Supporting Rumors - Part 27

Doctor Hill replaced the covers over Jack's feet and straightened up. The last line of tests were completed and she make a few quick notes before looking up.

Two pairs of eyes were watching her intently. The dark ones were cast in shadow, knowing and wretched. The blue ones, most surprisingly, still held an expression of hope – hope that she was about to dash.

"I'm sorry."

Two words.

Two simple words that put the proverbial nail in the illustrious career of General Jack O'Neill.

Doctor Susan Hill had cursed her inability to work miracles on more than one occasion in her career, and today was no exception.

"The tests all indicate that the SCI is at level T8 and that you have suffered the loss of motor function from that point."

Jack scowled. "SCI? T8?" he growled.

Doctor Hill gave him a brief apologetic smile. "The spinal cord injury has been sustained at level T8. This is the thoracic level." She indicated the position on herself. "SCI around this level means that your goal should be to live independently without assistive devices in feeding ...

"At least I won't starve ... how about cooking?"

Doctor Hill blithely continued. "… bathing, grooming, oral and facial hygiene ...

"I get to shave?"

"… dressing, transferring ..."

"Transferring what?"

"Yourself, you ass," hissed Sam.

Doctor Hill's face showed a flicker of amusement. "Moving from say, wheelchair to seat ... bladder management ..."

"Jack, shut up," growled Sam, seeing him about to open his mouth again.

"… and bowel management."

"That's good," muttered Sam and then averted her eyes as her husband turned a full scowl on her.

"What about walking?" He demanded.

"There is a greater chance of return of some or all of a person's motor and sensory function with an incomplete injury like yours. This fact makes it impossible to accurately predict the eventual amount of return of an individual's function."

"In English Doc," he snarled.

"In short General O'Neill, we don't know. There are a very small number of cases where ..."

"Ack, don't quote me statistics or odds, give me the facts."

"I'm sorry General. The fact of the matter is we don't know and I can't offer any reassurances. You need to consider that your condition is going to be permanent."

There was a resounding silence in the room. Doctor Hill cleared her throat before continuing. "You need a little time together. I'll see that you're not disturbed. Call if you need me for anything."

Doctor Susan Hill needed time too.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Sam almost crumpled. Almost.

She held it together. For him.

She held his hand tightly. She couldn't speak yet, the lump in her throat was threatening to choke her.

Jack's other hand hit his thigh with a loud thump. Sam winced and bit at her lower lip to prevent herself from telling him off.

The silence in the room stretched on for a few minutes more.

"Oh Christ." Jack's voice was rough with emotion.

Sam found her voice. "We'll work it out, Jack, things will work out, you'll see."

"What was it she said, motor and sensory returning? There's a chance.'"

"She said they can't predict anything."

"But a chance?" Jack's eyes were beseeching hers.

"She said to consider it permanent."

"A chance, that's all I ever wanted."

"You can't get your hopes up, like this. You've got to realize that it is permanent."

"I can't accept it. I'll never accept it. I can't live like that. I couldn't before - that's why I wanted the operation - and nothing's happened to change my mind. Except now the doc says I have a chance. It may be only slim, but it's still a chance."

"I'm just happy I've got you, Jack."

"Well I'm not. What about the family you wanted?"

"We wanted, Jack, we wanted. Besides I was reading up a little and we can still ..."

Jack scowled. "Ya think? You into pity f ..."

"Jack!" berated Sam, cutting him off. "Don't you dare, don't you dare say that. I love you and I'm here with you by choice and just you remember that. I can give up my commission."

"What? No way. One of us leaving is enough."

"President Hayes himself said your position is waiting for you, regardless. You'd have your full military pension and a good salary from your job."

"Huh, head of Home World Security in a wheelchair and a civilian to boot? Yeah, right! And you, being Mrs O'Neill?"

"I am Mrs O'Neill."

"You are Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter USAF and I am not going to let you forget that. You have a life and a career ahead of you. You love your job, what you do."

"But I love you more."

Jack didn't answer. Sam tugged on his hand, urging him to look at her, but he refused to respond.

"What were you doing when you fell, Jack?" asked Sam suddenly. She had to know. She pulled on his hand again, squeezing it harder. "Why were you so insistent on having that operation?"

Jack swallowed harshly and Sam leaned closer, cupping his chin with her free hand, urging him to face her. "Why?"

His dark eyes scanned her face. For once they weren't shuttered.

"Because I would rather die than lose you slowly."

The raw emotion in his eyes made Sam close hers tightly, desperate to try and hold back the tears.

"You had those orders issued to recall me."

"I thought it was easier for you. I wanted you to hate me and then you wouldn't hurt so much."

Sam groped for one of the many tissues she had stuffed into her pocket over the last few hours. Her hand came into contact with something hard, and she pulled it out, understanding coming to her with the suddenness of a freight train. She opened her eyes and held the yo-yo out, showing it to Jack. "You were coming after me when you fell, weren't you?" Sam's gaze fastened onto his. "Why?"

"Because I remembered what hate does to someone. I didn't want you to live like I did for all those years. I couldn't put you through that. I love you far too much."

Sam put the little toy on the bed and took a tight grip on both of his hands and held his gaze. "Do you love me any less because you can't feel all of yourself?"

"No," choked out Jack.

Sam flung her arms around him, holding him tightly, feeling his head dip into the crook of her neck, his lips barely touching her skin.

"I love you so much Jack, so much."

She held him tightly as she felt the tears fall, pouring all her love into the embrace, while Jack cried silently against her. Her own tears quietly tracked down her face and they cried as one hurt soul together, bound in their love, bound in their fears.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

TBC