People often chose to believe what they want to believe. Not what has really happened. Why do you care so much anyways? Because Albus, I love Her.

A.N: So, What does everybody think? I was going to make this chapter two chapters but then I decided that you all needed one long chapter. I Hope that it wasn't to difficult to understand. Anyways, Read and REVIEW! Thanks.

Hermione's Spirit